My stupid ovaries

[kennycat]

Sorry, I need to vent.
I have pcos and two lovely children conceived with clomid. I would really love a third but know this is about 99.9% unlikely without clomid again. My husband isn't wildly keen on the idea of a third but says he's willing to discuss it again at Christmas and if it happened it would not be the worst thing ever. You know what I mean. Men!
Anyhoooo, my good friend has just told me she is pregnant, and it was a total surprise. She had a horrendous pregnancy with her second, delivered very early, both nearly died and there have been various health issues ever since and the child is now almost five.
My issue here is that I guess a large part of me is massively jealous that she has got pregnant by surprise, as I know that this will never happen to me and I so want to be pregnant and have another child. Obviously I realise I am incredibly lucky to have two such healthy fantabulous children already.
Shes really really suffering with sickness and seems to be telling the world and his wife about it.
I want to shout at her that she effing lucky to just fall pregnant and please just shut up about how terrible you are feeling, while so many would love to feeling tht shit if it meant there was a much tried for baby inside.
I'm trying to be very supportive, I even offered to clean her house because she can't easily do it, but I'm really struggling with my emotions over this one.
Sorry that was a bit rambly, I'm just a bit of a mess. And if one more friend tells me they are pregnant I think I'm going to tear their head off. Which might not go down well.

[closephine85]

Whilst I understand that jealousy is hard to control, you mention that your friend and her child nearly died during her last pregnancy. That's quite something to go through and I can't imagine that this pregnancy won't be without significant anxiety about similar happening again. It may also be the reason why they weren't actually trying for a third...

I don't want this to read like a lecture, but sometimes it helps to think of the other point of view.

[kennycat]

Yes I totally get that, I don't ready our comment like a lecture at all, and a massive part of my brain thinks that given what they went through before they we pretty foolish to not actively prevent another pregnancy. But it was their choice to run that risk and I try to respect that.
I know she's desperately worried and won't be any less so until it's in her arms but I just wish she would be just a little bit more sensitive when moaning about 'this little f£&cker' and telling me the gory details of her violent sickness etc. When she knows what a hard time I had getting pregnant. She doesn't know I want a third and there's no need or point for me to tell her.
Why do I always attract friends who need so much support when I'm so pants at actually giving support without messing my brain up?! Do I have a sign above my head??

[MehMehM3h]

Hang on, your friend doesn't know you want a third...so how do you expect her to be sensitive about it?! Is she a mind reader?!

Let me repeat that...she doesn't know you want another child! She only knows that she is pregnant and is probably shit scared by it that she is confiding in her friend. If you don't tell her you want a third child how is she supposed to be sensitive about something she doesn't know?!

[Chattycat78]

Unfortunately people who haven't experienced infertility can be very insensitive without even realising it. It's just one of those things- people are often self absorbed and don't put themselves in others" shoes.

However it does sound like your friend had a terrible time before. She's probably envious of others who have had a normal, stress free birth.

I do know first hand it can be hard to hear about pregnancy when you are trying and it's not happening for you. Hope u can find a way through it. I do think it's not helpful to compare your life to others. We all do it though!

[sleepachu]

That sounds so hard for you. The thing to try to remember is that it isn't zero sum. In the same way that it wouldn't be fair to have your struggle with your own fertility diminished on the basis of your already having children, her having been blessed with pregnancy by surprise as you'd like to be doesn't make her any less ill or fed up, especially given her history. But I completely understand why you're feeling the way you do. Could you talk to her about your feelings about a third child?

[kennycat]

Mehmeh, I don't expect her to be sensitive to me especially since she doesn't know about my desire for a third, just to the general people who struggle to conceive. I probably didn't explain that part very well.


Yes sleepachu, you are totally correct. I imagine it's really horrible being sick all the time and having a tough pregnancy. I'm fortunate that although I don't conceive naturally, I seem to have amazing pregnancies and post partsmaster recoveries. I bet if you a feeling rough all the time you actually couldn't give a rat's ass about most other people.

I just wanted a rant really, there is no solution. I'm pretty good at seeing from other people's point of view. I can't rant at my husband because he thinks the friend in question is a proper nut job and would quite merrily suggest I just steer clear of her!

[MehMehM3h]

Oh right...in that case most people who haven't experienced infertility haven't got a fucking clue about how miserable it is. I've had my closest friends make some really dumb comments.

That won't change, you just have to change how you react (either tell them directly or ditch them!)

[kennycat]

I just wish I wasn't such a sensitive soul! And I wish more that I could just let things wash over me but I completely can't and just stew inside. Maybe that's why my ovaries don't work; I've stewed them in worry!