My partner and I just had a first round of IVF, using eggs I had frozen 4 years ago following treatment for a rare cancer in which my ovaries were removed along with my spleen, appendix, gall bladder, half my large bowel, my peritoneum, part of my diaphragm and part of my liver. I was luckily able to keep my uterus.
I was single at the time but chose froze eggs rather than embryos with donor sperm, in the hope I'd meet someone special who would want to have a child with me.
I recovered well, and I did eventually meet that special person and we plan to spend the rest of our lives together. We both want nothing more in the world than to start a family together and we spent ages researching the best places to go and who could give us the best chance. We found a clinic we felt confident in and after a long wait we started our treatment.
We had however been told the chances of my eggs surviving the thaw would be low (they were frozen using old methods). We had totally prepared ourselves for the likelihood of having no embryos to implant. We knew we would probably end up having to use donor eggs.
We were therefore utterly surprised, delighted and elated when we ended up with two excellent quality embryos. We felt like life was finally working out for us. I felt like I was finally being rewarded for my bravery and patience and about time too, as I've not had it easy since the cancer.
Both embryos were implanted two weeks ago. Our hopes were raised when we were told we stood a really good chance of getting pregnant. And I really thought I was pregnant... I really did... We were making plans.
I felt like it couldn't go wrong, it just couldn't, because that's would be so wrong and so unfair, after everything I'd been through with the cancer and after we'd got so far with the treatment.
We were SO not prepared to get a negative result when we did the pregnancy test. But we did. We are completely shocked and devastated. It seems so utterly cruel that that we got so far and our hopes were raised so much, only to suffer that huge disappointment.
I have no more eggs. That was our only chance to have a child that was genetically ours, and the loss we feel is indescribable.
Not only that, but I now find myself feeling hopeless for the first time. While I would be OK with using donor eggs, I just feel like I just don't have the strength to go through all of that again. It was just so hard, physically and emotionally. If I knew for sure it would be worth it and that we'd end up with a baby, I'd do it, but I'm so worried now that I'm just not able to carry a child at all. My embryos were top quality and my womb looked in great shape according to the nurse, and yet it didn't work. So now, for the first time really in all of this, I'm having to face up to the very real possibility that it might not ever happen for us.
It feels like it would just be so much easier to give up. But I feel like I owe it to myself and my partner to try again with donor eggs. I just don't know how I'm going to cope with going through it again... I'm so anxious about the thought of it, and possibly having to do even more rounds after that, and the likelihood of suffering more disappointments, and after everything, not ending up with a baby. I just can't imagine how we'd deal with it; it feels we've had to deal with enough struggles and enough heartache for one lifetime already and I don't feel I can take any more.
You guys who have been through multiple rounds, how on earth did you find the strength for it? And for those of you for whom it didn't work out, how are you moving on with you life?
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Our Infertility Support forum is a space to connect with others in the same position, discuss causes, treatment and IVF, and share infertility stories of hope and success.
Infertility
Don't know how I will cope with further rounds
17 replies
PegPeg · 01/03/2016 14:44
OP posts:
miamiaMo ·
09/03/2016 12:47
This reply has been deleted
Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.