Just been told we need IVF

[Redjeans77]

Hi everyone, it's my first time posting on here and if I'm being honest I'm finding our situation a little overwhelming so please be gentle with me 
I also don't know all the abbreviations so sorry in advance. So here's my story.
Me and my DP having been trying for around 4 years TC (2 years properly). In November 15 I had a routine MRI scan on my dodgy hip, this also showed up that I had bilateral ovarian cysts. As you can probably imagine I was devastated and it took me really by surprise, I saw my GP and she referred me to my local fertility clinic who I first saw before Christmas. I've since had quite a few bloods done (all which were fine) and a Hycosy (which also came back fine) our Clinician said the cysts on one side would of been my monthly follicles and the other one which showed up on my hip scan was most like to be a Dermoid cyst. He also asked my DP to have his sperm test ed also, first tests came back really low motility and volume and so he was told to have more tests and then he would see us both together to discuss our options. The second set of results came back even lower and we have been told our only real option is ICSI. We have now been added to the waiting list (6 months) and sent on our way. Understandably my husband has took this really bad, obviously thinking that I was the problem initially had shocked us both. I've been really supportive of him but at the moment he's in a really sad place and I think it will take him some time to get out of it. I know that ICSI is when you literally have no other options ( unless I'm wrong there) which worries us even more in case it doesn't work. I feel like for 6 months now we're just gonna be in limbo land and it's going to be a really testing time for our marriage. I have decided to get my hip treated during this time either by operation or Physio. Can anyone give us any advice it guidance on what ICSI is and how it works. The hospital have offered us no counselling as yet which I personally think is pretty poor, especially when my DP was just told like that then sent on our way. My husband is a big drinker, I personally think that is partly to blame for his count but he is having none of it (one of frequent disagreements) he thinks he's probably always been this way. He's not drank now though since early Jan and hopefully it will stay that way. I'm pretty healthy and barely drink. The Clinician also gave him Condensyl which hopefully will boost him, but any other tips will be much appreciated. Thanks in advance xxx

[Redjeans77]

I was also told on our last appointment that he would see if my cyst had grown but I've Clinician fobbed me off tbh and said he's not concerned and he'll look at it when we are ready for our IVF. I'm a bit annoyed about this, as even though he's not worried I don't like it being there, it's very visible on my X-RAY/MRI scan. I'm worried that it may of grown more by the time we're ready for IVF and it will halt us moving forward. Plus no tests have been done to prove its a dermoid just a hycosy. I'm thinking about going to my GP and asking her to refer me to someone else for that separate issue...what do you think? X

[outputgap]

Plain ivf takes the sperm and eggs and puts them in a pot and the sperm fertilise the eggs naturally. In ICSI, a clinician chooses the best looking sperm and injects them manually into the eggs. It's certainly not the last option treatment, so don't let that bother you.

Drink definitely affects sperm quality. Lots of lifestyle things do - including, interestingly because of heat to the bollocks all day, being a chef! But there's often useful changes that can be made.

Fertility Friends is a great resource for support and info about a range of fertility issues, and you might find some good tips there about how to support your husband. But I'm sure more knowledgeable mumsnetters will be along too.

[MrsDarcy4092]

In June last year we were told you husband has a low count and low motility. It came like a ton of bricks and a massive shock so I totally empathise. He was referred to a urologist rather than straight for Ivf which actually I would recommend you go back to Gp and ask for that as while your waiting for your fertility appointment a urologist can investigate your partner to see if they can improve the situation.
I know the waiting feels like torture but you actually need time to grieve and accept this huge shock so it's a good thing in the long run.

My advice is to not expect each other to cope with this in the same way and that that's ok. I had counselling which helped me but just keep talking and supportimg each other and you will get through this. But it takes time so be kind to yourselves.
Big hug sent your way as I remember how tough the early days are.

[Redjeans31]

Thank you so much. We've actually had our first crappy weekend about it and argued quite a bit. I mentioned to his best friend a few weeks ago that we were having various tests and didn't realise he didn't know (he normally tells him everything) at this point we didn't have any of the IVF news but he made out like he knew. When they've spoken today he brought it up asking how things were and caught my husband completely off guard, he pulled me up about it tonight and had a right go at me asking who else have i told. He also didn't want sex the other night and said he feels under a lot of pressure with everything. I really hope we get through this rand come out stronger. I will try your advice though and go back to our GP. Xxx

[Thom80]

Red jeans - I can totally understand. We had similar news in November last year. I think that men find it harder than women to deal with infertility issues, and somehow link it to their masculinity. Stopping drinking can help, also we were recommended a vitamin - it wasn't cheap, green veg, no laptops on laps & stop drinking / eating out of plastic. To be honest I am not sure how much it affects it.
We have been through ICSI and there is little difference with IVF other than at the end the sperm is injected into the egg rather than mixed. We tried to see it as a bonus as we were guaranteed fertilisation. Research has shown it doesn't heighten the risk for anything, although unlike IVF you are more likely to have a girl than a boy (with IVF you are more likely to have a boy).
If you have any questions about ICSI message me. Like with IVF the process can be emotionally draining but if it works the result will be a amazing. Good luck

[IsItIorAreTheOthersCrazy]

How are you OP?

Being told you need IVF is a shock - let yourself feel angry / disappointed / upset if you need to. I know it's hard for your OH - me and DH are on Clomid but will likely need IVF because of issues with me. I felt responsible for him not being a dad yet and the guilt was awful, but he told me we're a team so it's our issue, not mine. Reinforce this POV to him if you can.

With regards to being in limbo, could you look at the 6 month wait as a chance to get both your bodies as ready as possible? Together you could Eat well, exercise, rest, relax, take vitamins (there are some that are meant to really help with sperm count) etc? And knock the drinking on the head - my consultant told DH that even though his SA was good, cutting down / stopping drinking would likely give it a boost.

Good luck Op

[Hyland]

ICSI doesn't guarantee fertilisation, you would think it does, seeing as the egg is injected with a single sperm. Sometimes the egg just decides not to divide.. cells etc. or quality of egg, genetics!

However the odds in getting a fertilised egg are in your favour.

I had 11 eggs collected luckily all mature but only 7 successfully fertilised from the ICSI.

I agree it isn't a last chance option.. If anything look at ICSI as jumping over a hurdle or two.

My partner also takes everything very badly. Leaving you feeling totally helpless. I should have taken advantage of counselling. You'll be surprised what you gain from talking about it.

Our consultant recommended some supplements for him:
zinc,
selenium (very stinky)
L-carnitine