Almost ready to give up on second baby?

[lob12]

I'm 34, 35 next week and we have a little girl, 3yrs old. Since she was 3 months old we've been trying for a second baby. Had all the tests done after about 1.5yrs of trying, and then the next year was spent on waiting list to see consultant who said come back in 6months, then saw another consultant who said IUI was our next step.
We didn't really like the sound of that as I didn't want to be on loads of drugs. We did see egg sharing ivf advertised at the fertility clinic and signed up to that. 2 weeks later my amh results came back - 12.6 which was not good enough for egg sharing ivf. So now I'm thinking is it worth having IUI (cant start for 3 more months)
For the last 3 months I've been having acupuncture, eating high protein, low-carb diet, pressing seeds in my ears (acupressure), not having sex for 2 weeks after ovulation, not eating sugar, not eating dairy or refined carbs, and now taking ba zhen wan for my 4th cycle of acupuncture and I'm ready to just shout ENOUGH! I've had ENOUGH!
It's very very stressful but every time I think of quitting and giving up on our dream of having a little brother or sister for our daughter, I think about how happy I am to have 3 sisters and I cant bear the thought of my daughter being an only child.
It's a horrible emotional rollercoaster and its made worse by the consultant and the acupuncturist both telling me they cant understand why we're not pregnant.
Our daughter was natural conception after 9 months of trying. So I just think why cant I have another one? What has changed??
Does anyone else feel like this?

[Sheddie]

Hi lob12. You are not alone. I also have a DD who is almost 3 and have been trying for no 2 for 22 months. All tests came back normal. I tried Clomid for 5 months with no luck and am currently in my 2ww on my first round of IVF. It is incredibly frustrating when you know your body was able to do it once, but now it seems that it can't. I think with me it is down to age - I'm 37. My AMH is also 12.5.
Why not come and join us on the 'secondary infertility' thread. There's a few of us going through similar things. All welcome!

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

People who state they have had "all the tests" done often have not, some fertility tests can and do get missed out. What has actually been done in the last six months test wise on both of you?. Also any test result done on either of you over six months ago should now be discounted, you both need up to date test results.

Re this comment:-
"For the last 3 months I've been having acupuncture, eating high protein, low-carb diet, pressing seeds in my ears (acupressure), not having sex for 2 weeks after ovulation, not eating sugar, not eating dairy or refined carbs, and now taking ba zhen wan for my 4th cycle of acupuncture and I'm ready to just shout ENOUGH! I've had ENOUGH!"

This is far too strict a regimen (the not having sex for 2 weeks post ovulation is a particularly bad mistake to be making as well) for anyone and would be enough to drive anyone crackers. Stop with all this now including the acupuncture and take this immense pressure off yourself because its not working and has not worked. Instead I would seek a second opinion from another gynae consultant, the ones you have seen to date have given you the runaround.

[lob12]

Hi, thanks for your reply. I would love to stop the strict diet and acupuncture and all of that bollocks but when I wasn't doing that (for almost 3yrs) I wasn't getting pregnant either. Im scared to stop and be left with no chance to conceive.
The tests I've had done are fsh, amh, the 3day and 21day bloods; and a hycosy. He has sa done and apparently they are super fast.
What should I be having done? What do I go back and ask for? Do I ask Gp or consultant at fertility clinic?

[mumofprincess]

secondary infertility is very common dear and most of the time is due to stress. I take the liberty of saying that, not to preach but because you have also stated that all results are fine. You have been trying since your child was only 3 months. Why put your self under all this presure so soon? Your body may needed a year or so to heal and be able to have a better possibility. While that year was gone you had already freaked out of stress of what is going on. I am not speaking on the safe side: I had 5 lost pregnancies so I knew I could conceive and then suddenly it took me 3 years to conceive my DC. I was like you, freaked out, tried everything and been to every harley street doctor I could pay. No one could say something was wrong. I was only stressed and we had then deside to quit and consider adoption. Only then I fell pregnant to my DC and weirdly only then I had managed to hold a full term pregnancy. I then again fell into this trap, wanted desperately to provide a sibling and lost another pregnancy which broke me to pieces. Please calm down, enjoy your beautiful child and let things go for a while. Remember you are blessed with that child while others didnt manage to even get that and she wants to see you happy. I am sure everything will fall into place then.

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

Its not stress that causes secondary subfertility to arise; its physical problems.

The most common tests that tend to be omitted are:-

Adequate x-rays of the uterus which may show abnormalities not otherwise seen at laparoscopy.

Hysteroscopy - telescope inspection of the inside of the uterus which may occasionally show abnormalities not seen otherwise

Repeated sperm counts over several weeks and months to make sure there is no subtle abnormality

Testing the sperm in special media such as swim up tests/velocity testing. However, when they are done, they often uncover a hidden cause for the supposed unexplained problem

Thorough hormone tests to detect abnormalities of male hormone or early falls in progesterone

Scanning of the ovaries to see if follicles really are developing and there are no sign of polycystic ovaries

One semen analysis is in itself not conclusive of there being no male factor issues.

[Shellster52]

lob, I'm in exactly the same position. My DS just turned 4. I too started TTC just 4 months after he was born as I figured it took us one year to conceive him and I had read that we are most fertile within one year of giving birth. We got all those tests too. My firsts husbands tests came back as just slightly abnormal morphology but nothing concerning. A Dr then suggested he have his sperm tested at an andrology lab rather than a general lab. This test came back as 0% morphology - just two weeks after the prior test showed only slightly abnormal morphology! So now I always recommend to ladies to go to an andrology lab. We are now doing IVF.

I wish I had the perfect answer for you but I don't. Just want to say that I understand. It can be frustrating getting so many different answers. Of course there are those well meaning people that say 'forget and it will happen'. This is impossible. How do you forget when you get your period as a reminder it hasn't worked again. How do you forget when you see other siblings playing and fear your child is going to grow up alone. I take comfort in the fact that this is not completely true. I know people who plan to have a baby, try for one or two months and voila! They tried and it happened easily. So the world is not only full of people who were born by accident.

So perhaps there is something not optimal physically and I really do think you should see medical specialists and follow up. But being as stressed as you are really won't be helping. Our FSH lowers when we are in love. But it's hard to be in love with hubby while doing the dance if it's purely for baby making. Our bodies produce more cortisol when we are stressed, which reduces the amount of estrogen our follicles produce which reduces the quality of the egg being released and the amount of fertile mucus for the sperm to mature in. So our bodies are definitely designed to reproduce when we are in a calm state and loving relationship that is beneficial for a child to develop and be born into. Sticking seeds in your ears and not having sex after ovulation does seem to be taking things too far. Having done IVF, I've read a study where one group of women who had embryos transferred engaged in sex and another group was told to abstain. The group that had sex had a higher ongoing pregnancy rate while the abstain group had much higher miscarriage rate. Makes sense as if our bodies are designed to conceive in a loving relationship, that would include regular sex.

I don't mean to preach. I'm quite the hypocrite and have done some crazy things in my TTC. I am about to embark on the last IVF cycle I can afford and I feel at the stage where you are - enough is enough. So instead of all this physical crazy things, I am trying to focus on my inner thoughts. I am listening to a hypnotherapy CD and reading a book about the power of the mind in IVF. I figure if it's impossible to forget and on my mind anyway, I may as well try and have a positive mindset.