Can be postpone our treatment to a later date??

[ChitterChat]

Me and my partner who have been together for nearly 10 years joined the waiting list for ICSI almost 2 years ago, however, we got a letter back in June to say we had reached the top of the waiting list and were asked to attend the fertility clinic at the hospital for some further bloods etc to basically get the ball rolling. It turned out that i was actually just over the max BMI so had to lose a wee bit of weight first then go back when all the criteria has been met which it now has. The only thing now is that we have our wedding booked in 2 years time and i know that going through this treatment takes everything out of you both and you have to put 100% into it, with no stresses or worries in order to put yourself in the best possible place of a positive result. I am just worried that with the stresses of organising a wedding and potentially going through treatment at the same time might be a bit to much physically, mentally and financially. Does anyone know if it is possible to postpone our treatment until after our wedding? I know that we should be lucky to take these 2 full cycles of ICSI on the NHS and try to conceive but i just feel that we only have these 2 chances and we want to be in the best position to start the treatment. I haven't spoken to my fiance about it because i am scared he won't have the same opinion and don't know how to approach it. Just wanted to know if it would be possible first before i approach the subject and then it transpires it wouldn't be possible so there wasn't much point in me mentioning it. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[18yearsoftrying]

All I can personally advise from my experience is that fertility declines rapidly.
I paid £52,500 over 18 yrs to get to where I am now ...... Not a penny was given towards a cycle via NHS as the boundaries kept changing.
Given these two factors -both of which in your case are positive and work with you - it's a no-brainer.

[Rumplestrumpet]

What exactly is it that you're worried about Chitter? Is it that you're worried you won't be able to do the fertility treatment with the best possible mindset? I don't know what kind of wedding planning you're doing, but I really can't see how a wedding two years down the line will get in the way of treatment now. If you've reached the top of the waiting list and meet the BMI criteria, then you're likely to be doing treatment in the months ahead - possibly even before Christmas (depending on your protocol).

Do you really have THAT much wedding planning to do in the coming months? I had a relatively big wedding (100+guests) and we did all the arrangements in the 6 months before the wedding. Of course everyone's different, and if you're going for all the trimmings then there will certainly be more to organise, but I'm not sure how much you'd do 2 years in advance apart from book a venue and send out a "save the date".

Depending on your protocol, one round of IVF/ICSI takes no longer than 2 months. If you do two rounds, that's unlikely to take you past the spring. I'm in the middle of my first cycle now, and I certainly wouldn't want a wedding to be planning in the weeks ahead, but further ahead would seem perfectly doable.

Of course you shouldn't rush into anything if you're not ready, and IVF/ICSI can certainly be all-consuming. But I also agree with 18years - delaying for two years could have an impact on your chance of success.

Would it help to maybe understand a bit more exactly what the treatment will involve? And maybe also think about what actual planning you'll need to do for the wedding? There are some great resources for both online - including a "wedding countdown" that tells you all the things you should be doing 1 year, 6months, etc before the wedding (I was WAY behind on all those things, but it was still an amazing day!).

And of course feel free to ask more Qs on here, there is an incredible pool of knowledge among MNers!

[ChitterChat]

Thanks for the comment :) And i am really sorry it seems to have taken so long for you and cost a small fortune. I am assuming it has worked in your favour now and you have been successful at conceiving? Seems no one is interested in my thread and i don't want anyone thinking that i am being selfish in anyway towards others who are not in a position like us to have this chance. I am 24 and my fiance 27 by the time we are married i will be 27 and he will be 30. I know the NHS age limit for woman is 35 so i do have some time on my side. But as you say maybe just going for it is the best idea.

[ChitterChat]

Rumplestrumpet To be honest we haven't really even been told much about why we need the ICSI, apart from my fiance having low sperm and motility but i have been for all these vaginal scans etc and no one has said to me that there are any problems with me so i am assuming not and having no clear definitive explanation to the ins and outs of why we need this treatment nor have we been told what it involves, or what the difference between IVF and ICSI is and can't help feel that to the hospital we are just a number- not human beings who's future life this is. Sorry thats just a slight reservation i have with them which needed ranting about. It's not just the preperation i will have to do and to be honest like you say i wont be doing much in the next 6 months or so apart from saving but i think now after reading your comment it seems my real reservations are that i don't know what will be involved, how long it takes or how quick the 2nd cycle comes along if the 1st one isnt successful, i mean do we have any control over this or is it just a case of this is when you are booked in so take it or leave it? Ideally i would go ahead with the 1st cycle, and if in an unfortunate case it doesn't work i would like to have the choice of leaving the 2nd cycle until after the wedding so if it were not to work for the second time it wouldn't dishearten me or make me not look forward to getting married when it should be one of the most happiest times of my life. Am i being unreasonable or just not thinking of the bigger picture?

[naty1]

Yes you certainly have time on your side, the 10 yrs with bf would make you seem older.
Guess it depends on cause of infertility.
I would not wait for a wedding. But them we know for certain we cannot get pg naturally, low count and pcos. Also how many kids do you ideally want and by what age.
Clinics close over xmas, depending on protocol (long is like 8weeks to pg test) it can be hard to fit several in in a yr.
I wouldnt spend the money on a party if i knew there is a good possibility i might need it for a baby.
Certainly ivf #1 was on nhs for us. But we werent allowed more and certainly not for a sibling, im now on #4 of which pg, bfn, cancelled and now ?
So the last 3 cycles cost about 10k.
So glad we never spent the money on a wedding.
Also 1/5 pg end in mc.
Really ivf is no guarantee, it seems like it would take max 3 goes but for some people it will not work and they move on to adoption.
Although age is a large factor i have had less success than older DSis due to our issues.
You may also need the cash if you have twins :)

[naty1]

DP count hasnt changed in last 5yrs but it can go either way. Natural pg to people getting pg first try then nothing trying for #2 and the husband having very low count.
So it seems they can be affected by environment and illness.
I think if you decide to wait till after wedding i would try to reduce bmi to under 25, not sure what level clinic are looking for, but ours chart showed quite a bit more success in that range.
You can im sure check with clinic about min/max gap in cycles. I think i saw some nhs make you take a gap.
Depending on the SA i expect there is still a chance of natural pg if you delay 2 yrs.
I would consider
How you would feel if you delay and it then doesnt work
Would you consider donor sperm (eggs) if necessary
Siblings and gap
It can become more upsetting once friends/family start popping the babies out and youve been trying so long

[ChitterChat]

naty1 I wouldn't say that i have a number of children i would want ideally, i guess in my situation, i would be grateful if we managed to have 1 and on the NHS (in Scotland anyway as i know the rules are different in England) you get 2 free full cycles, however, should the first try result in a live birth then you aren't entitled to another cycle to try for a sibling. This would have to be self funded. Our wedding is booked so i wouldn't be thinking of cancelling. I just hoped that given the situation we are in isn't down to our own fault, i mean it's not my fiance's fault he has sperm problems... and i think it may be related to the way he was conceived (IVF) i'm not sure though but i just hoped that we would have some control over it. And yes his brother has children and his sister also has a child - one due in January and although they know about our fertility issues it is extremely hard given the time we have been together to not have any children and for those that don't know our circumstances to be constantly asking "When are you both going to have children" "You have been together for ages... don't you think it's time" but on the same token i don't want anyone outwith close friend and family knowing our personal business...... just really confused about the whole situation.?

[Rumplestrumpet]

Hi Chitter, I'd assumed you were older because of the 10 yr reference - hadn't realised you were childhood sweethearts

So yes, time is definitely on your side, but it sounds to me like you've got lots of things swimming around your head at the moment. I think Naty's suggestion of thinking through all the options, asking some difficult questions, is a good idea. It sounds like you and your DP need to talk through a lot of this together.

You'll no doubt have lots of Qs to ask the clinic (including how much they charge after you've had two NHS-funded tries) - I'd suggest you write these down so you don't forget them on your appointment. But also some thinking between the two of you, the size of family you want, and how much realistically you could afford to spend on fertility treatment. YOu might also find it useful doing some reading into natural/alternative ways to improve your chances - as Naty says, there are plenty of stories out there of people having one baby through IVF and then naturally falling pregnant afterwards. A healthy lifestyle, diet, weight etc (for both of you) also make a huge difference. Given your DP's test results, he should be making the important changes (cutting out cigarettes, alcohol, drugs, tight pants, etc) that have a real impact on fertility. Fresh tests after 3 months health kick could show improved results.

Once you've worked all that through, got all the answers you need from your clinic, you should be in a better place to take decisions.

Best of luck with it all.

[allchatnicknamesgone]

I think in a situation like this, you need to remain positive. Depending on what protocol you are on (long or short), which I think you must know if you had the initial ivf appointment with bloods and scans?

Again not sure how much weight you need to loose, but if you can do so with a month or so, coupled with being on a short protocol you could be in a situation where you are pregnant either at the end of the this year or early next year. So, with that in mind the question is, do you want a baby before or after you are married?

I think 2 years is a long way off and if you want to go for it and you have a strong loving relationship now you should.

I'll just add that ivf seems very scary and it can be a bumpy road, but it's not like that for everyone. Some are very lucky and have a smooth cycle with little side effects and it works first time round.

Good luck with your decision, but I definitely agree with previous comments about finding out more….maybe prepare a list of questions for your next appointment? And if you don't want to take notes, most mobiles these days have voice recording so you can ask consultant if you could record your chat purely for you to remember it and refer back.

[naty1]

Interesting he was an ivf baby. Do you know if it was a sperm issue though?
As they arent sure how ivf will affect the fertility of the children born via it.
I expect my DD may well get pcos as i have it and its genetic.
Also DSis has had ivf for her 2 (though no pcos) so there are genetic links.
DP has

[specialsubject]

you are not (I hope) going to spend the next 2 years planning your big-frock party? It really doesn't take that much.

you can have a wedding any time. This is a great chance to have a baby. Which do you want more?

good luck.

[SilverStars]

As you say you have time on your side and hopefully there are no issues with your fertility. why not ask the clinic directly?

usually they will start treatment when at top of list and if the first ivf is unsuccessful then if you have any frozen embryos from that go they will do FET's ( replace frozen ones) first before trying second fresh cycle. Clinics vary but usually recommend three cycles between treatments. Privately people can do them back to back if they choose and dr allow it.