The All Things Donor Conception Thread

(398 Posts)
foxinorangesocks Tue 03-Jun-14 20:03:37

Thought I'd start an ongoing thread for all mnetters that are having, thinking about having or have had treatment using donor eggs or sperm or who are considering/have been a donor. Come and talk about all stages of using or being a donor, from exploring the idea of donor conception and pursuing treatment (or not) to parenting donor conceived children or being a donor- all in a supportive and encouraging space. Whilst I say All Things - this is NOT meant to be a thread for expressing concerns over the ethics/morals of donor conception in negative/forceful/hurtful ways. Please start a thread elsewhere for this.

sideshowbob2 Mon 09-Jun-14 21:51:11

the clinic just said to stay on 0.5 injections and ring them when i come on, spoke to my best friend and she thinks i'll come on by the end of the week because i'm ratty and argumentative, been best friends for 16 years and she knows me well and has been coming to all the appointments too!! so fingers crossed!!

foxinorangesocks Thu 12-Jun-14 07:02:07

Right, period due today and no sign of the bugger. After three and a half years I WANT it to come and nothing. Grumble!

sideshowbob2 Thu 12-Jun-14 19:03:57

mine has finally arrived!! so now booked in for scan in the morning, so fingers crossed everything's all back on track now!!

foxinorangesocks Thu 12-Jun-14 22:15:55

I'm spotting! Hurray!its very nice to he happy to see spotting has arrived smile it must be the full moon sideshow.

sideshowbob2 Fri 13-Jun-14 17:41:21

ahh thats great news foxinorangesocks, i had my baseline scan this morning so had to reduce my injection to 0.25 and take the 3 times a day tablet, now everything is back on track and next scan is booked for thursday!!!

foxinorangesocks Fri 13-Jun-14 18:57:29

How are the drugs making you feel bob? First one for me tomorrow. Mixed emotions!

sideshowbob2 Fri 13-Jun-14 21:02:41

are you doing injections?? at first i was petrified of the injections never thought i would be able to inject myself and my best friend was going to come round and help me do the first one but i had a chat with myself and decided that i needed to be brave and stop acting like a wally as if wanted a child of my own i just needed to man up!!!
when my friend saw me and i told i had already done the injection she was like omg how as i was so nervous the night before, but from somewhere some courage just appeared and i've been fine ever since!! i bruise really badly anyway and after the first couple i bruise more or less every time i inject now, but not long to go now, as i got my new schedule today with all my next scan dates and estimated date of embryo transfer!!
p.s i always try and do my injection straight after i've brushed my teeth every morning that way i'm still not quite awake and it usually doesn't hurt too much, also rotate your injection sites from tops of thighs to fattest parts of your tummy, so therefore you then have 4 different places to inject!! good luck!!

ZippyBopit Sat 14-Jun-14 20:06:16

Hi Fox I was so thrilled when you started this thread as although I haven't yet totally given up on my own eggs (although I probably should) it seems after 2 dismal responses to ivf stimulation that I cant help but look forward to other options.

I'm quite conflicted over donor eggs, one minute at my lowest ebb feeling like I didn't want to be part of a world that didn't want my genetics carried over in it, to feeling like it's maybe not such a big deal that I'm making it out to be and that I should at least try in the hope that I would be blessed enough in my life to experience pregnancy, childbirth and the nurturing of a small baby even if it wasn't fully mine (Sometimes the ache is so strong that this point seems irrelevant).

My mother died when I was 16 and I had always hoped that when I had my own child that I would perhaps see her in them to some degree. With DE it would however be my lovely husbands and I would grow it and in reality at this stage when the option is not to have any child, how important is genetics?

I'm nervous about posting this as I don't want bring any negativity. I'm actually looking for some positivity in how people moved forward to DE and how they feel about it? How much does it matter? Will you all be/ have you all been open about DE to everyone? Family, friends, work colleagues? I feel a certain amount of shame in being unable to reproduce naturally but I know that's my problem and I should perhaps be a bit more grown up about it and accept that it's not a personal failure just a biological one I have no control over.

I'm glad that you and sideshow have finally started so you can get underway smile I'm excited for you both. I'm not sure if you'll remember but we met briefly on the 10+ thread and I'm so hopeful for you. I know you will make a brilliant mother and I so hope this is the cycle for you.. Your posts always hit home with me and I really appreciate you sharing what you do. It makes me feel less alone as I identify with you so much. smile

sideshow I was the same about the injections and a total wobbly mess every time the first cycle. It just seems so wrong that someone would think me capable of doing it right! The second cycle though, the first injection was in a hurry as I was trying to keep future timings correct and had to do it right before leaving for a works night out and for some reason doing it in such a hurry made it 'less of a thing' that I had worked myself up to. It was more important I made it to the 'do' on time. From then on I was ok with it. Perhaps the adrenalin of rushing made me care less? I also chose to use the tummy as opposed to the upper thigh with the previous round. This seemed in concept to freak me out more but in reality was much easier (more flesh? I'm quite thin?). Only sharing in case this is useful to others.

Finally Pinki thank you so much for sharing smile, I am close to trying for the same length of time as you and this is such a boost to know that you finally got there. I feel like the lack of belief and negativity of my NHS doc is dragging me down. There is also a 2 year waiting list for donor eggs in Scotland (at my clinic) so abroad seems like a more feasible option. It's heartening to know it works smile

Sorry for the mammoth post! x

sideshowbob2 Sat 14-Jun-14 21:58:57

ZippyBopit thanks for your post having worked with children and looked after and lived with 2 of my close friends both with children of there own i have realised that children come to be just like their primary carer whether that is there parent or not, as one of my friends worked away alot so i cared for her son while she was away, the longest time was 3 weeks, he was fine with me and he still to this day remembers everything we did while his mum worked away, he also refers to me as his auntie although we are not biologically related, my friend his mum used to say any time i went to work with out him he would be chasing me out the door as he wanted to come to even he had been fast asleep as i left!! while i was at work he would came out with things that only i say and also some of quirky ways as my friend used to say!!
also my other friend and her son have just been over and again my friends son calls me auntie too although not biologically related, he has been helping me with me garden today and was not happy that the man upstairs has still not done his garden since the last time he was over and my nephew asked me if he could go upstairs and have a word with him, i said no to start with as i didn't want any trouble but my nephew asked again he said i won't be rude to him just ask him politely to sort his garden out, so he went up there and he did politely ask my neighbour to sort his garden out, when he came back i thanked him and he turned to me and said you have done so much for me over the years, its no problem, he is 17 and the most wonderful nephew i have, even to just day he still likes to sit on the sofa and have a cuddle even though he's much taller and stronger than me!!
so in answer to my donor eggs not being biologically mine i don't think it really matters, its how you model to your child, how you bring them up, how you teach them, how you show them and how you love them that makes them yours!! as i love all my nephews and they love me and always will!!
hopefully one day we will all have our own beautiful babies we just had to go down a different path to get there!!

ZippyBopit Sat 14-Jun-14 23:08:00

Oh Sideshow you have totally make me cry. In a good way, a therapeutic way. Thank you so much for sharing that perspective.

What has made me cling to the genetic angle is that my mother gave up her first born son for adoption in the sixties in difficult circumstances. I found out about it when I was 16, right before she died so I can't discuss it with her now, but when I met him years later I was struck with how much of her was in him , physically, ideology wise, gesticulations, it was very weird having had no contact with her.

You have given me a vision that despite this genetic dis-connection that I can still see my mother through my child, through me, through my relationship with the child.
When I was talking with my sister about the importance of genetics she seemed surprised that this was my main concern (we were playing with what was important). She has 2 teenagers and she said her main desire was to 'be a mother' as our mother had been. To take the lessons she had been shown, to enact as our mother had. That was an eye-opener too.

This is all so helpful and eye-opening and thought provoking. These are just the perspectives I needed, thank you. Just the kind of input I needed in order to move forward. Thank you so much for taking the time to share smile it really means a lot.

Lauren83 Sat 14-Jun-14 23:17:58

Will catch up properly tomorrow but had my first DR scan yesterday it wasn't good, I had a thick lining when I shouldn't of so they have given me meds to induce a bleed, 3 a day for 8 days then scan again in 16 days hopefully will of shed my lining, best case scenario delayed us 3 weeks, worst could end up cancelling

They asked had been injecting properly! Also had swollen ovaries with cyst so I def haven't responded to the meds

Fox hope you're ok x

sideshowbob2 Sun 15-Jun-14 09:10:16

thats no problem ZippyBopit, i came on here to talk to people who are going through the same things as me!
my fingers are crossed for you Lauren83!

foxinorangesocks Sun 15-Jun-14 19:02:41

Oh Lauren how frustrating for you, there are so many roadblocks! I am sure that the cysts will go, is it that that is causing the lining to stay thick? I can imagine you feel totally fed up about it and the delay - I'll be catching you up! Have a moan on here if it helps.

Zipity I remember you, what a lovely post. That is exactly why I started this thread, to be more than a cycle buddy thread but an ongoing discussion space for as long as I am in the donor world (fingers crossed forever). I gave up on my eggs very quickly as my response was so very poor on very high doses of menopur, I simply don't respond to the meds. Who knows if I'll respond to downregging either. I decided that rather than flog at it for endless cycles with a 5% chance, I'd put myself on a level playing field. It is not an easy decision and I can so understand about your mum. I lost my beloved grandad very suddenly and I see him in my nephew and it is lovely. However, my other nephew looks nothing like him. Or like his dad or mum. There are quite a few things I think that helped me make the switch. Hope you don't mind me getting it down.

1) I still want to experience pregnancy and for dh to have a biological child.
2) With genes, you never know what you are going to get. Watching my nephews and just thinking about family and friends, there is no rhyme nor reason sometimes about looks and traits.
3)I love my pet to pieces. He isn't even human.
4) There are good support networks out there such as donor conception network and I will join that and become very involved if this all works. It makes me feel that there is a community my family can become part of where we are understood and advised when needed. In some ways I think I would feel that out family has a 'special' dimension. Many families do, in many different ways. And some days I can feel excited about that.

That is not to say I always feel chuffed about it. I don't. I have spent the past 6 months grieving in a very deep way. But grief evolves and you learn to be with it I think. It does still catch me out, often if I'm honest. I think spend some time on this thread, talking things through if it helps. Sometimes you have to test ideas out in your head and see how they feel. You might want to have another go at ivf with your eggs and it could well work! I think if I had finances to throw at it and could spend time in London, I could well get there with my eggs. But I just want to move on and leave this infertility chapter behind.

wave to sideshow. My first dr jab has made my period stop entirely after 2 days. Menopur did the same and that didn't end well so I am being a worry wart. It also makes me feel exactly the same as menopur, spaced out and brain fogged. That did go away after a couple of days so fingers crossed.

ZippyBopit Mon 16-Jun-14 20:37:27

Fox I love that you put your thoughts down, thank you! I really laughed at the pet comment. It's a thought I've had myself too!! smile I love my two moggies and they are such different characters too (I'm sure one takes after me and the other after my husband.... wink). I'm sorry about your grandad. I'm sure your child will love him too through the stories you tell x

I totally hear you on the grief. It's been very gradual over a long period of time, so just started with the fear and dread and panic that it might never happen for us, to almost hyperventilating when I got my low amh result, to out and out nutty, primal, scary sobbing like I've never experienced. I actually feel like I'm over the worst. I don't know if I've finished trying with my own eggs but I know I'm going to hit a wall of negativity from my fc at my review app next week. I was given a 1-5% chance of success with my own eggs before so...not really sure what my plan is at the moment.
Are you having de on the NHS? I am in Scotland and was told unless we recruit someone ourselves, the waiting list is 2 years long shock.

I totally understand your thoughts on a family with a 'special' dimension. There are some times when the thoughts of a family mixed with de (so I can experience pregnancy and my husband has a genetic child) and adopted children makes me actually feel excited. It's not how I've pictured it happening, but it's actually a pretty cool picture. I've always felt a bit bohemian, why should this aspect of my life break the mould! I should just embrace it!

Are you in the DR part of your cycle? I hope the drug effects have lessened and everything is going as it should x

Lauren I'm sorry your body isn't doing what's expected right now. Every part of this is stressful and frustrating so I really sympathise. I hope everything is going to plan now x

toodaloo Tue 17-Jun-14 15:56:26

Hi, hope it's ok to join!

It's a looooong backstory but in essence I will need to use donor sperm. How on earth do I choose a clinic? I have googled but they all seem to offer and promise similar things. Do I visit a few and go with the one I feel most comfortable with? I don't know where to start really.

Also, the counsellor (we are having couples counselling) said that I may be able to get my NHS funding transferred to a private clinic (although unlikely). Do I need to go to my GP or write to the CCG? Again, googling has left me confused!

Lots of questions sorry and thanks in advance.

sideshowbob2 Tue 17-Jun-14 17:48:14

you can get lots of advise and help from your gp, as you can get some of your blood test done through the gp and if you need up to date sti blood tests they can refer you to the right place, again the gp will be able to recommend local clinic's and also whether you can get any of your treatment done through the nhs or not!!
hope this helps!!

toodaloo Tue 17-Jun-14 20:55:38

Thanks for your reply. Sorry if I wasn't clear, we've had all the fertility investigations and it is a problem with DH. He doesn't want to take it any further which means I will need to have treatment as a single woman and go private. So it's hard to know which clinic is bed etc..

sideshowbob2 Wed 18-Jun-14 16:53:18

london womans health in harley street is good also argc in london, depends where you live, but most clinic's do open evening's so try to go to a few that are local to you and then go from there, print off each clinic's price list and go from there!
i'm under hert and essex fertility clinic but go to there local clinic until my implantation date, as the ivf centre is in the process of being built, i like it there as it's new local to me and very quick and through!!

sideshowbob2 Wed 18-Jun-14 16:54:57

p.s toodaloo, do you know anyone that has already had any fertility treatment, as a recommendation from someone who's already used a fertility clinic is also a great place to start

foxinorangesocks Thu 19-Jun-14 09:52:02

Zipity I am having treatment on the nhs with a private clinic and I'm very grateful for having this opportunity. Would you still have that kind of wait privately? There are excellent options abroad. I wish you lots of luck with your next apt, let us know how it goes.

Toodaloo, I would do lots of online research and maybe visit open days. Fertility friends has vast amounts of info on details like this. Having confidence in your clinic makes things feel a lot more positive. How are you and dh feeling about things?

Lauren I hope you are doing ok.

Downregging is making me bone tired. I feel like I'm running a race with no finish line.

sideshowbob2 Thu 19-Jun-14 20:06:49

foxinorangesocks, i totally agree with the tiredness problem, i have been on the tablets since friday and .25 injections, and now i'm totally exhausted, two bad nights sleep in a row as well, do find the medication is making you wake up more in the night for the loo or is it just me, thinking of going to bed already as i'm just exhausted!!
btw what is fertility friends?? i've not heard of it before

foxinorangesocks Thu 19-Jun-14 21:40:03

I am weeing LOADS! Ff is a website for things fertility related, especially fertility ishoos. So so much specific in depth knowledge and advice on there. It can make me a bit depressed sometimes though!

sideshowbob2 Fri 20-Jun-14 17:23:28

foxinorangesocks ok thanks i may take a look at Ff then, but no today, feeling really low and tired, yes i have noticed that i can't stop going to the loo too, hate waking up in the night to go but just don't seem to be able to hold it during the night anymore, these drugs do make me feel quite weird at times!!

Lauren83 Sat 21-Jun-14 16:09:08

Do check FF out, I'm a trainee staff member on their.

Fox you ok? And hi everyone else!

Sorry not been on much I'm 30 days DR and really struggling, stopped my notheristerone yesterday so hopefully get rid of this lining I shouldn't have and start again x

sideshowbob2 Sat 21-Jun-14 18:28:04

thanks Lauren83 i will have a look on FF, i'm ok had a bit of a panic yesterday as i will run out of needles in a few days, as it took my period so long to appear, so got some more from the clinic on thursday, when i looked at them yesterday morning the needle was longer and they only go up in .10, so was on the phone with the nurse yesterday and she is going to try and sort out some nice small needles the same as the ones i already have when i go for my scan on monday evening, think it will be my last scan before my implantation date as well!! ekk starting to get to the important part!

i've been really tired and suffering with awful hayfever and also waking up in the night for the loo but then not being able to get back to sleep, i have suffered with sleep problems before due to having bells palsy and having to use amitryptline for many years due to awful post pain in my face especially when i'm tired, not able to take it since last year as starting treatment. hope you are ok??

also going to look at a new car in the morning, i have a nissan juke and i have been offered a new shape one as part of a vip event, i don't know whether to get a new one or not??? mine will be 4 years old on 29th september and is all paid for!! on one hand i will have a new car with some h.p to pay for maybe a year a year and a half but on the other hand i could get pregnant and will have a baby to pay for so really don't know what to do?? what do you guys think??

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