Feeling desperate

[smileypinkpanther]

I'm sorry to vent here but just needed to speak to someone, I'm feeling so desperate. My DH and I have been trying for a year, and things in our lives are complicated by a long term illness I have (doesnt affect fertility).

Every single one of my best friends is pregnant/has just given birth. Im completely left behind and I feel like I can't go on. My job finishes in 4 months so everything I've worked for for over 10 years feels like it was all for nothing, plus it's made my illness worse with the stress. And now I'm not well enough to embark on something new. I feel I don't have anything to live for- hope of a family was all I have been clinging to. How have other people coped with the disappointment and everyone else getting pregnant around them?

We've started tests but everything is frustratingly slow and no referral has come through for DH yet :(

[alarox]

Sorry you're going through this Smiley, it's hard isn't it? Call them up about your DH's referral just to check it's been received. I need to call my clinic to check too! Agree the whole process is painfully slow. Wouldn't wish fertility problems on anyone. It's a form of torture, a cut that heals and gets reopened every single month.

Seeing others apparently conceive so easily can be frustrating. It makes you feel like a failure, and you're allowed to feel envious and irritated; it's normal! You can always vent on here I read a comment on this forum that said of the pregnant ones: "they don't affect your fertility!" My DH also says you never know what issues other couples have had. They may say it happened quickly, but it may not have been the case.

I'm on my 31st month TTC. I've bought the Clearblue fertility monitor to try next month. Onwards and upwards eh? Fingers crossed for us

[smileypinkpanther]

Thank you Alarox, I really appreciate your reply. Wishing you lots of luck this month xxx

[Shellster52]

I want to reply, but am struggling to think of how to answer your question 'how have I coped with disappointment and other pregnancies'. I have been TTC for almost 3 years and am about to embark on my 6th IVF and in all that time, I have not learned a method to cope. I went to a fertility counsellor, thinking she would be able to give me the answer to that very question. I walked away realising there is no perfect answer.

The one thing I know is that every one tells you 'don't stress and it will happen'. I then found I was bottling everything down but that was worse. Now if I am upset I allow myself to have a good cry. We found a medical reason why we were not conceiving and it was such a relief. My mind instantly thought 'See, everyone thinks it's in my head and my fault for thinking about it, but there is a medical reason'. You're entitled to feel upset about your situation. I hope you get some answers, despite the frustratingly slow system.

[smileypinkpanther]

Thank you Shellster- I really appreciate you taking time to reply, and for your honesty about coping (or not). I feel like shutting off from everyone completely- I've just closed my Facebook account (it was a post on there that finally tipped me over the edge) and am going to get rid of mobile- I feel I need a bit of breathing space without the constant commentary of birth announcements. I know it might sound petty and a bit extreme but I just want people to leave us alone, till we get to the bottom of our problems. I feel so frustrated that it seems so easy for some people but when our situation is already hugely complicated by my having to be off treatment for my illness whilst trying to conceive, it feels cruel that its taking so long :(

[Shellster52]

Yes, getting pregnancy and birth announcements are absolutely the worst thing and I can understand you deciding to give yourself some space. Do you have an appointment date - so that you can at least know when you are going to start getting some answers?

We are about to embark on our 6th IVF. I never could have imagined that I would end up here. Three years that my ever day is consumed by this. And now my cycle is going haywire and I have to wait til it returns to normal before I can start IVF. More delay!