The floodgates have opened

[WhereTheresTeaTheresHope]

I'm a long time lurker, first time poster. I've reached breaking point and need support.

My story so far:
I conceived 7 years ago, no charting or opks, back when ttc seemed easy. My DC was born at 25weeks and was very poorly for a very long time. Nobody ever knew why, potentially a problem with bowel in utero as DC required a bowel resection shortly after birth (I was borderline for too much fluid at 20wk scan) My DC is severely disabled but has a great quality of life and is an absolute character

Fast forward to now. I have a new partner. We want another child. 2years ago I was diagnosed with mild endometriosis, my ovaries were adhered to my pelvic wall and a few adhesions were present. Surgeon removed it, freed up ovaries and said everything looked 'perfect'. He told us to try for 6months and seemed pretty confident we would conceive.

That was 11 months ago. In the meantime I've had an HSG all clear and SA was good.

Ovulation is excruciating, I have brown spotting every month from 3dpo. One month this went on heavily for a fortnight and was an array of colours ranging from red to black, I ended up in A&E after a fainting episode. I feel consciously aware of my cervix, as if it's swollen or irritated or something. All swabs and smears have come back clear, I've had numerous tests.

My surgeon doesn't seem worried about this aspect but was worried about my late ovulation and irregular cycles (day 21 ov) and decided to start me on Clomid 2-6. This is the first month and today, at 4dpo, the brown spotting has started. I am crushed. I feel like it's never going to happen. I feel like I'm broken. And I've become desperate to speak to people who understand. I thought at the very least Clomid may hold off the spotting that can get quite heavy closer to AF. I had 2 follies at CD13 measuring 16mm. I ovulated on CD18 and 20 day scan showed fluid from corpus luteum on the left. The right had gone too. Can't get my progesterone blood results as secretary is on leave. Not sure what difference it would make anyway.

Just feel like it's never going to happen.

Is there anybody similar to me on here? Feel so lonely and fed up.

[Shellster52]

My infertility story is not similar to yours, but I certainly understand the lonely feeling. I too have one child already and I know that others who are on here suffering primary infertility would say we should just count our lucky stars that we at least have one, but I understand the emptiness that is inside from not being able to have another.

Geepers. Really sounds like something is wrong with your body to be having spotting from 3 DPO and such excrutiating pain that sounds like the primary root of your problems. Have you always had the spotting 3 DPO and found ovulation excruciating or is this something that has occurred since the operation? Not sure exactly why I am asking because I am no expert and have no answer for you (but wish I did).

I got the run around from fertility specialists and it was quite frustrating. My husbands first SA came back as normal so I spent the first year thinking the problem was with me and trying all sorts of things. Then one doctor says that the SA needs to be done at a semen laboratory for the result to be accurate and so it wasn't until a year in and a year of emotions that we discovered DH's 100% abnormal morphology.

The following year (2013) was filled with four IVF failures. I have since changed IVF clinics and am preparing for yet another IVF next cycle. I get so frustrated watching my husband eat junk food day in day out which I am sure is the cause of his poor sperm as studies have shown. But instead I have to undergo IVF to circumvent his poor sperm so they can inject the sperm directly into the egg. After each IVF failure, I try to be practical and work out what went wrong and change things for next IVF. I hope you can find a doctor that can get the root of your period issues. I know our stories are not the same but just wanted to share if it helps you feel not alone.

I wish I had an answer for your situation but all I can offer is that I am happy to chat and listen because I definitely have found it to be very helpful emotionally to be able to chat with others who understand. You may have to pick me up off the floor in 6 weeks time after my 5th IVF!

[naty1]

With endo is it possible the brown spotting isnt from the main uterus?
Otherwise are your progesterone levels low ? Could you not be given a supplement

[Shellster52]

Was thinking of you yesterday after reading your post tea. Yeah, really sounds like you need to be thoroughly examined that that it is not going to be a simple over the counter fix because it is not just the spotting, but the swollen cervix feeling, the excruciating ovulation pain and the long cycles. When will you be seeing the doctor again if this round of Clomid doesn't work?

[WhereTheresTeaTheresHope]

naty I have considered that the brown spotting (actually resembles sludge) isn't coming from the main uterus but I can't understand where else it would be coming from? Surgeon doesn't seem worried. I don't think he 'gets it'.

shellster 4 failed IVFs? That must be disheartening, frustrating, devastating... How do you pick yourself up and try again? When does your next cycle begin? People keep saying to me "there's always IVF" and as much as they're trying to be helpful, I know it's no guarantee. And I'm scared of my own emotions, if things are bad now how bad would they be after an IVF failure?

My surgeon wrote out a script for 3months of 50mg Clomid, he said if it didn't do the job to call his secretary and get a further 3 months so I won't be seeing him until the summer. His secretary is on holiday so unsure of my progesterone result as yet and need to find out if 50mg is adequate.

I was advised to stay on the pill until after the 2nd lap (the one where he removed endo) at the beginning of last year so I don't know if ovulation would have been so painful before. It certainly wasn't a few years ago.

I am utterly thankful that my DC survived and I know how lucky I am. Heartbreakingly, every year the get ill, there's numerous medical issues and I have been warned numerous times they won't make it to adulthood. We cherish the time we have, I would love to give DC a sibling. I love what DCs disabilities have taught me and have met some great friends through DC but I'd love to have the best of both worlds. It must be a different world of parenting for a child who can walk, talk, understand etc. I want to experience it so much.

[Shellster52]

I wrote in my earlier post "others who are on here suffering primary infertility would say we should just count our lucky stars that we at least have one" without recalling that you had mentioned your DC is severely disabled and I didn't mean to offend at all but thought about this insensitive comment later when I reflected on what you wrote so apologies.

I don't really know exactly how I pick myself up and try IVF again and again. It's just that IVF is the end of the line so the only next option is to face facts which I just can't bring myself to do.

When is the secretary back from holidays? Boy they sure know how to keep you in the dark when your emotions are riding on it. When you say you are yet to find out if 50mg is adequate; are you implying that you don't ordinarily ovulate? I thought you usually had spotting from 3DPO meaning that you ovulate anyway. Just wondering if Clomid if really the solution when it doesn't seem to be addressing the problem.

Not that I am any expert. I have had a bad run with infertility doctors in our Australian public system and so I think I am a bit cynical of all doctors.

I usually have 26-27 day cycles but last cycle was only 21 days meaning I probably didn't ovulate. I told the doctor I would postpone IVF for one cycle because I wanted my body to go through the normal process of ovulating and recruiting antral follicles ready to grow for the IVF cycle. But now this cycle I haven't gotten a positive OPK so it seems my cycle is out of whack again. I am getting impatient and just thinking I will go ahead with IVF next cycle anyway instead of just waiting and aging, but I had a good sob today that this has all failed before it has even begun!

[WhereTheresTeaTheresHope]

I do ordinarily ovulate. Late in my cycle at 21-30 days. My cycles range from 32-45 days. With the spotting starting at 3-7dpo. Every month. Without fail.

Surgeon (who was originally my gynea but is also a fertility specialist) said Clomid will make me ovulate sooner which will give us more chances. Maybe this is the truth, or maybe he is just buying 6more months of me trying before we have to pay for IVF.

I have continued to spot but it isn't as much as usual, though that could change at any minute so I'm still not sure if it's the Clomid that has helped. I did ovulate on day 17 which is an improvement but I think he was hoping for more like day 14. I have a feeling the dosage needs increasing.

Secretary back on the 24th so will have to sit tight until then I guess.

What you are going through sounds hard. You're much further down the line than me, it's like a glimpse into our potential future. I too am cynical of doctors, I never feel they are telling me the whole truth. I'm convinced he missed something during lap.

Have you decided if you're going to go through with the cycle or not?

[Shellster52]

Well, my period arrived yesterday, making my last cycle 15 days. My IVF nurse said it is better to wait until after a normal cycle to start IVF, so to answer your question, I am now waiting one more cycle. It is a bit of relief as I want to start IVF when my hormone levels are not out of whack so it makes me have more confidence in the nurse if she agrees with me. But it is disappointing because I just want this whole thing over with and now I have to wait yet another month, so it just seems like it will never happen. My normally regular 26-27 day cycles have suddenly gone. I have been taking aspirin in the lead up to IVF as one study shows this helps grow more eggs, but have also heard that it inhibits ovulation so maybe this is the cause of my cycles going haywire????

So will the secretary speak to the doctor and they will up the Clomid dose next cycle if need be? How long ago was the endo surgery, and how long does the surgery keep the endo away for before it returns? Guess you're just holding out til the 24th to get an answer and find out what next. I hope the doctor has some answers as to your spotting even while on the Clomid. Would be good to have an answer before and if you do embark on IVF as no point putting an embryo back into your uterus 3-5 days after ovulation/egg collection, if your uterus is pouring blood back out! I really hope he comes up with an answer for you.