Kids are with their dad and i wish i had a new baby this Christmas!

(28 Posts)
erilou38 Wed 25-Dec-13 19:31:26

So my children have been with their father since 11am this morning. At least i got to see them open their presents which was lovely. Times like this though when i really wish that me and my husband could be sitting here now enjoying Christmas with our baby. Been trying for 18 months, no success and i'll be 39 in March so i'm not getting any younger. Hubby is just 26 and has no kids of his own so it would be so lovely to have a child together. I'm starting to think it will never happen and i'm fed up with people asking, "So, when are you two going to have a baby" ?. Also, obviously, many of my hubby's friends are young couples who are now thinking about starting families or already have small children and babies. I know i was fortunate enough to have that, 3 times over. I wasn't happy though as i was with the wrong man. Now i have found the love of my life and desperately want a child and it's just not happening. I was once so fertile, up until a few years ago, then it disappeared. I want to be that young woman once more with peak fertility and the promise of a baby on the horizon. Everything just looks bleak now that i'm getting older. This time last year i imagined that i might be sitting with my baby now. I hope so much that i get a BFP for 2014 and i'm nursing my new baby on Christmas day. As i will be close to turning 40 this time next year, a baby would be my best 40th present ever. Am i just being unrealistic in thinking i will get to have a child again at my age. Oh how i wonder ?......

seasavage Wed 01-Jan-14 20:24:33

Hi, I am trying for my third my new husbands first, for my first cycle and am 38. And my two girls are now at their dads. Here's hoping you light my way!

CarrotCakeMuffins Wed 01-Jan-14 20:06:18

Hi, I have no experience with the menopause, but am 17 weeks pregnant with DC2 at nearly 42 and after 3 mcs, so it is possible to get pregnant. I wish you the very best of luck!

erilou38 Wed 01-Jan-14 19:49:55

Lol, hubby isn't home from work yet! Just hope he isn't too tired for some serious baby dancing!!

Mouldypineapple Wed 01-Jan-14 19:48:02

So what are you doing on here, get upstairs!! Joke.. Ish..

erilou38 Wed 01-Jan-14 19:44:49

I don't have regular cycles, they range anywhere between 28 and 42 days and the bleeding is very light, sometimes only lasting a day, at most 2 days. So i obviously am in perimenopause as my periods seem to be winding down. I know that i do still ovulate and believe that i might be doing so today as i have a positive ovulation test and a bit of cervical mucus. Sometimes i wish there was something else that was fixable going on with me that was stopping me conceiving. Menopause is the worst thing you can have as it really means the end of fertility, it is all so final. I didn't expect it at 38.

MisForMumNotMaid Wed 01-Jan-14 19:32:02

I had three miscarriages and a chemical pregnancy followed by severe anaemia and yet another pregnancy that didn't stand a chance as I was so ill from prolonged anaemia.

Well the last no hope pregnancy is three next month, i'm 40 this year.

After my third miscarriage a very lovely and genuinely kind doctor said the at your age lecture talk along with iron tablets and instructions for rest. I mentally gave up - fortunately my body didn't.

I have two DC from my first marriage and I used to feel the pain and emptyness when they went to XH. To be honest I still do, so does DD and my DH.

My mum, who can be a little old fashioned, says maybe it was easier before some of this newfangled testing when things just were what they were and you just got on. My nan was having babies into her late 40's.

Do you have a regular cycle and focus on your fertile days? I didn't go the ovulation calculator route but did go (slightly obsessively) with the change in discharge consistency for ensuring DH had booze free early nights with me. (Sorry if TMI).

It can happen.

erilou38 Wed 01-Jan-14 19:13:28

My husband has had tests and all clear and fine on his side. In a way, although it sounds bad, i kind of wish that he also had problems as then i wouldn't feel quite so bad i don't think. Was talking with my friend yesterday and she is also 38, we were saying how shit it is when it comes to our ages. It's all hit and miss and the luck of the draw when you hit 35. Some lucky women seem to have no problems conceiving. One of my friends conceived quickly and naturally at age 42! Lucky cow!

Mouldypineapple Wed 01-Jan-14 19:08:21

Yes, as resipsa says, press on! I like it. Have lots of playtime and you never know! I think we need more of that too..

Mouldypineapple Wed 01-Jan-14 19:07:20

You sound nice and positive, good luck!
Just an aside, have you two considered having your husband tested?? At least then you'd know what's happening there. Both sides need to be as able as possible really.
Speaking as someone struggling to ttc at (just) 41! Have dd who is 4 and was conceived easily, been trying for another for best part of 3 years with no success. We do have some issues on both sides so have almost given up for me but at least we are armed with the necessary info to make informed decisions.

resipsa Wed 01-Jan-14 19:02:37

Not sure I hold that much store by the numbers, personally. My AMH at age 42 was 21 - well within the 'fertile' range - but a 2nd DC has proved elusive by natural and assisted means. Not a hint of a +ve in 2 years. You could just ignore the result and press on...

erilou38 Wed 01-Jan-14 18:26:31

I really can't believe i am in perimenopause at age 38. I know fertility does decline after age 35 quite rapidly but 38 still seems too young for 'the change'. Even though i'm told that FSH of 20 is a menopausal level and in no way am i likely to ovulate this cycle with an FSH that high i have done an ovulation test today. I'm on cycle day 12 and this afternoon i got a positive result for ovulation and i do have some egg white cervical mucus. I ovulated a couple of cycles ago as a blood test confirmed it so i really don't believe i'm out of the baby-making game just yet. I plan to do lots of baby dancing with my husband tonight! Women do get pregnant while in perimenopause although of course it is much harder but i'm going to think positive, have sex because i love and enjoy it, not just baby-making sex and i do believe i might just fall pregnant naturally. It's just gonna take time. Going to tell myself i'm gonna be one of these lucky women that conceives in her early 40s while on 'the change'. I'm determind to prove to that nurse at the infertility clinic that i can get pregnant. She was all dooma nd gloom with my results and this upset me but i really believe that thinking positive can help. Iv'e been so stressed this last month and convinced this pushed my FSH up so high.

erilou38 Wed 01-Jan-14 18:14:11

I would never be able to afford an egg donor and i'm not sure if that's something i would want. Yes it would be my husband's child, but not mine. The whole point really is us having our own child together. Also the child wouldn't be related to my my children in any way. I'd like a half brother or sister for them.

resipsa Wed 01-Jan-14 17:34:56

Erilou - have you considered donor egg IVF? Pricey, I know but has made mothers of lots of MNetters...

CaliBee Wed 01-Jan-14 16:24:32

Oh i so feel this post. I have been ttc for over 2 years with my much younger DH. I have three older children who have grown up and away but DH has none of his own. I did get a bfp in Dec 2013 but mc end of January. I'm about to turn 44 in Feb and hubby will be off to serve in Afghan next August. I feel your sadness.

resipsa Wed 01-Jan-14 16:00:24

You're obviously fertile if you've have kids already and I don't think you're being ridiculous at all! Had my DD (first child having never tried before) at 40 after trying for 12 months. Keep at it and best of luck!

erilou38 Fri 27-Dec-13 16:17:48

I have just been given the diagnosisfsh today that i am in early menopause so no more babies for me. My day 3 FSH was a massive 20!!! Basically i have premature ovarian failure, no good eggs left. That's it for me now, it's all over and i can't stop crying.

Strongecoffeeismydrug Fri 27-Dec-13 10:10:32

I'm 34 weeks pregnant with a baby I was told I'd never have due to severe pcos, I've just gone 40 and her 9 year old brother who too I was told I would never have is very excited that mums going to have a baby soon.
I haven't even had periods for the last 13 years but tests showed I still ovulated every now and again.
So if my old cranky, broken ovaries can work there is defiantly hope for you wink.

erilou38 Fri 27-Dec-13 00:39:14

Haha Jimijack, bless you! I so hope i become an 'older' mummy this year! There must be one good egg left surely xx

jimijack Thu 26-Dec-13 14:06:52

I was told by the reoccurring miscarriage clinic that the cause was likely to be poor egg quality at my age.

Bollocks!!!

My poor quality egg was walking at 9 months, dismantling child proof locks on doors and telling me where his nose is! At 11 months old now, he has just enjoyed his first Christmas!

Keep going keep going just keep going xx

erilou38 Wed 25-Dec-13 23:03:31

Thank you, all you ladies conceiving over age 40 are giving me hope. Just hope i have a few good eggs left in my ovaries.

BikeRunSki Wed 25-Dec-13 21:46:54

DD was born 3 weeks before my 41st birthday. It's not impossible.

erilou38 Wed 25-Dec-13 21:42:57

I'm still having periods, although they are a bit irregular, ovulating according to blood tests but just can't fall pregnant. I guess my egg quality and quantity is not as good as it used to be. Wonder if i'm low on estrogen so any eggs that might have been fertilised are not implanting but my uterine lining is too thin.

Netguru Wed 25-Dec-13 20:17:45

Two years ago I was in exactly the same position as you. Both Christmases since we had the kids.

We (new DH and I) tried for a baby for about 18 months. Then have up.

I'm now 44 and 22 weeks pregnant. So you never know

Merry Christmas.

Goldennugget Wed 25-Dec-13 19:54:56

I got pregnant on my 40th birthday after 5 years trying to conceive. My 6 mth old daughter has just celebrated her first Christmas. Hang in there, it's not unrealistic to get pregnant. Never give up hope.

erilou38 Wed 25-Dec-13 19:47:43

Wow 43!! One of my friends was 42 when she had her 3rd, so i guess it can and does happen later in life. I'm sorry to hear of all your miscarriages Jimijack, it must have been awful but you must be so strong. So pleased that you got there in the end. Thank you for making me feel a bit more positive.

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