Secondary infertility

(273 Posts)

Am in cycle 19 TTC #2. We have a beautiful DD who took a while to conceive (managed on cycle 16, got my BFP the day before our referral appointment for fertility treatment!) so I expected it to take a while to get a second. However, time is ticking by (am 37) and I really do want DD to have a sibling, so I have been to the GP. First set of investigations have been done and and DH and I have an appointment with the GP this afternoon to get test results and hopefully a referral.

I am feeling a strange combination of emotions. I feel a bit guilty for wanting another child so much when I already have a wonderful DD. I am worried about what treatment may be necessary, how we can pay for it, even if it would be appropriate to fund trying to conceive another child when we could spend those resources on giving the child we already have the best possible start in life.

I even feel a tiny bit guilty for even posting this here, as I already have a child and should be grateful for what I have (and I am, very much). But I can't help longing for another, I get so envious of friends who have / are going on to have second children (and in some cases contemplating a third). I am a mummy, I no longer have to deal with the awful feeling of wondering if I will ever know the joy of parenthood, but every month I have the same disappointment and sense of failure when AF arrives, coupled with the anxiety that every month lost makes the potential age gap bigger.

So please tell me your good news about secondary infertility. Did you get your BFP eventually? Or did you manage to come to terms with not having another and make the most of your smaller than planned family? And if you did go down the path of intervention, what did it involve? Was it successful? Do you have any regrets?

Turquoisetamborine Sun 23-Mar-14 22:45:48

Hi Res sorry you're feeling down, hope tomorrow is a better day.

Bloody period Goddess. It never gets any easier. Sorry.

resipsa Sun 23-Mar-14 22:13:15

Nic - thanks.

My walk in the park failed to uplift today. It just reminded me of all I've lost - the dads (mine died in June 08), the dogs (12 Jan 14) and the babies (March 12 and Dec 13).

goddessnic Sun 23-Mar-14 20:54:43

Hi turquoise tambourine, it's so hard isn't it my period arrived today do that's us well into pur forth year of not conceiving our second.
good luck with your 2ww xx

resipsa Sat 22-Mar-14 22:13:56

Hi Turq!

Turquoisetamborine Sat 22-Mar-14 20:12:54

Hi, I'm on the IVF thread but I'd like to join this one too as I sometimes feel a bit of a fraud as we already have a sone aged 6.

My story is we tried for 18 months before getting preg with son when I was 28. I fell pregnant on first month of clomid so although it was tough, it was a walk in the park compared to trying for number 2.

When I had a section to give birth they told me they'd found I had a unicornate uterus which means I have one ovary, one Fallopian tube and one kidney on the left side. I'd had scans during fertility investigations and they didn't even notice this so it shows how good they are.

I knew it would be hard to conceive another baby so i put it off for a while then we tried for a year using a Duo Fertility monitor. They gave us our money back after a year of no success. I then had a laparoscopy and hysteroscopy which showed my one tube was patent. I tried clomid for another year with no success. We are now three years on and I'm in the 2ww of my first ivf cycle.

I hope all of us on this thread don't have to deal with thus heartbreak for much longer.

goddessnic Sat 22-Mar-14 00:09:29

Hi resipsa, I do that too when we're out, look around and notice how everyone else seems to have 2 or more children. There are constant reminders everywhere aren't there.

resipsa Fri 21-Mar-14 23:13:03

Goddess - thanks - but I find it easier if I know the announcer has 'struggled' too. That's shameful to admit because they are no more worthy than those who conceive easily but it's true. This stuff changes your perspective and, in my case, makes you bitter.

We took DD out for tea tonight and were the only ones in the place with just 1 child under 10. 5 years ago I'd have looked and the ones struggling with 3 of them and felt sympathetic but superior because then I didn't want the 'drudgery' I associated with children. Now I feel pure envy hmm.

Sorry, no help!

goddessnic Fri 21-Mar-14 20:44:10

Another friend told me she was pregnant today, her first go at IVF after over 3 years of trying for her second, like me. I felt happy for her, not kicked in the gut like I've felt with other pregnancy announcements. I'm not sure if that's good or bad? I think I'm gradually accepting it probably won't happen for me :-(

keeponjuggling Thu 13-Mar-14 15:07:59

Lady, 'whoopsie pregnancies' are heartbreaking when you are trying to damn hard every month. I hope you are feeling a bit better today. I can't imagine how you are feeling, 34 months is a long time to wait for something you want so badly. I really hope it happens for you very soon!!

Three, thank you so much for sharing your experience. I hope you get some answers, and of course a BFP, soon.

I'm torn between being proactive, and wanting to leave it to nature. I like to believe things happen (or in this case don't) for a reason, its my way of coping I suppose. It is hard when it seems like everyone around you is either expecting or has baby number 2.

threepiecesuite Thu 13-Mar-14 14:38:24

juggling- I was just like you, went for bloods then didn't go back to GP, was just so scared that something was wrong and blissful ignorance was preferable. Did pluck up the courage 2 weeks back, all tests normal so now booked in for scan and fertility clinic appt. Feels good to be actually doing something, letting Mother Nature take charge wasn't very successful.
Well out of my 5 friends from antenatal class first time round, 3 have had second children and the last one, who is my best friend is fairly sure she is pg. She broke it to me gently. I'm so sad. It's month 22 for us.

Ladycurler Tue 11-Mar-14 08:05:43

Dear Mother Nature, you are a horrible sick woman for puting us all through this monthly misery. I am a great believer in everything happening for a reason but I can't get my head around this torment that you put us through every 4 weeks, or in my case, 3 days late this month. I am so so angry today and gutted and empty and my friend who has a big summer wedding planned has just announced a whoopsie pregnancy, HOW CAN THAT HAPPEN when we are all planning it to such strict dates and still nothing. Month 34 here we come, though not sure I can do this for much longer. sorry girls, anyone with good news? X

keeponjuggling Mon 10-Mar-14 16:14:28

Thanks Heart, its odd isn't it. I have no idea what I'm afraid of!

Thanks for your thoughts on CBFM, I know exactly what you mean. Its already stressful enough, I don't think I could handle anymore.

It doesn't help that every cycle I'm convinced its happened, and then AF shows up and I'm genuinely shocked every time...hmm

Welcome juggling! Your story sounds very similar to mine - right down to the not wanting to follow up with the docs, I kept saying to DH 'let's wait anther month and see what happens'. And then nothing does...

We used CBFM for about 6 months last year - I've stopped now as it was just adding a layer of stress to an already anxious time. Plus the sticks are ridiculously expensive! We're now just carpetbombing during days 11-18. Fun times. :D

keeponjuggling Mon 10-Mar-14 15:35:32

Hi all, can I join you please?

I will need to take some time to look through the thread and get to know you all, but I think I may have found a thread full of wonderful ladies in a similar situation.

It took a year to conceive DS so we knew we were in it for the long haul, but quietly I hoped I would be one of those people who fell pregnant quickly the 2nd time round. But here we are cycle 15...

I had bloods taken and it confirmed ovulation so all good there, that was in Oct last yr. GP asked us to go back in Jan, for some reason we haven't made the appointment. Not entirely sure what's holding me back, I just have a bad feeling...rubbish explanation I know.

I was wondering is anyone using a clear blue fertility monitor? I'm seriously considering buying one before going back for more testing. Would love to hear your thoughts.

BranchingOut Sun 09-Mar-14 20:27:28

Maybe give her a call and see if she can add it on?

Are you being referred to the clinic? It may be worth doing this asap. I am sorry to say that my fertility consultant was a bit scathing of the results that I had brought with me from my GP eg. they seemed to test for quite a few different things at the fertility clinic and I wonder if I wasted some time getting the GP tests done. For instance, he said that FSH/LH was useless without an Estriodial (sp?) level.

I know that this might not be what you want to hear, but if it saves you from wasting time...

omama Mon 03-Mar-14 21:31:56

boo to the witch worrisome. Sounds like a call to the clinic is definitely in order.

welcome sunshine sorry you are joining us too.

had my first lot of bloods this morn - GP had ordered FSH/LH & I'm also having insulin levels checked (family history of diabetes) but I noticed she hasn't asked for thyroid tests. I thought thyroid function was routinely tested as part of the initial infertility tests - is it not the case?

I told her about my difficulty losing weight & my low BBT (& various other symptoms) so automatically assumed it would be tested (it was last time under a different GP). hmm

omama how frustrating having to wait for longer despite all the history. Hope the bloods provide some insight.
I've had a crap few days - it's been a really different month 2ww wise, and for the last part of the week I've been feeling exactly as I did when I was pg with my DS - and my normal pre -AF spotting didn't happen, so I course I've basically decided I was pregnant. And then lo and behold, spotting starts today. So that's onto cycle 14 for us. Am calling the clinic tomorrow to arrange a consultation to talk about options - maybe a hycosy, further bloods, not sure what they can do for a couple with apparently no issues (which is where we were at the last checks).

omama Sat 01-Mar-14 21:19:42

oh resipsa I know, I was at a party today & met a close friend who is currently preggers & she sat & moaned about how she hates being pregnant & hates the baby stage - I just sat thinking how much I loved being pregnant & how I would give anything to be pregnant again. sad

threepiece - dr apt was ok thanks. She was very sympathetic & understanding, but despite us having ttc for 2yrs already, because of the miscarriage, she can't do anything in terms of referral til its been a year since I last conceived (end of April). In the mean time I have to have my bloods repeated & DH has to do a repeat SA & we've just got to keep on trying. Plus I've got to try & lose a bit more weight.

Feeling relieved as AF finally arrived (2 weeks late) so I am going for my day 2/3 bloods on Monday morning.

Sunshine201457 Sat 01-Mar-14 16:34:03

Having same problem im in my 20s fell pregnant with my daughter after 4 months i was thrilled shes 5 now and my partner and i decided to try for another its been 3 years and havent been able to concieve, i finally thought this month i was pregnant after missed period. Sadly my period did show up, after getting some advice/ reading on posts i am going to see the gp to see if they can help me. It breaks my heart when my daughter asks for a brother or sister (i ways say to her maybe soon) im hoping that i can eventually get pregnant again, since weve been trying a family member has had two lovely children and is pregnant again. Im very happy for them and makes me want to have the experience myself again x

resipsa Sat 01-Mar-14 00:18:32

Just bumping this one - had a nice day with friends today but left with a niggle that I refused to/couldn't identify until now - they all have a 3 year old like me AND a baby. When will it end? hmm

threepiecesuite Wed 26-Feb-14 11:43:26

Yes, appt in March so wasn't as long to wait as I expected. Lucky to live in between 3 decent hospitals so can choose between them.
Feeling a little better as back at work this week so no time to dwell.

How did you get on with your dr omama? Our dr was an almost retired chap but a younger lady dr has taken over and she's great, very easy to talk to.

omama Tue 25-Feb-14 19:20:30

sorry you are here too Tallalime. That must be tough getting the notes from dd. A couple of times ds has said 'when we have a baby it can sleep in there' [points at spare room] but has never actually asked yet. Am dreading that point.

How are things threepiece? Have you got your appointment now? You sound quite down. Its so hard not to let this eat you up isn't it? Have some flowers

I'm now on cd39, tested & bfn so no idea what's going on with me this month. My dr's apt is tomorrow, time to get the ball rolling again & see if anything shows up this time around.

threepiecesuite Tue 25-Feb-14 19:09:15

Hi Tallalime. I feel your pain. Our dd is 4 and we've been ttc 2yrs too. DP is fine, I'm ovulating and blood tests normal. Got ultrasound and fertility clinic in a few weeks but tbh, if all's normal, they can't do much for us sad I doubt we could afford ivf.

I have hope in that 2 close friends of mine had their dds then a 7 year gap filled with anguish but finally got there just by being patient and both have lovely ds's now too.

Finding the notes must be hard. My dd talks about other people's siblings but hasn't asked for one (yet). She has two lovely slightly older cousins so at least there are other children in the family. I'm dreading her going to school in Sept. I work part time and have enjoyed our days together so much. It's all horrible isn't it.

Tallalime Tue 25-Feb-14 13:52:05

Hello all. I am now at 2yr TTC no 2. DD was 6 in January. I feel awful that we can't give her a sibling, she is so desparate for one sad

We started investigations at yhe end of last year. DH is normal, I am ovulating so I have been referred for a Hycosy which sounds a bit daunting.

Every time I think I have come to terms with it someone else announces their pregnancy, or I find a note from DD requesting some brothers and sisters.

AF is regular as clockwork. I just don't know what to do sad

omama Wed 19-Feb-14 22:33:24

Thats good news. Fingers crossed you get some answers.

Think it'll be a while before we get referred - am at new gp now & its been a year since the initial bloods were done so suspect we'll have to run through them all again.

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