Run out of tears. Positive stories & UnMN hug DESPERATELY needed please

(107 Posts)
ilikecooking Sat 30-Mar-13 06:44:44

Does anyone have a positive story to share with me please?

Battled with & overcome eating disorder of 32 years to be fit enough to have a happy healthy pregnancy which on its own took all my strength, willpower & every ounce of emotion out of me.

I've left it so late that the ultrasound for IVF egg collection has showed I only have one follicle. As if that isn't bad enough, it's so small that they think it doesn't contain any eggs.

I'm so stupid. If I'd have dealt with the eating disorder sooner rather than bury it I would have been ok. Previous tests from a decade showed that.

Does anyone have any experience of conceiving via egg donation? Or do you have any positive stories about conception from only one follicle?

Or even if you have a spare unMN hug going. Every time I think I've run out of tears, the waterfalls start again.

Hope you are having a happy Easter with lots of good eggs.xx

OpheliasWeepingWillow Tue 09-Apr-13 19:46:59

How long have you been a healthy weight? What protocol are your doctors using? Have you had an AMH test?

hopethesnowgoessoon Tue 09-Apr-13 20:02:03

Hi there, yes i was in a similar position when realised i was early stage menopause at 34 at non long met dh! We tried ivf with my 1 or 2 rubbish follicles but knew dr was right and after 2 goes w of ivf on those went with egg donor.
To cut a very long (4 yr) story short i have a very tired 2yr old upstairs not sleeping!!
Egg donation can work and you need to contact a good clinic and i went to Care in Northampton and highly recommend them.
Judt got to go and settle littleone and will check in with you again x

hopethesnowgoessoon Wed 10-Apr-13 06:56:47

ok checked in again and i really should read the whole post next time. Congratulations on getting to the two week wait and fingers crossed that nature does it bit! Be positive and try xx keep us all posted x

thaliablogs Thu 11-Apr-13 20:56:57

I am a huge advocate for Dhea, I would start taking it with your next cycle (while hoping you don't need to). And lots of positive egg donation stories although of course it requires some adjustment of your fantasies and coping mechanisms. The famous Julie of alittlepregnant used egg donation for her second son, as have many other people in the blogosphere. Hang in there, it's just an awful place to be but it can get better.

www.alittlepregnant.com/

rabbitonthemoon Thu 11-Apr-13 21:05:09

Thalia did you take dhea?

OpheliasWeepingWillow Thu 11-Apr-13 21:39:05

I should read entire thread too!

FYI I had IVF as v low AMH at only 32 and took DHEA. Worked first time.

lozster Thu 11-Apr-13 21:51:07

I took dhea on the recommendation of both my private and nhs consultant after two unsuccessful full and one frozen cycle. I am now 24 weeks pregnant after my 4th full cycle. I had my AMH tested before and after taking dhea. It had risen slightly but but not enough to take me out of the sub fertile category. Round four yielded 4 eggs - same as previous cycles. Three fertilised and developed so well that I went to blastocyst which hasn't happened before. Luck or better egg quality? Or maybe just different decisions by the embryologist? I did other things too - stopped alcohol, caffeine, increased my protein, lost a kilo, framed two four leaf clover I found and put it by the bed wink ..... Oh, actually, being serious, the other difference was my transfer. I'd always had awful transfers but this one was so bad the sister called for assistance from the registrar who did it under ultrasound guidance. This is normal in some hospitals but not mine.

Any how I took micronised dhea ordered from USA (it's not available for sale in uk as its not licensed).

ilikecooking Fri 12-Apr-13 09:04:10

Hi All - OP here smile

Good to see the conversations taking place.

My AMH is appallingly low - 0.57. The hospital asked me 3 times over 5 weeks if we were sure we wanted to continue with the cycle. They said it would be a waste of money & emotions. They have said due to this low figure, under no circumstances would they give me a second attempt at IVF.

We were told there was a 3% chance of retrieving 1 egg & 97% chance I would produce no eggs. To say I was distraught is an understatement, as you can imagine. At every stage so far we have proved the staff wrong.

I had been at my healthier weight for 6 months before going back to the GP to be re-refferred to the private hospital. That in itself was/is still an hourly battle.

I had read about DHEA & when I asked the staff if I could/should take it, they said there was no scientific evidence to back it up. Does anyone know otherwise?

This time next week is my official test date. I am actually going to do a few hours of paid employment today as I need to keep busy. I'm returning to work officially next week.

Thankyou for the chat that's going on....

Hope to see some more posts!

Cooking xx

lozster Fri 12-Apr-13 09:31:03

There are peer reviewed papers demonstrating efficacy in older women with low AMH. However, there is no scientific consensus - the papers are not sufficient to be conclusive. Dhea will never to subject to conclusive clinical trials as it is readily available and cheap. My private consultant photocopied some papers for me so I don't have electric links.

I have to say I am not 100% convinced on whether it was instrumental in my case. There is a strong element of chance with ivf so my gut says that my number finally came up. I was going to go for donor eggs in Cyprus however, I was lucky enough to be offered the last cycle on the nhs. There is an emotional toll to doing a cycle so i didn't immediately accept just because it was 'free'. However, what swung it for me was thinking that donor eggs in effect stop the clock (ie I could have done it anytime as the age of the eggs was the age of the donor not me), so, given I had already been taking dhea, I decided to give it a go. The nhs did make me pay for another AMH test with the proviso that, if the result was worse than last time, they would not do the cycle.

If you haven't already, do visit fertilityfriends as there is a mine of information there. Good luck.

rabbitonthemoon Fri 12-Apr-13 09:40:08

Cooking hang in there! I so hope you prove the docs wrong again. Do keep us posted and chat away on here to while away what must be the longest tww ever.

Loz - thanks for posting really helpful. I have a cervix like a maze so interested to hear about the ultrasound. I've actually had a cervical dilation just so they could check tubal patency so I'm hoping its helped a bit. I worry about dhea because of side effects, is this an unnecessary worry?

Also I am yet to unearth the horrors of my amh but suspect it will be very low because of my fsh which is borderline. Have you lot found a correlation?

Andcake Fri 12-Apr-13 12:11:24

Another advocate of dhea here. At 37 my amh was 0.1 eek i just checked the old paper work I had it in my mind it was higher tan that. A year later after one month of dhea I got pregnant naturally - that mc but I kept going and 2 years later after another mc had a 3rd natural pregnancy at 39 which resulted in my now 7 mo ds. As I said before I never tried ivf but basically took dhea whilst considering our options. Was refused ivf by nhs as fsh too high etc. finding funds looking at donor egg, redundancies, family issues all got in the way.
I know it doesn't work for everyone but for me dhea did the trick! I bought mine from biovea. I played with the dose a bit as I think at first it was too high as my normal acne got really bad.
Anyway good luck with 2ww x

beatofthedrum Fri 12-Apr-13 12:30:27

Good luck Cooking. Wishing you every bit of luck, amazing how you are defying the odds at every turn, just hold tight and keep cautiously positive. I have no experience in what you're going through but I remember very clearly how it feels to long for a baby.

leeloo1 Fri 12-Apr-13 12:46:08

Good luck Cooking. Congratulations on staying strong and getting this far and fingers x'd your little one hangs in there.

Not sure how 'woo' you're willing to be, but I was recommended to try EFT and whilst I can't often be bothered to do the tapping bit (there's lots online/on utube if you want to try that side) I do find the 'affirmations' helpful. Basically you find whats bothering you and repeat "even though I ??? I deeply and completely love and respect myself". Its kind of soothing and comforting.

I found it comforting while I was waiting to see if I'd miscarried, then (a year later) during the early stages of this (currently 18wk) pregnancy.

I did find it hard to come up with the right words, but eventually went with "even though I want to stay pregnant I deeply and completely love and respect myself".

The other thing that helped me connect was to lie with my hands on my tummy and imagine all the warmth/blood/nutrients/love in my body flowing into the baby.

Not sure if any of that will help you, but as there's nothing much you can do to influence the outcome, then thinking positively and trying to love and nurture yourself is about all you can do. x

ilikecooking Fri 12-Apr-13 16:06:34

Wish I'd had more time now to look further into DHEA.

I am doing lots of "woo" stuff & have been for a while. I've been seeing the nutritionist, I was having (& am still having) acupuncture someone that is Zita West trained (she also does holistic massage, believes in guardian angels etc)

I also had hypnotherapy, I listen to calming tunes, I saw a herbalist & I am thinking of seeing a crystal therapist as this seemed to have helped someone I know. I do cuddle my tummy & DH kisses it a lot & tells it to behave! The acupuncturist did suggest I imagine that my tummy is the angel protecting the embryo, nurturing it & wanting it to flourish.

I am naturally a positive person & tend to see the good in every situation.

I did go to fertilityfriends, thankyou. I visit it frequently.

Andcake Fri 12-Apr-13 18:29:58

Try and stay positive. I've also read about people saying keep your extremities warm in the 2ww. I'm not v 'woo' hated acupuncture with a passion but yoga helped me with the emotional ups and downs and feel I had some control over my wayward body.

Coconutty Fri 12-Apr-13 18:36:45

Have got my fingers crossed for you cooking and look forward to hearing good news from you.

AThingInYourLife Fri 12-Apr-13 18:51:08

Hope those cells are cooking nicely smile

ArabellaBeaumaris Fri 12-Apr-13 18:56:33

Good luck Cooking.

ilikecooking Sat 13-Apr-13 17:45:28

Is anyone around? The tears have been going all day & they just won't stop. I just would like one little symptom that it's worked, I would give anything today to have that. Getting myself so worked up I can't even breathe properly or see the keyboard clearly.

rabbitonthemoon Sat 13-Apr-13 17:59:53

I'm around cooking - I'm giving you a huge virtual squeeze. No symptoms does not mean anything. I reside on the 10 months plus thread and no symptoms seems to mean nothing. Whatever happens you WILL be ok and you WILL be a mum. It's ok to cry your heart out but these awful feelings will pass and don't underestimate the role hormones are playing too.

ilikecooking Sat 13-Apr-13 18:11:58

I'm not strong enough any more. I thought & hoped I was, but today has shown I'm not.

Thankyou. I am trying to keep busy. How are you?

rabbitonthemoon Sat 13-Apr-13 18:39:07

Today doesn't mean you aren't strong. You battled an ED - you are a warrior woman! Ivf is tough. I'm pretty sure such days are part of it so just ride the storm as best you can. I'm ok. But I haven't started AC yet so am in the eye of the storm? When is your otd?

ilikecooking Sat 13-Apr-13 18:45:48

When are you being tested for your AMH levels?

OTD not for another 8 days yet. I have every sign that it hasn't worked. I have such strange symptoms of pending periods that I actually got referred by one specialist in the symptoms to a second hospital, to then a third hospital over a 10 year timeframe, none of the professors linked them to periods until after that decade.

There were 3 Christmases I was admitted to hospital due to the severity of pain I was experiencing. That, sadly, is what I am experiencing now.

There wasn't any point in fighting the ED. I've let myself down & my family dow yet again.

Coconutty Sat 13-Apr-13 18:47:02

Try and relax, cooking I know it is easier said than done, but can you find a good film to watch, or something else to keep you busy?

Coconutty Sat 13-Apr-13 18:48:30

No you haven't let anyone down. You are alive, lots of people don't survive an ED.

You will be okay, honestly.

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