Anyone else feel stuck in their jobs whilst TTC?

(18 Posts)
SingingInTheRain1 Mon 25-Jun-12 16:16:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

minipie Mon 25-Jun-12 16:21:47

I was in a similar situation whilst TTCing last year and early this year. I hated my job and it made the unsuccessful ttcing worse in a way, as I kept thinking "I should have been on maternity leave by now". But I didn't want to leave as I wanted the maternity benefits and I also didn't want to start a new job and then go off pg shortly afterwards.

I think what helped me was setting a deadline for myself - if I am not pg by X month then I will start speaking to recruiters. At least that way it didn't feel endless. And I did start doing some research into other jobs, updating my CV, etc in the meantime so it felt like I was doing something.

As it happened I fell pg 2 months before my deadline and am now on the countdown to maternity leave. I wish you the best of luck.

Have you seen your GP and had the initial tests?

SingingInTheRain1 Mon 25-Jun-12 16:34:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

minipie Mon 25-Jun-12 16:43:17

Ah ok - sounds like you are just at the stage I got to when I found I was pg (just after appointment with fertility clinic and just before I was due to go for a Hycosy). Very good luck to you.

Just marking my place - will add comments another time as I'm too busy just now!

mrsconfuseddotcom Fri 29-Jun-12 21:22:03

Yes me!

I went to university and ended up being a PA for almost 12 years. I worked really hard but just felt pigeonholed and 'misunderstood' despite working for some very powerful bosses. Nobody seems to know what the hell you do most of the time!

I stuck with it initially as I was on my own and had a mortgage to pay. As time progressed, it was to pay for the wedding and then the prospect of maternity pay. I am now 41 and after three years of ttc I have given up hope. I have also kicked the PA job into touch and am working in a different field. I don't earn as much at the moment but hopefully will in the future and am 100% happier.

Time is on your side. For the time being, I would focus on finding a job that makes you happy then when you do fall pregnant it will hopefully be a win win situation.

Best of luck.

PoppyWearer Fri 20-Jul-12 10:49:53

Yes, this happened to me, I killed my career staying in my job for four years whilst ttc.

I did eventually conceive and returned from maternity leave to be made redundant!

I'm now a SAHM with two lovely DCs but I have no idea how to rebuild my career. The industry I worked in before is pretty much closed to me now.

Set yourself a deadline, please don't make the same mistake as me if your career matters to you!

Good luck!

Devilforasideboard Fri 20-Jul-12 11:14:02

I changed jobs from one which would have been ideal for combining with having a baby to one which was much more demanding and involved a longer commute. It turned out to be the best decision I could have made. Two years down the line I'm still not pregnant but the new job has turned out to be really interesting and now I've settled in is much less demanding. A massive bonus is that my new PCT funds three IVF cycles where the old one would only have funded one.

Attagirl79 Thu 02-Aug-12 17:44:16

I am totally in the same position. I stayed in my job to have my LO and went back assuming I'd get pregnant quickly again. Now a year later I am stuck, keen to get my mat leave rights but thinking about resigning as I think the stress might be contributing to me not conceiving...so difficult. Especially as the need for treatment looms and ofcourse we need my income for that....

JRsandCoffee Fri 03-Aug-12 11:10:08

To a certain extent I've done the same. I am now pregnant but I have spent the thick end of three years twiddling my thumbs on the fringes of my chosen career which incidentally I fell into via my work as a PA/ Office Manager and then a second distance learning degree.

I wouldn't beat yourself up over it but if you are either very unhappy or very sure about what you'd rather be doing you might want to consider moving. I took the view that there was an awful lot to be said for lack of stress and a job I could do standing on my head while TTC. However unlike you I quite liked PA work and what I do now (property management - PA with added plumbing and leaks.....) is not so very different so you may feel differently about the stress thing if you actively dislike what you are doing. My employer has been absolutely brilliant during IVF and the first two trimesters and that has been worth it's weight in gold for me.

Also, generally don't underestimate the number of folk who end up feeling "on hold" while TTC, I know quite a few who have ended up feeling a bit like that, you definately aren't alone!

Good luck :-)

lizziebach Thu 09-Aug-12 21:56:35

Yes I've done the same thing, well sort of. I'm in sales which I ended up having to go into because of lack of other jobs round here. I worked in a call centre for 12 months part time and I was undecided whether to stay there or not as obviously the part time hours would have been great for childcare. (Glad I didn't ask they've made 100's of people redundant this year inc the part timers). At the time we were not using contraception but not actively ttc. Job 2 and I found I had a complete and utter bitch of a manager. She made one woman who got pregnant there's life hell, the woman didn't have an easy pregnancy and I swear half of it was down to stress due to this manager. She then heard a comment where I implied I wouldn't be upset if I got pregnant (I'm 27 married 2 years it wasn't hard to imagine I might be happy) and she was vile to me ended up having to go to the director and complain of bullying. She also told me outright I wouldn't be able to come back to work part time even though other people in the department work part time. I was actively ttc for about 12 months of this with no luck. I've just left my last job and started a new one. Its probably going to be more hours and responsibilities and I really don't want to get pregnant straight away because it would not be ideal. But the people there are lovely I've known then slightly for awhile and I am already less stressed. So although I feel like I've put my ttc back, it might end up helping as lots of stress is not good. Plus I didn't want to be in my old job still in 4 years time hating every second of it still ttc. But it is such a hard decision to make and tbh I don't think there is a right choice as such.

Tenmonthsandcounting Tue 11-Sep-12 08:46:31

Yes I totally understand your dilemma. I don't want to leave my job because the maternity package is great, but I'd I get pregnant I will have I leave as there is quite a lot of travel involved mon to fri. Just wanted to point out legally your employers have to give you time off for appointments etc- they aren't being good this is a legal requirement. And if you are already only on smp why not move?!

JRsandCoffee Tue 11-Sep-12 11:50:52

Hmm, I'm not sure that you are entitled to time off for appointments for fertility treatments so maybe anyone reading might double check for their own peace of mind, I'd be interested to know for definate!

I did check up on this pre IVF and my rovings through various websites etc led me to believe that strictly speaking you are only entitled to time off once you are actually pregnant it seems there is no statutory obligation for an employer to give time off for fertility treatment.
http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Parents/Moneyandworkentitlements/WorkAndFamilies/Pregnancyandmaternityrights/DG_10026556

However, the situation varies and it seems most line managers will not enquire too deeply about "hospital appointments" generally which gets you through the first few appointments. Once things progress a lot of companies are very sympathetic and others less so as rightly, wrongly or indeed horribly it is seen as a choice by some and they just stick rigidly to the rules and make people take holiday. I was lucky and was able to build my appointments into my day so that I still did my hours without having to miss any work time and also had a hugely supportive employer who was brilliant throughout and I felt I could be open about the situation with. Sadly this is not the case for some who feel that their careers could be compromised (illegal but still a real fear for some), or feel that this is an intensely private matter and they don't want to share it with the workplace. In these cases it can get very difficult and I know of instances where most of the years holiday has been taken off to allow coping time or people have just ended up getting their GPs to sign them off to let them have the time to deal with all the emotion and for some physical side effects etc.

Tricky, would be very interested to hear for absolute definate! Apologies for the ramble!

Tenmonthsandcounting Tue 11-Sep-12 14:02:08

Ah sorry I meant you are entitled to time off for antenatal appointments erc once you are pregnant not for fertility treatment! Fertility treatment definitely varies with employers!!!

Treats Tue 11-Sep-12 14:08:56

I stayed with a job I disliked while TTC for my first for the same reasons as you. I was worried about starting a new job and immediately getting pregnant and I didn't want to put TTC on hold.

Then I got made redundant. To add insult to injury, I was selected for redundancy over some of my colleagues on ML because my employers were legally obliged to hold onto their jobs while they were on ML.

and then I started a much better job which I still do today. Got pregnant 6 months later.......

Seriously - do not put your life on hold while TTC. You don't know how long it will take or what twists your life will take in the meantime. If you want to make a change, then do it now. Nothing will change your life as much as having a child will, and you don't want to look back and regret the opportunities you missed before they arrived.

summerintherosegarden Thu 13-Sep-12 13:18:47

A bit late to the thread but anyway!

I have just started fertility drugs (have been TTC for a little over a year) and am at the same time working towards a complete career change - i.e. getting the necessary experience, starting distance learning, etc.

If these drugs work and we conceive then I'll put career plans on hold for a while, but if they don't work...and nor does IVF...and then we move to adoption...well, it could be a good 4/5 years before we actually have children, and I want to spend those years in a job I enjoy.

I would absolutely echo all those who say - don't put your life on hold.

I've also found that having something besides children to work towards has been massively rewarding and really taken my mind off a lot of the stresses and neverending waiting of TTC.

Devilforasideboard Fri 14-Sep-12 09:29:40

Just a quick note on the appointments: my employers (public sector) have a policy of allowing time off for hospital appointments where the employee has no control over the time and date of the appointment. As fertility treatment comes under that heading I can have as much time off as I need. DH's employers have been brilliant as well which was completely unexpected as he has a much more inflexible job than I do. I've actually been surprised by how lovely everyone we've told has been (I'm not sure why but I was expecting to have to fight for time off etc).

buzzybee123 Sat 15-Sep-12 20:05:22

its nice to know that I am not alone in this, I had 2 miscarriages and have been TTC for a year with not a wiff of a BFP. I hate my job but it has good sick leave and Mat Pay, also my husband was made redundant 3 years ago and has only managed to get temp work, he keeps looking for a perm job and is considering anywhere in the country, which makes it harder to decide what to do, stick it out, or go for a new job with the risk of loss of mat pay and possibly having to leave it depending on where DH gets a job confused also I hate my boss who is on Mat leave right now, I don't really fancy working with her again.

I don't tell my employers why I need the time off, its just GP/hosp appointment.

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