this teacher 'running away' with a 15 year old story

(117 Posts)
germyrabbit Thu 27-Sep-12 21:08:19

why on earth is it such a big story?? i know she is underage but he is hardly kidnapping her.

SaraSidle Thu 27-Sep-12 21:09:22

Think it might be because he's a teacher? Maybe because there were issues undisclosed to her parents too?

UnChartered Thu 27-Sep-12 21:10:28

perhaps because since leaving her parents home, she hasn't made contact?

and she is a minor, whatever her part might have been

hmm

germyrabbit Thu 27-Sep-12 21:11:43

i just don't understand why its front page news. maybe it's a slow news week

She's 15 (a minor), he is 30 (a teacher).
Two very good reasons it is News and the third reason i assume is that Megans parents are distraught and want her home.
Her parents must be beside themselves with worrysad
It doesn't really matter whether she started or not Forest should have had morals & self control, especially as a teacher!

CommunistMoon Thu 27-Sep-12 21:26:15

It's a bit prurient. Hope she is ok, that's the main thing. sad

OhNoMyFoot Thu 27-Sep-12 21:29:53

Erm because a fifteen year old has been taken out of the country by an older man without her parents permission, it's not a fucking school trip!

germyrabbit Thu 27-Sep-12 21:32:47

erm, she gave her permission, i remember being pretty savvy at 15

BlueStringPudding Thu 27-Sep-12 21:34:14

Police have issued a European Arrest Warrant for child abduction - so yes it's a serious crime.

About time Blue, atleast the police are now doing something.

sameasyoubutdifferent Thu 27-Sep-12 21:38:18

She's not old enough to give her permission to leave the country with her 30 year old teacher without her parents consent!

Portofino Thu 27-Sep-12 21:39:53

Um the guy is her teacher and therefore had a duty of care to her that does not involve taking her away to a foreign country without her parent's knowledge - no matter how savvy she is or isn't.

Cynthia32 Thu 27-Sep-12 21:40:56

They're going to make it as prominent in the press as possible in the hope she sees it and makes the decision to come home. Whether she made the choice to go is irrelevant - she's 15, she's a minor in the eyes of the law and she should be home with her family and working towards her gcses! Not running off to France with her teacher! The teacher has also massively abused a position of trust and the school knew there were issues. They hadnt taken action quick enough and the parents were not informed until it was too late. We see several stories on here where parents worry whether their 15 year old is old enough to do this or that. Think of it from her mother's perspective - her Daugher in a foreign country with a much older man and hasn't heard from her in a week. I'd be worried sick. That's why it's a massive news story. If they kept it hushed up Megan would think it was all okay and it would seem that the school hasn't done anything wrong.

modifiedmum Thu 27-Sep-12 21:41:38

So what if you think you were "savvy" at fifteen?? I also thought the sun shone out of my arse when i was 15, my dad was a waster, my mum was useless and i was "right about everything" a year down the line i realised i was a thick teenager and didn't have a clue about anything no wisdom or life experience. You post comes across really pathetic. Come back to me when a a peado teacher runs away with you 15 year old kid and you find out she's been groomed since 14 and tell me your take on the story then.

lisad123 Thu 27-Sep-12 21:41:48

Because she's 15, for all we know he may have been grooming her since she started school at 11!

Portofino Thu 27-Sep-12 21:41:54

I can just imagine how it is going down. She will be missing her mum, and he will be begging her not to do anything to avoid him getting into trouble. It is atrocious! And if that was your 15 yo OP, I bet you would have something to say.

Isntitironic Thu 27-Sep-12 21:42:33

Not all 15 year olds are savvy - plenty are impressionable and could be taken advantage of...

SmokyClav Thu 27-Sep-12 21:45:10

I wonder how 'savvy' you'd have been at 15 if you'd been groomed for a few years? hmm

DioneTheDiabolist Thu 27-Sep-12 22:08:00

I think that the media coverage is becoming voyeuristic and a bit pervy. They have ceased to print news about this story and instead are gossiping. I'm starting to find it a bit creepy.

Lifeispainless Thu 27-Sep-12 22:16:55

I wonder what the reaction would be if the teacher had gone off with 15 year old boy?

exoticfruits Thu 27-Sep-12 22:26:47

The same I expect. I have DSs and I would be furious if an adult, in a position of trust, had abused that trust.

exoticfruits Thu 27-Sep-12 22:28:06

I don't understand why it would be different for a boy. confused

sittinginthesun Thu 27-Sep-12 22:30:14

Sure it would be the same for a boy too.

ScorpionQueen Thu 27-Sep-12 22:31:29

15 is still a child. I was having a relationship with an older man at the same age, fully consensual, but now I'm an adult I realise just how wrong it was. I was not emotionally mature enough to cope with such a relationship but that doesn't become apparent until years afterwards.

I thought I knew it all and was all grown up but if I could travel back in time and have a word with myself I would. 15 year old me probably wouldn't listen though.

I hope she comes home soon.

SavoyCabbage Thu 27-Sep-12 22:32:26

She's only 15. And her Mam says she's scared of the dark so she can't be that savvy.

She hasn't contacted anyone for a week. Not even her friends.

He was her teacher. Teachers aren't allowed to shag children. It's illegal.

sittinginthesun Thu 27-Sep-12 22:34:05

This story has really reminded me of school. We had a teacher who left the school when we were 16. A couple of years later, he appeared again as my friend's new husband.hmm

Another teacher (female this time) apparently had affairs with two sixth form boys. She got drunk at a sixth form party and confessed all.

Not good. I remember thinking that I was still very much a child at 16, and the thought of any relationship with a teacher was just terrifying.

Legally it is abduction.

exoticfruits Thu 27-Sep-12 22:35:44

I do get fed up with the double standard- boys are just as vulnerable.

Lifeispainless Thu 27-Sep-12 22:36:27

I meant there would be more of an uproar if it was 15 year old boy.

There wouldn't be any comments about the boy being possibly responsible or mature enough.

SevenYearBitch Thu 27-Sep-12 22:40:35

i find it difficult. i have a 15 yr old dd and i met my DH when i was 15.....i cant help thinking this is the wrong thing to do - this is not going to bring them home if the threat of him being locked up for abduction is hanging over them.

we were discussing this at work yesterday.

one very sensible woman asked me if it were my DD would i want her to bring home a 30 year old professional man or an 18 yr old drug dealer.....

got me thinking.

and i met dh when i was 15. been married 21 years, 22 next year. he was technically and adult - i was technically a child.

OrangeandGoldMrsDeVere Thu 27-Sep-12 22:42:02

Why do you even need to start this thread?

She is 15. A child.
He is twice her age, a man in a position of power and trust.
She is his pupil.

Her parents are distraught. They do not know where their daughter is.

What are you so surprised about?

Fucking minimising abuse yet again.

Evolve.

exoticfruits Thu 27-Sep-12 22:45:34

The gender doesn't matter - an adult was abusing his position of trust.

CommunistMoon Thu 27-Sep-12 22:49:39

V honest post, SevenYearBitch. Wouldn't have risked the flaming myself.

SevenYearBitch Thu 27-Sep-12 22:54:15

ah, see thats why i keep namechangin!
its true. im just saying what my truth is, and how i would feel about my DD, how i acted at 15.
i was not promiscuous - my DH was my one and only. being 15 does not mean you are not capable of big life decisions. being 30 does not mean you arent.

VintageEbonyGold Thu 27-Sep-12 22:55:17

No adult should be shagging children, end of

A child has been abducted and removed from, not only her family but her country. The same coverage happens for all children abducted

If they've had a sexual relationship he will also be a pedophile and should be banned from working with children/put on the sex offenders register

People making excuses is a sad reflection of the culture we live in where children are frequently being reported as prostituted by adults

Children are not fuck toys for adults

VintageEbonyGold Thu 27-Sep-12 22:55:35

No adult should be shagging children, end of

A child has been abducted and removed from, not only her family but her country. The same coverage happens for all children abducted

If they've had a sexual relationship he will also be a pedophile and should be banned from working with children/put on the sex offenders register

People making excuses is a sad reflection of the culture we live in where children are frequently being reported as prostituted by adults

Children are not fuck toys for adults

SevenYearBitch Thu 27-Sep-12 22:59:29

just what if he is not sleeping with her? DH did not touch me, i was 15, he was 21.
he was a gent. perfect gent.
i still more or less lived with him from the age of 15 to now......he did not touch me until i was very much legal....we got engaged at 17.

at 15 i was homeless, at home i was abused. i very much was a young head on old shoulders and i knew what i wanted.

i think the mass generalisations are not going to help regards this case. This is not going to bring them home.
is it?

she clearly thinks she loves him. why would she contact her family knowing hte moment she does, he could be arrested?

id go to ground in her shoes.

SevenYearBitch Thu 27-Sep-12 23:00:06

*old head on young shoulders i mean.....doh!

Vintage he isn't a paedophile. She's 15 and has gone through puberty. Paedophilia is Pre-pubescent children not just someone under tha age of consent.

Yeah, I'm sure you're right, he must be a lovely bloke, to go off with her leaving her parents mad with worry, while he's in a position of authority over her and she's underage.

Honestly, seven, I'm sorry you had that experience but you cannot excuse his actions. Think about how her parents must feel.

chipmonkey Thu 27-Sep-12 23:05:23

SevenYear, you were a child when you met your dh. You and plenty of other 15 year olds may think that they are savvy and streetwise but they are still children

As to your "sensible woman" asking if you'd rather have your 15 year old dd bring home a professional 30 year old man or an 18 year old drug dealer, well isn't that like asking if you'd rather eat poison or break a leg? I would hope that a 15 year old girl would do neither!

My ds1 is 16, my ds2 is almost 14. I check that they are eating properly, insist on knowing where they are at all times and make sure they do their homework/study. Because they are children. They don't think they're children, they think they're coolness personified and I'm a fuddy-duddy who knows nothing but legally they can't have sex ( we're in Ireland so higher age of consent) drink alcohol or smoke. Laws there to protect children.

SevenYearBitch Thu 27-Sep-12 23:05:34

i am. really i am - my dd is the same age.
if she was seeing a man, any man, and felt she had to run away i would be devastated.

OrangeandGoldMrsDeVere Thu 27-Sep-12 23:05:57

I was 15, he was 27.

It was not a happy ending.

Does that balance out your story Seven?

OrangeandGoldMrsDeVere Thu 27-Sep-12 23:08:32

An 18 year old drug dealer or a 30 year old professional man?
So an young man who may well pull himself out of the dealing of drugs (that hey - lets face it, that 30 year old professional may be snarfing like there is no tomorrow), or a 30 year fully adult male who still prefers to 'go out with' children half his age.

Ummm, I reckon I would take my chances with gansta bwoy .

SevenYearBitch Thu 27-Sep-12 23:09:19

my DH cared for me way more than my so called parents.

we are together 22 years later. we have 2 children. we are both professionals.

at 15 i was not a "child" - i had live through more at 15 than most do in a lifetime. thats just a fact and is my truth, dh did not abuse me, he did not even try to touch me, we were in our late teens when we had sex, got married.

all i am saying is that everyone is assuming the absolute worst, and in doing this, and issuing arrest warrants, they are giving this couple absolutely no choice in coming forward if they want to be together.

they are pushing them futher and further underground. putting aside the morality issue - is this going to help in any way at all??

chipmonkey Thu 27-Sep-12 23:13:12

Seven, I'm glad it worked out well for you, I truly am.
But even when I heard that my 17 year old cousin was dating a 25 year old man, I was suspicious of his motives and so were my aunt and uncle. Abusive men often prey on younger, more vulnerable women.

The guy is her teacher. He was in a position of trust and had been grooming the girl, this had been going on since she was 14. Her newly married teacher. Giving her extra "maths lessons" Bleurgh!

Well, this is a serious abuse of power by a man who is either a predator or utterly, utterly immature and weak (ie stupid enough to consider the relationship one of 'star-crossed lovers' himself rather than having cynically groomed her and gutless enough to think that running away with her is the best solution).

You are not this girl. Do you know her? Or her parents? Or him?

Can you be sure that he's a 'perfect gent' (to use your words)? It seems unlikely given he has taken her out of the country and her parents don't know where she is.

Yes, it is going to help to be very clear that men preying on underage girls isn't ok. No matter how grown up they feel or how often one person insists on saying 'oh, well, it was fine for me so it must be ok for everyone!'

If you survived a fall off a ten-storey building, would you ask us all to jump, too?

7YearBitch: I'm glad your story had a happy ending, but part of the reason for that might well be that your DH was only 6 years older than you rather than twice your age, and that he was prepared to wait and give you space and time to grow up a bit.

chipmonkey Thu 27-Sep-12 23:16:19

But what would you suggest they do, Seven?

Do you think the police should just let things go. Tell her parents "Let's just wait till they come home "
If I were in her parents position, I'd be beside myself and hoping the police would be pulling out all the stops to find my daughter.

SevenYearBitch Thu 27-Sep-12 23:16:21

no one knows what the truth is here except him and her. thats all im saying - im not defending him.....im not saying its right, im just not passing judgement and im saying that whatever the truth - issuing a warrant is not going to bring them home is it?

its going to push them further underground.

give that girl time and she will want to contact her mum. she will surface. but allow that to happen - dont push them further away by threats or arrest. what is in coming home for either of them now?
fuck all is what.

You do seem to be defending him, by saying it's excusable.

It won't 'push them further underground'. It could actually stop men from thinking it's somehow ok to be in a relationship with an underage girl, couldn't it? Which - sorry, but no matter how nice you think your bloke is - would be a positive thing.

VintageEbonyGold Thu 27-Sep-12 23:22:17

If he had nothing to hide he wouldn't have abducted her.

If he has nothing to hide he should face up to running off with a child he had a duty of care to.

And yes, if he has had a sexual relationship with her it is pedophilia, just because a child has physically matured for a sexual relationship does not mean she/he has mentally or/and emotionally matured for a sexual relationship.

Get the girl home and let the families/ss/police deem the legalities of their "under suspicion relationship"

SevenYearBitch Thu 27-Sep-12 23:22:43

my bloke saved my life. he did not abuse me - he was the one person in my life at that time who did not.

yes, a personal perspective. no - im not excusing what this teacher did, but im saying now deal with whats happened - threats of arrest - it will push them underground.

MysteriousHamster Thu 27-Sep-12 23:24:03

Seven, you're also forgetting the fact that he's recently married. This isn't some wonderful forbidden love story.

If it was a relationship made to stand the test of time he would've resigned, divorced his wife, waited.

Instead, as soon as the police got a whiff about it, they ran off together. She's left her whole life behind. His is destroyed.

Considering they don't seem to be on anyone's radar at the moment, if I was her parents I'd be worried about her safety, not thinking they might be happy and have children one day.

Smellslikecatspee Thu 27-Sep-12 23:24:52

Seriously?

If he was a 'perfect gent' and he was worried about her personal safety he should have got Social involved, or the police or tha pastoral care at the school.

Instead he took her out of the country.

He took her, he drove, he paid.

I am sorry 7 about how your childhood was, but just because you met a good man really doesn't mean this is the same.

By running they've lost the chance to prove it

SevenYearBitch Thu 27-Sep-12 23:29:17

god im not for a moment thinking its some love story....i have a DD of 15, please do not misunderstand me - i would be horrified. i would. i would serve his balls to him on a plate.
but i also know my own story. im not stupid enough to think that is typical.

all i am trying to say is that to get them back, this is surely the wrong way to go about it?

i work within the law. regardless of my opinion, i do the right think according to the letter of the law. but i just think, that the most important thing now is to engender trust - and locking him up, if she truly cares about him, is not going to do that, its not going to bring her home.

thats important now. her parents are frantic and she cant phone home for fear of what will happen next.

SevenYearBitch Thu 27-Sep-12 23:34:38

and this is clearly why i need a break from MN. i keep getting into ridiculous arguments that are not mine to have.
i used to come on here to talk crap and smile. now it makes my head hurt so i think its time to have a break. name changing is no longer enough!

i think, that mostly, i see things in a fairly dispassionate and common sense way. but that doesnt fit knee jerk reactions.

i do this day in day out. same arguments. same people. in RL and on here.....MN just became a busmans holiday! that wasnt meant to happen. i used to come here for a break!

time for a proper break now i think.

KRITIQ Thu 27-Sep-12 23:35:05

I don't think "threats of arrest" will make a difference. The man would have known before he absconded with his student that he was breaking the law and risking arrest. It's not like he will have forgotten this fact and suddenly get all edgy if he hears about an arrest warrant in the media.

I'm in no place to judge your relationship Seven and it sounds like it has worked well for you. But for every much older adult and under age child who become involved romantically or sexually and it "works," there will be far, far more where it constitutes child abuse and where the child could continue to suffer throughout their lives. I've read some ghastly blogs just in the past couple days from women (and some men) who were betrayed by adults in positions of trust who used their power, their maturity, their resources and took advantage of the child's vulnerability, willingness to trust, desire for approval, etc. Decades later, a case like this one has triggered painful feelings of what happened. Imho, this is much more often the scenario, not the happy ever after.

Prattled on alot about this earlier today on this thread at Thu 27-Sep-12 14:34:50.

It's not just about this specific case, but about the discussions being had about the circumstances that I find really worrying.

KRITIQ Thu 27-Sep-12 23:37:03

Soz to hear it feels rough at the moment Seven. I can't follow name changes so no idea if I've had any discussions with you before this. Wish you well whatever you choose though.

SevenYearBitch Thu 27-Sep-12 23:40:34

before i go, i must reiterate that my DH did not abuse me, touch me, or get involved with me sexually in any way until i was 18.

he was my life saver. absolutely. he is 46 now and im 40.
he took me in as a homeless 15 year old with abusive waster parents. i havent seen them since.

he did not abuse me. my parents did. he saved me.

this is not the norm. i know that. im not an idiot with rose tinted specs on. but yes i need a break from here, for all the reasons i posted above.

Wetthemogwai Thu 27-Sep-12 23:52:36

Fwiw I agree with seven

The more threats and publicity they see the more they're going to want to hide. I don't know of course but I think if I was her I'd be terrified of getting both of us into trouble and heartbroken at being torn between the man I 'love' and my family.

I don't at all condone it and will not make excuses for that man BUT like seven said I'm sure there must be a better way to get them to come home

InvisibleHotPinkWeasel Fri 28-Sep-12 00:04:36

Is it not also in the press because the police want it to be?

MysteriousHamster Fri 28-Sep-12 00:12:39

I have no doubt your relationship is a good one Seven, but I don't feel this current one in the news is a healthy one. Not when she's had to run away.

I see what you mean about emphasising the arrests but the thing is he's not stupid, he must know what the score is regardless of how it's reported.

It's a bit concerning that she apparently hasn't been in contact with any of her friends.

IF they are truly in love then Forrest as the adult should have insisted they waited till he'd got a divorce and she was at least 16 & left the school & then started dating all above board. The family would not have liked it but IF they were genuine then as with seven they could have proved their critics wrong & been very happy.

But to do it this way smacks of abuse. The school are not coming out of this very well either, although I concede we do not have the whole story ...yet.

His poor parents on the news today were very brave, helping put out an appeal- they must be so embarressed as well as desperately worried about their son & his side of things (however misguided that might be)

Wetthemogwai Fri 28-Sep-12 01:22:04

How do we know she hasn't contacted her friends and they're covering for her? And if she hadn't I think it's quite probably because she's terrified of being caught.

Everyone's stuck between a rock and a hard place really I mean if she comes home and is reunited with her family which I guess she will have to eventually then she'll lose the man she loves and hell get into horrendous trouble and for the police it's probably more likely they'll come home if they let them do it in their own time to some extent but then if she's in danger then he has longer to do something awful.
She will come home in her own time but will it be too late by then? That seems unlikely obviously as she went willingly but it also seemed unlikely that a teacher would be stupid enough to run away with a pupil so who knows!

Either way, what he's done is incredibly stupid and I hope they're both returned home safe

He isn't a paedophile, regardless of whether they've had sexual contact. A paedophile is, by definition: As a medical diagnosis, pedophilia, or paedophilia, is defined as a psychiatric disorder in persons who are 16 years of age or older typically characterized by a primary or exclusive sexual interest in prepubescent children (generally age 13 years or younger, though onset of puberty varies). The prepubescent child must be at least five years younger than the adolescent before the attraction can be diagnosed as pedophilia.

This girl is 15, and clearly from her photographs, not in any way prepubescent. This does not excuse what this teacher has done, but it doesn't help anyone to throw about incorrect and sensationalist language.

mathanxiety Fri 28-Sep-12 02:14:00

It is in the press so much so that someone will recognise them and they will be apprehended.

For the girl's sake I hope this will be sooner rather than later. The revelations about the school are appalling. He clearly operated in an environment where the welfare of children was not a priority.

brdgrl Fri 28-Sep-12 02:19:51

i know she is underage but he is hardly kidnapping her.

um, yes. yes, he is.

mathanxiety Fri 28-Sep-12 02:25:06

And I do not for one moment imagine there is any 'they' to wanting to hide. This man knows what awaits him if/when he is apprehended. I doubt he will find prison congenial. He will (hopefully) never teach again.

He at this moment has nothing to lose whereas the girl stands to lose everything. Presumably he has got what he was after in her -- sex and an ego trip. Cold, hard reality is going to really bite. I sincerely hope he does not decide to do anything irreversible because he feels he is cornered.

However, I also think the press needs to keep this story on the front pages. There is a chance someone will recognise one or both of them and she will be able to come home.

foxinsocks Fri 28-Sep-12 04:24:11

Groomers, paedos often excuse their behaviour because they were in love and their victims 'loved' them. Sounds like he had been grooming her for years. Despicable twat.

Animation Fri 28-Sep-12 07:25:46

I'm also not so sure this should be kept on the front pages.

And I hope her family are as supportive as they say they are.

Strange that she's not contacted them - just hope this girl can keep her wits about her because it is possible he could be panicing.

adeucalione Fri 28-Sep-12 09:55:16

On Wednesday the press were reporting that the French authorities weren't looking for him, and hadn't done ATM or mobile phone checks, because he hadn't committed a crime in that country.

I thought - great, this is probably a ruse and will make him more likely to break cover and use his credit card.

But then yesterday they announced the international arrest warrant. Couldn't they have issued the arrest warrant without publicising it? I also think that the more pressure that is piled on them, the more desperate they will become, whether that involves a stupid irreversible decision, a move out of the EU or going deeper underground.

Thank you lilblonde for wording it better than me smile

Animation Fri 28-Sep-12 10:40:53

On the front of the Mirror "Mum is in pieces come home."

Don't see how this helps Magen? - besides it making her feel bad and guilty, as if it's all about her mum. It's about Magen who needs the adults to be strong for her - giving her encouragement and containing HER - or shown to be containing in the reporting of it.

The papers need to stop whipping up this kind of hysteria- and reporting it this way.

I asked my 16 year old daughter what she thought. She said that there are a few very good looking teachers in her school - but would imagine the teacher would have to do A LOT of persuading for you to ever think of going off with them.

Animation Fri 28-Sep-12 10:44:13

Sorry her name is Megan.

Animation Fri 28-Sep-12 13:12:53

Just seen breaking news! - Megan's been found in France!! And he's been arrested.

Good news. smile

WeAllHaveWings Fri 28-Sep-12 13:13:37

Looks like they've been found. He's been arrested and she been taken into protection here

WeAllHaveWings Fri 28-Sep-12 13:14:01

xpost smile

DioneTheDiabolist Fri 28-Sep-12 13:21:49

Fox, what has been reported that would suggest that he has been "grooming her for years*?

Oh that poor kid. Her head must be in a right old mess. She almost certainly considers herself in love with this wretched man, and now she will be feeling that it;s all her fault that he's going to prison. I hope her parents treat her with patience and kindness.

Animation Fri 28-Sep-12 13:25:22

"I hope her parents treat her with patience and kindness"

So do I, and try not to make it about their upset feelings.

meditrina Fri 28-Sep-12 13:25:44

They've been found, thank goodness, and it seems the media coverage did lead play an important part in their discovery. So it served a purpose.

Also it seems there may have been computer entries/blogs on Forrests PC that caused concern, fantasies about strangling someone etc. Might not have meant anything but they couldn't take chances I guess.

Puts a different slant on things. confused

Hulababy Fri 28-Sep-12 14:41:31

Thankfully they have been found. He has been arrested and she is now in protective care/

I worked as a secondary school for many years. I saw and heard many a 15y girl who thought they were mature, grown up, capable of all manner of things. I never actually met any who truely were grown up and ready to deal with complex adult emotions. They could do so on a 15 year old level, but not as an adult. A school child is NOT an adult. TBH a 16 or 17 year old school child is not an adult either in my experience.

TBH this girl has now shown that she is not as mature as she might like to think by running away with this man and not considering the worry she would be leaving in her trail.

But tbh all that is beside the point. The huge issue here is that he is her teacher and has been forming a relationship with this girl since she was 14 years old. He is at least double her age. It is wrong on so many levels, not least because he is committed a huge breach of trust. Teachers are not allowed to have relationship with their school pupils regardless of their age. Even if the teacher hd been a student teacher, just 3 or 4 years old - it would have been wrong and against all codes of practise. It's a crime.

The boy/girl thing I don't get. It would definitely be big news if a female teacher ran off with her 15y male pupil. Possible more so tbh as the situation would probably be seen as more unusual.

Hulababy Fri 28-Sep-12 14:44:37

The were found because of the French media publishing pictures. Someone recognised them. So yes - it would appear that it was a good idea to keep having them on the front pages.

Hulababy Fri 28-Sep-12 14:47:02

Would also appear that France has similar laws to use regarding teachers and pupils. So even though she is not "underage" a France the fact that he abused his position of trust as a teacher is an issue.

Hulababy Yes I think THAT is the bigger deal actually.

He abused his position of trust and it makes my blood boil that thousands of good honourable hardworking male teachers will now have to work that bit harder to gain the trust of the parents of their pupils, thanks to that prat.

His school must also face some tough questions about their safeguarding policies and training.

VintageEbonyGold Fri 28-Sep-12 15:23:06

Exactly Bossy.

Hulababy Fri 28-Sep-12 16:13:42

Apparently the school has already had a similar situation previously - staff and pupil.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-19717837

A Governor too... so this is the third such offence at that school over the last 3 years.

reddwarf Fri 28-Sep-12 16:39:27

Would everyone be so nice with her. After the sheer relief of knowing she was ok i think i would be absolutelt incandescent. I mean all she had to do was a quick call to at least reassure everyone she was alive and well, even if she had no intention of coming back. really outrageous. I would serious struggle with that. I think the pain inflicted would last a lifetime.

VintageEbonyGold Fri 28-Sep-12 17:18:54

Reddwarf, really???

So it's all down to her behaviour? You have no idea if she was stopped from using a phone/email wether by force or manipulation.

How about the relative authorities crack down on "responsible" adults abusing their trust. How about an severe look at child protection issues. How about a crack down on schools not investigating suspicsions better?

Why are you blaming a child??

reddwarf Fri 28-Sep-12 17:38:32

I'm not. I would want the book throwing at him. But my dc know how much i worry if they are half an hour late home. I assume they could get an inkling of thenterror and distress their disappearance would cause.

The blame for the situation lies with him. But to not even get word out that she was ok is just terrible. While i think i would totally blame him, i think i would also be very hurt and angry that she didn't even let me know she was ok. This is just a hunch. Unless you experience that situation i guess you'd never know how you would feel. There's no way of knowing if he tried to prevent her calling. The news report i heard was that they were strolling along hand in hand when they were apprehended, so the dream wasn't over for them yet.

I can get that he is totally to blame for the situtation, running away with a kid is just unforgiveable. But does she not have any responsibility whatsoever for any of her behaviour or her choices? Kids from the age of 10 are deemed to know the difference between right and wrong in law. She must have known not to call was very wrong.

Otoh, she was clearly messed up and unhappy to run off with a man twice her age in the first place. Goodness only knows how messed up and angry she!s going to be now sad

Animation Fri 28-Sep-12 18:25:54

Reddwarf - I think rather than take it personally - you'd have to try and get your mind off yourself and understand what she's been through - the whole experience from her shoes, and resolve to be be patient and focus on giving her the love and support she needs. She was the victim here and will be distressed and damaged to some extent - and needs time to recover.

It's not the time to be 'hurt'.

Reddwarf: While lightning can strike and all that, it sounds like this girl was 'groomed' by the teacher for quite a long time. Which does at least suggest that she was feeling a bit neglected and deprived of attention at home, for her to have fallen for it. And the way the parents' appeal was framed as 'We are suffering horribly, get in contact' does sort of suggest that they might have been a bit more concerned with their own feelings than hers all along.

mathanxiety Sat 29-Sep-12 02:59:03

I would imagine that with the best will in the world a 15 year old English girl would have a hard time finding a phone and making a call from France, maybe with no Euros, maybe without enough French to speak to an operator, and I would say her phone had possibly died and she had no way of charging it as electricity is different on the continent. And that's before any suspicions that she was prevented from contacting her family or friends by Forrest, or prevented from leaving his sight.

exoticfruits Sat 29-Sep-12 07:28:16

I rather imagine that they were both in the bubble of a fantasy world and caught up in the 'romance' - some excuse for a 14 year old but none for a 30yr old teacher.

Hulababy Sat 29-Sep-12 13:45:22

Even well rounded, happy and non neglected teenagers can fall for being groomed. The fact that she fell for this man's fantasy and agreed to runaway does not mean she has to have had any sort of unhappy home life. I think at the moment it is unfair to point the finger towards the girls family. Maybe more will come out as time goes on, but it is dangerous to think this can only happen to neglected or unhappy children. It sadly can happen in any family.

exoticfruits Sat 29-Sep-12 13:49:52

Very true -Hulababy.

purplewednesday Sat 29-Sep-12 18:12:50

When I was 16, in 1985, I began a relationship with my 30 year old youth club leader.

My Mum was horrified and tried to point out it was an abuse of a trusting teacher -pupil relationship.

Of course, I couldn't see this.

To cut a very long story short;

We lived together as soon as I was 18 and got married when I was 22. It seemed the natural progression for me. A few years later I tried to end the relationship and the emotional blackmail started. We eventually divorced 10 years after we had got together, but I have been labelled as the Bad Guy because I left For No Good Reason.

The intoroduction of the law criminalising this in 2003 was a good thing.

Poor Megan probably has fallen hook line and sinker for him but he will have had the life expereince to know how to persuade her (also known as grooming). He may think he is in love but the whole situation is very wrong. He probably has some Peter Pan thing going on - dosn't want to grow up and still thinks he is a teenager.

I feel very sorry for his wife. She must be going through hell.

KRITIQ Sat 29-Sep-12 21:57:27

Purple, I've known a few stories not unlike yours where it's not as simple as "happy ever after. I've been aghast at many comments on the internets this past week insisting he was "silly" but not bad, that theirs is a sweet story of love and they should be left alone (and the worst ones, assuming she some how seduced and let him astray because that's what teen temptresses do you see.)

This article in the Guardian gives a bit more realistic picture of what often happens next when an adult in a position of responsibility and power abuses that trust by embarking on a sexual relationship with a young person in their care. I wish all those people caught up in their Romeo and Juliet fantasies could be forced to read this.

Yes, one of the biggest problems with these older-man/younger woman relationships (when the woman is 16 or over but much younger than the man) is that he considers himself her teacher and her superior, and it nearly always goes horribly wrong when she grows up enough to start asserting herself and wants a relationship of equals. It's the ones where that doesn't happen that are likely to be valid, loving relationships.

lovechoc Sun 30-Sep-12 19:58:37

When DH and myself saw the 15 yo on TV, the picture of her, she looked NOTHING like a 15 yo. Her face was full of make-up, she could easily have passed as an 17 or 18 yo, tbh. Girls seem to be very grown up these days. Growing up far too quickly IMO.

FreddieMercuryforQueen Sun 30-Sep-12 20:09:48

So?

KRITIQ Sun 30-Sep-12 20:10:51

Lovechoc, why should it matter whether the photos you've seen depict her as "looking older" than you think a 15 year old should? Whatever she looked like on the outside, she's still a 15 year old child emotionally, psychologically and socially. Are you suggesting that because you think she "looks" more mature, the teacher's actions are, I dunno, somehow more excusable?

Wetthemogwai Sun 30-Sep-12 20:14:41

I think maybe lovechoc means (and by all means correct me if I'm wrong) that some people underestimate 15 year olds now, they're all different of course but a lot of them are far more grown up than 'we were'. This doesn't excuse it at all but if she was a mature 15 and he's a young 30 (I heard his solicitor say that today) then mentally there may not have been such a big difference between them

lovechoc Sun 30-Sep-12 20:21:41

thank youwetthemogwai - at least someone knew the path I was going down! hmm

No, I don't think any teenage girl should be taken advantage of if she wears make up or not, but my point was that just seeing her photo on the TV did not show a girl who would typically look like a 15 year old (or my own opinion of what a 15 yo should look like, but times really have changed it seems!). Her hair and face was beautifully done, very mature looking for a teenage girl so her appearance could easily be mistaken for her being an older woman. DH said should could easily have passed for a lot older.

lovechoc Sun 30-Sep-12 20:22:42

Get off your high horse please, KRITIQ because you've deliberately misinterpreted my comments and do not think any teenager should be attacked (that goes for teen boys as well, btw).

lovechoc Sun 30-Sep-12 20:23:57

My first thoughts when I saw it on TV were 'statutory rape', but it's still not been disclosed what happened between the pair of them although I'm sure most of us can speculate as much as we want to...

chipmonkey Sun 30-Sep-12 23:09:32

But, lovechoc, this guy was her teacher. She does look older in some photos but when he first clapped his eyes on her, she was probably in her school uniform. And he knew full well how young she was.

mathanxiety Mon 01-Oct-12 05:24:43

They are not a lot more grown up now than they were before. They are every bit as vulnerable as they have ever been to predators. The proof of that is that they fall victim to predators and take off to France with them despite the fact that the predators are married, will need to work in order to keep a roof over their heads, etc., they believe boys when they tell them they love them and end up having babies, in droves, and can't believe it when the boy moves on and there they are saddled with a baby and no prospects. The only people who could possibly believe in Luv to the extent those unfortunate 15 year olds do are children who still believe in fairy tales. Because that is what they are.

Fishwife1949 Mon 01-Oct-12 07:58:41

Just read he stole his wifes passport ad passed of megan as jhsi wife in order to get into france

Dear lord so not only did he abduct a 15 year old possibly have sex with her, abuse his postion he also has commited FRAUD and THEFT

Fishwife1949 Mon 01-Oct-12 08:00:23

chipmonkey and lets not forget he knows her dad as they used to work togethr this is not a case of man meeting a girl he belived to be 18

Fishwife1949 Mon 01-Oct-12 08:02:05

Also one last point she is in GCSE year and most likey he has runied any chance of her doing well she wont be able to attaned the school she was at nor any in the local area

And due to the press most likey her whole family will have to move chance are she will get a big fat U in her exams if she takes them at all

lovechoc Mon 01-Oct-12 09:19:00

If you're going to abduct a child you may as well commit theft and fraud whilst you're at it. go the whole hog.

Moanranger Mon 01-Oct-12 16:42:39

A couple of things haven't been mentioned. My perspective - my DD now 20 went through a very hormonal stage at 14; some internet grooming occurred and DP & myself dived in to put a stop to it - not with an adult, but an older boy. I think 14-15 is a very vulnerable age - bodies mature but minds are not. My outrage at this story is that while it was going on, school were suspicious but parents not informed. I believe school confronted them in May. This I find completely unacceptable and parents should have been informed immediately. When we had the above issues with DD, police actually confiscated her PC & mobile and investigated the groomer. At a certain point during this time I had a very direct conversation with DD and one of her clueless classmates about their lack of emotional maturity. That is something a hormonal teenager doesn't understand until they actually have it - much later in life. I hope that school is sued up one side and down the other by the family.

Just read she only turned 15 in June! She is a long way from 16 and consensual age

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now