Make sure your zombie plan is up to date...

(133 Posts)
StayFrostyDMisaVileRag Tue 18-Aug-09 10:56:57

Science ponders zombie attack

"If zombies actually existed, an attack by them would lead to the collapse of civilisation unless dealt with quickly and aggressively."

No shit Sherlock.

cornsillk Tue 18-Aug-09 10:58:40

Wow - what a job. How can I become a researcher in California?

TheDMshouldbeRivened Tue 18-Aug-09 11:01:07

do you think they sat watching zombie movies for hours on end grin

brokenspacebar Tue 18-Aug-09 11:03:34

Lol, I love a good zombie plan, they obviously didn't get in touch with mn.

StayFrostyDMisaVileRag Tue 18-Aug-09 11:05:42

yes, they ahve not paid any attention to the 'can they survive under water' dilemm. LAZY.

mayorquimby Tue 18-Aug-09 11:12:04

depends completely on what type of zombies we're dealing with.
if it's the old style dawn of the dead original/shaun of the dead then we'll be fine.
if it's the modern 28 days later style portrayal of zombies, i.e. ultra fast an strong then we're all fucked.

TheCrackFox Tue 18-Aug-09 11:13:26

TBH if all corpses came back to life I think civilization wouldn't stand a chance. The numbers would be far too huge to be defeated.

I think Zombies can survive underwater. After all, they can survive death.

We would have to hope that at the same time Planet Earth would be invaded by billions of aliens. A perfect storm, if you will. Zombies v Aliens would allow humans the time to hatch an escape plan to Mars.

I just love the fact that the bloke in charge of the project is called Smith?-it's-not-a-typo-the-question-mark-is-part-of-his-name.

cornsillk Tue 18-Aug-09 11:20:41

Would there be animal zombies as well? That could be quite sweet really.

TheCrackFox Tue 18-Aug-09 11:24:27

Depends what animals Cornsilk. Guinea Pigs I could cope with, rabid wolves might be a different situation all together.

Hopefully, the brainiacs in California have got all bases covered.

HeadFairy Tue 18-Aug-09 11:25:45

Did I misread it or isn't it research by scientists in Canada?

Or did it come from the lab of professor Denzil Dexter?

mayorquimby Tue 18-Aug-09 11:30:37

i'm pretty sure zombies can't survive water. hence the survival plan for all should be, find a sniper rifle and plenty of ammo. make your way to a light house island. wait out the apocolypse. return to land and be imminently more pwoerful and successful in the new civilisation becuase there'll be less competition and chances are no one left alive will have the patent rights for microsoft and shit like that so you can steal them.,

TheCrackFox Tue 18-Aug-09 11:36:25

Mayor, that is indeed an interesting plan. Basically, in a nutshell, we all need to relocate to somewhere with lax gun laws and lots of water. Those buggers from Chicago will conquer the brave new world. They have it all sewn up.

StayFrostyDMisaVileRag Tue 18-Aug-09 11:40:23

>>I just love the fact that the bloke in charge of the project is called Smith?-it's-not-a-typo-the-question-mark-is-part-of-his-name.

I lol'd at this. Especially cos he is called Robert Smith?. I wonder if he gets a lot of people going 'Robert Smith? THE Robert Smith?' so thought he might as well change it. or just really likes punctuation.

SmallScrewCap Tue 18-Aug-09 11:40:37

Mayor I love that patent rights for Microsoft are part of your zombie plan.

Can I nab patents for wind turbines and solar panels for my plan? Let's share the plagiarism around fairly, yes?

HeadFairy Tue 18-Aug-09 11:41:05

Mayor's plan does assume a fairly good level of accuracy when shooting zombies (I'm assuming you need a head shot) If just one got ashore you'd be knackered.

SmallScrewCap Tue 18-Aug-09 11:42:19

oh and the Beatles' entire back catalogue (you will need a solar-powered CD player to go with that)

StayFrostyDMisaVileRag Tue 18-Aug-09 11:42:52

Surely one of the only upsides to a zombie attack and the end of civilisation as we know it is the opportunity to get rid of Microshit once and for all and pretend it never happened? In the new world order we should all just have Macs. seriously.

cornsillk Tue 18-Aug-09 12:10:32

Would insects become zombies as well? Does zombification only apply to mammals? What about fish?

HeadFairy Tue 18-Aug-09 12:12:04

Zombie spiders?? <shudder>

mayorquimby Tue 18-Aug-09 12:31:55

it's going to be like the gold rush in the west between everyone trying to snag shit in this utopia i envisage.

and seeing as a)i don't believe zombies can swim and b) i've dedicated a healthy amount of my life to the works of playstation and sega mega drive i reckon i've already acquired the requisite accuracy. also remember. even if one got a shore i'm in a secured life houes, plenty of time to casually take my head shot while they run around in circles snarling.

cornsillk Tue 18-Aug-09 12:37:13

Zombie olympic gold medalist swimmers will definitely be able to swim.

TheDailyMailHatesWomenAndLemon Tue 18-Aug-09 13:06:44

So we either recruit the gold medallist swimmers to our Army Of Resistance before they get zombified, or we have crack sniper units to take them out post-zombification before they get to the water. Mind you, they probably couldn't swim if a fellow zombie had eaten half of their legs, so it would all be down to context.

This plan would all have been a lot easier had the Zombie Plague struck during the fallow period when British swimming was a bit rubbish. Zombie gold medallists wouldn't have been a significant problem then, whereas now they'd be all over the place.

cornsillk Tue 18-Aug-09 14:25:01

Agreed. Perhaps the government should consider scrapping swimming lessons in primary school to guarantee fat zombies who can't fetch a brick in the deep end whilst wearing pyjamas.

sheepgomeep Tue 18-Aug-09 17:57:16

zombies are my secret fear.. seriously. I have nightmares about them blush

I read Cell by Stephen king a couple of years ago.

Basically a deadly virus infects everyone who is unlucky enough to be on a mobile at the same time. It turns them into zombies {really thick but violent} then something happens and they become intelligent and extremely violent.

I could'nt use my phone for days after reading it

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