Mumsnet Talk

Did any of you watch that documentary that was on C4 last year, "The World's Biggest Penis"? That was scary....

message to men with a 'hare' - find a 'deer'.

But when your yoni and his lingham are well-matched, however ,it's blissful.

that is very true desperately. i have experienced a size problem in that respect and with one of them, the discomfort was such that i never went back for any more... ouch.

It can actually be quite unpleasant, even painful if you have a small 'yoni', and your partner has a large 'lingham'

My boyfriend is half Peruvian and half English, very tall with a fantastic physic (and a huge nose I might add!) Unfortunately he inherited the South American weeney penis genes and laid backness (laziness) so he looks good until you "look down there". Shame, but his bod is a good detraction !

well ive had a bit of just about everything...so to speak. and averages count for F all when you get down to it one-to-one. have had many a surprising moment, pleasant or otherwise.

whether i can remember enough detail to be the resident expert/consultant on this topic and back up this assertion with 'fact' is another matter...
- at not rmemebring, rather than me 'playing the field...'

dp is a v accomplished scotsman, btw. and being as how ive tried a lot of alternatives, i know im v happy to settle down with him

and yes, size does matter. but no, its not everything.

is this one busy irishman who has been getting himself about, do you think?

The one Englishman I had was not terribly impressive, I had a Dutch boyfriend who I was actually a little scared of at first , but he was especially talented. One swedish guo was soooo tiny. American guys vary but most are a good size.Thats it. Not very well traveled am I?

I had an Irish lover once, and he was stacked .

Also an Englishman who certainly measured up.

I'm very pleased with my Scotsman

My Irishman is generous and its true about their size. There must someone on here who has had a bit of everything who would know for sure.

themoon66, I have "known" an arab, who was tiny and useless, so they must come in all shapes and sizes!

I am torn between studiously ignoring this thread and popping up to 'defend' dp.

In the interests of accuracy, I would like to point out that ime not all men of Indian ethnicity have small penises.

But averages never do mean that.

Inquiring minds want to know (I have stayed clear of this thread by the way).

Golly...which nationality was the best overall?

WEll, I was a total slapper in my twenties (it feels soooo long ago!), and would confirm Indians are small, but very generous lovers, but Brazilians and Irishmen are very well endowed but rather selfish - I know which one I would prefer (although of course the ideal is large and generous!! )

Incidentally, when DP and I were in Germany recently we bought Durex Love condoms and only noticed afterwards they are for the "little devil in you" !! great marketing! (and proudly have to add they were too small for us to use! )

I think men of African descent are suppose to be ample and gifted.

Never shagged an asian that i can remember But I 'knew' an arab who was very large and talented.

Or hoovers, UCM .

Think Marra's EPIS

I like big, throbbing ones.

hee hee, I don't like big throbbing ugly ones that look like a leg, yuch.

We'll agree to disagree, Rose .

For me, size is part of the chemistry.

Nah, size is totally irrelevant. My little asian dh is my best lover times 100. Its personality and chemistry that does the trick!

Wow I feel short changed I've always been able to tell the diffrence.

How can you mistake a todger for a LEG!!! The mind boggles.....

Height isn't a sure measure of corresponding willie size, I can tell you, and certainly not of girth.

Did he have really small legs?

one guy I slept with I was feeling really sorryfor cos I couldn't find it, and i thought it must be really small. Was preparing not to show disappointment etc. when I suddenly realised that i'd mistaken it for his leg. MOre or less, anyway. He must have got a bit light headed when he had a hard-on. Not Asian though (different continent).

Thats one I had never heard before.

The things you learn on MN!

And he would take up more room in a condom than many European men I have 'observed'.

There may be averages - but in my well-travelled experience you can't generalise or expect everyone from any particular group to conform to the average or live up (or down!) to the stereotype.

LOL at wheelie bin.

I changed my name for dh's sake!| He reads mn and would be mortified.

Yes they do, I can't believe they needed to fund a 2 year study to find that out!! It's general knowledge in the Indian community. But they did invent the kama sutra, and size isn't everything!

Indian woman probably do have smaller fanjos, I mean look at the size of them in general. My MIL is less than 5ft, and her mother barely reaches my chest.

Apparently eastern asians are even smaller but I wouldn't know about that!

Once read magazine article years ago about something called "The Well Hung Jury". basically it was a club for men with big schlongs. I think the yardstick was as long as a coke can when (ahem) limp. Anyway it was some women's job to MEASURE them up. What a job beats teaching any day.

Anyway don't know whether any indians in this club, but could try googling it.....

The article was in some magazine, like "Marie-Claire", not in a "Nuts" or "Loaded" type magazine.

On second thoughts the thought of measuring all thoses massive wangers makes me feel a bit ill. All the men in it were horrible sleazeballs as well.

all i can remeber about the kama sutra was somethng about sucking, and nibbling a mango....

Were they "X-Large" and "Mahoosive" ?

went to family planning and were informed that now two sizes are available.....

I liked this summary on Wikipedia:

Chapter One: Advice of the Assistants on the Choice of Lovers
Chapter Two: Looking for a Steady Lover
Chapter Three: Ways of Making Money
Chapter Four: Renewing Friendship with a Former Lover
Chapter Five: Occasional Profits
Chapter Six: Profits and Losses; Reflections on Doubts Concerning the Advantages and Disadvantages of Relations
Chapter Seven : Ultimate FUCK.........

it was a kind of manual in its time

It's a fabulous read if you are into old texts or religion/philosophy

Wikipedia summary

fox it isn't really a MANUAL

it's a document of indian philosophy which originated about 3,000 years ago

haven't read the manual but I saw the video as a teenager and it almost put me off sex for life

How on earth would we know?

"In these unequal unions, when the male exceeds the female in point of size, his union with a woman who is immediately next to him in size is called high union, and is of two kinds; while his union with the woman most remote from his size is called the highest union, and is of one kind only. On the other hand, when the female exceeds the male in point of size, her union with a man immediately next to her in size is called low union, and is of two kinds; while her union with a man most remote from her in size is called the lowest union, and is of one kind only. In other words, the horse and mare, the bull and deer, form the high union, while the horse and deer form the highest union. On the female side, the elephant and bull, the mare and hare, form low unions, while the elephant has and the hare make the lowest unions. There are, then, nine kinds of union according to dimensions. Amongst all these, equal unions are the best, those of a superlative degree, i.e. the highest and the lowest, are the worst, and the rest are middling, and with them the high 1 are better than the low. There are also nine kinds of union according to the force of passion or carnal desire"

Gosh they spent A LOT of time thinking this through, didn't they?

Ah yes the Kama sutra you are right

Been years since I read it

"Man is divided into three classes, the hare man, the bull man, and the horse man, according to the size of his lingam. Woman also, according to the depth of her yoni, is either a female deer, a mare, or a female elephant."

My yoni echoes, I fear

From my (hardly scientific) sample of one asian boyfriend I would agree with this

When we were in Asia, I asked a friend to bring some condoms over with them on their visit as the ones on sale were too small and the larger fit were always running out due to the expat community buying them . I think Asians in general have smaller ones than Western men.. my husband told me a funny story about the kids whispering once when he went to the toilet, they were amazed! (and I'm not telling you where he measures up in western terms before you ask!)

can't say I've ever noticed a height to penis size correlation (or feet size for that matter )

but I tend to disagree and really don't think size matters that much unless you are at either end of the extreme scale (so either too long or really tiny).

i agree with fio

So, Fio, are you saying that taller men have bigger willies? Right, then we know how to size them up before we leave the bar.

But, I thought it had more to do with the size of their feet.

in relation to womens fanjos tho fio

not the mans body

well that's true in my somewhat small experience (snigger)

I think it's probably pretty off-putting as a man if you put a condom on that's all baggy - it says 1 in 5 fall off them so they must be WAY too big in errr all manners of size (so length, girth).

NQC, I thought that too. Isn't it the circumference that matters when fitting a condom? Or maybe we don't want to go there.

3 to 5 centimetres shorter!! ...hung like a goat rather than the horse

The HIV risk is a big problem though

not to put too fine a point on it!

If I remember my Kama Sutra I beleive that the size discrepancy is referred to in terms of horse and ........ferret? Gawd I don't remember as it happens ...some sort of delicately-hung beast.

NP.. my man only comes once a month to steam clean mine... it never seems to smell though

like a rl bush, mp?

youll get squirrels nesting before long

I've got some leaf stickers that wrap around mine which I find is a highly effective camouflage

i get a man in to hose mine down once a week cos dh cant be arsed

I can get four black bags in mine

Small willys are also the cause of errm fanny farting, I was told!! Too much room cause and air-bubble type thing

LOL again HoHoHo!! Gross, eh?

The worst shag of my life was when I had a b'friend with a HUGE nob - he seemed to think that having a big one was so much of a turn on that no other effort was required. I can still vividly remember him waving it around then saying "Well, are you ready yet?"

Most offputting....

Fanjos like wheelie bins!! LOL!! Speak for yourself, Morningpaper!

bucket crouch

All this size talk ladies makes me wonder whether Indian ladies are just a little bit more petite than us, who obviously have fanjos like wheelie-bins?

You never know

he had sour grapes is all.

i had one like that. he needed viagra.

I cannot remember how he responded tbh was over 10 years ago, thankfully

He obviously as not happy about it though as he made some reference to me and a sack of potatoes in front of our friends!!

Cringe!

Yes, I had that moment w/one fella. But chose to keep silent.

Instead, I told all my friends .

My sisters last 2 boyfriends have been indian.Lovely guys but both tiddlers in that dept God I hope she doesn't read this!

Mellowmas's posts are strongly reminding me of an, well, I was about to say ex boyfriend, only he wasn't, just a conquest really. I worked with him. Gorgeous. He is from Sri Lanka. When we finally slept together, I'm sure I said "is it in yet?" too.

Have told dh all about him and we've nicknamed him chipolata.

Bizarre story, tbh. Why would condoms being too long be a problem? There's meant to be some left at the base, so what difference does a bit more condom left over there make?

What did the guy concerned do or say?......

<cringe>

but also

<snigger>

I believe I also said "Oh right its in then!"

<<<snort>>>

mellowmas NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

lol

and that whole 'he makes up for it w/his tongue.'

k, so i'm supposed to spend hte rest of my short life never knowing orgasm from sex anymore b/c he's got a maggot?

no.

I once mistook a willy for a finger

pmsl . Have to go away and calm down now.....

god yes expat

no point in stringing them along is there

Anyone who says it doesn't matter has a small one.

I'm ashamed to admit, I have in the past dumped men who didn't . . . erm . . . measure up.

size matters

it truly truly does

rofl

Expat, LOL

LOL! My response to 'It's not the size of the ship it's the motion of the ocean,' has always been, 'Well, you can't go out to sea in a dinghy.'

But as we all know...size doesn't matter does it? [sarky emoticon]

i was tempted to post this on friday, but decided to see how long before anyone else picked up on it lol.

a 2 year survey.

OMG!

No personal experience here.

here