Madonna adopting a child?

[fartmeistergeneral]

Sorry if this has been done, can't see it anywhere.

I'm quite stunned by this actually. She is adopting a one year old boy who's mother has died. The father of the child said (reportedly) that he was sad to say goodbye to his son but he would have a better life in America.

Is this right?

I heard on Jeremy Vine last week a woman who was adopted from Africa and lived in London and who was now a successful lawyer or some such thing. She said she had had a great life, but would have preferred to stay with her family and her people. Interestingly she said that people always said to her 'you're so lucky, the opportunities you've had in this country' and she always replied 'what? I'm lucky that my mother died in childbirth and that I was removed from my entire family?' Interesting to hear it from that side.

I don't want this to be a discussion on adopting from other countries, that's different.

What I'm saying is, Madonna has more wealth than she could ever spend in her lifetime. Surely, instead of removing this boy from his family she could have paid for the entire village to have a new school, new water system, new farming machinery, whatever they needed to make their lives better. Instead of removing the child from his father. It smacks of selfishness that she wanted just wanted the child, and left the rest of them in their poverty. It's like, Madonna has so much, money, everything and what's left? A project?

Please don't be offended all you who have adopted abroad. That's not the issue here, it's the wealth of the woman and the difference she could have made.

I don't know, maybe I'm wrong, what do you all think?

[lulumama]

i always get a slightly uncomfortable feeling when super rich uber talented white women adopt poor underprivileged non -white babies

it's like - look at me, i'm so accepting and so warm and wonderful, i'll take this poor underprivileged child and give him/her a far better life than they could have dreamed of

although in all fairness, i believe angelina jolie has invested a lot of money in the african region she adopted from....

but you have to wonder at the motivation.

although i might be a complete and utter bitch and it is being done for all the right reasons...

in RL , i know someone who has adopted a Guatemalan child and brought her up in the north west amongst various other places and has struggled . perhaps enormous wealth is a buffer against all of this though.,...

[fartmeistergeneral]

yes, lulu, you see my initial reaction used to have been 'oh, better life' but having heard that woman on Radio 2 I have a completely different opinion now.

jeremy asked her what her life would have been like had she stayed in Africa and she said 'loads of children, working the land, walking 3 miles each way to get water' etc etc which to us sounds bloody hard life, but the thing is that doesn't make it a 'worse' life if you know what I mean. Hard, certainly, but she would have had her father and sister there, and been surrounded by her own people.

I don't know, it leaves a bit of a bad taste to be honest.

[lulumama]

is madonna going to ensure that this little boy is aware of his roots and heritage...will he go back regularly to see his father and other relatives...or will he simply be paraded in front of the slavering media as an example of how PC she is...sorry to be cynical, but you do have to wonder..

[fartmeistergeneral]

Felt for the father. Imagine seeing your son being carted off by Madge and feeling that you weren't able to provide for him (according to her). How awful.

[LadyTophamHatt]

what I don't understand is that for you or me to adopt a child we'd have to wait years, with X amount of checaks and who knows what else


If you've got a few quid in the bank then it seems you can pick and choose like you do in sweet shop.




didn't she once do a interview saying that neither she or Guy had ever changed a nappy??
Don't suppuse you want to do such an awful thing if you could pay someone to do it, would you??

[lulumama]

i know, does really make you question the motivation, is it like having the coolest handbag - one gets one,they all want one...

[cupsnakes]

Why did she have to have that baby? What's so hard (for a woman in her position) about finding a genuinely orphaned baby?

[fartmeistergeneral]

I'm sure there's a part of her that thinks she's 'doing the boy a favour' but had no-one suggested the huge difference she could have made to the whole village?

It's just that level of wealth hacks me off. It's not spendable in a lifetime.

Like Jonathon Ross (who I do love by the way) sitting at Children in Need and asking us to send in a £5, when he could give away one of his £18m package and change people's lives forever.

Sorry, going off point there.

[Tommy]

Agree LadyTophamHatt - my brother and SIL adopted and all of us got put through the mill by the SWs. It was a long process as well.

I wonder how Madge's other children feel about it all too - where are they at the moment?

[fartmeistergeneral]

Exactly. There are many many children out there with genuinely no-one who will be left to die. That's different.

Oh I'm all cross now!

[lulumama]

or adopting a disadvantaged child from this country - you only have to look at the money NSPCC has to raise to see many kids here need help...or children being shunted from home to home, family to family..

[Issymum]

I've got just two minutes to answer this as I've just put my two inter-country adopted children to bed and now need to make some supper. The 'better life' isn't just about healthcare, education, basic necessities and the opportunity to make some life choices, although you can't imagine how much those matter until you haven't got them, it's about belonging to a family. It's about having the enduring and unconditional love of a parent(s). Would it be better for the child to remain in its birth country? Of course, but whilst adoption happens all the time in developing countries, unofficially amongst extended family members or villagers, if a child is in an orphanage, he or she is very unlikely to find a family locally. And yes, it is indeed bloody unlucky to lose one's birth family and be taken from one's country, but if I had to choose between life in an orphanage in my birth country and life in a foreign family, I would choose family life. But I wouldn't think that I was 'lucky' to have just those options.

So should Madge adopt? Why not if she is a suitable adoptive parent (don't know what the deal is with her homestudy and DFES approvals!) and her motivation is the right one to parent a child who is genuinely without a parent who is able or willing to do so. However, if her motivation is to improve the lives of Africans, then clearly adoption is not the most effective way to do it.

[Greensleeves]

But the boy she is adopting wasn't an orphan, Issymum. He was all his bereaved father had left.

It sickens me, actually.

[lulumama]

i absolutely accept everything you say issy - but it is the motivation of women like Madonna, who have everything, but want more and to show the world they have it....

.if she has money to grease the wheels, that doesn't mean she is the best person to adopt .....its fraught with difficulty and i think a well meaning celeb could cause more harm to international adoption than they could consider..

[northerner]

I assume Madonna adoting a child is no different to a non celeb doing it. Yes Madge is a multi millionaire and could make a difference to the village, perhaps she has. Perhaps we just don't know.

[kittythescarygoblin]

I've often suspected that for people like madge and Angelina Jolie that these children are like fashion accessories, a bit like putting a small dog in your Gucci handbag. As someone mentioned earlier, if you've got that much money then pay for the boy to stay with his family and have a decent life.

[lulumama]

if she is northerner, it's not been publicised..

[fartmeistergeneral]

heard this on the radio again today, apparantly she is now ready to bring the boy back here and is speaking to his dad today.

Some 'expert' said he was sure she could give the boy a 'better' life, but I'm not sure it's as simple as that..........

[HRHQueenOfQuotes]

"Since then the child had been cared for at the Home of Hope Orphan Care Centre in Mchinji, a village near the border with Zambia."

Surely this tells us something - the father obviously isn't able to look after the boy - or he wouldn't have been at the centre in the first place! And I'm afraid it's not just as simple as 'throwing money' at a village to improve the lifes of villagers. There's no point in having one productive village in a hugely poor area.....as the other villagers in surround places wouldn't be able to increase the economy of the productive village as they'd have no money! (something charities such as Oxfam realised in recent years, and have since changed their way of using money given to poor countries).

HOWEVER, having said all that, I do wonder what Madonna's motives are. Jolie I feel is different - I think she really does care about the places she visits....Madonna I fear it's just a publicity thing.

[HappyMumof2]

Message withdrawn

[donnie]

agree with your OP fartmeister ( great name!). Madonna does all manner of bizarre and IMO offensive things to court publicity like her dalliance with the Kabbalah - she is such a bloody social tourist.Remember how she drew up lists etc of potential fathers for her first child before ' selecting' the 'lucky' man? obviously children, to her, are accessories.

[kittythescarygoblin]

If you don't have to lokk after the od course they can be.

[eenywifemum]

I saw the father on an interview and he seemed quite proud and pleased that his son was being adopted by her.

I do agree that she could just buy the whole village a better life but maybe she is doing things LIKE that as well as adopting the boy and those things just dont generate the publicity adoption does. I wouldnt be too hasty to label her as a cruella deville type character.

[Twohootsandapumpkin]

Knowing someone personally who is going through the adoption process and the amount of 'hoops' they make you and your family jump through, I can't see how Madonna (taking into consideration her past life etc) can be seen as a 'perfect role model adoptive mum'. Sorry.

Wasn't she recently in some concert, extremely scantily clad, crown of thorns etc, being whipped on a cross like Jesus by some equally scantily clad bloke and her children were there in the audience (incidentally this is the woman who won't let her kids watch TV because of what they might see) !!! (and don't get me wrong I am no prude but really!).

I don't really give a sh*t what she does or doesn't do in her life, but all I can say is if she were going through the 'proper' channels she would NOT be allowed to adopt in this country on her past. It's just a shame that her money abroad has allowed her to do it!

I also heard somewhere that she has invested quite heavily in the village - and I think built them some kind of kabbalah temple - like that's what they need!

Can you tell I am ?

[dinny]

that's horrific, Donnie!

can't believe she's never changed a nappy either - that means she's never been with her chidren without 'staff' there too! mad!

re OP - good point. you do onder what motivates her - hope it is just that she wants to do good.