Sir Roy Meadow etc Part 2

[Janh]

Good idea, beety!

[jmg]

Bunglie thats fantastic news about your son. Did you text him back - what did you text??

Defo think things are looking up for you now!!

Keep up the hard work.

Jxx

[tigermoth]

wow, bunglie, I am so pleased. Your son is a darling. Have you texted him back yet? I agree about striking while the iron is hot, texting your son and arranging to meet him asap. A pub lunch sounds great, pick a quiet one with a nice corner to chat in.

Did someone say you should bring along a letter for him? I think it might be good to do this, with press cuttings and info from your mp etc. There's a lot of info to take in and your son might be too excited to want to spend time on all the facts.

Agree that you must not speak about this any more to your stepmother and definitley DO NOT tell her when and where you are meeting your son. I would not trust her an inch. If you feel there's any chance of your stepmother or the AP sabotaging the arrangements on the day and preventing your son travelling to meet you, can you say you'll pick him up from home? This might be over cautious, but I feel so suspicious about this gruesome trio.

I think janh has made a good point on the last thread about the adoption agency and the age of the APS. That sounds very suspicious.

On I am over the moon about your son texting you. Had to say it again! I can't post on fast moving threads regularly since our internet time at work is strictly logged, and I only dare take quick peeks on mumsnet during the day. I am so excited for you. This story as told on here will give others in your position so much hope - I hope they read it.

[SofiaAmes]

Bunglie, I am so so happy for you. Have you arranged something with your son yet. I'm very impressed that you taught yourself texting. I had to give my mother numerous lessons and she still doesn't really get it and she is a Prof. of Biochemistry. My father (also a prof) is stil trying to figure out how to answer the mobile when it rings.

Bunglie, from what I get from the MP's letter (i'm so glad he's taking this seriously), he is suggesting (without actually saying something that you can later quote and get him into trouble) that you contact a solicitor and using legal aid get the sealing of the case lifted so that you can officially talk to others and your children about what happened. I personally think that this is probably the first and most important thing to do (other than getting together with your son). I suspect that anything that goes through the adoption agency or ss will take forever and be purposely held up by them. Although they can't do this forever, they may well be able to do it for the next 10 months. I think that if you get yourself a good lawyer you should be able to get the gag order lifted relatively quickly because of the fact that your daughter is turning 18 soon and that your son is already 18 and in theory (this is the argument that they may use to get it done urgently) completely traumatised by the letter that he received.

I think you should consider inviting your son to come and live with you.

By the way, how do you get around? Do you get on buses or have help from the council. (It's one of my pet peeves how bad the transportation facilities are for wheelchair bound people....)

[Bunglie]

Phew! I have just spent nearly two hours trying to get my computer to work, I got a worm!!!!
All clear now though and sorted, I wish mobiles were that easy????

Beetroot, good move in starting new thread but if you all had broadband you wouldn't notice it Hee Hee! Just a thought we could have renamed this thread and stripped him of his 'Sir'!!

As you can see I am feeling 'radical', even if I am not a 'cool dude yet' (although I have learnt how to put my knickers on properly now, berhaps next week I could learn to tie a 'bow' in the shoes I don't wear!!!! Sorry lets get serious here. (Hum Humm!.......clears throat to seem sensible!)

Slight problem on the mobile phone side, I found the number O.K. he sent the text from but it will not receive my texts today, Is it possible the phone number is wrong, or he is not near a transmitter or if he has run out of 'credits would that affect it? Back to plan B. Have written a letter sugesting that we meet in the next couple of weeks (told a bit of a fib, I said that I had to go to his neck of the woods and It would be gr8t (still practicing the txt stuff!) if I could tie it in with a visit to him and thought he might not want me to go to his bedsit, so I said that we could meet at the station and go for a pub-lunch,or something of that ilk. I remembered to put in the photo. Does that sound O.K. I do not have to post it until Monday as we only have one post a day here and that is at 5.30, except Saturdays when it is at 1.30. I did think about phoning the number but then I decided if he did answer he may feel awkward, but if my text wont go then I doubt I would get through, Oh dear gone into waffle mode here. Am I making sense to anyone?

Next I thought that if the ap's will not help me and have obviously set my stepmonster on me that I would send them a letter saying that I had decided not to tell him anything 'at the present time' and would wait a bit . (I know I will be misleading them and it is a lie, no matter how many excuses I make to myself, ie, 'at the present time' does not mean next week necessarily and by saying I would 'wait a bit', I am not saying how long. I do know that it is very deceitful but I wondered if it would prevent the ap's but mainly my stepmonster from trying to alienate him from me and give us a chance to get to know each other without him feeling that he is under too much pressure from them. Or do you think I should let 'sleeping dogs lie'? I must admit to being a bit uncomfortable about it as I have never lied or tried to deceive them in the past.

The letter to the ss dept. Would it be fair if I put in that as I am asking to have the case reviewed and that it would be unfair of them to give my dd her letter as the outcome would not be known by then and they could be giving her inaccurate information?

Final thought for you all to ponder on, not that you don't have had enough already!! And that is I was so excited yesterday that I felt that 'postsue' and her posting telling us of her situation was ignored a little because of my wonderful news. So, I sent her a personal email last night and to my delight she replied this morning and we had a good chat on the phone this afternoon. It was really good for me to talk to someone who really does understand what you have been through, and we talked for what seemed ages.
I assured her that it was you wonderful bunch who had given me the courage, helped me keep my sanity and above all given me impartial and yet non-judgmental advice that had been spot on. Thank you again I do hope that when all this is over I can tell you who I am, and I would really like to give you all a proper hug. I do not think that you realise just how much you have all helped me.

Having told you how I feel, it took me sometime to tell you as much as I have , I assured 'postsue' that you will afford her the same wonderful help. I think it only right that she tells you her story in her own time and I know that you will be patient, constructive and encouraging. The only thing I should like to tell you (with her permission) is that it is VERY hard to put things that are so emotive and still raw in writing. I know that she will tell you her story but she is finding it difficult to put it into words. I know from my own experience that although it has been very cathartic it has also been very difficult and when you have been through a trial, or civil hearing you feel as if your pretty worthless as a person and that you have to justify everything you say because you do not expect people to believe you. I was truelly staggerred by your responses. I thought that someone would at least doubt the validity of what I was telling you. It is very difficult to 'trust' again and you have shown me that I am a person, I have rights and with your encouragement I felt able to act. Our stories are a little different but the one common thread is that Meadows did not see either of us and yet he diagnosed us on paper.
To me her case is more horrifying than mine, but then it is different as I hope that 'postsue' will be able to tell you. She needs your help and advice. I was of little use apart from the fact that we were able to 'speak' without having to explain. That in itself was a wonderful thing for me because as I told you I moved so that my 'new' friends and neighbours do not know that I have children.
I know that you will afford her the time, patience and help you have been giving me. (Oh and I know what kind of knickers she wears and I'm not telling that either LOL!)

I shall try again to text tomorrow my ds, but will keep you posted. Love and hugs to you ALL from me, Bunglie ("a bear of very little brain" - AA Milne, I think!).

[Janh]

Bunglie - re the text - have just checked with switched-on DD1 and she says have you had a "message failed" report? That would mean his phone is switched off (you could ring it to check - if it is switched off it would go dstraight to answerphone). (If you rang from your house phone and put 141 in first he wouldn't know it was you if it did ring).

OK - going back to your post now!

[Janh]

Oh, I am glad for both of you that you have talked to postsue. However sympathetic we are none of us can truly understand how it feels to be in your situation - I'm sure you'll be able to give each other enormous support and I hope postsue will gradually be able to give us some more information about her situation and that we can all help her too.

re the stepmonster - someone yesterday (stace?) wondered if she had spoken to your son after he got your letter - given the timings I think that too. I think he told her he had got your letter, and she tried to tell him what to do, and he disagreed, so she rang you to try to tell you what to do. I honestly don't think you need to worry about her or the APs "poisoning" his attitude towards you - I think he has a mind of his own! So I would let sleeping dogs lie - avoid talking to any of them about anything at all if you can.

The letter sounds fine - has he got your home phone number or just your mobile? Have you asked him to ring you to sort the details out?

I thought it was the adoption agency who gave your son his letter? You said the chap from After Adoption didn't think it was normal practice? Definitely mention it in your letter to SS, ask if it is standard practice and, if it is, then say your daughter shouldn't get one until after your case is reviewed. (And, if it isn't, what is that agency playing at?)

Oh, one last thought about your text - sometimes they don't get through for no obvious reason. So just keep trying!

[postsue]

Message to all

Massive hug bunglie
Your words are so touching. It was wonderful to talk, i've always felt alone, but maybe now i can start moving on. will try to put into words my story but as u understand it's hard. I now know that i am not the only person to feel the way i do, ask the same questions, doubt, justify, you know what i'm saying. In 13 years i have never spoken to any one who understands as much as you, and the scary thing is that we don't know how many more people are also going through this. I am going to fight on. I will win, even if it takes me another 13 years.....................................................never give up bunglie i'll be there for u as well

[eddm]

Postsue I don't have any words of wisdom and can't begin to imagine what you have been through but would just like to offer you my support. Glad you are keeping up the fight.

[tigermoth]

really glad bunglie has been able to 'talk' to you postsue. I can't begin to imagine what you have been through. hugs.

[SofiaAmes]

postsue, I just wanted to put in a word of support for you. I am a little numb with the horror of it all. I can't imagine how battered you must be feeling. I am sure that you too will have the same happy result as Bunglie. Please tell us your story so that we can fight for you too. Anything that happens to help you and Bunglie (and Cheeseball too....where are you?) can only serve to help the other 4997 mothers out there that we haven't heard from.

Postsue, did I understand correctly that you were able to keep your baby, but only with a criminal conviction. Or do you have other children that you were allowed to keep and one that was stolen?

I am going to write a letter to my mp tomorrow telling him how disappointed I am that he hasn't bothered to answer any of my letters. And then I am going to send a letter to Tony Blair (whimp!!) and another to Margaret Hodge (witch!!) and Patricia (can never remember her last name).

I am including a link here to the original thread so people can go back to it easily.

[stace]

Postsue- we cant really imagine what you have been through or what you are going to but what we can do and will do!!! is offer you support, love, warmth, assistance and research for you. We all are so appalled by yours, cheeseballs (how r u???) and Bunglie's situation that we want to do all we can. Tell us what you feel able when you feel able it can just be a bit at a time if that is easier, just know that we wont judge you we will support you and offer all the help we can think of.

[stace]

Bunglie, keep on trying the text maybe send the text to someone else just to test that it is working and the problem is your DS's end. As far as the SS and Adoption agency are concerned it does sound like you have some really good grounds to have a go at them and fast. Perhaps with legal support the threat of action against them for civil damages will stop them from sending the same letter to your daughter. IMO if you are able to put a stop on that letter and then go for the gagging order to be lifted then you will just be in the strongest of positions to blow this entire thing wide open and into the public eye for you your family and all the others that have suffered! Also i agree leave the stepmonster and the Apoptiveparents alone.

[twiglett]

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[twiglett]

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[roisin]

I don't know how I managed to completely miss all this. I read through both threads last night, and am completely shocked and horrified at what you've both been through Postsue and Bunglie. It's just beyond belief.

I am so pleased that you have found some help, hope, and support through mumsnet, and that you have found one another too. There are some experiences that are so unimaginable that it's just not possible to fully empathise or understand from the outside (though we do try), and that's why it's so important that you've made contact with each other.

[twiglett]

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[postsue]

Hello again.

just read the latest and i am now swimming in my tears......................................................this time they are of joy and not shame.............................i never believed i would find comfort and support but i think i have..................................................you are so right that "bunglie" AND "cheesball" (Where are u we need to stick together to help each other) know the full horrors of the feelings, emotions, etc that i am going through but all of you are giving us hope.

You bring comfort, support, understanding, (i've run out of words)??????????????????????.

Help need a life jacket now

I am going to sit down latter today and try to write what i can.......

Thank you for your support for the first time in 13 years i do not feel alone......................................................................

HUGE((((((((((((((((((((((HUGGS))))))))))))))))))

[Cheeseball]

I am still here but not telling dh or anyone. I am so glad for you Bunglie I have been in tears for you, dh thinks I am starting to get depressed again and so made doctors appt. for me so I can't tell him why I was crying. He called you lot "a load of radical bussibodies who thrive on people like me and one of you is bound to be a reporter and I will get 'done' for breaking gagging order and I have not considerd his felings" He then told his mum, who gave me a lecture, so I am sorry. When I can I have a quick peek at he site and even if my dh will not let me figh like you Bungle I get so much strength from the support you have shown, I wish I could talk to you and 'Yes' Bunglie I DID get your email, butI am sorry I just can not risk it, I hope you all understand. I am here hidding in the wings and I hope that I too will be able to act in time. Hi Postsue please don't be a chicken like me, go for it.
After they took my dd my dh changed, I am not certain how much longer I can live in this situation but I feel so guilty although I know that I did nothing. I feel that I owe it to stay with my dh as had it not been for me we would have had a family, I think he has every right to be angry with me, so I really can not afford to post on here at the moment but I do read it when I can. Thanks Beetroot with the new thread, I was having problems, I agree with Bunglie though, we should have stripped him of his sir, why is he a sir?
Had better go now love to you all and I am so sorry again I know you are all great people.
Love Cheeseball.

[Janh]

Have started a third thread here - without the Sir!

(reply to you there, Cheeseball )

[inocenteyes]

hi ppl im one of the kids that meadows took away and wen i get my hands on that pratt i will knock him out he has caused so much hurt between me and my family as he took me away from my mum but we have grown so much stronger and we wont let him drag us down again thnxs for ur support with my mum she really apreciates it send messages bk plz luv inocent eyes

[Bunglie]

Cheeseball I am feeling very for you and a big hug (). Now - I maybe way off track here but reading btween the lines and puuting 2+2 together and possibly jumping to 5 I feel I want to tell you something.
It must be very apparent to everyone that I have not mentioned my dh. Well that is another story in itself and one that I feel that I have 'coped' with and have felt no need to reveal details of it as it makes no diffence now as to my relationship with my dd and ds, or anything else.
For a VERY long time I felt 'guilty', yes I had deprived my dh of his children and he did not let me forget it. He was all of a sudden faced with an empty home, except for me and I was not the person he had married. My health was failing and although he never doubted the validity of my illness I again felt guilty, because I could not do everything that I had done previously around the home. He all of a sudden was taking on the role of carer, one that he did not want. He could not cope with losing his family and a wife who had a progressive paralyzing disease who's demands upon him must have seemed enormous. I was not allowed to discuss the children, all of their 'things' were packed away and our home was one of secrecy. No one came to visit anymore, I was not allowed to have my own friends and worst of all I was not allowed to mention the children. I totally relied on him and he could not cope. Going from a close loving family to just the two of us, shut away together without friends or any outside help was too much for him. He had his own 'nervous breakdown' if you like during which he abused me, both physically and emotionally. I let it happen because I felt that I deserved it. I did not , know one deserves being abused by their partner. I could not 'get out' there was no one I could turn to as all my friends had gone and no one was allowed into our home. I felt that I could not tell anyone in anycase because I thought that they would think that I was lying and that he was a wonderful husband to have 'stuck by me'. I had been diagnosed with MSBP and having Munchausens Syndrome so why should anyone believe me? When I went to the doctor, he was there, in fact he was there if I went anywhere and it was an unhealthy situation becuse we were together 24hours a day and had grown apart.He revelled in the attention he got from being told what a wonderful person he was ,looking after his 'sick'wife, especially as she had caused the break up and eventual adoption of his family. Without going on more I am sure you can see the picture....
One day I was so ill my GP was called to my home, she asked him to leave the room and said it would be easier to examine me at the surgery. I asked her if she could tell my dh that there was no need for him to come, she looked puzzled but did it. Once in her surgery I blurted it all out and she listened. She 'sorted me out' and although the next two years were a hard slog she got psychiatric help for my dh, and I learnt to have some self respect again. All this did have a happy ending for me but what I am trying to say Cheeseball is that your dh has had a treamendous 'shock' the loss of your children. But he does have his family you mention your mother in law. Who do you have? You do not 'Owe' him anything, you did not cause the court to steal your dd, you are a victim and if your relationship is not that great at the moment then help is out there.
You say that your Mother-in-law does not have a computer, and that although he knows about this site I doubt that he reads it. just make sure that you do not 'bookmark' it or put in you 'favourites' list and the chances of him finding it I sugest are small. As I said I may be 'barking up the wrong tree' but it sounds to me like you need help and support. My God, I am sorry but if you are afraid to post here on this site then you are obviously afraid of something? Now if I am way off track then PLEASE tell me and I do apologise in advance. If I am not then just send us a 'quick' posting, you do not have to give any details and I think that the sugestions of help will come flooding in. Please do not misunderstand me but I am sure that you feel a loyalty to him but this is for you. This site is for you. The people here are here for you and I know that they want to help. Finally I am not in anyway sugesting that you dh is a 'bad' person or that you do not love each other or anything like that but after the circumstances that the two of you have been through it is amazing that you are still together, well done. My dh was told by the ss if he left me that he could have back 'His' children, he chose me. Your dh and you I think might need a bit more help than the mother-in-law.
I am so very sorry if I am wrong but I felt I could not keep it to myself and I was worried that if I emailed you personally it may not be that personal.
Cheeseball you are a strong person to have survived this far and you have a right to post messages on this site or any other. I know that you can not stop feeling guilty overnight, it does not go away it just becomes easier to live with but please please if there is ANYTHING we can do post here or you can contct me personally via mumsnet. I am so very sorry if I have overstepped the mark.

Postsue-How are you doing today? my advice do not try and write the whole story in one go, just do it a bit at a time and you will find it comes 'flooding out' !!! My Offer yesterday was serious I will phone you again soon perhaps you can email me a good time?

The rest of you wonderful lot, still can't get a text message through but I have altered letter as to your sugestions, ie, told him I tried to text but could not get through. I wonder if I have done something to my phone because it will not even let me text myself now!!

Sofiaames, you ask how I get around etc. Well I have 2 wheelchairs, an upstairs and downstairs one. I have a stairlift and two electric buggies. Wow I am a different person when in them, I get a great thrill everytime I overtake a milk float!! I use trains and we have ONE access mobility bus down here but I have not yet tried it. I have district nurses if needed but apart from that I am too independant to let anyone into my home to clean it AGH! the embarrasement of someone cleaning my oven. I am the kind of person who would clean (and did in the past) before the home help came. I do my shopping on line and I find that I can manage most things. At the moment I am having a ramp built and patio area laid so I can get down into my small garden. If you want to do something then I have found that there are ways 'round to achieve it. eventually I will need carers, but rather than go into a care home I bought a large house and have two (gay male lodgers), and they are wonderful, change light bulbs and things I cant do. but the idea is that when I need the care, the upstairs bedrooms I converted into a flat will become the place where I can have a live-in carer. Oh ap's don't know about the 'gay' lodgers, it never seemed appropriate to tell them.

I am glad you all think it would be wrong to contact the ap's again I was feeling very uneasy about it and you have confirmed my gut feelings, thank you.

Cheeseball I hope I have not upset you-please forgive me but I care about you although we have never even spoken. big hug () Bunglie

Didn't he get his 'sir'?
for services to children or something like that?
Hugs to you all Bunglie XXXXXX

[Bunglie]

HI innocenteyes, after spending ten minutes trying to understand this new language that has passed me by, I take it ppl=people,bk=back and plz=please, Do I pass???
At a guess I think you must be the prodginy of postsue. I am glad that you and your mum have a strong link and that you are standing by your mum. It is good to know that the gentleman you referred to has not destroyed your life like he has so many others. Am I correct in saying that you are the one who is now 17? A birthday soon, so what have you planned for youe 18th Birthday?