Emotional, financial and psychological abuse is now to be officially recognised by police as domestic violence.

(116 Posts)
MummysHappyPills Wed 19-Sep-12 11:34:39

Just heard this on 6 music news. About time too.

olgaga Thu 20-Sep-12 07:39:11

edam It's so depressing isn't it. Good example here. I posted about this in the Legal Matters section yesterday, and said broadly what you are saying:

"What's really interesting is whether this will also have an impact in the Family Courts with regard to the consideration of the conduct of ex partners/spouses in divorce proceedings and child residence/contact Orders. At the moment the only "conduct" usually taken into account is physical violence. Anything else is more or less ignored. Surely that will also have to change."

This is from a reply I got from one of the family lawyers who regularly posts there - someone called STIDW:

"When there is evidence of abuse the courts weigh the harm or risk of harm to children against the harm psychologists and psychiatrists say children suffer when they loose contact with a natural parent. In cases when the abuse is low level it's unlikely that no contact would be deemed in the best interests of children. The courts can put measures in place to make contact work such as handovers at a neutral venue, supervised contact, contact in a contact centre, conditions attached to the contact order, Separated Parent Information Programmes, anger management or courses for DV perpetrators. I can't see that changing."

It just shows you how the police, the justice system and legal professionals collude in this notion of "low level abuse" being so unimportant that it can be safely ignored.

That is exactly what I want to change, and I hope this new definition will change it. I hope it will bring about a culture change. It'll take a while, it certainly won't happen overnight (we can see that from STIDW's post).

Can I urge you and others to go over and support me on the Legal Matters thread? I get tired of the brusque and dismissive attitude of the lawyers over there and spend a lot of time monitoring it and trying to encourage women who've already suffered a great deal, only to come here and suffer some offhand and unhelpful advice courtesy of the "Resident Lawyers" on Legal Matters.

It's here:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_matters/a1567886-DOMESTIC-VIOLENCE-Important-changes-from-March-2013#34254346

olgaga Thu 20-Sep-12 07:50:22

edam It's so depressing isn't it. Good example here. I posted about this in the Legal Matters section yesterday, and said broadly what you are saying:

"What's really interesting is whether this will also have an impact in the Family Courts with regard to the consideration of the conduct of ex partners/spouses in divorce proceedings and child residence/contact Orders. At the moment the only "conduct" usually taken into account is physical violence. Anything else is more or less ignored. Surely that will also have to change."

This is from a reply I got from one of the family lawyers who regularly posts there - someone called STIDW:

"When there is evidence of abuse the courts weigh the harm or risk of harm to children against the harm psychologists and psychiatrists say children suffer when they loose contact with a natural parent. In cases when the abuse is low level it's unlikely that no contact would be deemed in the best interests of children. The courts can put measures in place to make contact work such as handovers at a neutral venue, supervised contact, contact in a contact centre, conditions attached to the contact order, Separated Parent Information Programmes, anger management or courses for DV perpetrators. I can't see that changing."

It just shows you how the police, the justice system and legal professionals collude in this notion of "low level abuse" being so unimportant that it can be safely ignored.

That is exactly what I want to change, and I hope this new definition will change it. I hope it will bring about a culture change. It'll take a while, it certainly won't happen overnight (we can see that from STIDW's post).

Can I urge you and others to go over and support me on the Legal Matters thread? I get tired of the brusque and dismissive attitude of the lawyers over there and spend a lot of time monitoring it and trying to encourage women who've already suffered a great deal, only to come here and suffer some offhand and unhelpful advice courtesy of the "Resident Lawyers" on Legal Matters.

It's here:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_matters/a1567886-DOMESTIC-VIOLENCE-Important-changes-from-March-2013#34254346

olgaga Thu 20-Sep-12 07:51:23

(Sorry for the double post. Got interrupted trying to get everyone out the door!)

vesela Thu 20-Sep-12 08:59:34

This is fantastic news, especially given the rise in online porn and the way it can affect attitudes towards partners.

vesela Thu 20-Sep-12 09:17:07

can affect - is affecting, I meant. I find it truly frightening, the thought that we've been going backwards with regard to teenagers' and young adults' attitudes to abuse within relationships.

garlicnutty Thu 20-Sep-12 09:30:23

OneMoreChap, just answering your posts on the first page. I've been wanting to say this to you for ages! Yes, you were abused and this explains your complicated feelings when you started an affair.

Wrt news topic: I'm thrilled this has happened; I've been agitating for changes of this nature. Clearly it's going to have teething problems. I understand some police forces have been training DV teams in non-physical abuse, so hope they will be able to help shape the law in application.

vesela Thu 20-Sep-12 10:06:04

So O'Neill reckons that this "won't be any help to those who suffer actual violence in the home.'' hmm. Does the guy set any store by logic at all?

Oh, and apparently "teenage relationships are messy and complicated" but that's all OK because they're just immature. It's teenage life and people "generally survive" it. (And some don't).

Twat.

vesela Thu 20-Sep-12 10:06:31

sorry, Brendan O'Neill.

vesela Thu 20-Sep-12 10:12:43

And apparently they (teenagers) need to learn to work things out for themselves, otherwise it's "terribly disempowering" for them. hmm

The same argument is used of school bullying, of course. If the victims would only learn to sort it out themselves. How are the bullies expected to learn, otherwise?

margerykemp Thu 20-Sep-12 11:03:58

How can anyone think this isnt a good idea?

It has been 16 for a while in Scotland AFAIK

garlicnutty Thu 20-Sep-12 11:50:41

How can anyone think this isnt a good idea?

Er, because they like getting away with abuse?

MummysHappyPills Thu 20-Sep-12 12:00:00

I think it is dangerous to think that somehow teenage relationships are more fickle and therefore less damaging. Yes often the parties may be immature, but that does not mean their emotions and feelings aren't real. I thought I knew everything as a teenager which was dangerous as I really didn't, I thought I was mature enough for a relationship with a man a lot older than me, and this pride made me even less likely to admit defeat. I kept going, convinced that if only I kept trying and showed him how much I loved him by doing whatever he wanted he would believe me when I said I hadn't cheated and he would mean it when he bought me flowers, said he was going to give up the weed and things would get better.

It sounds like an episode of Jeremy Kyle, but he was actually a blue eyed blonde haired surfy type from a very middle class family. Noone would have ever dreamed of what was going on behind closed doors.

These new rules can only be a good thing, even if all they do is educate people that abuse comes in all sorts of forms and is experienced and perpetrated by all sorts of people.

LineRunner Thu 20-Sep-12 13:20:16

Where I live the Police classified what my ExH did to me as 'Domestic Abuse', even though he hadn't hit me and we weren't married any more.

He was standing on my doorstep or sitting in his car outside, talking through the door or ringing my phone.

The Police dealt with it as Domestic Abuse and gave him a warning using their DA procedures. I think when he twigged that this stuff would start to show up on his CRB check and affect his employment, he stopped.

The Police were the first people ever not to fall for his 'My ExW if crazy' script; and I am grateful to them for that every day.

lokabrenna Thu 20-Sep-12 13:29:35

I am pleased about these new rules, I suffered years of this sort of phsychological abuse before my partner actually got physically abusive. I did not leave untill he was physically abusive though, because that meant I had something to go to the police with at last. I did not go to the police though, I just used it as a bargaining chip to get out of the relationship.

I could have got out earlier if I could have said to him that I was going to go to the police over the emotional abuse. I think I would also have recognised earlier that it was abuse.

Aware that I should have gone to the police, but at the time I was young, foolish and scared and just wanted out without my family getting harmed.

I feel this is a good thing.

Stre8photomum Thu 20-Sep-12 15:54:42

This is good news and will serve as a reminder for all involved in a relationship. But the government can help further by recognizing the role they play in financial abuse in their policies. Many households suffer when one partner decides to control the finance by with holding monies awarded to them both but is only paid in the name of one of the claimants.

Japple Thu 20-Sep-12 16:35:59

So, What does this Mean for your Country? That Now,if you Yell at your erring
Teenager..you'll "Go Down" in a Court of law...because someone says you were
Depriving her of cell phone use (as punishment for a family infraction); OR you
Were "Cruel" to "Cut-Off" TV use because her Grades were in the Toilet!? Hope
Our Country doesn't try this Controlling Tactic with us.Probably will...we're
Living under a dictator as it is.

MummysHappyPills Thu 20-Sep-12 16:40:46

WtfF?!

LineRunner Thu 20-Sep-12 17:20:00

How bizarre.

MummysHappyPills Thu 20-Sep-12 17:38:44

Unless you abuse your teenagers Japple, you shouldn't have anything to worry about.

And is that Gabby Logon in disguise?

Darkesteyeswithflecksofgold Thu 20-Sep-12 17:41:57

Please dont flame me but this weeks episode of New Tricks covered domestic abuse in the storyline.
Yes i know i know its got Dennis Waterman in it and i was one of the ones who made it very clear on these boards earlier this year what i think of him after the publicity over what happened.
In this weeks storyline the search for a missing presumed dead teenager turned into them finding out that she had been living with an abusive man who had been abusing her emotionally and financially (taking all her wages) at the end it also showed how difficult it is to prosecute this. Whoever wrote and researched this episode did a bloody good job.

MummysHappyPills Thu 20-Sep-12 18:04:59

Why would you be flamed for that? smile

Darkesteyeswithflecksofgold Thu 20-Sep-12 18:07:48

Cos of the revelations about Dennis earlier this year. But i thought i would mention this episode of NT because it showed that awareness of different types of abuse is finally starting to sink into parts of society that might have denied its existence previously.

MummysHappyPills Thu 20-Sep-12 18:09:51

I don't know about teh dennis waterman story. But if it's that he was being an abuser, I hope the storyline makes him thoroughly ashamed. And in any case I'm sure the programme will help raise awareness.

edam Thu 20-Sep-12 20:08:12

Japple appears to be a Yank, given the reference to cell phone.

Japple Thu 20-Sep-12 20:26:25

...Don't understand the term"Yank"... But my Father's people (plus our very
Name) is "Harrison". Father's people are from Your country.He has 3 Presidents
in his Family Tree: One "William Henry Harrison", One "Benjamin Harrison" and
One "George Washington".He is the Lucky One...as he has some excellent
Antique Pieces from these members of his Family Tree-and,as I am an Only
Child...They will one day be Mine.I love your Country.Jill (Harrison).

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