SURPRISE BABY AT 13

[katzg]

\link{http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/tm_objectid=16778285%26method=full%26siteid=94762%26headline=exclusive%2d%2dmy%2dsurprise%2dbaby%2dat%2d13-name_page.html\13 didn't know she was PG}

i still don't know how anyone can not know they're pregnant

[Elf1981]

thats very sad :(

I have seen people who were pregnant and I hadn't really noticed as they had a teeny bump.

At 13 my periods were eratic and so I probably wouldn't have been bothered if I'd missed some. (Not that I was having sex at that age, I was a good girl and was 17!!)

[Trophywife]

i cant see how you cant know your pg.

[lucy5]

It makes me laugh, suing the local authority, it didnt happen in our care, hmmmmm!

[Hulababy]

I suppose at that age, with such immaturity as you get in a 13 year old, they'd put it down to anything but pregnancy. And she must not have had a big bump or anything I guess. It is really hard to imagine how you wouldn't know, but people somehow do go through pg completely unknown.

A mum at 13 - end of her childhood now I guess. :( Good luck to her, her baby and her family.

[BettySpaghetti]

What winds me up is the "sue the council" attitude of the father. What did he want them to do when they had her taken into care -lock her up 24hrs a day?

I worked as a Residentail Social Worker for many years -the ridiculous thing was even if a young person told you they were going to have sex with their girlfriend/boyfriend and asked for contraception we were not allowed to give them condoms. Of course the young person would go and have sex anyway with no protection -by refusing them condoms its not as though they go "oh ok, we won't bother having sex then".

I hope this family get through the difficult time ahead.

[DominiConnor]

I'm confused by BettySpaghetti 's post.
She say the council shouldn't be sued, yet at the same time acknowledges that their policy is stupid.

If you have a stupid policy ofr looking after kids, I think you should be sued.

I would not be happy if my kids were sexually active at 13, but if they were, I'd make sure that the consequences were minimised. The whole point of being a carer is that our child cannot make reliably good decisions. The council made this decision presumably due to fear of being made to look bad if it got out. If your kid got pregnant becuase of your inability to cope with embarassment, would you not feel you had screwed up ?
Also "care" is hardly a a loving environment. That is why kids who've been taken in by councils are much more likely to get pregnant because they are looking for affection.

The only stimuli that councils respond to are embarassment and loss of money. Without that, they will simply do what suits their political agenda, and makes life easier for them, hence the stupid policy on condoms.
If kids in "care" are to be treated better, the only way the resource allocation and policies will change is an expensive and embarassing court case.

Shouldn't be like that of course, but it is.

I have a friend who's smart enough to be on my firm's watch list. Yet she's in local politics. It's like a SciFi film. The complete lack of anyone who can think around her is like super intelligent aliens dealing with cavemen.
When I said only two stimuli affect their thinking, I did of course mean either of two stimuli,

[suzywong]

I used to wonder that, how can anyone not know they are preggo, til I met a woman at a party and heard her story. She was shaped like a pillow in any case, no offence, so the usual swelling didn't bother her and she had an irregular menstrual cycle.
She had a nice natural waterbirth - in her own (bubble) bath. She was generally very intelligent and genuinely didn't know she was up the duff.

[stitch]

well, i dont know about the council. but i think the parents must have doen a pretty good job of screwing up the girl during the first 13 years of her life. so good a job that the girl was taken out of their care.
perhaps they should be sued?

and why the f dont parents teach kids that sex equals babies?
i knew that at 13. and i was a late bloomer. and we didnt have any sort of sex ed at school

[SoupDragon]

How can you not notice when the baby wriggles about and sticks limbs out??!

[SoupDragon]

usual excuse is being fat but this girl wasn't.

[lucy5]

Still can't believe the father's attitude, "charlotte, didn't get pregnant in our care" hmm says it all really!

[cod]

i had a pupil who had a baby at 13
i made her do hurdels int eh school psorts day the month before she had it

she was crap () she was tall slim and atheltic and simpkly untucked her shrt for a while at school
she did hte huirdles in july and had hte baby on aug bank holiday

[cod]

she knew she was but hid it form shcool
after she had the luittle boy( he must be 6 now) school tried tos top her comign back but let the dad back in

her mum went mad 9 justifiably soimo)

she was a lovely girl

[spidermama]

Amazing story. Congratulations to her and I hope she has plenty of support.

[cupcakes]

cod - that's so frustrating if she wanted to come back and finish her education but wasn't allowed to.

[cod]

she did in the end
she was really nice girl
very mature for her age
loked baout 18 at 13

[eefs]

snort: "She had a nice natural waterbirth - in her own (bubble) bath."

[Elf1981]

SD - "How can you not notice when the baby wriggles about and sticks limbs out??!"

I always wondered too until I was pregnant and my DD hardly moved. I never saw limbs moving. I hardly ever felt movements, I lived down at the monitoring station at the hospital. I had an anterior placenta and was told that was the reason. Sometimes I'd get a little movement which I assumed was baby hiccups but TBH they could have just been a muscle twitch of my own! (She was a very laid back baby)

[cod]

mum was 35
s o she had dd at22

[BettySpaghetti]

DominiConnor (sorry only just got back to this thread )re:my post.I wasn't saying that the council shouldn't (or should) be sued, I was just pointing out that people are all too quick these days to say "sue, sue, sue".

These parents admitted they couldn't control their daughter, hand her over to someone else and say they'll sue them when something happens. No doubt they would have sued if the council representatives had given her contraceptives/ had given her (responsible)advice about sexual activity / had advised her to see GP or FP Clinic etc.

You (as a carer) are damned if you do and damned if you don't in a lot of cases where children go into care.

[DominiConnor]

These parents admitted they couldn't control their daughter, hand her over to someone else and say they'll sue them when something happens.
Some kids are tough to control, and no that doesn't excuse crap parenting. We all have limits to our abilities, at least the parents had enough integrity to relise they couldn't cope.

However, when you give something to a professional, you expect them to do a good job. You can't lock a kid up, but you can exercise basic precations. Social services knew the nature of what they were dealing with, and failed to do so.

No doubt they would have sued if the council representatives had given her contraceptives/ had given her (responsible)advice about sexual activity / had advised her to see GP or FP Clinic etc.

Yes, but they would have been given pretty short shrift by the courts. That loathesome Victoria Gillick creature made sure of this. As you may recall this mother of 10 (yes, really) went to court to demand that the courts stop doctors giving contraception to her daughters. You couldn't make it up.

What's amusing is that she was supported by the Catholic church, yep the same Church whose senior members arranged the widespread rape of children.

Thus the Catholic position appaears to be that it's acceptable to rape children but evil to stop them getting pregaant. Presumably that's why they prefer to rape boys. Given that most have never had sex, the priests didn't have to worry about using condoms to avoid AIDS. American priests were less careful, and many are now dying of AIDS. Perhaps the Chrisitan position that AIDS is God's vengeance is not entirely without foundation :(

Fortunately we live in a mostly post Christian country, and the courts shot down the paedophile groups big time.
We now have "Gillick Competence". The lawyers representing paedophile Christians argued that a girl who is not yet 16 cannot be competent to make decisions about medical treatment. (As opposed to a mother who has 10 kids and supports rapists).

"Competence" in legal terms is a complex issue, and is not simply a factor of age. Illness and other factors can make an adult not competent to make decisions. Thus "competence" in this context was based upon observable facts.
If a girl seeks professional medical advice and follows it, it is proof that she is competent, and thus any medical treatment that results is an informed and competent decision.

[kleggie]

I know somebody who went into labour (aged 23) without knowing they were pregnant. She was about 5'6, probably a size 12 and did not look pregnant at all. Her periods didn't stop and she had no symptoms. She suffered from IBS and put any small movement and cramps down to that. How terrifying. One minute she was sitting an exam at university, the next she was doubled over in pain. And she was on the pill and using condoms, so had no reason to suspect.

What worries me is why a 13yr old can't do long division. Off to the snobbery thread for me...

[PeachyClair]

Poor girl, I hope she's getting the support she needs now and I also hope she doesn't get written off- one of the best mothers I know had her first as a schoolgirl.

My Mum didn't know she was expecting Dsis until 5-6 months, despite it being her 8th pg!!! (she lost some at 25 weeks), she had both my sister at home, didn't gain weight (she's fairly skinny and petite), never got morning sickness and was having periods all the way through. They couldn't offer her any reliable dates either, somewhere around December- February they told her (Jan 7th). So even for the most experienced person, you can't always tell.

[Pixel]

My friend didn't know she was pregnant with her fourth child until she reached six months so I suppose it's poss. My hairdresser knew she was pregnant but put on so little weight she came out of hospital in her pre-preg jeans!

[Blandmum]

Kids get sex education in schools. It isn't perfect, and can stand a lot of improvements. But for a child of 13 to say they didn't know about using contraception is utter cobblers.

She may not have been confident to demand that they used contraception, but that is a different thing.

I will be teaching this to my year 7 group (age 11) on wednesday. They are also taught it in PHSE