Feeling guilty about secretly getting rid of kids toys!

(28 Posts)
Tinkjon Fri 02-Jan-09 12:11:40

Do you secretly dispose of your kids toys once they've been outgrown? DD has countless toys which aren't played with nowadays and we don't have enough room to keep everything. But she is really sentimental about things and if I suggest getting rid of it she gets really upset and says that it's her favourite toy in the world and she can't possibly be without etc., even though she hadn't played with in a year and didn't even know she had it until I mentioned it! So I'm secretly disposing of things which I know she doesn't remember and won't miss (who honestly needs 50+ cuddly toys?!) They'll all go to a good cause (local hospital etc.) but is it really bad of me to do this without telling her?! Do other people do this? I feel really guilty about it and what if she one day remembers something I've chucked out?! If DH threw something of mine away without telling me I'd be really upset so aren't I just doing the same thing with DD? With 2 kids and a full house already it's impossible to keep every single thing thing they accumulate over the years... I need help to not feel bad about this!!

ninedragons Fri 02-Jan-09 12:48:05

How old is she? Old enough to understand a one-in-one-out policy? If you explain to her that you're completely out of space and if these really are her favourite toys in the whole world she's allowed to keep them, but she won't be getting any more because there's no room.

Tinkjon Fri 02-Jan-09 14:32:51

She's 5. She would understand but there's no way she'd agree

sweetgrapes Fri 02-Jan-09 16:26:32

I have loads of things tucked away in boxes that she can't get at. The plan is once they've been there 6 months without being asked for, then they go.

Meanwhile, if she does ask for them I'll say I'll look for them and get them out when she's sleeping.

My dd would neither understand nor agree to 1-in-1-out at present. Maybe a few years down the line I'd try to do it openly.

thexmasstockingmonsterofdoom Fri 02-Jan-09 16:37:42

I always do this before every birthday and xms, they dont even know stuff isthere until you dog it out, a bit harder now as dd1 has her toys in her room.

littlerach Fri 02-Jan-09 16:46:01

I put things in the loft or cupboard and then dispose of if they haven't realised after a few months.

Also with dd1 (7), I tell her she has ot get rid of some stuff in order to make room for more. She can understand this, even if she grumbles. smile

expatinscotland Fri 02-Jan-09 16:47:17

I don't feel guilty about that!

I do what littlerach does.

sleepycat Fri 02-Jan-09 16:50:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

muggglewump Fri 02-Jan-09 16:51:58

I'm fine about getting rid of the toys and junk she doesn't bother with anymore but I struggle big time with the teddies. We have loads of them and I just can't bare to part with any of them and I fear this has rubbed off on DD.
I just hate to see the little faces go and I worry no one will love them like we did.blush

OneDS Fri 02-Jan-09 16:55:09

I clear toys away regularly and charity shop or ebay them, would be drowning in a sea of toys right now otherwise.

Your DD sounds like a hoarder in the making grin Can you explain to her they are going to the children's hospital ward / poor children / etc and ask her to choose 5 toys to give out of kindness, she may be willing to do this and it is a good way of learning generosity and thinking of others. smile

nowwearefour Fri 02-Jan-09 17:02:15

we have just done this for the first time. we had kept stuff for dd2 to play with but they always just play with whatever the elder one is playing with, right? so it wll all go from now on! big clear out no 1 happened this am. another one might not be so very far behind it....

hunnybun1981 Fri 02-Jan-09 17:02:28

my house is full of old and new at the minute and there is just too much we cut down but others didnt usually they get vouchers and money that goes on clothes but they got more toys this year

off to charity off or ebay i think

amidaiwish Fri 02-Jan-09 17:21:17

i am waiting until they are back at school on monday. Their playroom is rammed full of toys they no longer play with. i have tried to do this with them but they go mad and cry as if the toy (which they haven't touched for a year) is their most favourite thing in the world... esp DD2 who is 3.3 - won't be parted from a thing.

thean Fri 02-Jan-09 18:16:50

I have explained to my children about the fact that not all children get toys, isn't that sad and Shall we find some of your old toys to send these children. So far this has always worked and they are very keen. I've found it especially effective after comic relief and Children in Need.

tessieb Fri 02-Jan-09 19:54:17

I'm glad I'm not the only one with this problem. DS (7) finds it really hard to get rid of anything. However, he is happy to pass on a few toys to younger friends as long as they know it's just for a little while!!!

I pack things away that he hasn't played with for a while, and if he doesn't ask for them, they will go! If he comes across anything that I've hidden away, then it's suddenly one of his favourite toys!

tessieb Fri 02-Jan-09 19:55:27

Tinkjon - I always feel guitly about getting rid of old toys too!

Tinkjon Fri 02-Jan-09 23:01:49

I tried to explain to her about helping children less fortunate than she is (especially as she's come out of hospital herself) and she understood but was still having none of it. She is so stupidly sentimental - I thought I was bad but she is ridiculous... she once cried and refused to throw away the wrapper from a cereal bar!!! [Tinkjon chooses to ignore freakishness of child]

lljkk Sat 03-Jan-09 21:29:26

DD insists that she's going to do 'crafts' with every wrapper or envelope that comes her way, I am forever clearing out her stash of rubbish-cum-craft-material from nooks and crannies in her room. That's leaving aside her 'leaves', 'sticks', manky pigeon parts feathers and gravel 'stones' collections.

I don't feel guilty, I just worry over getting found out!!

I am gearing up to get rid of books, too. In theory I could keep loads to read to baby (only 10m now), but so many I am bored to tears of reading all these years. We can always get as many books as we need from the library.

EllieG Sat 03-Jan-09 21:32:02

I tell DD that am 'putting them away in a safe place cos she doesn't play with them anymore'. If doesn't ask about them in several months I get rid and no, I don't feel guilty. Only do it to stuff I really do know isn't that important to her and she has forgotten.

EllieG Sat 03-Jan-09 21:33:19

Oh god I thought I was the only one whose DD had a stone collection! I have been chucking them one by one for a bit. Heh heh heh wink

thatsnotmymonster Sat 03-Jan-09 21:41:07

I don't feel guilty. It's a fact that they are going to get new toys for birthdays and Christmas so if I don't want a house that's full to the brim with plastic and soft toys I have to get rid.

I clear out before Christmas usually. Mine are only 3, 2 and 8mths. I have kept a box of baby toys but she will play with anything and will get her own toys for her birthday.

I try to car boot stuff now and if I make money I can buy their birthday/Christmas presents with it.

I will keep certain things- playmobil, sylvanian families, lego etc.

If anything I feel guilty about how much stuff they have (and it's not as much as some of their friends).

TheSmallClanger Sun 04-Jan-09 16:59:29

Interesting question. I have always blamed my hoarding tendencies on the fact that my mother used to give my things away on a semi-regular basis, usually without telling me. I started hiding things and jealously guarding stocks of useless stuff, like lljkk's DD. It did become a full-blown problem in my 20s and I only got control over it when I moved out of my Mr Trebus-esque flat and into a house with DH.

We try to encourage Tiny Clanger to give things to jumble sales, with the incentive of "more room for Christmas and birthday presents", and she is normally okay with it. I would never dispose of her possessions without discussing it with her first, purely because of my own experiences. I don't want DD growing into someone who keeps everything for the sake of it, and who can't invite her friends into her flat because there is junk stacked from floor to ceiling and she's ashamed at the state of the bathroom.

madmam3 Sat 11-Aug-12 06:18:54

I feel so guily too please someone tell me I am not going mad went through terrible time emotionally last year due to exterior people making mine & my kids life hell had to move 3 times & down size alot including baby toys/toys kids no longer needed/wanted boys agreed what was going & at the time didn't care but 2 months later 6 year old desperately wanted a baby toy back & decided how special it was even though I tried to explain it was a special gift from his brother but too late it was put in a bag & had gone to charity shop & they even searched for it but someone must have bought it for their baby. Still have sleepless nights over this & keep checking on e-bay but as it wasn't a named brand hard to find, even contacted shop got from no help, explained another baby loving it now but just stupidly feel guilt I feel like I should have known better & kept it but very depressed & under duress & just wanted to help less fortunate but still feel bad, why do I feel so guilt?

Acumens100 Sat 11-Aug-12 08:03:06

Very interesting. My mum took my toys regularly for the children she worked with (I don't know what the word is these days--it used to be damaged children but I feel sure terminology has moved on!). Occasionally I objected, sometimes I cried, even, but I've always attributed my freedom from clutter partly to this experience. I think it did me a lot of good. I fill a bag of stuff at least once a month, normally every two weeks and donate it or freecycle even now.

But then it's like anything, isn't it? One person says, 'I'm an alcoholic because my dad drank'; the next person says, 'I'm teetotal because my dad drank'.

Kikibanana86 Sun 28-Aug-16 14:00:53

I don't get asking them before you throw them away. I do it when they're not here, just things they don't play with anymore or are t in very good condition.

It's common sense really, I wouldn't get rid of something they really loved but if I did it when they were here and asked them about it they'd say they loved everything.

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