Playtime and chores

[Mummyoftwinsandlovingit]

Calling all mummies - I need some advice please and hoping you can all help. I have g/b twins who are 8 months and I'm finding trying to get just the basics of housework done and playing with them a minefield. There simply isn't enough time in the day! The twins don't nap that well unless we are out. My question is how do all you other mummies get chores done? How long do you spend playing with your children as the majority of my day seems getting jobs done and then I feel bad for no spending time with them. Hubby works very long hours so by the time he's home in the evening I'm too tired to do jobs then and the twins are often up from 5am so I can't get up before them to do any either. Any tips much appreciated

[IonaMumsnet]

Hi OP! Hope you don't mind. We're going to move this thread over to our 'Housekeeping' board where we think you'll get more responses.

[lighteningmcmama]

Following!

[GrottyPotPlant]

Sounds like both you and your husband work long hours. So he needs to be doing at least as many chores as you.

Other than that possibly unhelpful comment- you're probably way ahead of me on strategies, I only have the one child and find it pretty hard too!

For us, picking our battles helps. Good cooked food is important to us, so that tends to get prioritised over other stuff, and we've made peace with that.
Also we (child and whichever parent is with them) often stay out all day, which doesn't get jobs done, but also doesn't create as many jobs as staying home does. Then we both (both parents) hack away at jobs after supper, together and then go to bed. The together makes ALL the difference. We can just about do an hour of dishes, tidying etc with the radio on chatting, but slogging on for two hours alone is a whole different thing.

If your husbands' long hours bring home good money, hire help! And if not, then is it really worth the length of the hours, and could he be putting some boundaries in place so he has more time for chores and playing?
If he's slogging away working 4 minumum wage jobs to keep the roof over your heads, apologies for that very unhelpful comment!

[Mummyoftwinsandlovingit]

Thanks GrottyPotPlant for responding. How old is your little one? It is hard isn't it. Am I right in thinking that you spend most of your day playing with your little one then? I have signed up for more groups which are coming up but it's difficult with the two of them as they can't sit that well even if propped! I think like you say I need to work out what is a priority and then "make peace" with that and accept that other things may have to slide. You are quite correct after a day indoors with both of them the place looks like you wouldn't believe. So if the previous night I had tidied come the end of the next day stuff is everywhere.

[spad]

We are soon to have three under three so I hope I can give you some helpful hints. My DH also works very long hours and most weekends so it has been a steep learning curve.

Floor wipes, I get through about six packs a week! Most days I use a couple of floor wipes to wipe up and around the busy part of the kitchen floor. Makes the place smell cleaner and disguises the fact the floor hasn't been properly washed. If I have time I move the bin and wipe around there.

Floor wipes, a couple times a week, round the basin in the bathroom and toilet. Once a week down on my hands and knees for the bathroom floor.

At night empty kitchen recycle into wheelie bin recycle. Empty and change bin liner in normal rubbish, and deal with any other bin stuff. I try and do this round 4.50, a two minute job when heating up dinner.

We don't have that many toys out. I have large plastic storage and lots of these boxes are in the garage. Generally one basket of toys out and maybe one other big thing, like trains or whatever. The picking up at night isn't then so bad and you can rotate the toys which rejuvenates them a bit.

Washing. Morning put a load on, hang out or tumble dry . Fold and straight away put as much as you can away straight away.

At night after baths do the same.

Batch cook , even if it is using sauces. At least three times a week cook and plate the dinner as early in the day as possible. Then get all the pans away. Your washing up will be hardly anything.

By the way, mine are 2.5 and 8 .will try and think of more.

Hope this has helped!

[Mummyoftwinsandlovingit]

Spad that is so helpful. Some great tips there and yes I agree it certainly is a steep learning curve. On another note how long do you spend playing with your little ones as I am also aware that they need to learn to amuse themselves as well

[GrottyPotPlant]

Hello MummyofTwins!

Mine is a bit older- he's two and a quarter. I don't really play with him that much, I would say most of the time when he's with me I try to put us in situations that stimulate us both- so going to playgroups where I can chat to my friends, and he can play, or going to the park so he can run around and I can enjoy the fresh air and have a sit if he's in the playground- and ideally meet up with someone there! At home he mostly wants me to sit with him and play and I mostly want to get on with jobs, so we do get a bit at loggerheads. His dad sits and plays with him more on his days, so he does get that too (and of course I do play with him a bit, just not masses).
When he was smaller, similarly, I tried to meet up with people and be out as much as possible. The summer he was 3-6 months old I basically lived in the park. It was great. He rolled about on the picnic mat, and various baby friend would drop by over the course of the day. We've never really done much in the way of classes, just lots of socialising.

I do have one Trick I'm quite pleased with myself for: whilst he's in the bath I clean the rest of the bathroom- but we use very minimal products, and very natural ones, so there are no fumes. And obv that's no good if they're not sitting yet!

And, thinking about it, I've tried to involve him in stuff as much as possible from super early, so I felt like I was playing with him, and yet at the end of it was closer to a job being done (like putting him under the laundry airer and playing with dangling the wet clothes over him, or getting him to pass me things from the bucket of clothes. Takes an age and fills me with rage if I think of it as "hanging our the laundry" but is bearable if I think of it as playing with the baby). He LOVES sweeping and hoovering (but he does those on his Dad days, as I do not love sweeping or hoovering).

Having two would probably blow most of my strategies out of the water, to be fair!

I reckon if you look back over your day, you're probably accomplishing masses (just getting the three of you dressed, fed, and changing the nappies is a fair bit of work, and it sounds like you're ace-ing that!). It's just hard to believe that when so much of what gets done gets un-done again so quickly...

[spad]

Hi Mummyoftwins

Glad you found some of it helpful, I thought maybe I had gone on a bit? Well this time I have definitely gone on a bit......

Well, here are some other thoughts I have had about things that I have learned in order to make our family life run a bit more smoothly...

I generally cook about half the week. At least a couple of nights of the week I get something that has been previously batch cooked from the freezer and another night or two we have lazy teas, pizza or whatever.

Batch cooking. I now, finally understand, that being heavily pregnant and with a two year old and a nine month old crawling up my leg when I am cooking, I cannot cook totally from scratch. I do buy sauces but I add to them as much as I can, extra grated carrot in a pasta sauce or a couple of peppers and extra pineapple in a sweet and sour sauce.

At least three times a week I allow myself to give the kids a lazy tea, tomato soup, spaghetti hoops or eggy bread type thing. Then my DH and I can easily have a pizza or something later. I get it totally prepared, from the packet! at some point through the day. On oven tray with tin foil over, timings cut out and recycle box outside. Hardly any tidying up after!

If I am having a day of lazy type dinner, as described above, that is the day that I am more likely to squeeze in an extra job. Cleaning out the salad drawer or maybe the ironing or something. (And I don't mean cleaning out the whole fridge, just the salad drawer. If I have time the next day I can do another shelf. Your days of blitzing stuff are for now done! )But I would also have more time on a day like that to hang out with our babies. Not necessarily furiously engaging them in Monopoly (!) or something but enjoying their company and swapping the toys around with them or taking them somewhere a bit more exciting or something.

The swapping toys around and storing them properly has been great. They really do enjoy seeing toys that they haven't seen for a couple of weeks, when other friends come to play you can drag a box or two out to keep things going when they all start struggling to share and you can sort it out with the children around you. And most importantly you won't be stuck the whole evening with heaps of stuff to pick up. Honestly, one basket of toys out is more than enough and one other big thing if you have to.

On mn at some point I read that you should NEVER EVER go to bed with a messy kitchen. I really try and stick by that rule because it is just rubbish waking up with yesterdays mess needing dealt with. That is why I really try and get the dinner organised and plated early on through the day. It means that when you are really tired at the end of the day you only have a couple of plates and bits of cutlery to wash or put in the dishwasher, but when you can do try and get it all away so that it is done for tomorrow. Well, I do anyway.

About half past four, mid witching hour, I try and sort out bedtime stuff. Blackout blind up, water cooling in the bottles, boys pjs in the living room. Heat/prepare dinner, serve, eat/feed. Floor wipe the messy bit, wipe the table, wipe the sticky fingers and faces, dishes washed and away and then in the bath. If possible strip them off in the kitchen before their bath and put their clothes straight in the washing machine and their nappies in the bin. Saves taking them from the bathroom back to the kitchen.

Bath, teeth, towel dry. Towels hung up or in the washing machine, straight away.

Pj's, cbeebies.

Wait for DH to come home. I try and get everything done for when my DH comes home so that is at least a bit of family time for the day. Then you just have your basket of toys to pick up before they go to bed and you put your dinner in the microwave or oven or whatever. Twice a week, usually a Monday and Thursday I disappear off to do the ironing when my DH comes in. There isn't much because I am ruthless about what I put away without ironing, but it means it doesn't ever become manageable. Put it away, straight away! And it means it is done for the weekend.

I also recently invested in a small hand held hoover. Ace for whizzing round and getting bits of crumbs, takes longer for the house to look awful and you get away with hovering properly less.

Also, in the morning I always do a quick lap of the house, make beds, take black out blind down, put washing on. Takes ten minutes but means I don't have to go back and do it later.

I am not good at, but try to shower first thing. Too easy to stay in pjs when we are not actually going anywhere!

As for playtime. I remember posting a question like that on here when our oldest was nine months old. Honestly, whatever you are doing now will be just fine, especially with two of them, they will enjoy playing with each other. I try to make sure I have time and energy to do lovely bedtimes, and for there to be fun time before bed when DH gets home. But don't be confused, they are getting bigger but they are not yet fully fledged toddlers. It will be when they are two plus that they need you to organise painting and craft things. You can certainly do that type of thing with them now but honestly let it be a sunny day when your DH is home if you have to. Rather than feeling like you have to 'play' with them, take them for a walk in their buggy. It won't be long until you take them to the park and they can run about. Or take them to the pet shop or to the seaside. But don't feel like you need to teach them to play. Give them a baby wipe and they can help you wash the floor! I am not sure that is maybe helpful, please ask if you would like something a bit more clear, I can have a think about it and see if I can maybe be more specific......

Oh dear, I have gone on and on. I hope there is something in there that might help you further. Honestly, I like things all quite orderly and have worked quite hard at trying to find ways to keep it simple. Please ask if you can think of anything else that you are stuck with.

[spad]

Also, and I am not sure that this is what you are really asking about, but another thing I have realised is that when I get the entirety of a small job done and out of the way when I can.

For example...

If we are going to a birthday party and I have bought the birthday gift I but it at least two weeks before the party. You'll know by now you can't nip anywhere with babies! When I get home I wrap the present, write the card and put it in a plastic bag and leave it in the spare room. When it is time for the party I then only have to pick up the plastic bag on the way out of the door.

Will keep thinking of more stuff...hth!

[DrownedGirl]

Oops deleted my answer

There are good ideas here: handsonaswegrow.com/baby-activities-week/

Try singing - Sing and Sign DVD is very good or watch a bit of 'day full of songs' on YouTube or just play your favourite music and do a silly dance while you wash up, or whatever ... The babies will love it

Yes, let them 'help' you with sorting the washing, loading the machine, climbing in the basket. Ditto re giving them baby wipes to clean with

Do ten minutes here, ten minutes there, cleaning wipes are def your friend, just do a bit in each room - put clothes away while they are settling for a nap, for eg

At weekends, do an hour or two together with Dp, cleaning blitz or batch cooking or whatever is your priority

Don't cook two meals each day - if the babies can eat 'picky' stuff like cooked veg sticks, penne pasta in sauce, chunks of cheese or tuna or chicken, you can eat the same and mix it on your plate into a proper pasta dish - also works with Mezze sort of meals like hummous, salad, bread, cold meat or salmon, roast veg

[DrownedGirl]

I used to have a habit of morning playgroup, they would nap in the car on the way home, I used to take a flask and a book, then the moment they woke up we used to have lunch

Do you have a garden? Pop them on a picnic blanket to roll about

[toomuchtooold]

Hello mummy, 3 year old twins here: welcome to the club!

TBH I never really cracked doing housework when they are awake and we still struggle :-) Last night we went and did the shopping together, it's like herding highly strung noisy cats who like touching vegetables, but I dressed them in the same t-shirts which usually makes people go "aaww!" even when they are being outrageous. Top tip there

I just try to do the jobs in such a way that if I get called away I can drop it and come back. E.g. don't use the hoover (has to be lifted in and out of the cupboard), use a brush to sweep the floor, takes 2 mins and can stop in the middle if someone's hurt their knee etc.
For cooking I do a lot of roasted stuff, potatoes, veggies, chicken and fish (in tinfoil) - can just bang it in for half an hour, don't need to attend to it. I have 3 cheap flapjack tins that I use for roasting veggies and chicken, can use and wash (in dishwasher) in rotation.

As your little ones are only 8 months if I were you I'd try and see if I could get naps happening in the cot. It would make your life SO much easier (although it does slightly tie you to the house). Have you tried blacking out the windows (damp tinfoil is ideal for a temporary blackout material, sticks really easily), giving a dummy if they use dummies?

Also I should say we had a cleaner until they were 2 and a half, and the only reason we don't have a cleaner now is that we moved! We also used to put all our work gear into the local dry cleaners to get ironed. Nowadays the house is a tip and there is an ever increasing pile of shirts needing to be ironed...