Not sure where to post this but wondering if anyone has any similar experiences/tips or can suggest anything to help!
I've always been a happy minimalist and chucker-outer - I grew up in a house where my mum hoards (not very badly but enough for it to have a negative impact on us). She is very untidy and keeps both useless and difficult items out of sentiment (think boxes of dead relatives' funeral service cards; half empty bottles of hotel toiletries from holidays years ago). Nothing was ever organised or even done (we didn't have a proper bathroom for years; rooms half decorated, etc.). I determined I was never going to live like that and all my adult life have been (mostly) organised and not too attached to stuff.
Fast forward to now - recently a very dear loved one was very ill with an aggressive cancer (aggressive chemo, infection control, isolation ward, ICU etc.) Miraculously, they survived (though are at constant risk of relapse). I was also pregnant and had to move house unexpectedly, had awful financial problems, and am exhausted from small DC. I loved our old house (and my pre-baby life there) and do mourn it a bit.
I'm slowly trying to recover from all of these things, but I seem to have started having magical thinking about stuff - like I can't throw lots of worn out old clothes away because I wore them whilst visiting the hospital (eg. I used to wear particular old clothes for going in so I could wash them separately for infection control). I feel as if I throw stuff like this away, my loved one might relapse. I've got outgrown baby stuff, papers, just generally loads of things that I need to get rid of, piling up, but I can't seem to do it in case something awful happens.
We moved house last year (smaller house), and my DC desperately need their rooms sorting as they're half finished and full of piled up boxes. We've got very very little storage space (basically one built-in wardrobe and the cupboard under the stairs). I have almost no time with full-time work, toddlers and I'm exhausted and below par so I'm really tired whenever I do have a snatch of time spare and then the mess is so huge I just don't know where to start!
It would simplify our lives enormously if I could do a radical declutter and free up living and work space. I feel like I'm drowning in stuff and the mess is making me miserable but I can't seem to get on top of it - and when I try I'm beset by all these awful thoughts that if I get rid of anything something bad will happen. I also worry that if I get rid of something I will need it and not have enough money to replace it (our income has shrunk a lot recently).
Basically, now I understand why people hoard, and I need help! Can anyone who's overcome something similar give me any tips to sort my head out about this?
I know I could probably do with some counselling as I haven't really processed everything from the last couple of years, but I've used up all the six NHS sessions I can get free here and we don't have any spare cash at the moment for private counselling. So I wonder what else could help me get out of this rut. Intellectually of course I know that whether my loved one relapses isn't going to be because I threw out a pair of old shoes with holes in, and that I won't magically get my old house back if I keep loads of stuff that used to be in it - but somehow I still can't manage to get rid of them.
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Magical thinking about *stuff* - declutter help needed!
13 replies
cakedays · 02/08/2014 17:55
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