I give up - I just can't do this any more.

[WotchOotErAPolis]

Why after so many years does no one actually listen to a word I say or do anything without having to fight constantly for it.

I have just spent two hours sorting out ESs problems at college having failed his English GCSE for the second time; followed by another hour sorting out MS who hasn't done any of the work he was asked to by school over the summer holidays some of which I wasn't aware of so couldn't remind him to do; fetched YS back from friends house, as he'd dumped his bag and run off to spend 3 hours on his iPad instead of getting his homework done. I couldn't go to get him as I was in the middle of sorting out his brothers.

Then DH still hasn't started dinner, which he said he was going to do an hour and a half ago.

I still have a long list of chores that the family are supposed to have done by now, as I have spent the summer recovering from surgery I had at the end of July but am thinking I will end up doing them myself now as no one else is going to do them and once I'm recovered I'll be doing them all over again, which will take longer as hey grass and hedges grow and we now have brambles over our wall I to the main road and mini trees growing in our 'wilderness garden' which was at least tidy before I went into hospital.

This includes a long list that DH hasn't done any of since the start of August. I have given up asking as I know I will get all sorts of excuses ranging from I'm too busy (from someone who's been out of work since April , apart from a small contract writing training material and spends his time doing sudokus), to "I've strained my thumb" to "i'll do it later".

Kids constantly promise to do homework and after I check an hour later, have done nothing. By the time I have repeated this boring cycle over and over again to no avail, it's too late and we all need to go to bed. And I'm now getting emails from school to say MS hasn't handed in homework and it's only week two of term!

I'm so sick of being constantly put down, ignored, or spending my time arguing and having to fight all the damn time.

I have tried silent treatment, getting angry, keeping calm, swearing, not swearing, bribery, lists, no lists, family conferences over dinner and have got nowhere.

I know I'm being taken for granted and I am trying so hard to stand up for myself but I am constantly on the edge of a breakdown and I can't stand it any more. Why bother?

[PurpleWithRed]

One of the hardest things is managing the switch from having little kids to big kids is switching from protecting them from harm vs letting them learn from their mistakes. I found it incredibly difficult.

It sounds as though your kids are a pain but a normal pain: more of an issue is your DH who should be pulling his weight but isn't.

How far are you prepared to go to make things change? You do need to put your foot down big time but you also need to be strong enough to take the unpleasantness that will go with it in the early phases.

[WandaFuca]

It sounds as though your sons are copying your husband's behaviour by opting out of as many responsibilities they can, by dumping those on you.

How did they manage when you were in hospital and recovering? Did they do their own laundry, cooking, etc? If so, chuck those responsibilities right back at them. If not, well, it's time they learned. Housework? Can you carve out a space that is entirely yours, and you look after just that, and leave them to sort their own areas out?

I think it's time to go on strike, and focus on your own wellbeing. They are all old enough to sort things out for themselves. At the moment, it seems as though you're doing almost everything for them bar breathing!

Purple is right - you need to put your foot down and anticipate that their reaction isn't going to be good initially. But you're not asking for the impossible, so ignore the tantrums.