Y7 homework - how to make it happen calmly!

[Everhopeful]

It's becoming a battleground, mostly between DH and I.

He's of the "no tv/pc/anything till the homework is done" school of thought and I don't mind a short period of relaxation first, which seems generally to suit dd better. However, she's let us down big time in the past few weeks, taking forever to select images on the pc for homework (that's what she tells me she's been doing anyway; have parental controls to ensure internet is safe, so tend to stay out of it), then even longer assembling. Much of her homework is producing A3 posters. She can spend HOURS on this stuff! Of course, most of it should have happened in half-term but, even though she said she was going to be firm with her cousin and do some while we were away, it didn't happen.

DH reckons we should fix her bedtime early, so she has to do it before then or she'll end up with detention. I don't mind if she gets a detention for not doing stuff that she should have done, but can't work out if 8pm is too early at this age given that DD finds getting up very hard to do, but often wakes in the night. I've tried working through her plan with her to avoid endless working on it, but have failed miserably to get her to see that it's in any way necessary. No amount of pointing out that she won't have unlimited time in a test seems to do me any good. We are all fed up tonight, so advice is welcome. How do others manage it?

[Picturesinthefirelight]

I'm with your dh on the no PC/tv etc

Ds in year 5 is allowed a run around in the playground or garden if the weather is good & he hasn't got a club

When we get home it's a quick drink then on with homework

Dd doesn't finish school til
6pm & gets home at 7.30-7.45pm so it's straight onto homework for her the second she gets in.

She works from 8-8.30 then it's get ready for bed. Bedtime is 9pm. She has to get up at 6.30am

[agnesf]

I totally sympathise with you. DS also in yr 7 and is either procrastinating about homework (just gotta finish this Xbox game) or spending hours on it. I too feel like he needs to get a balance - if he only spent half an hour on it then it wouldn't seem such a mountainous thing to have to procrastinate over.

I also feel that teachers set very uneven homworks - one day its just learn a few spellings or look up a couple of facts, the next day its do a poster about some huge topic like Geography! Of course all of this is then filtered through my DS which is bound to result in distortions.

I too agree that jumping on him the moment he walks in is too much - who feels like doing more work when they've been at "work" all day. However this does result in him doing it late in the evening, esp as he plays lots of sport so has sport practise several nights a week.

I have arguments with DH about it too. We haven't got any good system - just somehow muddle through.

I think 8pm sounds quite an early bedtime for a yr 7 but maybe you could institute a "homework hour" - say 7 - 8 pm when it has to be done. When I was at school, kids who were boarders had "prep" and had to do all their homework in that time leaving plenty of other time for tea and messing about. I used to go home, procrastinate, dilly dally etc. But somehow by the time I was 18 managed to pass all my A levels.

[Everhopeful]

Thanks both

Pictures, though DD is generally home by about 4.30 (more like 5.45 when she has a club), it's already getting dark now even if she wanted to go to the park. She'd rather mess about on the pc anyway. But it does sound to me like your DS gets a little downtime before cracking on.

Agnesf, you almost sound too like me! Last night I put some indication of how long it's taking in her homework diary - though teacher has already signed off this week , which DD will find out about later. I also said that the unevenness should make her break down bigger assignments into steps, so that she spends a bit of time on it each evening, rather than doing the lot the night before it's due! I figure the school might be able to persuade her where I'm failing.

DD was much better about getting herself together this morning, despite a very late night in the end, so me and DH were also calmer. I've put it to him that the 8pm thing is for all homework plus baths, etc - but that she shouldn't stay up watching telly beyond 8.30, at which point reading for a while is ok before lights out at 9pm (still think I couldn't sleep properly in her room with all the junk she's got piled up around the place, but that's a different argument!). Just lamming her with an 8pm bedtime and immediate start on homework when she gets in doesn't feel like a good way to reward the absence of moaning in the morning! We will see what happens.

[FunkyBoldRibena]

She's Yr 7 so all sit down and work through a timetable for her; that gets all her homework done in time. Write it on the wall and get her to stick to it.

It's not you having detentions so she needs to take some responsibility.

[YippeeTeenager]

She's still very young to be a super star at time management and organisational skills and if she just started at secondary school in Sept she's coping with an awful lot right now. My DD is Year 9 now and very independent with homework but we used to really struggle to get her to start and finish in anywhere near a sensible time like you. My top tips would be to get a real after school routine sorted. Let her come in and unwind for 20 mins in front of the tv, serve tea then straight after it's homework. As soon as homework is done she has free time to spend as she likes. Coming straight in from a day at work and being expected to knuckle down to more work without a break is too hard.

It doesn't matter exactly what time hw starts as long as you always expect the routine to happen in the same order. Then, after free time have a definite bath or bed time, so that if hw over-runs when it's 'upstairs time' it's finished, even if it isn't.

Posters are a nightmare. No child can turn out a decent poster in a 30 minute hw slot but we always find that we get a lot of poster hw at the beginning of the year to decorate the school for open day and then they fizzle out and life gets calmer!

Really try not to fall out with her over hw. She needs you at the moment as a help and collaborator. My DDs school was very clear that they expected parents to help Y7 with keeping on top of hw and actually doing it - every other Y7 parent will be having the same issues that you have at the moment so she's not failing in any way, she's learning.

[Everhopeful]

Funky, we've got her timetable on the back of the front door where we can see it. Trouble is, her teachers don't always seem to stick to it and it also doesn't account for the uneven assignments between subjects. Eg she'll get a project for art due in 2 months, with part due in 2 weeks, but no more staging, vs finding synonyms in 24 hours. Still, perhaps I can find some sort of whiteboard to work out this week's work - I'll try that idea out on her tonight.

Yippee, I agree about the routine. We're terrible about any sort of routine! It doesn't help that me, DH and DD all need a bit of time alone to recharge - DH falls asleep for his (no use at all, but if he needs to, what can you do?), DD likes to play on the pc or watch telly and I generally make dinner as the kitchen's small, so it's not that comfortable for anyone to try and keep me company. OTOH it isn't generally compatible with remembering to chase her up after 20 mins and I'm bad at doing it.

I also feel she's had a lot to learn very quickly, so have been trying not to make a big deal of it, whilst still making sure she gets on with everything. DH, who never had any problems with any of it (his mum backs him up: tbh I was kinda hoping he was just lying!), poopoos any idea that she need some adjustment time, so I'm obviously a soft touch. DD isn't that keen on having help to do homework (quite good about that IMO) though I sometimes wish she would, but I don't think school expects that. We are meant to ensure she does it though. I'm still bothered that DH is so negative about it all, she's doing very well overall. She already feels he never sees any good in her. I'm struggling with how to manage that - I don't want her seeing me as the good guy and him as the bad, but it's apt to look that way as our viewpoints and methods are so different.

[FunkyBoldRibena]

Not her school timetable. An evening schedule.

4-5 relax
5-6 dinner
6-7 homework
7-8 reading
8-8:30 bath
9 bed

That sort of thing. Seat her down at the allotted time at the table/desk and just prod gently on occasion.

[NoComet]

Smile and nod at DH.

Say HW at random intervals through the evening and otherwise stay out of it.

I have never read either DDs HW diary and I have no intention of starting.

They have good brains and want to do well, but neither likes being micromanaged.

DH clicks round them like a Mother hen. It just makes everything take 10 times longer.

Both DDs sort out HW perfectly well by themselves as long as they aren't allowed to forget it exists and reminded when they will be busy.

School are pretty strict, so they really don't need parents nagging too.

As for 9pm bed (Well good luck)

[NoComet]

Realistic time table (DD2 Y8)
4.30 Nag for snack
4.30-6.30 relax, TV,Trampoline, text friends nag me about lunch
6.30-7 tea

Then HW, SIMs, Utube, in some order I decline to worry about 10.30 bed.

If she needs one she'll go and have a shower, if she doesn't she won't. Sometimes she wakes up early and has one then. Sorry this is another thing I decline to micromanage.

This way she comes top or very close to top of the class. If I tried to organise her she'd just dig her heels in and be impossible.

DD1 is 15, and a does piles of extra curricular stuff at weird times, she somehow shoe horns HW into evenings, Weekends, breaks, lunch hours, late at night and on the bus in her own indomitable dyslexic muddle.

Even DH has learnt to leave her alone (took 3 stressful years and how she resisted killing him I will never know)

And actually DD1´s muddle has mind maps revision cards and to do post it's, so in fact it's way more organised than I ever was.

[Everhopeful]

Yup, Starballbunny, I think DD is more like your DD1, though I would have an issue with 1030 bedtime at the moment. She really does need to go earlier than that or the morning stress levels get too high. I just would like to be able to convince DH...

goes to lie down and forget about it

[Everhopeful]

Thanks Funky - I had misunderstood. Dunno if it'll happen though, but I expect we ought to do it really!

[Lancelottie]

DD is the same age and never asleep before 10, Everhopeful. It's not ideal, I agree, but I'd think 8 was very early for this age.

[ISAmum1]

My DS is in year 7 and goes to bed at 9.00pm and gets up at 6.15am. This generally seems to work for him, he would find it difficult any earlier on after school club nights, as well as homework, he has to do piano practice and have his hamster out/clean cage.
I normally let him have a half hour break when he gets in - snack and tv, before he starts his homework.
He probably spends longer than he should on homework, not because he wants to, but tends to rush it (no planning!) and has to "repair the damage". I am hopeful that he is starting to see the advantages of planning, recently he seems more likely to draft work and use mind maps. Going great guns with revision notes - writes his own questions/answers on flash cards, so anyone can test him or he can test himself. They are coloured coded (my idea), good also for end of year tests.
They do need support at this age, I help with revision for tests like French or Latin. DH, DD and myself all make ourselves available to cast a look on his homework. Recently DD read DS's autobiography for English!

[NoComet]

ISA, Hopefully the planning, know how much, of what standard is expected, will come by the end of the year.

It's something, I guess DD2, who writes very well must have had to learn. If you write masses of English you won't get your maths done.
(Guessing, because DD2 won't let you see her HW)

Planning, of that sort, is automatic to DD1. If you are dyslexic and writing is a chore, you have to think, plan and paraphrase. Just writing reams is never an option.

[forgetandforgive]

i feel that important q bad parent now because i don't really have a routine or timetable for my ds 8 & nearly 10 to do their hw. they get hw on fridays and they have one week to complete it so i guess that's plenty of time. when they get home telly on or laptop. we have dinner at 5.30 - 6pm. more telly but i would love them to read a book instead. 7pm bath time and 8.30 i read them a bed time story. after that they will fall asleep when they're tired. on good days it will be 9.30pm but sometimes they talk until 10pm. I've tried to get them to sleep earlier but they can't sleep so the best way is to let them fall asleep by themselves...