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Home ed

could home ed help my shy 9yo?

15 replies

MitchyInge · 23/02/2009 15:30

a quick post and run because I have to get her from school and go straight to riding lesson but will check back later for any replies

she is so lost and unhappy at her new school (started in Sept) and as here (Suffolk) are dismantling the 3 tier system it looks as though years 5 - 8 will be tricky anyway - what are the chances of home ed helping to boost her self-esteem and confidence, with a possible view to going to high school in yr 9? she loved her little village primary school but middle school is destroying her confidence and I can't just sit and watch

it seems a bit back to front to remove her from school based on social problems, as if I should be pushing her through it rather than taking her away but my gut feeling tells me this is the right thing for her. I have so many questions though, how to get started, what are the pitfalls, would it fit around work ok (I am pretty sure it would, am a lone parent but her 16 and 18yo sisters are very enthusiastic about the idea so I won't be totally alone)

I'm guessing we don't have to spend all our time at the kitchen table? I have an outdoorsy sort of life and she will have to come and help with the dogs and horses and fit other work around it - hope someone can tell me it is possible?

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poopscoop · 23/02/2009 15:35

certainly is possible!

No, you do not have to sit at the kitchen table all day, or even at all if you don't wish to.

You can spend aws much time as you like out and about, it is all learning.

You may wish to be structured home ed, or autonomous (child led) as she chooses what she would like to do/learn.

We are inbtween the two.

I try to get a bit of work done in the morning if we are at home and then the rest of the day we are out and about.

Some days we go and visit places, which is great during term time as not many people around.

Visit www.educationotherwise.org for more info.

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AMumInScotland · 23/02/2009 15:45

It's definitely do-able, and for some children the chance to develop their self-confidence outside of school far outweighs the social opportunities they get within school.

You don't have to spend any time at the kitchen table if it doesn't suit you or her, but it really depends what things you think she should know. Personally, if it's just going to be for a while and you're planning for her to go back to school, I'd look at what she'd be covering in the NC over those years and try to make sure she knows that stuff by the time she goes back (assuming she does - you might find you don't want to stop!). But you'd find she could pick up what the NC covers in a tiny fraction of the time school would take to do it, as there is a huge amount of wasted time in schools.

OTOH you could focus very much on the dogs and horses, and pick up other things as she feels a need/interest.

You can certainly fit it round your work if you have other people to keep an eye on her - 9 would be too young to be home alone a lot of the time, but if her sisters are available then that shouldn't be a problem.

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Kayteee · 23/02/2009 16:30

Yes it's absolutely possible...go with your gut!

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musicposy · 23/02/2009 16:41

Absolutely. We took our youngest out at the start of year 4 (18mths ago) and our eldest at the start of year 8 (last sept) and both are thriving at home. I also, took them out of school with a view to it being a temporary solution (I don't think they will return now, but that's just because we are happy as we are, not because they couldn't easily have done so).

The nice thing about home ed is that learning can take place any time, anywhere, so you're not tied to school times. This means that, as long as you can get child care for her/ take her with you when you have other stuff to do, it should be completely do-able.

She would learn a surprising amount just from helping you with the dogs and horses and all the things you do, and you could fit other stuff she/ you wanted to cover elsewhen.

I took DD2 out for all sorts of reasons, mainly unhappiness, but she wasn't good at the social side. School had tried to force her into being sociable and it had never worked. She was always isolated. Since being home educated you wouldn't know her socially - it has done her so much good! Last week she had 2 sleepovers and a party - at school she was rarely invited to stuff and when she was she would rip up the invites so she didn't have to go. My experience would say never to make a child "tough it out". It was only when DD didn't have to socialise and the pressure was completely off that she was able to do so (though she wouldn't have anything to do with with anybody for a good 4 months - time I think she needed to recover).

We haven't found any pitfalls, except that at the start I found the loss of "me" time a bit noticeable and I also got quite tired. I guess any life change is like that, though others might not find the same. That balanced itself out fairly soon, though. I also found it tough when I first went from having one at home to having two, mostly because my youngest lost all that one-to-one stuff and that was a bit of an adjustment. Other than that, it's been great. I certainly wouldn't go back!

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MitchyInge · 23/02/2009 18:07

these are such encouraging messages, thanks - I am about 98% resolved to have her out of school by the end of the week, the 2% is that her dad is not in favour of the idea (although as we don't live together I think it must ultimately be my choice) and I guess fear of the unknown? and would I have to buy loads and loads of stuff, I think not, from following various links via educationotherwise

there's no reason why she couldn't come to work with me as I mainly run dog socialisation groups and suchlike, she helps out during school holidays anyway. It's so liberating just thinking about it!

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MitchyInge · 23/02/2009 18:08

these are such encouraging messages, thanks - I am about 98% resolved to have her out of school by the end of the week, the 2% is that her dad is not in favour of the idea (although as we don't live together I think it must ultimately be my choice) and I guess fear of the unknown? and would I have to buy loads and loads of stuff, I think not, from following various links via educationotherwise

there's no reason why she couldn't come to work with me as I mainly run dog socialisation groups and suchlike, she helps out during school holidays anyway. It's so liberating just thinking about it!

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chatterbocs · 23/02/2009 21:59

Another vote for yes defintely, Initially took my 9 year old out last year & her whole attitude towards learning is changing & she is becoming much more confident in her abilities. Her younger sister (7)also came out at the same time & wouldn't say boo to any adult, but she is becoming a very confident & outgoing little girl & is definitely coming out of her shell nicely. So many people are commenting on the change in her, she will happily chat with any adult & confidently tell them about hr interests & that's a drastic change within 7 monnths.

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MitchyInge · 24/02/2009 14:17

am really at lack of RL support for the idea, her dad blew a gasket and won't even say what his objections are, and one of my friends says I am too disorganised to take on the task

I shouldn't let it sway me, but it will be easier if her dad is on my side with this - it is not like him to be so unreasonable as to not even want to discuss something

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ommmwardandupward · 24/02/2009 15:18

It's so common for people to be very negative at first. It's almost something where it's worth saying "look, we're going to try this - would you mind holding your fire until the end of the summer term? And then we can have a really good chat with Dd about how she's getting on socially and in learning and just in herself, and we can see whether this HE lark is really such a terrible thing?"

Because by the summer, I guarantee you, your Dd is going to be so much happier and more confident that your ex is going to be seeing that himself, and it's a lot easier for him to say "yes, this looks like it's working" if he hadn't already had a stand up row with you about how it was going to be a disaster - it's harder to change your mind when there's pride and loss of face involved.

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MitchyInge · 24/02/2009 17:19

I didn't realise other people would feel so strongly about it, he wants to go and talk to the school first and see if there is anything further they can do to help her - I suppose it won't hurt, but my heart is set on this course of action now

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chatterbocs · 24/02/2009 20:04

Don't hold your breath Mitchy.I had a terrible time with my daughters school.

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MitchyInge · 01/03/2009 10:22

I feel a bit glum that I haven't quite mustered the courage of my convictions yet.

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musicposy · 01/03/2009 15:10

Well, you may well do . It took me a lot of deliberating before I took the plunge, and I mean a lot! It's difficult when other people are very anti - I had lots of that, particularly with my eldest. My parents and brother were very anti and tried to undermine my decision at every turn - it was quite upsetting and I had to be tough. To hear them now, you'd think HE was their idea!

I was lucky that DP was supportive, but in the end I had to say to everyone else that I was giving it a try, and if it was a disaster, nothing was lost and we would return to school. We originally decided to take my eldest out just until Christmas (from Sept) and then review it. When it came to there was never any talk of her going back from anyone.

Don't worry if it takes you time to muster up courage. For me it was one of those decisions that seemed momentously life changing before I did it and amazingly simple afterwards.

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musicposy · 01/03/2009 15:11

I meant you may yet find the courage of your convictions, btw. It didn't read back very well :D

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julienoshoes · 01/03/2009 18:37

musicposy did take her time, I can vouch for that-but she got there in the end nd so will you MitchyInge, if this course is right for your family.

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