Social side of HE

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Are HEed children as sociable as children who attend ordinary school?

I have worked as a nursery teacher for many years and when I have to peel small, upset children away from their mums, I often wonder if this is the way in which I would bring up my own children. I am Montessori trained and have a great deal of experience so the ed side of things wouldn't worry me, I think that I would love it but the social side of HE makes me wonder which is right. How do your HE children interact with other children of the same age? Are they shy?

[Heartmum2Jamie]

Sorry, not a rant at you personally, but why does everyone think that HE'ed kids have social issues??? This is a HUGE bugbear for me. If anything my kids are better socially than kids in school because they socialise with people of all ages, rather than being forced to stick with their peer group. I personally do not feel that my children HAVE to interact with children thier own age. However, they do have friends of similar ages as I have friends with kids born in the same years and attend groups like football and swimming with children of similar ages, so get thier "child" interaction there. Not only that, but there are plenty of home ed groups out there where they kids will get to mingle with lots of other children.

Admittedly, I don't do so much mingling with my kids in the winter as my youngest son has some big health issues and bugs that for most children are a normal part of childhood but are debilitating and can be dangerous for ds2, so we tend to do any socialising outside in the winter! Poor ds2 is already struggling this winter and it's only November. I feel it will be a long winter.

[Columbia]

I think He'd kids tend to be far happier and more socially adept than those in school. Just personally!

Not sure why. Too much rivalry and peer pressure in school, among other things.

[FrannyandZooey]

From what I have observed, HE children can find it easier to interact with people of different ages, rather than just being comfortable with their peers, and they tend to play more inclusively in groups of mixed age groups. They also seem in general to be more confident and less deferential (I don't mean less polite or less friendly, but less kind of cowed!) when speaking to adults. I see these as plus points personally.

[IlanaK]

It is a misconception. I have never met an unsociable home educated child. My own two are as social as anything. We have many many friends that we meet up with (of a mixture of ages) and attend groups, outings etc where they meet others.

One thing to note:
I have noticed many times that it is often the case that when you take a schooled child out of their normal social setting to somewhere where they are surrounded by children they don't know (like a birthday party for a friend of the family's child where they don't know the kids) they are like a fish out of water. But when you put a home edded child in the same situation, they will be the first one chatting to the other kids. I have seen this so many times.

[circle]

That's really interesting, thanks for your replies. Would you say the same for older children, say teenagers? I wonder how HE children do when they leave home to go to, say Uni, I wonder if they are more home sick. You must all be very much closer to your children

[juuule]

I don't think I could say that I've noticed much difference in the sociability of my home-ed children and my school-ed children apart from those determined by personality.
Some are more outgoing than others regardless of where they are/have been educated.
My eldest son who went all through the school system was very homesick for a couple of months when he first went to university. I don't know whether a home-ed child would be less so or whether again it would depend on the personality of the child.

[seeker]

Speaking as an adult who was home ed-ed to 12, I know that there are things I didn't learn until I was grown up that my school ed-ed children have learnt already. It's not sociability exactly, it's learning how to manage community life. The rubbing along with a mixture of congenial and less congenial people. The finding yourself in a team of people, 3 of whome you have nothing in common with at all but who you have to make a model of an ancient Greek theatre with..... The sitting next to someone you hate and discovering that maybe you don't hate them as much as you thought you did...

[SugarBird]

My home-educated ds2 is 13 and regularly goes away for a week or more to play in sporting events. He travels with coaches and other teenagers and loves it. Like the other posters I notice that HE children are often socially at ease in lots of different situations - and because it's his choice to go away he feels comfortable with it.

He meets people through our HE links, through sport and other activities, and knows people locally too. He's very independent and is happy to do things with friends, with us, or on his own. He's pretty sociable - a far cry from when he was at school and being bullied and would barely speak to anyone. I de-registered him when he was 9 and his social life was transformed!

One thing that strikes me about the home-educated teenagers that I know is that they are comfortable with their own company, or in the company of adults, as well as with other kids of all different ages.

[Julienoshoes]

I have educated our three children through their teenage years. Our youngest is 15 now.
They have a social life that is the envy of their schooled peers and cousins ;o)
We regularly have youngsters asking us to adopt them so they can have the time of their lives that our children have!

Yes, we are close to our children-but that is partly because the young people themselves, are used to being treated as equals and are confident and articulate in the company of adults.
We regularly have parties for our young people here-the schooled children stand out a mile because they are so uncomfortable with adults being in attendance-whereas the home ed young people are comfortable with us, as we have had an equal relationship with them all along.

We have had both schooled teenagers and home ed teenagers here-and I know which ones who are far less stressed and much happier-and isn't the schooled ones!
Our youngsters have been travelling the breath of the country staying with their home ed peers and their families for some years now. They are confident, independent problem solvers.
Our middle child was away for the summer two years in a row, sailing around the country with another home ed family, from the age of 15. She had periods of home sickness (mostly coinciding with the time she felt bad from seas sickness) but no more than any other person would. It certainly wouldn't have been enough to keep her from having the experience of a lifetime!

I have just taken the following from the written report that we send to the LA about our youngest daughter, who has just turned 15. Some of these things have been one offs but many of them have been on a regular basis and some like choir and Explorer scouts are weekly. All would be in the company of friends;

H is presently on a Sailing Course recognised by RYA-leading to Bronze and Silver awards.
Dancing
Swimming
Ice-skating
Bowling
Rugby
Canadian canoeing
Kayaking
Bell boating
Body boarding
Rock Climbing
Abseiling
Zip Wires
Assault Courses
Orienteering
Grass sledging
Bike riding.
Camping- during several home educating camps and festivals, throughout the year. Mixing with hundreds of home educated peers nationally.

Group trips to ?Shakespeare for Kidz?
Group trips to the Royal Ballet performances
Workshops with the National Youth Music Theatre.
Live performance at M..... Street Theatre and in H......
Other theatre trips.
Singing lessons
Studying and performing a wide range of music; British Folk music, American Shape Note music, West Gallery traditional songs, as well as African, Gospel, Eastern European, Georgian and close harmony work.
?Explorer Scouts?
Dancing Lessons- part of a dance company that performs publicly.
Drama lessons and performances
Performing- dance shows and solo singing performances.
Being part of a rock band and playing live gigs

I guess you could say she has plenty of opportunity to socialise.

I would however say that it very much depends on the child-some are happier in group situations than others-whether they are schooled children or not.

School can be the loneliest place on earth when you don't fit in.

Take a look at our website to see pictures and to read about some of the things our youngsters get up to!

www.worcestershire-home-educators.co.uk/

[Runnerbean]

"How do your HE children interact with other children of the same age?"

I thought this an interesting question in itself, because children in school do for the most part only socialise with children their own age.
At our HE group all the children play together and to be honest I don't know the ages of most of them. Only that they are approximately between 2 and 12!
The little ones chase the big ones around and the big ones look after the little ones.
When we go to parks during the week, there are only usually toddlers there, my elder dd (8) and dd (4) seem to be a magnet to these little ones and they always welcome them to play. Quite often the parents of these little ones comment on how kind and considerate my dds are to their kids.
Also my d (4) would rather play with the 'big' kids rather than children her own age.

My elder dd is very comfortable in the company of adults
and likes to join in grown up conversations. This I find quite normal with HE kids, and they don't tend to be 'scared' of adults like I used to be as a child, because they are treated as equals.

[SueBaroo]

The rubbing along with a mixture of congenial and less congenial people.

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You know what, though, seeker - I'm totally confident that in this very house and family there's a rough and ready mix of congenial and less congenial folk

[seeker]

Sue - but I bet nobody puts you in a team with 3 of them and makes you make a model of an ancient Greek theatre out of art straws and PVA glue with them!

[Columbia]

One thing that worries me about taking Ds out of school at some point (which I am keen to do, he is only 4) is that before he went to school, he would stand outside the front door, talking to random strangers (we have a lot of students walking past) through the gate. He got to know some friendly older children up the road, who were usually busy or at school, and he spent a few days actually crying for them, because he couldn't play with them...he even would go out the front and start calling their names.
It was awful, he seemed so desperate for friends...I have a few friends with little children but he wanted the older ones.
Even now he is at school, he came home the other day and went on and on about me taking some of his older friends home with him...it was lunchtime so we couldn't really kidnap any of them! But he needs older kids so badly it seems.
I can't see a weekly group or the odd social visit being enough for him. He is a social sponge

It worries me quite a lot that I have 'deprived' him so much he has to go and call out in the street for children who are not there...

[emmaagain]

I'll bet anything you'll find HE families with older children who'd be delighted to hang out on a regular basis, with you providing some fun entertainment for them (cooking? messy crafts?) while your child enjoys their company and their parent enjoys sitting down with a cup of tea for half an hour!

Being in a class of 30 people your own age seems like a pretty poor substitute if what you are craving is the company of slightly older children.

[Columbia]

Hmm good thought Emma! I am a bit antisocial myself though...can cope with one visitor a week but otherwise I go a bit nutty
We know one HE'd lad of 15, they get on very well...we don't see him that often.

I'm not like my son, really.

[SueBaroo]

seeker - actually, no, this week I've forced all the little bickering widgets to co-operate in a mega-baking marathon and I'm quite sure they would have prefered to be as far apart as possible.

Actually, I'm not sure I wouldn't have prefered it, either...