Last minute second thoughts!

(6 Posts)
baddyface Sat 20-Feb-16 22:15:40

We have been researching HE for ages now and it all sounds so good. We have decided to take dd6 out of school. There is no major reason. It just feels that from the start of Y2 it's all about teaching them to tick boxes for the SATS. It's all about spelling, punctuation, expanded nouns etc. Dd enjoys school in that she's the kind of girl who enjoys whatever she's doing. But she isn't really engaged. She's less curious about the world. She wouldn't choose to read a book herself any more. She is towards the 'bottom' of ability in maths and English but that's because if she decides something is boring she tunes out. So she's constantly struggling to understand concepts and not getting any chance to consolidate what she does know.

So we finally talked about it with her. She's happy. We have sorted some group stuff for her doing things she will enjoy and have said she will have to sometimes do things that she would do in school. (I want to try to follow the national curriculum for maths, just at her pace)

So now we are doing what I've been so convinced is the right thing. But I'm getting seriously cold feet!

I also have a younger dd who is due to start school in September. I feel she should start school. She's extremely clingy with me and very shy. She started nursery at 3.5 and came on lots. Even started to enjoy doing something away from me! She will probably not stay in school forever but for reception at least I think it will do her good.

So clearly I need to not offend school when I withdraw my eldest dd. I am going to have to word my letter well!

I'm now so worried about it being the wrong choice! What if she hates it and is bored? What if I hate it and want some time to myself? Why do I think I can do a good enough job? Is it going to get too expensive? What if it all goes wrong and I need to get her back in school? I also feel like I will be judged by a lot of people and that puts even more pressure on.

It's only just not too late to back down. Has anyone regretted this decision?

(Sorry its so long)

Saracen Sun 21-Feb-16 00:06:41

When you see your daughter truly excited about what she's learning, as opposed to plodding along because she's been told she has to complete some task which you believe is pointless which doesn't enthuse her, you'll not regret taking her out!

Where's the risk? Is her year group at this school oversubscribed? Would you be devastated if home ed didn't work out and you had to send her to a different school? If the answer to both is yes, then you really do have a hard decision on your hands and maybe you should think a bit longer until you are well and truly fed up with her school experience feel more certain. If losing the school place isn't an issue, then you have nothing to lose. So what if it is a mistake? It's fixable. You could tell yourself that you are giving her a year off school to do more interesting things, and that you may well send her back next year.

Offending the school is unlikely if you are reasonably careful. Just say positive things about your decision: one-to-one attention, going at dd's pace, educational trips blah blah, in short everything school staff would love to provide for all kids if only they had the resources. Omit any criticism of the school.

I don't think you were asking advice about your younger dd but grin that rarely stops me from offering it. You say she has a clingy and shy nature at this point in time, but has benefited from nursery and likes it. You could leave her in nursery right up until she reaches compulsory school age in the term after her fifth birthday. Being a big fish in a little pond, one of the oldest in a setting she knows well, could be great for her. Why move her on to a new and more challenging environment just as she is establishing herself? At nursery she'd only be expected to do half days and the adult:child ratio is much better than at school. By requesting a deferred school start, you'd be able to keep the school place waiting until compulsory school age so your options are open: shift to Reception or let her join her sister in being home educated.

baddyface Sun 21-Feb-16 17:10:58

Saracen thank you for your reply and you make some great points. sometines I just think too much about things! I keep getting upset that she won't be in school to see her best friends every day but I'm sure we can keep in touch and they can see each other often. I also know she will make more friends.

I will certainly try to be positive with the head teacher and I don't have a problem with the school in general. More the way the government makes them jump through hoops. I have heard on the H ed grapevine though that she will not take it well.

Thank you for your thoughts on my youngest. I am going to speak to nursery tomorrow to see if they could accommodate that. They are great with her so fingers crossed!

MrsSimonNeil Mon 07-Mar-16 16:03:30

This thread has given me a bit more food for thought with regard to deferring my DS's school place until he is 5 after Christmas. It would be lovely if he could stay on at his pre school for a little longer.

Good luck baddyface. have you de-registered your dd yet?

InYourDreams Mon 04-Apr-16 09:55:59

I am in the exact situation as you are baddyface. I too am over thinking things. I am trying to tell myself that its not the end of the world if it doesn't work out. I think I would regret not trying it more than trying it and failing.
Don't underestimate yourself. Good luck!

baddyface Fri 22-Apr-16 07:30:33

Yes we did it. And it's been great.

We had a few initial weeks of 'why should I do any work?' but we are through that now and she is asking more questions which lead on to learning.
We have a workbook and computer programme for maths and she's now coming out with spontaneous maths that she's worked it in her head. (Such as bowling scores, how long we have until a certain activity etc).
We are lucky that she made some great local friends in school and we see someone from that group at least once or twice a week.

What is more difficult is finding someone she/we click with in home ed. The place we live has a massive home ed community but seeing people once a week at activities makes it difficult to build meaningful friendships with them. I am also not a very outgoing person and while I can chat with people I find it hard to think they might want to meet up with us out of the activity. I need to work on that!

My big decision now is my younger Dd who has got a place at school but I can't decide what to do. We could not start her until January and then just do part time, or start her in September part time. Or obviously just keep her at home.

She is still shy but is just starting to come out of her shell at nursery. She has made friends. Most of which aren't going to her school but it's good to know she can make friends.

My only reason for sending her to school is the opportunity to make local friends by seeing them every day. Otherwise I would definitely keep her at home. But I don't know how long it would take her to be relaxed enough at school to make friends. Also nursery are great but are saying now she is 'ready' for school and that she will do well at school.

I now don't think I would keep her at nursery until she's five as the children moving up into her room would be a lot younger than her and her class teacher has said she thinks it wouldn't benefit her. She is very tall and quite grown up and I think she may stick out a bit as by far the oldest.

Dreams and MrsSimon - have you come to a decision yet? It's so hard!

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