Return to HE or stay at school?

[thereisabetterway]

I'll be as brief as possible.

DS is currently Year 5 and has been at his present school for a year. Before that, we did a year of HE as we were disillusioned with the school system. It worked really well for most of that time but his attitude suddenly changed [with hindsight, I can now see the reason for that] so DH and I felt the only thing was to send him back to junior school [but not the one he had previously been in]. He settled very quickly, does what he's told and has a nice group of friends BUT he says he is bored and wants to return to HE; the time-wasting in class irritates him and he wants to "get on with stuff" as we used to do. Academically, he is currently working about 2 years behind where he was, particularly in Maths and French.

There is nothing seriously "wrong" with the school but he's simply treading water and many of the promises/assurances they gave us have come to nothing and I dread him spending Year 6 only focusing on SATs tests.

On the other hand, I don't want to give him the impression that he can come in and out of the school system as he pleases. The question of secondary school is also on my mind of course and I need to find out whether the school we'd like him to go to, which is out of our catchment area but takes almost anyone who wants to go there(!), would accept an HE child.

Any observations, suggestions or advice would be most welcome. Thank you.

[ommmward]

Is it a state school? If so, home ed background would be completely irrelevant to school admissions. Do you not want him to home ed through secondary age?

[Saracen]

"I don't want to give him the impression that he can come in and out of the school system as he pleases."

Why don't you want to give him that impression? (Serious question.) In our case the change between school and home ed was somewhat disruptive for the whole family and so dh and I did tell our daughter she would have to do a whole term at school before leaving. Likewise if she had left school and then decided a week later that she wanted to go back, we might have made her wait a while. Your son has done a whole year of school now so wanting to leave doesn't seem like a whim, or failing to give it a good go. Many kids do go in and out of school several times over the years.

It's common for adults to change jobs every year or two or three in order to try out different settings, because they fancy a change or they've decided they made a mistake taking their current job. Is it different for kids? Why stick to school (or home ed) indefinitely if it isn't working?

"I need to find out whether the school we'd like him to go to, which is out of our catchment area but takes almost anyone who wants to go there(!), would accept an HE child."

If it's a state school then if they have a vacancy they have to accept any child who wants it. If there's any chance your son might want to go there, you should apply next year at the same time as everyone else, and you can decide closer to the time whether to take the place you've been offered. If the school is oversubscribed and your son's application is being ranked against those of other children, current educational setting cannot be used as a criterion for allocating places - unless there are designated feeder schools. Ask the LA for the oversubscription criteria for this school to see whether feeder schools come into it, or you may be able to find the relevant document online.

[thereisabetterway]

Yes, Ommmward, it is a state school - thank you for that piece of advice. I don't have a strong view about secondary in terms of HE or school: whatever is right for him is my main criterion. Having said that, I'm sure I would look for some tutors in a couple of subjects if I went that route as I'm not too sure of my own capabilities in a couple of areas! However, it is very reassuring to read what others are achieving for their DC beyond primary education.

Thank you too, Saracen. You make a good point and I suppose I wouldn't even be considering the option if part of me wasn't asking the same question of "why not?". I don't think it is a whim and I can hear the longing from him to return to HE. Convincing my DH may be another question so I'm mulling over how we could improve on last time around. DS will be two years older than when we first gave it a go and I think he's matured quite a bit so I would hope the return to some independent learning would come easily. He's tired of being spoon-fed at a very slow pace.

Thank you both: I knew the two of you would have some wise words as I've seen numerous other helpful posts from you!

[ommmward]

Can you pinpoint (for yourself, no need to overshare here beyond what feels comfortable) what would need to be different from last time, and be prepared to work out with DS how to make those things work differently in a way that will genuinely work for both of you?

[thereisabetterway]

Yes I think I can pinpoint what I'd do differently - probably a bit less structure and, certainly now that he's older, a greater expectation of him working alone. They are both achievable. However, my DH's approach to how he deals with DS would also need to improve . . . but that's a whole other topic!

[Whereupon]

I don't think they do Year 6 SATS anymore, do they? Abolished by Gove?

[lavendersun]

OP, my DD returned to school this year after a fantastic year HE, her choice entirely, she wanted to be part of a school again.

We said that it had to be for 1 year minimum. As parents HE was hard work, lots of driving and organising. I gave up work and do most of it alone as DH works away.

Some days were not easy, but neither is life.

I don't have anything terribly useful to add other than I wouldn't worry about his impression about coming in and out of the school system.

If it works for you then that is great, if it doesn't then do something else.

I would return to HE in a flash if DD chose to, she learned so much and had a fantastic year. IME many children who do return to school come out again.

[thereisabetterway]

It sounds as if you feel just as I do about HE, Lavendersun - it gives them such a broader awareness of the world and is a great way of life when it works. I need to gauge very carefully just how much he wants to return to HE so I'm going to sit tight, watch and listen to everything he says over the next few weeks - both the positive and negative - and consider, in the meantime, how I could ensure it doesn't go pear-shaped again if we jumped back in to the amazing, wonderful, energising world of HE.