Trying to decide about HE for my 3 yo

[DoYouThinkSheSawUs]

So many things to think about! I would welcome other peoples opinions please

Firstly, she is bloody hard work and has been since day one. Bright, stubborn, incredibly highly strung and sensitive. Not yet playing with other children, and possibly ASD, don't know.

I also have a much more laid back dd2 who is 10 months, who doesn't sleep.

I have just resigned from my secondary teaching post.

So... I don't like how formalised early years teaching is becoming, and I don't like how pressured and results driven schools now are - one reason for HE

Im not sure dd is ready for the social aspect of school and will almost certainly struggle there. I did, her father did etc.

But, I really need a break from her! She tries my patience daily and I'm not as good with her as I should be. I use cbeebies too much. Don't do enough craft stuff with her. Have given up trying to potty train her, get her to use cutlery, or teach her numbers or letters so how can I even possibly be considering HEing her!

As a cloth nappy, sling person a lot if my friends are very crunchy and going down the HE route but a lot of what they say doesn't fit in with me, and they are so worthy! No tv at all, very crafty etc. dd refuses to do painting when I offer, I can never get anything craft done because dd2 tries to eat it , and and and!

And breathe....

Help?

[Theherbofdeath]

I would try her at school and see how she gets on - do a bit of nursery at the school first if you can. Almost all the children I've come across have enjoyed primary school, though it is very tiring for some of the 4 year olds for the first few months.

[DoYouThinkSheSawUs]

We'll I have her booked at preschool for her free hours this Septemver and going to see how that goes...

[PieceOfPaper]

It sounds as if you've got a lot on your plate right now, with a possible ASD diagnosis and a baby who doesn't sleep. You mention some of the positives of home education but maybe you're not sure how it would work in practice? I'm very happy to 'talk' here but I'm not quite sure quite what you're looking for - pros and cons of HE or something else?

[ladybirdandsnails]

Send her to school nursery and give yourself a break.

[ladybirdandsnails]

Maybe she is bored at home and needs rules structure and challenge ??? My dd defo did

[ladybirdandsnails]

Sorry I meant to add I think home Ed is brilliant if it works for you and your child etc. I would never have coped (my dd the same) and both my DC love school - and I work for my sanity. But I love the idea of home ed

[DoYouThinkSheSawUs]

I just want to do my best for her, and I'm not sure that school will be what's best!

[NumTumDeDum]

The 15 hours really will go very fast and most providers seem to like to bunch them up - two days of 6 hours and a morning of 3. Assuming your nursery does the same that's two and a half weekdays clear, and you get some time apart, and can spend some quality time with your youngest. You can always pull her out if it doesn't work for you all. Nursery definitely helped DD with structure and new skills.

[Saracen]

There are a lot of people in the same boat as you. At this stage it's really hard to predict how your daughter may adapt to school. For that matter, it is equally hard to predict how your home life will look in a year or two. Things may be easier and they may be harder. So I think it is worth keeping the door open to both school and HE. And remember of course that what you try first doesn't have to be what you stick with. Likewise, you can do nursery without following on to school, or school without having done nursery first.

When it comes to it, if you decide that school would not be right for your daughter but you need a break from her, explore other ways to get that break. Do you think she might get on well with a childminder, for example? Using school to get some time away from your daughter can seem very appealing, but some parents whose children don't fit into school well say that the cost of that time off is too high. Much of the rest of your time - when your child isn't at school - may be highly stressful if you spend it dealing with fallout from school.

If your HE friends are not on the same page as you and make you feel like you aren't doing it "right", see if you can find some different ones whose lives look more like yours, if not in real life then online. Are you on HE-Special? he-special.org.uk

[PieceOfPaper]

You're not sure whether HE or school would be best, so would it help to list the pros and cons as you see them? You've mentioned that you're not happy with the amount of formal learning in the early years, and you're worried about how your dd would cope with the social aspect of school. My children haven't been to school but I'm sure that people whose children have gone to school in the early years could help to alleviate those worries - for example, you might be able to visit a classroom and see if it's as formal as you think, or talk to someone whose child struggled socially and find out what they did to help with that.

Your reasons against HE seem to be concerns about how you would manage it, and how you would get a break? It is possible to get a break, depending in how your family works. The way we work it is that dh will take the children every now and then, they have weekly activities that I don't have to stay for, and they have play dates. Other families probably do other things, like setting up regular childcare swaps, or having input from grandparents. It does get a bit less relentless as they get older, IME, as they can just be a bit more independent.

In terms of managing the education side of things, it's so individual, and what suits one family will not suit another. You don't have to have things sorted immediately, and you can change things that aren't working.

As Saracen said, you're not stuck with your decision. You can try school, or HE, and then change your mind.

[twomoreminutes]

I am in a similar situation to you - DS is 3 (and sounds very much like your DD), DD is 16 months and I am considering HE for a variety of reasons.

You mention that you've tried potty training, teaching numbers and letters etc - could it be that she is just not ready or interested in doing these things just yet, and will get there in her own time? 3 is still very young. If she is stubborn like you describe then I'd imagine any kind of direction from you might just put her off

Personally I don't worry too much about what other people do with their DCs and try to follow my children's own lead instead in terms of what they are interested in or feel like doing at any particular time. What does your DD like doing or find fascinating? Just do that, perhaps it will spark other interests, too. I believe that is a more autonomous approach to learning, as opposed to more structured direction and teaching.

Maybe you are putting too much pressure on yourself, which makes you feel like you really need the break from her? Not to suggest for a moment of course that managing two is not full-on and I get how frustrating it is trying to juggle a toddler, baby, glue, sequins etc ...

Remember too that they change so rapidly that what's working or not working today might be completely different tomorrow, or in a month or a year's time. And DD2 should stop eating the craft stuff at some point