Bullying my 8 yr old by teachers pet.... want to now HE

(18 Posts)
hamstered Sat 29-Dec-12 01:46:04

My DD is being bullied by the teachers pet. It has been going on for more that a year but this year has got progressively worse. Both the bully and my DD are bright kids and sit on the same table. The bully completely ignores my DD and talks to everyone else. She is nasty to anyone that befriends my DD and has created BF clubs that exclude my DD. They don't let her sit on the carpet near them and don't allow her on the climbing frame or roundabout, etc etc.
She has manipulated all her friends and her so-called best friend since reception against her.
I have tried talking to the class teacher several times but her words were, "oh I'm so busy doing other things I don't really know what goes on in this class. I have moved them away from each other and I don't really see what else I can do."
I called her best friends mum, who was a good friend, to find out if she knew anything and all that resulted in was the whole class finding out I had spoken to her mum which gave another reason to ostracise her.
The bully is the teachers favourite and really behaves in front of her so when I spoke to the teacher she just plain didn't believe me.
My DD has spent this Christmas in tears saying she never wants to go back to the school, that the teacher hates her, the bully picks on her and her so-called friends hate her and what's the point in living.
Rather than take her out and put her in another school I'm thinking of home schooling, or rather un-schooling her. Totally new territory for me but feel that her self esteem is so low right now and it needs building up...
I have a 4 year old DD which would have to come out of school too.
I'm going to have to give up work so money would be really tight. Does is cost alot to home school and are there any groups in Haringey N22...?
Am at my wits end with the whole situation

notnagging Sat 29-Dec-12 04:55:15

I know you are upset but home schooling doesn't need to be the answer. You need to stand firm against the school. Write a letter to the headteacher explaining how disappointed you are that nothing has been done despite you bringing it to the teachers attention. Ask for a copy if the anti bullying policy & state that you would like a response by a certain time. It is not fair that your dd has had to go through this for so long. A simple thing like moving tables at least would have eased the situation for your dd somewhat. If you do decide to take her out, write a letter to the governors explaining why.

BeginningtoffeealotlikeXmas Sat 29-Dec-12 10:22:52

Sorry your DD (and you) are going through this. Although I home educate my eldest son, I agree with notnagging, particularly as you say you would have to give up work and money will be very tight. Plus you have another DD who may be happy at school, but will also have to be taken out. You are obviously at your wit's end and see home education as the only answer, but the school are letting you and your DD down. You need to go to the head about this situation and explain exactly what you have told us and that you are so desperate that you are considering deregistering your daughter and home educating. That should get the message across. You could also keep your DD off school until the situation is sorted out, explaining that she is refusing to come to school because she is so unhappy. It will be good for your DD to see that you are fighting for her and that she does not need to go back to an intolerable situation.

The teacher is very much at fault here. There is no excuse for her saying that she doesn't know what goes on in her own class. My eldest son was bullied by one particular boy in a year above when he (my son) was in Year 2 and the teacher didn't sort it out in spite of me telling her about it. The bully moved into juniors and so the next year my son had a bully-free year and was much happier. Of course, once he moved into juniors it all started up again. However, this time, he had a much more experienced teacher who responded brilliantly when I approached her about the situation. I don't know what she said to the bully, but after her 'little chat' he started to smile and say hello to my son and he was never mean again. It transformed my son's school life for that year.

I think it might be a good idea for you to contact someone like Kidscape for advice too. They specialise in preventing bullying.

Having said all that, if you do decide to home educate I think you and your DD need to focus on relaxing and having fun for a while. It sounds like she needs it, poor girl. How old is she?

sooperdooper Sat 29-Dec-12 10:33:48

I agree with the other replies, this is awful for dd but I don't think home schooling is the answer here.

The teacher is most definitely at fault here, I would take this up with the head, they should be taking bullying a lot more seriously

maggi Sat 29-Dec-12 11:08:01

(Some) teachers are so intent on getting the right percentage of children to make 2 points of progress which reflects on the teacher's own grading. They forget that they are supposed to be providing a wonderful learning environment for every and each child in thier care. I've been a school Governor and had a good deal of contact with a variety of teachers. I have found most lacked basic knowledge about taking individual children's needs into account. They didn't know about schema (how some children use a prefered type of play in thier learning). They didn't know about EYFS (the curriculum used in year R in every school, including thiers). I've witnessed teachers supporting target children (SEN) by constantly picking on them and commenting out loud about how much they were doing wrong.

Each teacher was helped with discussion and the classroom environment improved. My point being, it is possible to change things but you have to judge how this will affect your child in the mean time. Only you can know what is best for your child. It doesn't need to cost much at all to home educate. You currently need to pay for exams though.

SDeuchars Sat 29-Dec-12 13:22:26

It doesn't need to cost much at all to home educate. You currently need to pay for exams though.

You only need to pay for exams if you decide that your child wants to take exams such as GCSEs as an independent (not school or college) candidate. That does not apply to an 8yo.

CatKitson Sat 29-Dec-12 13:34:28

Cost-wise, we spend about £2000 a year on materials and trips for two home schooled children, plus the cost of losing my wage, as I no longer work.

We home ed due to bullying issues, and are ALL very happy now.

BeginningtoffeealotlikeXmas Sat 29-Dec-12 13:35:42

Oh, have just seen your DD's age in the thread title. Ignore my question about her age blush.

Kt8791 Sat 29-Dec-12 13:46:17

Have you spoken to the head. I would make an appointment to see him/her and explain the situation and see what action you take before home schooling. The school should have anit bullying policy. The school need to take this seriously.

julienoshoes Sat 29-Dec-12 17:38:27

HE can cost as little or as much as you have available for it.
Almost every HE family I know does it on a very strict budget.
We certainly did.
Once you consider the costs of uniforms and school meals and outings and shoes etc, HE comparison costs come down.
We did much of our socialising in HE groups where everything was done at educational rates, and holidayed at HE camps, which were none profit making.
Supplies were only ever obtained from charity shops/car boot sales/Freecycle/scrapstores/Ebay/Amazon second hand...

The children were always involved in our choices, and were fully aware why we couldn't do some things....but wouldn't choose to swap our life with a battered old car, no fancy holidays etc etc for any other lifestyle.....

We home educated because our children were very unhappy in school-bullying was a very big part of that. It very quickly became our lifestyle choice. We had such a happy life.
We never looked back, have no regrets. Children all at Uni level now.

Come on over to the Mumsnet HE FaceBook page if you are on FB and talk to us there (but please send a message to me here, or to the admin there to let us know who you are)

mathsconundrum Sat 29-Dec-12 17:52:36

Rehamstered- I think you need to make yourself a clear plan of action so that you feel in control of this situation. 1. Write to head and governors detailing incidents and teacher's responses. 2. Meet head and agree a plan of action using their antibullying policy as a reference. Meet again at. Later agreed point. If no change write again to head, governors and lea. Move heaven and hell to support your child. Best wishes.xx

hamstered Sat 29-Dec-12 22:17:14

WOW Thank you everyone. I'm so glad I found mumsnet where I could talk about what has been happening to us. It's been really heartening to read all your replies of advice and support.
I won't be going back to the school as my child is so upset. That comes first for me before anything else.
The head when I spoke to her wasn't willing to even listen she just backed her teacher.
I could go on about the times I have spoken to the teacher and I did keep a log but nothing was done at all. The teacher often leaves the class with the LSA who can't control them, hence when the bullying happens, she doesn't really see or care to see what is going on. She is busy organising shows and trips and anything else the head needs doing.....
The teacher has already made her mind up that my child is at fault as all the kids back the bully and intimidate my child.
It's an endless cycle which has caused the teacher to really dislike my child for making problems when there appear to be none.
After much deliberation I shall HE both my children.
For anyone reading this... are there any online forums or groups that I could join for advice or support? I'm really in the dark here but feel that we could suceed with a little help.
I will definitely be doing the secondhand thing on amazon etc and thanks everyone for sharing all your perspectives.

mathsconundrum Sat 29-Dec-12 23:05:26

Best of luck with whatever you choose. It sounds as if school has spectacularly failed your dd. I would still let head, governors and lea know reasons for your decision. Heads can easily sweep things under the carpet if governors and lea don't get to hear of the problem.

julienoshoes Sat 29-Dec-12 23:35:21

There are loads of forums and groups for you to join.
I've sent you my contact details-I can point you in the right direction, and shine the light on your darkness-in just a little while the whole thing will be bright and sunny!

BeginningtoffeealotlikeXmas Sun 30-Dec-12 01:13:37

I completely understand your decision. You have obviously lost all faith in the school and I'm not surprised.

This is what I did when I made the decision to home educate DS1 - some or all of these things may help you too: firstly, I learnt a lot from reading through posts on this board. I also looked at the Education Otherwise website (and used their template for my deregistration letter). I joined Yahoo and found a couple of local home-education groups who send me regular details on local events. It has been really comforting to know that so many other people are doing the same thing.

Many of us who started out at the same time this year post on a support thread for newbies here. You are very welcome to join us. We are all starting out, learning as we go smile.

BeginningtoffeealotlikeXmas Sun 30-Dec-12 01:16:39

We are over here. We are not experts by any means - and there are a lot more knowledgeable people on these boards - but we share our ups and downs and swap ideas about what's working for us.

annwoo Mon 31-Dec-12 15:05:07

Hampstered good luck on your home ed journey. I have also sent you a message.

hamstered Mon 31-Dec-12 22:41:46

Thanks for all your advice and messages of support! Really really appreciate it smile

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