EMPTY NEST SUPPORT THREAD-Part 2(1000 Posts)
Part one lasted seven years! Thanks RustyBear for the great idea.
I have one DD off this year and another one starting Sixth form so will be here for a few years!
So how are all the DC's getting on with the lists/packing etc?
Hi missmarples. Thanks for starting part 2, DD3 is off in 12 days and she's well on her way with her packing. Our spare bedroom is rapidly filling up with boxes of stuff. Hope we can get it all in the car She's got a few more clothes to pack and needs to sort out all the documents she needs
DS is off on Saturday to Liverpool. He's away for a couple of days before that so has two afternoons to buy new shoes, rucksack, pots and pans, cutlery, crockery, towels, lamp, etc etc.
Oh yes, and to do online enrolment and buy Office for Mac.
I've made a start, bought his bathroom stuff and cleaning stuff. Am too busy stressing over shopping to worry about missing him yet
Do they need to take their GCSE certificates? I suspect DS's are in a crumpled mess under his bed among the empty beer cans
Don't think they need their GCSE certificates. But each uni is different so best to check. DD3 had to email a cool of all her certificates to Bolton when she applied so they've got all that. She's done her online enrollment.
Hallo , I've DS off to Uni , and DD starting 6th form .
DS is too laid back for words , and when asked to make a list of things to take , he tells me he has a list in his head < helpful >
I'm planning on sorting out
the rough stuff form the back of the airing cupboard for bedding and towels .
He needs to sort out clothes to take , clothes to leave here and clothes to throw away .
He does need to take GCSE Certs , to prove he has English and Maths .
At the moment he is being argumentative , messy and demanding , and I sort of can't wait for him to leave !
I expect I'll miss him when he's not here ....
My DS is being far too cheery lately, I wish he would at least try to look less excited because i shall miss him horribly. We have started the packing with dry goods, because he will have a huge space under his bed that he can store stuff in. Past and rice and so on, because his accommodation is costing us a fortune as although we are an hour away they say we are too close to help with accommodation. it would have been nice if they could have told us that earlier on.
Tomorrow we are going shopping for bedding and laundry bsket and other room stuff and kitchen stuff. The list is a mile long and will take all day, I think.
Madeofkent don't take to much Kitchen stuff as other students will also bring stuff. DD3 is taking crockery and Cutlery but we are going to wait until we are there before getting other stuff. She has already packed several boxes and a couple of cases of stuff so don't really want to get her anything else before we go.
DS is going to warwick at the end of the month. All he's been able to do so far is upload a photo. He can't enrol till next week, we don't get the accomodation details till next week, and he can't buy any freshers tickets till next week.
Next week DH and I are on holiday in Italy.
So I have to trust he will do all this without
me nagging my helpful reminders.
His packing to date consists of a crate with 2 saucepans, a frying pan, a jar of chilli salt and a bottle opener
Just saw dd off this morning & feeling a bit glum.
Not an empty nester yet but one year away so I hope you don't mind me posting.
DS1 is very excited about the future, applying to unis etc. I hope he has no clue how sad I feel about it. It's as though I only have him for one more year, apart from holidays, the likelihood is that he will end up living in another part of the country once he graduates.
Is he your only child secret? The first one is tough in a different way to the last one, and I imagine you get that rolled into one with an only.
No ontheallotment I have DS2 just going into Year 11. Interestingly I found all the baby /toddler milestones harder with DS1 apart from the day I waved DS2 off to infant school <sob>
Is DD your youngest?
Just come back from Asda which was full of middle aged women with reluctant teenagers in the sauce pan aisle .
Overheard one mum explaining to her son how to use a cheese grater and he was saying patiently, yes, mum, I know.
I'll be dragging ds there tomorrow; it's his birthday today and I'm not quite cruel enough to take him towel shopping today
yes, secret she's the youngest, but ds is still here at the moment as he's still home for the summer for a few more weeks, so the house isn't totally quiet just yet. I think I'm feeling this worse than last time though as I haven't seen where she's gone (wasn't allowed time off work for the parents open day) and it's a different kind of course (apprenticeship not uni) rather outside my experience, and she's one of only a very few girls on the course.
I have DS1 going to Central Lancashire Uni in about week
DD1 who is my oldest was away for a year doing an apprentice but is based back at home.
DD2 is just starting Sixth Form College
DS2 is just going into year 8
I'm a bit away from a completely Empty Nest, but I am going to miss DS a lot, except for the constant fugg of aftershave he leaves in his wake!
Fortunately I have just started a full time course, so I will hopefully be too busy to miss him for too long!
In case it hasn't been seen...helpful list
Not biggin it up because I started
another thread it but before anyone goes rushing off to buy loads it's a useful read!
ontheallotment If you are into hugs <<here's on> if not a hearty slap on the shoulder.
We did buy a lot of stuff today, because he has been reading forums and seeing how much gets wrecked or goes missing, he wants much of his kept under his bed for spares. He is going to keep a kettle in his room, too for when he doesn't feel sociable. It was really tiring, we started off in Argos and spent £60 on bits and bobs, then poundland and managed to spend £50 in there. That's a first for me. Then off to poundstretcher where another £80 disappeared, with a final £100 in Wilkinson's. The girl on the counter said that yesterday was her first day, and she nearly cried because they were short-staffed and one uni-going family came in and spent £300 and used four trolleys!
MIL sent him money to spend on kitting out his flat, thank heavens. It was quite hard to stop him from buying rolling pin, whisks etc. but I managed to convince him that a beer bottle and a fork would do for now.
At least he has condescended to meet us on my birthday for a meal, a couple of weeks after he starts. I think he thought he was going to be missing out on something if he came, so was a bit evasive. I could have cried, but stayed calm.
I have a friend in the village in the same position. We are going to meet up and hit the bottle when we feel down. In a very genteel way of course. With cupcakes. Or olives.
madeofkent make sure he is allowed a kettle in his room before he goes DD3 is not allowed one. We have bought bits and pieces but going to get anything else she needs when we take her up to Bolton. She helps with the 4 to 7 year olds group at church and was given q gift by the team leader, She had a shoe box full of useful stuff like a 100 tea bags.hot chocolate soup. baked beans,stationary. tea towel and a big bag of maltesers which are her favorite chocolates.
She is our youngest and I'll miss her lots when she goes.
For anyone who hasn't gone shopping yet, I just went for the first part in Wilkinsons at lunchtime.
v nice lamp with thick glass bottom and red shade £14
double duvet cover in cream with dark red trim £14
pillow protector £2.50
mattress protector £7.50
cotton sheet £6.40
dark red fleece throw for bed £4
2 dark red cushions £10
aqua bath mat £7.50
aqua towels 2 for £8
aqua facecloths 2 for £1
griddle pan £8
Which I think is fantastic!
Have agreed with ds that he'll buy a set of pans, crockery, cutlery and glasses tomorrow and then I think we're sorted
Also don't forget there are shops in the towns around the Unis?!
We are taking the bare minimum due to lack of
funds from her bastard father space in the car & DD2 wanting to come too. But we have just all 3 of us plus dog crammed in for a break away & we manawged so I'm sure we'll cope.
I am taking a box of " just in case's" which I'm happy to take away if there are duplicates eg toasters kettle etc.
Warwick don't allow kitchen appliances in rooms either but then of they only provide one for a kitchen of 8 she might need my spare.
Will know more after she gets her accomodation allocated next week, as she can check what's provided then.
We have had to go for private halls and it doesn't seem to be a problem there, to have a kettle in the room. I know there are lots of shops but we are on a really tight budget as a result of his stupidly expensive accommodation, so I would rather buy what I can as he was talking about going into the BHS in the Cambridge Grafton centre and buying things there. I am going to google all the cheap shops in cambridge and tell him where they are, rather than let him just wander across the road into the shopping precinct, otherwise he will starve through sheer laziness. I have already found a chinese supermarket just a few minutes away, so that should be a help.
Unfortunately we haven't got room in the car to buy lots of stuff here, There's already a huge and growing pile of essentials DD3 ( well to het anyway) wants to take including her keyboard. Bolton does have a lot of cheap shops not to far away from her uni including a home bargains type shop,
Made quite a lot of progress today .
Sorted through the airing cupboard and found 2 large and 2 small towels , 3 single duvet covers , 3 single duvets , 1 single sheet and loads of pillowcases
I wondered why the airing cupboard was overflowing
Found a pint glass and a bottle opener
Went to Matalan and bought a washing basket , an undersheet , a peeler, whisk , plastic spoon and kitchen tongs . He also needed socks
He can't decide about crockery , and a blanket , I think he wants to see what everyone else has .
Then Tesco , for a frying pan , a saucepan , a new sheet and 2 pairs of pyjamas .
I said to him that we'd pick up some cleaning stuff when we get some groceries when he moves in .
He doesn't think he'll need cleaning stuff ...
He's got a haircut booked for tomorrow , then he'll have a load of passport photos done
There's a lot crossed off the list now .
Arg, washing basket, forgot about that.
I think to an extent the amount taken expands to fill the available room. We took ds, so he filled the car with endless boxes, large musical instruments etc. Dd went on a bus, so took 3 suitcases (one of which was hand luggage sized)!
Dd made do with a laundry bag for her washing rather than a washing basket. Much easier to take to uni and can be carried to the laundrette.
Laundry bag is the way to go - lazybones don't have to empty it into a bag to take to the laundrette
My DS went to get the keys today and have a quick look around the halls. I'll grill him about what's there/not there when he's back tomorrow evening, then we can get the final stuff for him to be dropped off on Sunday (sob!).
I can thoroughly relate to MissMarplesBloomersabout the lack of financial support from his father. He 'can't afford it' despite having a weekend away with his wife, this weekend, and utterly unwilling to help, but somehow as a single parent I can?? Soooo glad I'll have even less to do with him from now on.
Dd off next week I get a bit teary thinking about it. She is limited to what she can take with her as she is sharing a room until something more permanent comes up in the halls of residents Not ideal but she has been told she was lucky to get that!
Getting used to silence and cooking tiny amounts of dinner since packing DS and DD2 off to their US universities about two weeks ago. 3 out of 5 now either all the way through university or in the thick of it. It is very strange to only have two DDs here.
Have already sent a package of things DD2 forgot, and have last paycheque from summer for DS to deal with.
Interesting to see the different things you need to take with you in Britain and US. Living on campus (with food in cafaterias) in a tiny shared dorm room makes a huge difference.
Math, at least you have 2 still at home . DS goes tomorrow and as DH works away a lot I will be living all by myself a lot of the time .
I was doing well until I did the Sainsbos online order this morning and burst into tears because I'm not ordering pizza, Fridge Raiders or Uncle Bens express rice, DS's staple 3am -after -he -rolls -in -snacks.
I'm already getting tearful DD3 goes on 14th so just over a week to go. Her laptop and stuff from DSA this morning and she was very excited about it and sorted out everything with the delivery guy herself. Made me realise she won't need my input soon.
mumblechum I'm by myself most of the time too, so can understand how you feel. Time to think about what YOU want to do. I've enrolled on two college courses and have even considered getting a dog! I'll think of you tomorrow.
Thanks zappier! I do have a two day a week job as well as running my own will writing business and do voluntary jobs for Barnardos and Riding for the Disabled.
It's just the getting up in the morning and going to bed alone bit I find weird.
Am working on dh letting me have a donkey
Top of my DD's list was a bottle opener. we need to get a kettle and an iron and now from looking at your list a washing basket.
She has plates, cups, glasses, cutlery, frying pan, 2 saucepans, cheese grater, tongs, spatula, towels, double duvet, 2 sets of covers, 2 sheets. Need to go to the pound shop and get a load of stuff from there.
She wants my laptop because the keys on hers stick, I am saying no at the moment.
I am worried about what I have forgotten
minsmum don't worry, wherever she's going there will be shops .
DS has his own list which seems to have cigars and whisky decanter and not a whole lot else .
I bought dd a bottle opener/corkscrew and a tin opener last weekend. She picked up the tin opener and asked, 'What's this?' but the corkscrew/bottle opener was greeted with delight.
How many plates, cups etc are those going self catering planning on taking/having?
DS is taking a new boxed set of crockery, so 4 place settings, same with cutlery and glasses.
I know that at first there'll be too many of everything, but am assuming it will all be treated communally (no "stop drinking that coffee, that's my mug!" bollocks), and also that there will inevitably be plenty of breakages.
I've bought DD3 a boxed set of 4 cups plates and bowls also 4 glasses and some cutlery, We need to get her some scissors and sharp knives as they don't sell these to under 21s. She's actually 21 but looks younger.
Thanks. Think we'll start with 2 each of small and large plates. She can then take old stuff from here rather than buying new! If she needs more, we'll get them later or she can. Will buy glasses when we get there.
DS chose some large really nice plastic glasses that looked real. I think that was Wilko's, maybe Poundstretcher. I have ordered him a tray, a black non-slip one from Amazon so that nothing goes flying off it if he is feeling unsteady. We had to go to B&Q yesterday for decent rubber doorwedges, that took a bit of tracking down. I'm waiting for a 4' bottom fitted sheet to turn up, then I think we have it all apart from buying him a box of fresh food the day before.
We also bought sticky labels. He wants them in case he finds he needs to keep his food in boxes and label it in the fridge. I bet he doesn't use them, but it's been interesting to see what he has thought of. He boarded at school for a few years long ago, I think he has memories of how his favourite toast spreads used to disappear at an alarming rate even when they were labelled. But he thinks it might make them think twice. I can remember him getting me to take in loads of kiwi jam, which he didn't like but the rest of his tribe (choristers) did, so that they would leave his nutella alone.
I managed to cry nearly all of the 330 miles back from Edinburgh where I have left my son. I forgot coat hangers and passport photos and a clothes dryer
What are you doing this w/e to distract yourself?
JGBMUM DD has had students union stuff & a lovely welcome letter from the faculty but still nothing about accomodation-just twitching about the cost implications as if she doesn't get into Jack Martin her next choice is dearer.
Ah well we'll manage, as long as she has a roof over her head!!
MissM ooh, I wonder if DS has had anything? He is stewarding at a festival this weekend so is away.
And I am in Italy, sat on the balcony of a beautiful hotel, relaxing and
mumsnetting admiring the views of the bay of Naples & Mount Vesuvius.
I knew this was the wrong week to have a holiday, bloomin' DH turning 50 on me!
ooh lucky you....it's turned chilly here summer def over
Happy Birthday to JGB Dad!!
8 hours till I say goodbye to DS for three months . I don't even know where he is, he appeared briefly for something to eat yesterday then disappeared again. Clearly he's more bothered about leaving his friends behind than us .
We need to leave at 1pm latest so he'd better show up soon to finish packing!
When DS (at Warwick) moved out of halls and into a shared house in Leamington (favourite second year destination) we didn't take a lot from home, we waited till we'd seen the house and his housemates got there and then took them to IKEA in Coventry to get the stuff that was still needed - like throws to cover the manky sofas.
DD forgot coathangers, an extension lead and actually discovered as we were about to leave that she didn't have a pen, or anything to write on.
She takes after her dad who hasn't written with a pen since 1975...
I've been lurking on this thread and posting on one of two related ones - all very helpful.
My dd is off to Brunel next weekend. She's on holiday with boyfriend at the moment, not back til next week. We had a mad weekend of shopping for uni stuff before she went, so reasonably prepared re the practicalities but I don't think I'm prepared for her to be actually really leaving!
Still have ds at home, just started 6th form, so we have been getting used to just being the 3 of us this week (with dh)
Ive found the practical tips here so helpful and knowing that I'm not alone with the emotional stuff.
Good luck to everyone who is off this weekend.
Ds spent yesterday evening drawing up a budget. He has now scared himself senseless about how much everything costs!
Just picked up DS from his friend's house. They had yet another all-nighter, he's had 2 hours sleep, smells like a distillery and is very down about leaving his friends (and family, he added hastily).
Just packing the cars now, we're doing it in two cars as he has sooooo much stuff! It's going to be a major task just carrying it from the car park 200 yards away and up 8 floors. Hope the lift's working!
You all have it easy on the packing front. DS has been in Germany on a 14 weeks internship with one suitcase and a backpack and will be surviving on the contents of similar for 7 months on his year abroad starting at the end of the month.
Must remember this when he goes back for his final year and the car is packed to the roof and it's a toss up whether there's room for me
He's home next Friday - can't wait. Just a shame it's only for 12 days before he's off again
Happy packing everyone.
Been for the final shop and now just organising what's going in the car tomorrow. This is so hard.
What a great thread
We are going to be empty nesters this year. DS1 is going back to Uni next Sunday and then DS2 goes the week after.
For the first time in 21 years - it will just be me and DH.
We have not bought anything yet ! DS1 should be sorting himself out but so far has only bought a huge set of weights (the lifting type) off Ebay. His logic is that it will save him gym fees. I'm not sure the car will even start with them in the back.
Ooh Marshy, I just noticed your dd is off to Brunel. That's where DS1 is.
He's in his 4th year (he's on a 5 year course) and is helping out at Freshers week so will be going there next weekend.
Madeofkent, use sharpies for marking food?
When DS1 first went to Uni, we got him a few of
They are great for packing lightweight stuff in the car. They collapse so take up hardly any space in his room. He used them for carrying stuff to and from the kitchen / bathroom and they are then used for the journey home.
DD1 is off on the 18th. We will still have DD2 at home as she has just started 6th form.
I am a bit worried that DD has forgotten something really crucial in her planning! Mumblechum what on earth is your DS taking that amounts to two car loads?
I was really worried in case DD wouldn't get the grades to go but now tht she has and the day of departure is drawing nearer I'm feeling quite down.
Actually, that sounds really self pitying. I'm very happy for her and delighted that she has got what she wanted but I am going to really miss her.
Chopchop, it doesn't sound self pitying at all. It is really difficult when your family unit changes.
In terms of thinking your DD has forgotten something crucial. I would say as long as she has her finances, paperwork, identification, gizmos and chargers - there is little that she would not be able to buy locally if she forgets them.
Oh wow DBT, somehow that makes me feel better. Has your ds enjoyed Brunel? (please just lie if the answer is no!)
Bought sticky labels today (thanks mumsnet tips!) but maybe a sharpie would be good....hopefully sometime soon there will be a day that I don't have to go to the shops....
DS has gone out with his friends tonight , Although some have gone already , one has joined the army , one or two gone already .
He doesn't know where he's going to be living ( he's on campus , but doesn't know where ) or if his student finance is all complete - I hope it is or we're stuffed
His clothes are being stored in the dining room , his bedroom and his shoes are spread all over the house .
He is being awful at the moment , messy , argumentative and awful
I'm sure it's nerves on his part , but at the moment I can't wait for him to leave !
mumble & zappier Good luck for the off tomorrow -take tissues!
We will have & for your return.
But still no gin emoticon
<yes MNHQ I'm glaring at you lot>
Hope you have a good trip Mumbles and Zappier and don't get too tearful, DD3 is going on Saturday and I'm all already feeling sad. We can only take one car so what doesn''t fit in she'll have to leave behind. We are going to buy some stuff when we get there.
Finally secured ds1's accommodation today - in a uni leased house with 4 others - pots and pans supplied (though looked rather grubby - oven looks even more disgusting) just needs and iron and crockery/cutlery. Nothing allowed on walls though so I'm going to have to look for a massive cork notice board for him to pin stuff on and that can sit on the huge desk against the wall. Anyone seen one on their shopping expeditions?
He wants to take his duvet and pillows from home so they smell "normal and not all new"
Finally looks as though it really is going to happen.
Good luck everyone going today. Let us know how it goes. Ds has got another two weeks yet.
Marshy no lies needed - DS1 is loving his time at Brunel. He has made lots of good friends.
What is your DD studying?
Good luck to all of those going today.
Well, just back now (we had an overnight stay in a nice hotel & spa in Cheshire last night as it's a long drive from home).
I wasn't too bad at all on the blubbing front; had a cry in the morning before he came home from his mates, and just a little bit tearful when we left him in his room.
When we got back to my car I found his Wild Turkey, so went back up to his flat. Could hear him chatting in the corridor to the 2 girls he's sharing with, handed over the whisky and one of the girls said "let's get drunk!", DS's favourite 3 words.
Texted me this morning to say he had a good night last night, has already made a group of friends and even texted me a photo of his room, all tidy and unpacked
So all in all, not quite the sobfest I'd anticipated.
Glad it went well mumblechum. We are off next Saturday and I'm feling sad already. DD3 will have to unpack one suitcase3 while we are up there as we need it.
Glad it went well this weekend mumblechum.
just got back. managed to keep it together until he hugged me and said 'thanks for looking after me and everything for the past 18 years'. DS had already friends with someone across the hall so I left them to it. It wasn't as bad as I expected so good luck all those who will be doing this soon.
Yes, sharpies would be good, thanks, but he does love his little sticky labels. So he can try both if I pack one for him.
Glad it went well mumblechum, hope zappier's goes well too - I saw a friend today, I was helping at a fete stall and she walked past with two sons, her eldest daughter went off yesterday and she looked like a bloodhound that had been in the sun for too long, her eyes were so baggy and red from crying!!! Have decided that as a result that I WILL NOT CRY next week - or at least will have the decency to wear dark glasses and subject others to such an awful sight, as I am sure that I could easily out-bloodhound her.
zappier that's exactly what DS said to me, thank you for looking after me for 19 years (had his bday last week). I couldn't say anything back
Best thing to do, if you can, is have a really good blub in privacy before you do the trip, rather than hold it in and then turn to jelly!
zappier and mumblechum good to hear your news. "Thanks for looking after me" would have me in floods - how sweet of them
DBT dd is studying anthropology. Hope it turns out to be a good choice. What is your ds studying? Reassuring to hear he has been happy at Brunel.
Dd is on holiday, due back tomorrow and then off to uni a week today, so hasn't been here all week. Do you know what I did tonight when putting dinner on the table? Yes, set 4 places.....there's no hope,is there
I posted this before I saw that zapier was on!
Yes, sharpies would be good, thanks, but he does love his little sticky labels. So he can try both if I pack one for him.
'Glad it went well mumblechum, hope zappier's goes well too - I saw a friend today, I was helping at a fete stall and she walked past with two sons, her eldest daughter went off yesterday and she looked like a bloodhound that had been in the sun for too long, her eyes were so baggy and red from crying!!! Have decided that as a result that I WILL NOT CRY next week - or at least will have the decency to wear dark glasses and subject others to such an awful sight, as I am sure that I could easily out-bloodhound her.'
That was so sweet, and I'm glad it wasn't as bad as you thought it would be.
Thank you for all your support, it really is appreciated; the hardest thing was coming back to the empty house but that's a hurdle over with. He's happy, that's what counts isn't it? It's what we do, prepare them to be independent and successful then set them free.
Zappier and Mumblechums I would have been in floods of tears at that comment. Can't see DD3 saying that though, I remember keeping it together when we left DD2 but bursting into tears when we got back to the car. Hope I don't get too tearful when we leave DD3 next week.
mumeee good luck for next week: you can only do your best
Mumblechum and zappier, pleased it went well, at least it's done and life can settle into a new rhythm now for a few months.
Good luck to those going off next weekend,
Missmarple, I think you and I will be sob-festing on our own!!
Has anyone else got DC not going off till the end of the month?
mumble & Zapp that has made me well up just READING it!!
JGBMum yes I think we will! When are you back from sunny climes? DD had had a welcome pack from the SU & is all excited about freshers week!!
Missmarple - Home on Friday, hopefully in time to collect dd (12) from the school bus.
At least DS2 is due home at some point today so I might start to get some info!
It's great having you keep me up to date
TIP if you have to park a long way away from the Halls (we were about 150 yards down a steep hill), take rucksacks. All 3 of us had a rucksack on our back and a big box in our hands and did the whole 2 cars' worth in two trips.
DS is on the 10th floor and there was just one tiny lift.
There was a drop off area but the queue to get into it was a mile long so we just parked and walked.
Dd1 goes on Sunday. She won't be far away, less than an hour by car, but I think she is likely to be horribly homesick. I want her to love it as I did but she is much more of a homebody than I ever was. What is a reasonable amount time to persuade her to stay before a trip home? She is excited but really quire nervous.
Rather than her coming home could you perhaps arrange to go and meet her for lunch on a Saturday or Sunday?
DD1 went to Zante yesterday for a week with her friends and flies back into Manchester to start her third year. She broke her ankle in April and has been more or less home since then so I am going to miss her
arsy face massively.
Re the coming home, dd was like that, she's a country girl at heart and we found that if we suggested she didnt rush back in year 1, that made her more anxious and stressed so we just said no matter what time of day or night, and how silly you feel if you want to come home come. We will come and get you. She did once when she felt really ill but I think knowing that made her feel braver iyswim. She's in her last year now and still doesn't really like the city but is doing well and has made some lovely friends.
We have said we will go over any weekend and take her out for lunch. It's home she will miss though, she gets homesick on a two week family holiday!! We have said she can come back whenever she likes. I've tried to suggest staying at least 2or3 weeks at least.
DS leaves on Saturday and we will become "empty nesters". We almost have everything bought/scrounged so it is becoming real. DS is so excited and has been applying for jobs online in his Uni town today. He has always been good with money and has a lot of savings from his jobs here, so hope he gets something quickly.
My dd is going on the 22nd. Her friends are leaving this weekend as well as next so is going to a lot of farewell dos. I keep doing ordinary things like going to the supermarket with her and realising that she will be going soon so it's the last time for ages. She has booked some freshers events she is interested in. I think it still feels a bit unreal. Have had a bit of a cry at times, but am trying to be strong and calm. She is nervous and excited. Thanks for all the advice and support. It's good to know so many others are feeling the same thing.
JGB mum you're welcome!
We are sticking to going on the Sunday now, as asked to. I had a massive email row with Ex ( who I don't usually engage much with as per MN wisdom!) about him being more supportive as DD 1really would like us both to come & see her digs & she wants DD2 there as well, which would have meant packing my car to the roof !
<what's the point in taking two cars says he, totally missing the point that his daughter wanted him there>
Anyway he has backed down & has said he will come, so I have cancelled my planned work for Sunday & we will arrive in convoy so at least DD1 can have her bike for getting around.
Are you still planning on going Sat?
Dropped dd off on Sunday with all her gear. Got the lot in IKEA pretty much. Thanks to the lists on here she had sticky labels, clothes drier, coat hangers and passport photos. Forgot a pen drive though.
Miss her already....
Made her up a sparkly silver gift bag and labelled it "Emergency kit". Apart from wee card from me with some tongue in cheek rules in it it contains:
Hot chocolate sachets
Mini bottle of wine
Spare pair of knickers
Hair bobbles and clips.
Hope she likes it
dementedma I'm sure she'll like it. DD3 helps out with the 4 to 7's group at church. She was given a useful uni gift from the team which included tea towels, mug, stationary, hot chocolate, biscuits, wooden spoon, knickers and chocolate and lots of teabags. She loved it had to unwrap it when she got it as the children wanted to se what she had got.
she goes on Saturday and has nearly finished packing.
Less than 2 weeks to go and it's starting to hit me now. I think she's wanted this for so long, and worked so hard to get it (vet school) that I forgot about the realities of her leaving home. Her big brother's coming home just after she leaves and using her bedroom which is all a bit surreal! (he's an injured dancer living abroad so he's coming back to relieve the boredom for a few weeks!!)
Youngest ds will be off next year so that'll be us (me and DH) having to talk to eachother, but at last the house might be tidy ;-)
DS1 goes this weekend - I well up every time I think about it. I am hoping that I will be brave on the day and not make a total fool of myself although I will need lots of tissues in the car for on the way home.
Really I was holding a tiny baby all new and perfect and blinked and he is off to uni! Super proud of him.
Hope all your DC's settle in well and have the time of their lives.
My DD is off on Saturday too.
She went off today to get passport photos, tin opener and padlocks. Came back with the first two, but had forgotten the padlocks and had bought a kitchen timer instead
Keep telling myself she will cope, but not sure I believe it!
oo-er it's getting closer now, although STILL no confirmation of halls
Going shopping for dry goods & last bits & bobs Thursday when I get paid.
Popped into Aldi today & they have load of useful bits & bobs in jazzy colours. Might treat myself to those & send DD off with my old ones!!!!
ooh, kitchen timer, that's a good one. I don't see how we are going to be able to carry it all! Or where he is going to store it. If he gets homesick and decides to travel home he will just have a rucksack I think, there's nowhere to store big travel bags. He will have food and spare bedding under his bed. Must go and buy under bed storage boxes this week. He nearly gave me a heart attack today, saying that he might want to go next wednesday as there were a few events for students who were moving into halls early. I managed to persuade him that two coffee mornings do not a party make, and that he would we wiser to carry on cooking dinner for us all every night to perfect his catering skills. Why is it that just as he is becoming a decent cook he is leaving home?
I found a non-slip tray on Amazon, I thought it might give all those mouldy glasses he will stash in his room a bit of a fighting chance.
When DD1 was subletting over the summer a couple of years ago (her job was not close enough to home to enable her to live here) I got her a small cast iron pan that was good for stovetop or oven use, and a heavy duty oven mitt to go with it.
She fried meats, eggs, potatoes, made pancakes, and used it in the oven for small casseroles, pies, half a cake recipe, and many more items. The other pot I got her was a bigger, taller one for pasta.
Just had my first wobbly moment ...
DS still being obnoxious , ( think its nerves and bravado , so I'm being normal , not snappy )
Tells me the new PJs we bought in Tesco last week have security tags , obviously I can't find the bloody receipt , and get tearful , planning what to say to prove I'm not a shoplifter .
Decide to sit down and have a coffee and a piece of toast , and find the receipt so panic over .
Thinking of making him a Tuck Box , but what to put in it ?
Chocolate digestives .
What else ? He doesn't like tea / coffee / hot choc .
Only drinks squash
Strongbow , vodka and jaeger bombs
Any ideas welcome
Need to get everything sorted today , as I'm working on Thursday and I don't want to be rushing round like a fool on Friday .
Leaving Saturday ( early ) as we're in South Wales and he's going to the far side of London .
Tuck box is a good idea - I was thinking of buying ds a tin of Celebrations or other such sweets to share.
I like the idea of a tin of celebrations, if I can find one at this time of year. As for the tin of luxuries, I have spent a fortune on buying dry foods and have included luxury items in that, I should have kept them to one side but it's too late, he has seen them now. So I have bought him a new cookery book, shall get him some condoms as actually I think I would be silly not to, I shall buy him a new thriller and a sci-fi novel and some chocolate. He still prefers real books to kindle. Maybe I'll get him a joke book as well, just so that he has something cheery to look at.
We are not doing any proper food shopping until we get to Bolton. DD3 has been given some tins of food from friends and. I have given her some tinned mackerel and a couple of cans of baked beans from our food cupboard as she's the one who eats most of that stuff. She has asked me where to get an academic walk planner from. She''s Dyspraxic and trying hard to get organised. So I think a trip to Staples might be a good idea unless any of you know where else she could get one.
I didn't do any food shopping for DS. He arrived Sat at 6pm so went out for some food and drinkt hat night. Apparently he has discovered Aldi and did a shop there on sunday.
He's evangelical about it but says no one makes proper meals anyway, they just graze during the day and go to Nandos, Pizza express or wherever at some point in the evening. Apparently on Mon night they went to bed at 9am Tues.
Tins/ tubs of celebrations etc are £5 in both Tesco and Morrisons.
I got one of each and mixed them so DS can have one tin and we can have the other (DS2 will need some cheering up and chocolate is his second favourite thing after his brother)
Haven't checked on here for a while. My dd is of on Sunday. Just been shopping for food basics. I suggested a tin of roses or something to her but she said no as she would just sit and eat them all herself! So we settled for a box instead....hope it doesn't look mean. She is taking a large bottle of vodka though so hopefully that will be popular (trusting that she will be sensible with it...<naive>..)
all ready for the off? just done tuck box and shop.We leave first thing Sat to drop her in Newcastle.
Good luck MABS and Marshy and anyone else doing the drop off this weekend.
How we all bearing up?
DD was taken shopping by her father this afternoon
<I am still prostrate on the sofa with shock>
He's not only agreed to bring her bike to Warwick for her but anything else I can't get in my car. He's had the bike serviced & taken her to Aldi where he bought her a new duvet , pillows & mattress toppper, loads of toiletries (she drew the line at getting him to buy sanpro, fair enough) laundry stuff and 2 packets of paracetemol!!!! My blowing my stack about his lack of supportedarlier this week has obviously hit home.
That has saved me a good £60 so now we only need a few grocery basics which we'll do next week as we're bothe working till then.
JGBMum acccomodation offers are finally out for Warwick, DD got Jack Martin which was her first choice...phew. Copious details & a handbook which she is still reading through.
Liking the idea of a goody/tuck box. Might also get the Celebrations as DD doesn't drink so needs something to offer round!
Good luck MABS & MARSHY safe journeys, hope it isn't
pissing it down raining like today.
Hi, mabs and marshy, good luck for Saturday x
MissM, we went round Jack Martin, very nice! DH needed a stiff drink when DS texted to say he's in Sherbourne accom and will need >£5k for the fees, and told us in all seriousness that its really good cos he hasn't got to move his stuff out at Christmas so there's a bonus - bless him!
We still have to do the "dry goods" shop. No packing has been done as yet. Some of the things that have been bought are in plastic crates but all her clothes are currently on her bedroom floor or the in the basket of clean (but crumpled) washing.
We are off on Saturday morning to Glasgow, so hope to go shopping tomorrow to leave Friday for packing. If not it will be a case of here's £20, go do it yourself on arrival.
If we do make it to the supermarket I like the idea of a box of Celebrations
and one for us.
plastic crates and dirty washing everywhere..
So glad it's not just my house with the clothes everywhere !
I asked DS to sort his clothes into piles ,
take with him ,
keep here ,
and charity shop .
They were all left on the floor , and now the " take " pile all needs washing because it's been on the floor ...
Doesn't explain why I washed the 6th form jumper though ...
Doesn't explain why I did any of the washing come to think of it ...
jellicat I thought DD3 was leaving things to the last minute. She did start packing 3 weeks ago but after the initial enthusiasm she slowed down, However she has now finished most of the packing and just has some bits and pieces to put in. Her room is a tip at the moment. The floor seems to be covered with clothes and stuff she''s not taking I don't know how she has got anything left judging by the ever growing mound of stuff in the spare room that some how we've got to get in the car. We are food shopping when we get to Bolton.
I have known DD to start packing to go back to uni at 2am, when we were leaving for Exeter at 8 next morning....
Rustybear that sounds very much like DD2.
I used to have a nice empty spare room.....the cats are not happy.
Good luck to all students and parents about to embark on the uni road.
We have just completed 7 years (21 trips there and back) of London to Nottingham trips. Both DS's went to Nottingham Uni.
It only seems like yesterday since that first journey in September 2006 when I had tears in my eyes a couple of times on the journey, but held it all together so as not to embarrass DS1.
I'm glad it's over to be honest, not least because of the expense, but also both DS's were happy to finish too, especially DS1 who did a 4 year masters degree.
You'll be surprised how quickly the holidays come round and maybe a weekend at home once a term.
DS2 is back at home for the time being, the house once again looks like a bomb has hit it and I try hard to bite my tongue to say 'You're not living in your student house now you know!' Still he starts work in 4 weeks so he'll have less time to make his weekday mess!
My ds is off Monday I am starting to feel a bit sick at the thought as he seems to be quite disinterested and I can see trouble ahead.
noddy - Oh dear. Hope he gets there and falls in love with it. Where is he off to?
Bearcat - My normally quite tidy DS seems to have decided to get in to the habit of messy student life early and has stopped tidying up over the last few months. Can't wait to get into his room and give it a really good clean.
MABS - That's a long drive! Sorry to miss the meet up btw hope you all had a fab time.
He is going to Bournemouth so not far! Him and his mates are distraught at leaving each other and he has shown zero interest in the course although loves the look of the student life. I can see a very expensive mistake ahead. Him and his mates spend their time talking about when they come home!
He has packed nothing and is asleep most days until 2
I would have thought they would be excited to leave home and looking forward visiting each other for long wild weekends. Plus lots of new friends and girls!
What course is he doing? Hopefully it will capture his imagination. I will keeep my fingers crossed.
DS1 is up half the night and then up late too. Next week is going to be a shock to the system.
My dd is off on Sunday but walking around as if she's going to the gallows! She is incredibly nervous and I can foresee lots of tears when we leave her. She is not a drinker really and is concerned about all that, staggering around in the middle of the night in a city centre would be her nightmare. Hope she finds some like minded people.
Also it looks like we will have to park miles away from halls and its due to pour down.
Her younger sister has just realised its about to happen too. They went out together for tea last night and dd2 ended up in the toilets crying as it hit her. I now have to worry about leaving her alone on the doorstep in tears as we drive away.
Melody they have been living a sort of student life since about 16 festivals clubs parties holidays away etc staying at each others houses etc. partly this is because their home town (Brighton) is so much fun. His course is film production so i think once he starts he will be fine. I think uni is a lot more fun if you are going to somewhere like here not leaving it Fingers crossed. He is an only child too although I am not sure this is bothering him although we are very close
mrsrhodgilbert - I really feel for your DD. Homesickness is awful. Is she moving far away? Maybe arrange a set time to skype each other and I find that just texting nonsense to each other helps. Hopefully she will be so busy having fun and making new friends she will forget to be homesick.
I am sure she will find plenty of people that will be either not keen on drinking or will at least be sensible and will respect her choice.
Could you sort out a fun day out with freinds for your DD2 while you take eldest to uni?
Hope it goes well.
I am sure she will find like minded people We had some neighbours a few years ago music students at the local university and they were not your typical at all Really nice quiet and fun no mad parties etc.
We are in Brighton too and I agree it is hard to leave. Sounds like he will have a ball if he already so independant.
Are they all off to uni or is he the only one?
ABout half and half. I keep welling up too and then thinking of how much they have achieved. I wonder if they know each other
I think they both went to the same secondary, if I remember correctly from previous threads, so probably.
I think the welling up isn't just sadness but pride and excitement too.
I have lots of friends with kids just starting primary school this week seems so odd to be at the other end of the system. It doesn't get any easier.
Oh that was a lovely school my ds still misses it. I think going to bestival in a big group was a lovely send off for them and am hoping that will be a nice memory and keep them going until xmas
They will have so much to yabber about by Christmas and stories to tell. As he isn't far from home I'm sure they can plan a long weekend get together back home too probably with new girlfriends in tow.
I think the thought of the girls is keeping him going. I am already looking forward to going to see him he wants me and his dad to come for my birthday in November so will be checking out the local b&b s
We are going to set up Skype with her and FaceTime. DH and I do that already as he works away a lot. She will be less than an hour away, there are two universities closer but this one is in a tourist city which she knows well rather than an industrial one. It's a lovely place, she knows that, but she believes she won't cope alone. I'm trying to encourage her to contact others who have posted they will be in her flat in halls but she has resisted so far.
I'm struggling a little as I was the exact opposite and couldn't wait to go myself. I almost want to shake her a little to halt the downward spiral, I won't of course but its becoming a little pressured. DH will be home again tonight so that should diffuse things a bit.
I just want her to love it.
am sat here sobbing she getting ready for big last Brighton nite out later...
Mabs lets meet next week Saw N yesterday and she is up for too. It has suddenly hit me too My ds is also off for a big night wonder if its the same place lol
Awwww ((MABS)) ((MRS))
It'll be me in floods as the next few weeks go by but yes so proud too, its a mess of emotions isn't it?
bet it is Noddy! lots going and defo from your ds school, dd said. Saw N last week, love to get together . text me.
Thanks Missmarple, am very proud and pretty prepared for it, but her room looks VERY empty now
My ds is leaving his mac and taking just a laptop and his weights are staying so just the clothes have gone here. He has perked up this afternoon after a call from someone he met at the interview so fingers crossed it is sinking in a bot
I have decided age 15-17 is ideal for uni as I would have been happy to see the back of ds then Now he is lovely and I am quite happy with him around!
Good point noddy, if I could send her sassy 16 year old sister instead the house would be lovely and calm! We've had a much better day today, much more positive. Thanks for all your supportive comments.
I've spent the day with DD1 in an 'advisory' capacity as she bought bedding, towels and kitchen stuff with her own money. Then we came home and I went through the loft and came up with pans, mugs & glasses that I'm only too happy to give away!
I dropped DD2 off last week and had a bit of a blub the following day, but she is having a ball so now I'm feeling fine. The only thing she is short of are herbs and spices apparently!
Off to the airport in the morning to pick up DS from a 14 week internship in Germany. Got him for less than 2 weeks before he's off to south west France for his year abroad. Not sure how I going to cope with him leaving again so soon.
I do know my house will be a complete tip for the next fortnight - unusually I don't care
Just back from Tescos. Bought very little food but lots of sanpro, shampoo etc. Still cost just over £100
I bought her a box of Celebrations, so thanks for that idea. We also got Pringles and nuts, but she declined my offer of alcohol. Well at least she can provide the nibbles!
Just the packing now, but she is only half way through her washing. I am trying to be patient.......
Thank goodness she is an only, I don't think I would have the stamina to do this again!
Thanks for this thread. Thought I was the only one feeling dreadful as my DD is off on Sunday.
She sounds similar to mrerhodgilbert's DD . My DD is very quiet and is not a drinker so she is very worried that she will be the only one in the whole uni that is not out partying and drinking.
It has hit home today that things will changing and it is horrid. She is a fab dd never been any problem just great company and I am going to miss her and then got to go all through it again next with year with DS. Feeling very emotional!
I may have to get another puppy........
idirdog DD3 is of to Bolton on Saturday <DH and I are staying over night as it's a long drive from here. Then on Monday we are having a friends cat for 10 months as she's moving into a flat that doesn't allow pets so that will keep me busy. DD3 is our youngest and I've been through this twice before , but it's harder this time as we are going to be completely empty nestersm
idir mine not a drinker either but she will have cake to offer round & choccies.
I have deliberately arranged a busy week at work next week, so I have less time to think about how much I am missing DD. To make matters worse one of my cats is missing at the moment. So feel as though two of my babies will not be here.
Since speaking to one of her friends tonight she has decided she does want to take alcohol. So that will be another trip to the shops tomorrow. Aaagh.
so sorry re cat Jelicle. dd has booze, cake and chocolate so far. I too have busy week next week.
Oh great - driving wind and rain on Sunday. That's going to make for a wonderful moving day
Well I think it's going to be a busy day today. DD3 seems to have stuff in boxes and cases all over the house. We need to get them altogether so we can see exactly how much she has and she's still got bits and pieces to go in. I've just remembered she needs to sort out her documents she put them neatly into 2 files once but needed to look at some and has left them scattered around instead of putting them back in the files. I hope she keeps them together at uni. DH was going to work from home but has gone into the office as he says it'll be to noisy here. Hope you find your cat soon jellicles
Hope your cat turns up soon JellicleCat8
Good luck everyone for this weekend. Drive safe in the bad weather. That reminds me must buy DS a new umbrella, the last one disappeared with the girlfriend.
Going out for a final meal tonight and an early start for us tomorrow taking DS to Manchester. Good luck to everyone else too.
same here Milliways, early start to Newcastle.
Still no cat
On the other hand DD is packed, and we think it will fit in the car. Just waiting to add the final load of washing. She has now been asked to tidy the
pit of doom bedroom, but in usual fashion is off doing something else.
Early start for us too.
Don't forget the tissues tomorrow everyone.
We've also got an early start tomorrow of to Bolton. House is being taken over by boxes and cases , looks like a removal company and there's still a few bits and pieces to put in. How we are gong to get it all in the car I don't know.
We are off on Sunday so still last minute stuff to do. Going to do a food shop, (get some chocolates thanks for the suggestion) and last minute washing but DD off with boyfriend so I can see this all being very very last minute.
I've kept busy today so back in control of my emotions (for a bit).
Hope you all have safe trips this weekend
Jelliclecat hope the cat turns up soon
So many going this weekend. We have another week yet. Good luck everyone.
good luck to all those going this weekend. we still have two weeks to go, some shopping yet to do and they are working. On the bright side they will have enough earnings to really enjoy the first term
Safe journeys to all of this we/e 's freshers & lots of & tissues fpr the mums on return. (& dads if needed!)
Thinking of all of you taking DC to uni this weekend, travel safely, and good luck x
Good luck all those going this weekend, the suspense is killing us and I keep having a recurring nightmare in which I lose him in a city he doesn't know and when I ring him a stranger answers! Awful, so I wish it was over this weekend really for us too. One more week to go for us but tomorrow we are driving over as it is an hour away but the room is ready then. We shall take over much of the stuff to get it out of the way and see what else might be needed.
DS has a dreadful memory and I don't trust him to remember to set an alarm, so today I ordered him an electric alarm clock that shines the time on the ceiling. No excuses about running out of batteries that way. I'm going to set it up on the other side of the room. Mwahaha
We've packed the car , just wanted to make sure it will fit in now rather than tomorrow morning !
Just a few bits of clothes drying and his toiletries to add in the morning ( and an overnight bag for DH and me )
I've made a big chocolate cake for him to take to share round , he's horrified by that (DD was horrified too , she wanted me to leave it for her , so I made another one )
Wine is definetely needed , sadly we've decided that September is alcohol free
feels that rule may need to be broken
Safe journey everyone
doilooklike a tourist you've just reminded me DH and I need to pack an overnight bag. Everything is ready to be packed in the car early tomorrow morning we have about a 4 hour drive and are aiming to leave around 9.30.
Good luck to all those off this weekend. DD doesn't leave until Wednesday. Spent some more money in Tesco today. Beginning to wonder what will be left for DD to spend money on when she gets there!
noddy I can recommend the location of the premier inn in Bournemouth (westover road) if you are coming to stay.
Off to Manchester tomorrow with DS1. See you there Milliways. DH works in Italy and is flying home tonight (and back on Monday) so we will have to pack the car tomorrow. It's just under 250 miles so I'm guessing it will take us 4.5 to 5 hours plus coffee stops. DS wants to take his bike
which he never rides at home and may well have 2 flat tires for all I know so that will slow our driving speed down too. You can wave as your overtake us MABS
Good luck everyone <sob>
off we go, will post how it went when back tomorrow
On the road to Bolton. Feeling tearful already.
getting the key today and taking up whatever we can carry feasibly on a train/tube. Will probably be doing it in dribs and drabs over the next 10 days, first car load goes tomorrow. Not sure if gradual withdrawal or cut and run is the best way to go - at the moment it just seems the agony is being rather prolonged
Good luck to all off today! We're off tomorrow.
Home after dropping DD off and thank god DH has an estate car is all I can say! She'd forgot a couple of computer cables so we went to buy replacements and came back to find her putting up posters and making the room 'hers' and we were told to go home and leave her to sort things out.
She's another one who doesn't drink and has nerdy (her words) hobbies so she's worried she'll be the odd one out but her flatmates have been having group chats on bookface so fingers crossed they all get along irl.
She's promised to skype later - but only so she can see her dog!
Good luck Marshy and all those making the trip this weekend.
DS1 is off tomorrow and DS2 next weekend.
I might even get to see my garage floor again
Oh, and hello to those bringing their DC to Manchester.
We've just got back from taking dd2. She was very excited about it all although she said she did feel slightly sick with nerves.
We also got asked to leave earlier than we expected, which I suppose is a good sign.
It felt very strange on the way back home. Dd1 has already left home so it's just Dh and I now. Its going to get a bit of getting used to, not having any children around.
ExcuseTypos - that will be us next weekend. It is going to feel very strange after 22 years.
I know we will get used to it but it does indeed feel a bit strange and sad tonight.
Am I the only household where everyone seems to have been stroppy and argumentative in the run up to the departure? ds1 and ds3 never argue much but the last few days they have been at each others necks. I'm putting it down to the upcoming change but it makes me sad because we should be enjoying these last few days together rather than all of us being on such a short fuse.
No you're not alone eatyourveg, all a bit wound up here too. Dd1 is off in the morning. We just wanted to sit and relax this evening but are still finding things that need to be sorted out.
To add to the pressure she has been offered an interview for a part time job on Monday, just as she is trying to settle in. In at the deep end seems an under statement.
I've just had a text from DD
She's gone for a drink with her flatmates and some others from the flat above.
I'd had nightmares of her sitting in her room, all on her own on her first night. I'm feeling rather relieved she isn't!
DD2 was very wound up. Her moods were unusual for about a month before we left. I was very glad her two good friends came to help her pack the car the night before we left because otherwise it would have got a bit hairy around here. I decided in light of the jitters to do all the driving myself - we had planned to have me do a total of 7 hours split up and DD do the middle 6 or so but in the end I thought she was too preoccupied. And also that I myself would have been too uptight to relax much while she drove. It worked out fine when we played the usual driving roles.
[wine[ for those who need it!
<still awaiting much needed gin emoticon MNHQ>
Going to be foul weather tomorrow, apparently so batten down those heavy loads people!!!
Excuse Sounds encouraging! Notso Like the way dog has priority!!
must remember to preview.......
Safe journey to all those travelling tomorrow! We still have 10 days to go...
Well DD3 is in her flat at Bolton uni. We did some shopping together then DH set up her laptop and printer. We left her chatting to her new flat mates and arranging what time they were all setting out to tonight's Freshers event, DH and I are staying in Bolton tonight and meeting her for lunch tomorrow. So haven't quite left her properly yet. It did seem strange leaving her in the flat tonight but I'm sure I"m going to get very emotional tomorrow.
Fellow parents... Whatsapp. Bloody brilliant - real time photo and text messaging. Tonight I've "met" some of DD2's friends and shared DS's bedtime routine with her.
Yep .... I blubbed .... And then in the car I blubbed a little more ...
DS is off next weekend- youngest of 4 DCs and I am preparing to be very emotional. He has organised nothing, so we are planning a big shop tomorrow. I am finding this thread very supportive. Good luck to all your DCs.
We went into Cambridge today to collect the key and book in, and take half of DS's stuff. It's a horrible journey but I suppose it's never going to be a good one, and no-one remembered to tell us that as there is so little parking space, we should have booked a delivery slot, but they let us in anyway. We put down a rug, made up the bed and put away all his dried foods and cooking stuff and sorted out the bathroom, and it helped with the worry and calmed me down a bit, being able to see his room and visualise him in it. We are taking him back again next week with clothes, musical instruments and fresh food to start him off. He is getting so bored, despite having so many hobbies, he just wants to get the start over and done with. He is quite stressed and has come out in lumps all down his legs, even though he is looking forward to it. The flat in the private halls is lovely, and even though it is going to cripple us, I am really glad we got him into it.
So next Friday it will be me sobbing my way back home - I nearly did it today, and he was in the back of the car at the time! It's the end of an era for me. Think I shall put out an advert for a substitute teenager, for someone to wake me coming in at three am, so that I can find the fridge empty the next morning, and show me daft clips on youtube.
madeofkent your advert comment reminded me of my dp. I went off to uni and came back for reading week (Oct half term) df picked me up from the station and then just as we got to our village announced I would be sleeping in my db's room as they had rented out my room to a student doctor at the hospital. ds's room is the biggest in the house and his db's want it but its staying empty even though ds's tenancy agreement is 51 weeks.
Long chat with DD last night when I could tell she was holding back the tears, she'd knocked on the door of one of the girls and was told to go away so she walked into the city centre. Came back and everyone was still in their rooms with doors closed and she didn't know what to do.
Much later the first girl came into the kitchen and apologised saying she'd been crying when DD knocked. The walls are that thin the others heard and all came out confessing they'd been feeling the same so they had a group hug and sat up chatting. I finally got my nightnight text at 4am.
Thinking of everyone moving in today, drive safely x
Oh gosh Notso, you must have been in bits. Im so glad they all came out of their rooms.
I had another text this morning for dd. They went out and now has a huge hangover. She said she didn't sleep a wink but is ok. She's not a big drinker at all but I suppose it's better she went out than sat inside on her own.
Thanks ET, the hard part is she's travelled up and down the country for years meeting friends with similar interests and even went to Japan by herself so I've done the tearful farewells and worrying already. As a result she's very resilient and independent and I suppose she expected the others to be the same. Her biggest fear was that the first night would be a big p*ss party and the others would think she was a baby because she doesn't drink.
Glad all is well Notso
DS2 doesn't drink at all and he had the same fears about being the odd one out. Thankfully, somebody was "brave" enough to post on facebook that they didn't drink much and was worried. Cue a couple of hundred replies from other students saying pretty much the same thing and a lot of them are now organising cinema / pizza nights. There's also the "tea drinking society"
That has made him feel much better for when he goes next week.
Just home from Newcastle, all went well, but verrrry looooong way. Dd was out last night drinking with others. And off to a club tonight too. I am a total mess now back home
The horrible weather is not helping much with these journeys.
Not long back from Glasgow.
The "delivery" went a lot better than expected. I had expected to be trudging up and down stairs all afternoon, especially when we got there to discover DD was on the 4th floor! However a lad in the flat offered to help as did one of the many student helpers around, so we managed to empty the whole car in just one trip thanks to them. Then had a quick look round and left her to it.
I managed to leave her without crying, but have had a few sobs both before and since. She texted last night and this morning but is her usual non-committal self, so have just emailed her and hope to get a reply and find out what she has been up to. I doubt she will have set up Skype yet.
Thanks for all the comments about the cat, she is still missing but the other one is his normal vocal self.
Well we had a good run to Manchester and stayed for a little while to unpack most stuff, make bed etc. Then went to supermarket for some fridge supplies (had already packed tinned/dried stuff), had lunch and left him. He was keen to get to meet other students sans parents so we drove to relatives in Wales for the night.
He sent us photos of his room all set up with posters on the wall, made himself a cheese toasty (he could live on those) then apparently had 35 people in his flat for a gathering and they all went to a bar together.
He is very happy today, can't wait to get immersed in Uni life, and my house is now very quiet - a true empty nest!
Just back home .
Dropped DS and his stuff off yesterday , then went shopping for some food and crockery , cutlery and a pillow .
Met up with a couple of 2nd year boys who are in the same flat , and when we left DS was going in to another boys room to play X Box , busy arranging the nights events .
We stayed over night and called to see him this morning , found hime to be a bit hungover and still in yesterday's clothes , think a good night was had by all !
Not sure when I'll speak to him , as he has no phone signal in his room and we didn't think to install Skype , DD has him on twitter though so I'm sure I'll find out what's going on .
Horrendous drive home through rain and wind
It's lovely to hear about how everyone has got on this weekend - thanks for updates. I offer for all who are in need.
DD has just emailed me. It included this "been to Tescos and bought fruit and booze"!!!
Think she is going to be all right.
I texted him to let him know we were home , he texted back - glad you got home safely thanks - and he actually kissed me on the cheek when we went !
We dropped dd1 off today. She was very tearful when we left which was so hard. We've had a few sad texts since but she seems to like her flat mates and a couple have also said they are not keen to overdo the drink and clubbing so that made her feel better. We took her shopping for food but nobody else had any. I'm expecting an early call tomorrow, she has a subject intro at 9am, how cruel.
It's lovely to hear back from everyone, even though most people are understandably a bit down after leaving DC at uni.
Hope the new week brings happy reports from these DC.
Horrendous journey turned the 3 hour trip into 6 hours so just got back form dropping off our dd. We had a very tearful journey up and when we left her. She has met some "super nice" people but is feeling pretty wobbly. However early days but it is hard to leave her like this.
Well we're back. Took her up yesterday unloaded all her stuff. DD3 said hello to some of her flatmates then we went for a late lunch and bought some food and bits and pieces for her. DH set up her laptop and printer. We then left for our hotel. DD3 was chatting away with her flatmates they and arranging what time they were going out to a freshers event. We met DD3 for lunch today (her enrollment session was this morning) and did a bit more shopping. She said they didn't stay out late last night and although tbe others drink more than she does non of them are excessive drinkers and they are all saying they don't want to go out every night. We left about 4pm DD3 looked a bit sad and she gave us both a hug but then went back to chatting to her new friends. I felt very tearful but held it together until we got back to the car and then I burst into tears. It felt very strange coming into the house without her.
So the big day is finally over for us at least though may be lasting a bit longer for dd!
Got home around 9pm after a 2 hour journey so much less than some of you. We completed registration with her, for hwr WiFi set up and then finished setting up her room whilst she went and queued for freshers tickets with her new flatmates who seem like a nice bunch. We gave her a bit of extra cash and then said goodbye. She was a bit upset as we left bur I held it together until a bit later when I got a text to say how lovely her room looked. She seems to be getting sorted and has a few subject specific things next week as well as freshers stuff.
I made myself go into her room when we got back - that was hard. Miss her but happy she's there.
well done all, I really feel so much better today, thanks all
Seems a bit strange this morning there's no music coming from DD3's room,
Well done mothers all....sounds like you all handled it brilliantly, bound to have a few sobs, I'm trying not to reading all these lovely updates. !
JGBmum did your DS get his accomodation sorted?
Sorry if you've already said <pea like brain>
Just wanted to say to those who DC are a bit wobbly at first.....
My DD is about to go into 3rd year but when she began 2 years ago she had a wobbly start. She was used to a group of very close friends from school who she had known for 7+ years and was very comfortable around. She fully expected to arrive and instantly meet her future best mates whereas she found she was going out with vague groups from her flat, loosing people and generally not having 'the time of her life' like she expected.
She phoned me one night of freshers at 2am saying how she wanted to come home and hated it and had no friends. It was horrendous and I just wanted to run and get her!!! I didn't, she stuck it out and settled despite a rocky first term of not quite knowing 100% who your friends are and it taking time to find new best friends she really 'clicked' with. She is now loving uni and has a great group of about 10 good, close friends.
She said chatting to people now, more people say that they hated freshers and found it really hard than that they love it. Boys tend to be OK as boys can just chat about football/xbox and will bond! Girls tend to struggle a bit more.
It is normal, and I wish I had been able to send DD off with the message that it may be hard at first and take time to find close friends but that in a few weeks it will all fall into place. I think she went with completely the wrong expectations and it all had been hyped up a lot.
Don't want to worry anyone, lots do find it really easy and find they are placed in a flat with others who they click with.
thanks Dalmation , good to read. dd is very upbeat, just had long chat
Thanks Dalmatian. DD3 is Dyspraxic and has another learning difficulty. I was worried about her getting on with her flatmates as she finds it difficult to speak to new people but she surprised me and DH, introduced herself and starting chatting to them straight away. She was nervous before she went and said she felt a bit weird when she went to bed on the first night, She knows it's okay to feel homesick and can phone us anytime.
Hi all. My youngest DS went off on Saturday. He was feeling sick and ill with nerves all the way down there and didn't want us to leave. We finally tore ourselves away at 6 and I was in bits all the way home from Plymouth to London. His last words were 'I want to come with you' and then 'I might prop my door open so that someone will talk to me' That was it, I couldn't contain myself at all then. Yesterday he texted to say he couldn't stop crying so we talked to him for ages and he calmed down a bit. He has been going out and doing some stuff but a lot of his halls seem already to be in pairs/have friends and are reasonably local. I'm so worried about him. He's very sensitive and tends to lurk in his room at home for days.
Just got back House feels very empty but I think a lot of that is me! as my ds has been out a lot over the last few years. Mucho tears when I left him but still really happy he managed to get there Good luck everyone its a definite period of adjustment x
Hi Surbubenqueen. It's hard for us Mum's when our DC aren't happy. Is he able to knock on he's flatmates doors and introduce himself q bit more. All the girls in DD3's flat bought Chocolate, cake and biscuits and put them in the kitchen with a note saying who they were from and to helo themselves. This seemed to break the ice and they. were all in and out of the kitchen. Tell your DS to ask? those who are local to show him round. Also tell him everyone has wobbles at first even those who look confident. DD3 did say she felt weird when she went to bed on the first night.
Thanks for replying. Yes, he did go into the kitchen and stand there and waited til someone came in. He has been speaking to the guys in his 'flat' but they all seem to have girlfriends already. He is forcing himself to just play gooseberry for now and hope that he'll meet more people. Just really wanted to share it with people who understand. Wasn't so bad when my daughter went because she was very local and I still had my DS at home for an additional 7 years. It really does feel like a massive and important chuck of my life is over now.
Thanks for your post Dalmation. Dd had a pretty miserable evening, enforced jollity in the SU bar, back to halls half a mile away, back to campus then on to a nightclub at about 10.30. She was exhausted and emotional before all that. She did manage to get a taxi back shortly after midnight and her flat mates were happy to leave with her. Very tired, upset phone all first thing this morning.
She met a couple of new people from her course walking in this morning, then more at the course talk. All of them have said they hated last night, don't want to go drinking and clubbing, want to go home etc. it made her realise she is not the only one feeling this way. I keep saying it will settle down and although it may look like everyone else already has a best friend that is not really the case. She has an interview for a part time job this evening then off for more clubbing. She seems quite determined to bail out when she's had enough now, she has a few taxi numbers and I feel happy knowing she can get back safely.
It's heartbreaking to hear her crying on the phone though, I really feel for you suburbanqueen. It's easy to assume its the girls who are struggling but that's obviously not the case. Dd is incredibly shy and she is really pushing herself to join in with things she hates. I just hope she finds a few like minded souls soon. We are quite closeby so we're actually going to visit her on Thursday evening, it might just make her manage to stay this weekend and then the course starts properly next week.
I know what you mean. Because of DD3's learning difficulties I was having to help her sort stuff out right up until a few days before she went and now she's got to do it all herself. I"m sure your DS will make some friends soon perhaps he'll find some likeminded. people on his course,
Thanks mrsrhodgilbert. Yes, it was horrid hearing him so upset. Your dd is brilliant for looking for work already though. No, I think it's just as hard for boys and they can't 'cry' openly ! We're going down again on Friday (his request) and will try to get him looking for work. It's another discipline, isn't it?
I take my hat off to all of you dealing with those struggling I would find it VERY difficult not to run to the rescue I hope things come together for them all soon and they make some lovely friends
Well she is lucky in that her uni is only thirty minutes away by train so she went over a couple of weeks ago with her cv and handed it round shops with ads in the window before all the other students arrived. Her selling point was that she would be willing to travel back during the holidays. She has another interview next week.
It's another source of friends and a change of scene as much as anything and hopefully will look good on the cv. She is actually a year out of school already. She absolutely refused to apply last year and has had a part time job instead. I feel she has come a long way in 12 months, I just don't want her touch of new confidence to take too much of a bashing. I'm sure your son will be delighted to see you and things change so quickly at this stage. I'm hoping a bit of sleep will help a lot. I have suggested she asks if people might like to go to the cinema one evening instead of yet another nightclub, I get the impression some would jump at the chance of a bit of calm.
I'm so sorry to hear some are struggling to settle. I hope things get easier for them, it really is very early days still.
Exactly, it's barely been 24 hours and its a huge shock to the system. They are sleep deprived, not eating normally, probably dehydrated and completely out of their comfort zone. Plus mine is apparently missing the cat. She has been texting her sister this afternoon who has just started yr 12.
I am trying really hard to encourage and be positive but its taking every ounce of self discipline not to drive over there and sweep her up.
Does anybody want a teenage boy, and his brother, and their friends for a couple of weeks? Please? Pretty please?
Just got back from work and house looks like the proverbial bomb site, grated cheese all over the kitchen, milk bottles left out, dirty plates and glasses in the sitting room, piles of their (clean) laundry left lying round the family room, along with iron and ironing board! Then DD has come home and dropped her dirty hockey kit over everything.
Not sure i can last 2 more weeks of this!
I agree with you Mrs it is a huge shock to the system.
When dd1 went off 3 years ago, she really struggled for the first 3 days. Lots of teary phone calls, one being at 12.30 am with an anguished plea to come and pick her up now, pleeeeeeeeese!
I was so upset, but held firm
by giving the phone to DH
The next morning she apologised profusely and said she had just been beside herself with tiredness. She had slept well that night and was absolutely fine.
Dd2 is now experiencing the same thing. She says she's not slept properly at all, having had 5 hours sleep in 2 nights but is having fun.
I've told her to try to get an early night tonight but she apparently has several parties to go to. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Be careful what you wish for. My house is immaculate today, wish it wasn't.
DD's another one who's struggling, I wish I could send her the last 2 pages of this thread so she could see she's not alone.
I knew on Saturday night she was putting on a brave front and she was in tears twice yesterday, the first time over her room as the window was stuck on circulating and she was freezing. After I'd calmed her down she went to the office and they sent someone to fix it along with other snags she'd found. She phoned back early evening in a terrible state and we talked for over an hour. She said she felt awful phoning me but couldn't ring her friends as they're all having a fantastic time (or so they're saying) at their unis. She sounds a bit better today and messaged me saying I had to skype her as soon as I got home so she could say hello to her dog.
I'm really angry because her shower's not working and it will be a couple of days before they can fix it. She wants to sort it out herself but I've just phoned to have a rant about the condition of the room in general but no-one's answering even though the office is supposed to be open until 7pm.
Oh dear, that's sad to hear. Dd met someone today who's shower is not working.....? She sent a text earlier to say one of her flat mates has been crying for two hours this afternoon, she is the one who was so keen to do everything and meet everyone last night. There are a lot of brave faces being put on I think. I wish the SU would put on some more low key events.
So sorry to hear that some are not settling straight away - it's really hard to cope with when you want to just rescue them from it all and know you can't.
DS went a couple of years ago and did settle immediately BUT was then rushed into hospital and missed half the first term. Obviously, we were all pretty upset and knew it would be difficult for him to slot back in when everyone had sorted their friends. It was but he made friends with others and had a great flat share last year.
He's been abroad on an internship for the summer and has had a few hiccups with that but he's become very independent & far more resilient but he will still call us when it's all a bit much. Being miles away listening and being supportive are often the only things you can do.
He off next week to France for his year abroad - more hairy moments I'm sure and I'll be worrying all over again.
Hope all those who are struggling can hang in there and for those worrying at home there's always
mrsrhodgilbert it is great the girls managed to admit to each other the night before wasn't good, sounds like they all are quite like-minded. Great suggestion about the cinema.
And glad she has taxi numbers and feels OK to just go when she wants to. DD did this, she loves clubbing and going out - but not every night and definitely not with strangers! I told her just to go home when she wants, friends are made during the day and at pre-drinks/early evening, NOT when everyone is so drunk or lost themselves. No one will remember the next morning who was or wasn't there and she doesn't have to admit she snuck off early!
Just reassure her it is ok to feel wobbly and that she is doing a great job, DD blamed her bad freshers week on herself at first and all that pressure got too much. She needs to realise it is normal and natural.
A job is also a great idea to meet a whole new group and get away from the uni environment, DD found halls could get quite claustrophobic.
Definitely lots of brave faces being put on, but when they do all crack and have a good cry or admit to someone that they aren't loving it, that is often when the bonding happens as they can have a good chat, emphasise with each other and will feel a lot better!
DD fond the days during freshers tough. The first few days there were registration events and introduction things and freshers fair, but they all only lasted an hour max so you end up with hours of free time and not much to do. I told DD to try and nap, knock on others doors and see if they want to watch a film or tv programme together etc.
Good luck to all the non-settlers, they will get there - some in a few days, some a few weeks - but it does get easier and more fun
JGBMum I'll swap them for the swearing builders next door that have covered the house in brick dust.
I tried to post Saturday night but I think the gremlins got in and my post didn't er post.
Well Ds1 is there. All went well on the day. We all just about held back the tears, just. Lots of cuddles and DS2 (9) has been very cuddly the last couple of days.
Unfortuatly the wifi at DS1's halls seems to be playing up and we can't skype or anything. He also seems to be too busy to reply to texts ( needed to know how much to send for books) So for now I have absoloutly no idea how things are going. Hoping no news is good news.
It was horrid this morning coming home to an empty house but it was very nice to finally get it to his room and give it a very good clean.
Hope all those struggling at the mo find their feet soon.
Thanks again Dalmation, all wise words. It's nice to hear from someone who has been here before that it does get better. I think she must have gone out now, we've had radio silence for a while. She has found today a bit strange as you say. Short spells of activity and then nothing.
Her interview was better than expected. It was a group, although small and she would normally have been the quiet one. She said she has had to speak to so many strangers in the last 24 hours that she just spoke first and others held back. It will have a lot of young staff so definitely a good distraction if it works out. If not, it was good experience. We spoke while she was going back to halls afterwards and she got lost in the city centre in the dark. Fortunately I was able to talk her back onto the right route but it was a scarey few minutes, she had taken a short cut that looked a bit different at night.
dd is being so positive to all, I now wonder how wobbly she really is
Aw MABS, don't worry - some do settle really quickly and find friends they click with... or are generally super secure, confident and used to being away from home.
Others 'flop' later, the first few days its all novelty and everyone talks to everyone but after a while people settle into friendship groups. Some then flop if they aren't 100% sure which group they fit into or start to miss home later.
I'm sure she is fine, if she wasn't I doubt she would be able to pretend. DD just phoned and I immediately knew she was wobbly- it was in her voice and by the third phone call she was being honest and telling me her worries.
Hi all, DS sounds OK today but says he's too tired and headachy for all the clubs night after night so the cinema thing is a good idea. I have also bought his coach ticket home in December so he cheered up immediately. His sister arrives home on the same day from China so much celebrations that day.
DS seems fine , very difficult to get hold of him though , as he has no phone signal in his room ( we live in the wilds of Wales and have signal , he goes off to London , no signal in his room )
I sent him a few texts yesterday , then when he replied I jumped on my mobile , phoned him and spoke to him .
He couldn't talk as he was going to a party !
He had a long day yesterday , doing all the official stuff , Freshers Fair today at student village , then Uni again Wednesday .
He's phoning home tonight , but seems happy , just hope he remembers to do some work as well as play !
dd hasn't talked too much, out a lot! she did some boarding in her Upper Sixth year but it was in Sussex so very local and she drove home as she wanted.
Spoke to DD3 yesterday. She seemed fine had made herself an omelette for tea. Her flatmates all seem the staying in type although DD3 said they were thinking of going to that evenings Freshers event, All the events are at the student union. The only downside is that her laptop wouldn't turn on although it was working perfectly on Sunday. It was provided by the DSA so she's going to try and speak to someone today.
just went to her empty bedroom, stripped bed etc for washing....really wouldn't recommend it girls
So sorry Mabs I am the same if its any comfort. xxx
Oh MABS....that's -what I'm dreading, when I get back to her empty room.
On a happier note. She has found her Halls FB page so is making contacts that way, an eclectic bunch, from all over the world!
She was very relieved to read there was someone brave enough to ask "anyone else not drink ? Don't want to be a party pooper for freshers!"
About 5 people said "me too" before she did so they are going to have a tea party when they get in & sorted!!!
MissM, which hall? DS is in Sherbourne.
great Missmarple. mine does drink a bit so is out the whole time and very tired, dh and I arguing a lot, think it's stress...
Having a bit of a wobbly moment this mornimg. I'm going to visit my elderly parents who are both not well. They live about a 90 miles from us and I go by train. Last time I went to visit them
DD3 came with me. I keep thinking there's lots of stuff I won't be doing with her now.
Thanks MABs. How are you doing?
JGBmum She got into Jack Martin!
MABS She'd love to be a party animal, but just doesn't like the taste-but is grateful there are others who aren't drinkers like her. I'm sorry you are feeling rough & you & hubby are arguing, it is a difficult period of readjustment for you all isn't it? <<hugs>>
Mumee that's tough having to do the sick elderly parents thing on your own. Especially at the moment with missing DD3. But then again at least you will have things to talk about with them, filling them in on all her exploits. I hope they get better or at least improved soon. <<hugs>> to you to.
Afternoon all, it seems we're all a bit wobbly still. We managed to Skype dd last night, it was lovely to see her face though she did have a bit of a wobble when she saw us and probably more so when she saw the cat. Unfortunately the cat failed to recognise her!
She stayed in and had an early night and has gone off to the freshers fair today, I hope she joins something. Her flat mates are still very homesick and some course people too. There is still talk of leaving which is upsetting her. We are going across to take her out for dinner tomorrow, I hope we won't all be blubbering onto our soup!
mrshodgilbert Sorry to hear things are still a bit tough. As I said before, it is so normal and common for her to be feeling that way- most of them are, lots just hide it well!
Good she felt confident enough to stay in when she needed to, DD used to end up going out despite feeling knackered just in desperation to make a new best friend and fear of missing out. Once she relaxed and did what she wanted things got a lot nicer. It also gets easier next week when lectures begin as they are busier. I wish they made freshers week more like a first week of boarding school where the days are so crammed full of things to do that they don't have time to stop and think.
In many ways it is good those around her are homesick too. Who is talking about leaving? Her or her housemates? Seems very dramatic!
Lovely that you can pop over, I hope it helps her. I was torn between going (but it is a 2.5 hr drive!) and thinking she needed the separation and time to settle. I really disagree with the zero contact approach like boarding schools use. It is fine for boarding schools where there are staff to comfort them and pastoral care, but at uni if they are feeling rough then seeing a friendly face to chat things through can be so reassuring. I'd advise against letting her come home for a weekend just yet, but going to her uni for a meal is a fab idea. Don't worry we would certainly have been blubbering into our soup and causing a waterfall no doubt at your stage!! DD visited some home friends who were at the same uni on the Thursday of freshers and it helped her so much to restore her energy, have a good cry and honest chat to them.
Hope things stat getting easier, it will take time. I hope she finds a society to join too. I know how hard it is for you too-have lots of
DS phoned last night , we had a good chat , he's doing well , the 3 other boys in his flat are 2nd years , and seem happy to show him the ropes .
He caught the shuttle bus at 08-15 to get to Uni to do all the beginning of term stuff .
Went to the Freshers fair and got himself signed up for the American Football Team . He said it was easier to just join as they were quite insistent !
Picnic in Greenwich Park today ( or the wet weather alternative ! ) and he's expecting to be given his first assignment .
He has 2 older cousins in London ( 1 working , 1 at Goldsmiths ) and after insisting he didn't need their phone numbers has now asked me to get them for him .
He is missed at home , but I don't want him to be stuck here in a dead end job .
DT2 off tomorrow, DT1 off on Saturday - absolutely dreading it, although I'm trying to be positive I keep having moments of "this is the last ......." We're moving to a new house whilst they're away so they've also had to clear their rooms and it all seems so final.
Out for a family dinner tonight then a 3.5 hour each way trip tomorrow. And then all over again on Saturday - I'll be a wreck by Sunday I think.
I finally got an unprompted message from dd1 (She went on Friday). She's has to have a blood test and a hep b jab as a requirement of her course so I think she was looking for a bit of sympathy after being used as a pin cushion!
Opened the veggie freezer in Tesco just now to buy quorn for ds and closed it again thinking, I don't have to buy this anymore. Then thought perhaps I should get some just to have in the freezer in case he turns up late one night having changed his mind about going. Ended up putting some in the trolley then putting it back again telling myself - Its time to let go.
I have spoken to dd this afternoon and she sounded much brighter, no tears. However she has discovered that 2 girls from her flat have gone home, she doesn't know how long for, which she is a bit non plussed about. Turns out one of them only turned 18 a few weeks ago, so quite young. She is one of the girls talking about leaving. I've suggested dd continues to text her to try to show they want her to return. So only 2 or 3 of them tonight and they're staying in.
She has been walking in each day with two other girls from her course but in different flats and is making friends with someone who is commuting from home (same city).
She is eating well however, she's very health conscious and is cooking properly, she photographed her dinner last night and sent a photo text. I was very proud especially as some really haven't moved on from pot noodle.
So I feel more positive today, she is really trying hard to make it work.
We are unable to go and visit DD3 as she is 4 hours drive away and I work shifts so don't often have weekends off. Her course has started already she had her first lectures on Monday.
mrsrhod she sounds like she is doing well. A friends son decided last week he didn't want to stay and said he would come home and she said no! However yesterday he turned up on the doorstep and rang the bell .
mrsrhod that is lovely to hear about your dd. It sounds like she is doing everything she can to settle in - you should be really proud of her.
mrsrhod great news, morale must be a bit low if half of them are packing up and going home. She is doing great and being mature about it all. Lots to be proud of.
well done to her MrsHodg, sounds like she is doing so well. DD got the parcel of 'crap' I sent her today, rang to say thanks. She very bright but says everyone is from the North of England so she bit concerned they may go home many weekends. Only met one girl from Kent so far.it is just a very long way from us in sussex!
DD found people do go home at weekends, but not everyone and not every weekend. More like everyone in turn went home roughly once a term. DD loved lazy weekends, catching up on essays, going shopping etc. It is tough at first though when you are settling and want people around.
DD getting excited to go back for 3rd year, I'm just relieved it is the final year and next year she will be moving to London hopefully and so much nearer
It does seem that everyone dd has met is fairly local and they obviously are disappearing off home. I am a bit shocked that they are going mid week. My thoughts were she needs to meet someone from the south who would be unable to keep leaving. She made me laugh yesterday when she said a girl from Sunderland was having real difficulty understanding a girl from Selby. Hardly a million miles away.
She has just called to say she feels really sickly and I immediately thought it must be a freshers bug. However it turns out she had 2 extra large poached eggs for lunch, both with double yolks. I think she has just over egged herself. I have recommended opening the window, loosening the waistband and some flat coke. She and flat mate are going to watch a film later on the laptop.
Ds is kicking his heels waiting for the off on Sunday. Soooooo, he has has just announced that he might have a go at making custard tarts. Apparently he watched 'Great British Bake Off' on iPlayer and has decided it doesn't look too difficult.......
DD sounds a lot happier, she has a new gay best friend (her gbf from college wants to come and visit!) and an admirer who's she's not happy about, she was only 18 in August and the hormones have never kicked in!
She had a good rant about her timetable as she only has 4 hours of Japanese. They've got a test on Monday so she's busy revising in the hope that she'll be put in the 2nd year class.
DD finally skyped today. Sounds like she is having a ball, it seems to be party central (though she has joined the netball society),
So sorry, for those whose dcs are wobbling. I suggested to dd that she did not come home for 6 weeks, so she had plenty of time to acclimatise, but also said she was welcome back any time. At this rate I don't think we will see her till Christmas.
Well if he can master custard tarts he'll be fine with regular student food and probably very popular!!
Dd says they ave agreed to cook and eat together at least once a week, I think that sounds like a great idea - if it works out.
I've just phoned DD3. She didn't want to talk for long as she was out with her new friends at tonight's Freshers event at the Student union. She sounded like she was having a good time and said she would talk tomorrow. DH is missing her as much as me.
DS 2is off to Uni next week. I wasn't sad but reading this has made me a bit sad. It is such a huge thing in their lives. I remember doing it a
kabillion years ago and I can't remember thinking it was a such a big deal then.
DS 2 and DS 1 have unintentionally ended up at the same Uni. DS 1 is in his third year and loves everything - his course, the Uni, the city, his flatmates. He is a bit gushy
DS 1 doesn't drink at all but it doesn't seem to matter at all. He still goes out clubbing. Very occasionally, his friends try to get him drunk but he just quietly tips the drinks away. He has said that he is shocked at how much some of his friends spend on alcohol. He doesn't like the taste of alcohol and hasn't ever got drunk
weird child, he so doesn't take after his parents My DS2 also doesn't drink but I guess he may start at Uni. I don't think it's an issue whether they drink or not.
My DS has only just started to have the very occasional beer or cider with his father. He never drinks socially, he doesn't need it, he says. Looking back, I think I used to start drinking at parties if they were boring and I knew I couldn't get home because I needed a lift, so had to wait and it was a way to kill the time! I shall be very interested to see if he drinks more, once he is at uni. One of his friends will be there too, although on a different course, and she doesn't drink either. I suspect that for every raucous drunk student there are ten sober ones quietly getting on with their lives - and their coursework.
But I only have him for two more days and I want to cry. I shan't, I don't want him coming in and finding me. We have to go shopping today, he has grown again and thankfully yesterday I made him try some of last winter's trousers on. Not a good look... When do they stop growing? I can't afford this!
I think you're absolutely right madeofkent, it seems to be assumed that all students must be great drinkers and that is not turning out to be the case. I wonder if all this homesickness would be alleviated if there were more welcome activities which did not revolve around alcohol and clubbing. It can't be that hard.
Noddy - what happened to the son of your friend? Did he go back to his university?
Looking forward to seeing dd tonight. Out of the 5 girls in the flat she is the only one who hasn't been home or had a visit yet. Only 2 of them seem to be about, 2 still at home and one who is just not around. I think she may have friends in the city and keeps disappearing. It's not exactly turning out to be the bonding week expected. I'm a bit unimpressed to be honest that they have disappeared without comment.
madeofkent and mrshodgilbert Bristol's head of SU seems to be great on this...
mrshodgilbert hope things improve for your DD. Is she feeling any happier or just doing her best to keep going? I hope she meets some nice course friends next week when lectures begin. Have a wonderful evening.
Hello again, she does seem happier thanks, just a bit fed up that so many of her flat mates have bailed out. That's the downside of being so close to home I guess. I don't know if this is unusual or becoming more common as the general costs are rising.
Roll on Monday and a bit more structure and mixing during the day.
Well dd and a very stressful day today.
She decided to have an early night as her lectures began at 9am.
She overslept and then realised she'd been sent an email in the middle of the night from her department, saying they must print of x, y and z before coming to the lecture.
She had to download these and then her internet decided to play up, so she couldnt do it. She got very stressed, poor thing and has spent the whole day wanting to cry.
She absolutely hates being disorganised.
I'm going to phone her in a bit.
That does sound stressful ExcuseTypos. Poor girl - I hope she is ok this evening.
Oh no! What a nightmare ExcuseTypos, unis are very sympathetic to 1st years and unlike school you tend to be just one of hundreds so relatively anonymous so I'm sure her printing issues will not be a big deal.
DD is one of those who has to be organised of she feels a big mess so things like that would have stressed her too.
DD frantically trying to do her dissertation proposal essay which is apparently in next week. She is very stressed out so I won't mention she needs to start packing or ask why she left it until this week!
Aww poor Mini Typo -how upsetting. I hope her day improved & her tutor was understanding?
Thank you everyone. Have just spoken to her and she is fine now.
The whole university was having issues with the Internet so no one had downloaded or printed off anything. The tutor was very understanding.
Dd said she was off to cook something with a flatmate and to have a calm evening watching films.
ExcuseTypos I'm glad your DD is fine now. It"s hard when there's a problem and they are far away. DD3 was having a problem with her laptop and DH wished he could just go and fix it for her. It's sorted now. She seems to have settled in well was out when I phoned last night and was going out to the quiz night tonight,
Glad she got sorted Excuse typos, & if everyone was having problems that probably made her feel better! A calm evening in sounds just the ticket!
mummeeee- sounds like your DD is settling in very well too , we all love a good quiz!
Yes Missmarplebloomers she has surprised DH and me by how well she has settled. She"s always been shy and not very good at talking to people she doesn''t knowx But she went in and started talking to the other girls straight away on Saturday.
We went to see dd last night. I'm not sure if it did any good really. She was pleased to see us all but was fairly quiet all evening and got upset when we left. She does seem to have a bug of some sort though. There were a few students around the city dressed in school uniform which was the event she particularly wanted to avoid, they seemed to be having a good time though.
I'm waiting for a phone call to say if she is coming home tomorrow for the night or whether she wants to come today. It all seems to depend on how many of the others will be around. Obviously flat mates are the luck of the drawer but hers seem a bit absent.
hard for her mrs hosge when the flatmates arent around.sounds good for yours mummee
Mine appears to be having a ball!
DD skyped yesterday and was even observed eating grapes (shock, horror). She has made friends with her flatmates and their friends but was off to the ball last night with a school friend.
Also, my cat finally returned. She was away for 17 days but was there when I got up this morning. She seems fine, not injured or half-starved, but I'm so pleased to have one of my babies back home
Good luck to everyone whose DC are going this weekend
DT2 went yesterday and I found it really hard (still do actually), so far the only contact we've had is the response "yeah great" to a "how's it going" question. I desperately want to speak to him, but don't want to hassle him, how long do you think before I can ring him without seeming like a desperate parent?!
DT1 is now packed and ready to go tomorrow so another hard day ahead - I can't go into the empty bedroom yet and if I think about it too much start wanting to cry.
I know this is much more me mourning for their childhood I think (and therefore my impending old age!), but am surprised at how difficult I'm finding it.
Well mine is coming home this evening, she was coughing well on the phone earlier. I'll be raiding the medicine box this evening and will hopefully return her back on Sunday feeling positive and ready for anything.
Well done to all those who are settling in and good luck to those about to go.
Frosty, it must be very difficult to be sending two away at once. Do you think dt1 has picked up how much you want to speak his/her brother? Maybe they will be more responsive when they go. Maybe Sunday morning , not too early, might be a good time to catch him.
Jellie, I'm pleased your cat has returned. I would be in bits if it was one of mine. I suspect ours are in for a weekend of extreme stroking.
The slight problem is that the boys themselves are not really speaking to each other much - no arguments particularly, but after 18.5 years together they're very definitely feeling the need to separate, whether that state of affairs will continue I have no idea.
I've emailed DT2 re some post from the bank that's come and just said that we'd love to hear how he's getting on when he's got a moment, and that I'd ring him early next week before I go away for work for a couple of days. I think that way he won't think I'm harassing him, but that I am interested in how things are and haven't forgotten him!
I'm sorry your DD isn't well, hopefully a good dose of TLC and home comforts will get her back on form. Stroking cats is very good therapy too - I think my boys will miss the animals more than anything else!
Just making up a medicine box - Vitamin B tablets, a bottle of collis brownes, milk of magnesia, andrews liver salts, echinacea, paracetamol, plasters, germolene, TCP lozenges and a vicks stick. Anything missing?
What is collis brownes? I put in ibuprofen too so it can be alternated with paracetamol if really poorly. I also got a bottle of boots night time tickly cough medicine, it seems to aid sleep and some beechams cold/flu capsules. Strict instructions not to overdose on paracetamol went with that one. If she wasn't coming home tonight I think she would have been taking the last 2 this weekend.
I've no experience of twins at all but certainly understand how siblings can need their space. This might be just what they need right now, they should return home together with totally different experiences to share.
Does this mean you have no more dc at home?
I still have dd2 who makes enough noise for several people. I'm sure I will be feeling bereft when she goes in 2 years, I doubt she will study so close to home. I really don't feel too bad about dd1, maybe because I know I could see her within an hour and just take her for coffee or lunch. It would be very different if she were hours away.
Oh yes, one more boy here - almost 15, and really looking forward to not being bossed about by his big brothers and although he won't admit it, I'm sure he will miss them a bit. I know the boys need to go and be themselves, it's just me being selfish having been so involved all their lives, and them being so little and vulnerable when born (3.5 & 4.5lbs), I can't quite get to grips with both of them disappearing away from my beady eye!
When does your DD start lectures Mrs? I do wonder if a shorter intro before lectures would be better, then the ones that aren't party animals may not feel quite so left out. Neither of mine are, and I was thinking that maybe if they had their lectures to get to grips with it might suit them better......not that I can do anything about that!
collis brownes is for diarrhoea - he's sharing a house with 4 girls so hopefully they will mother him if he's poorly. Thanks for the reminder about ibuprofen
I sent DD off with just about everything you can think of, except mattress topper, so driving over next week to deliver it.Oh and her shades of grey books, they were under my bed, say no more.
Good luck to everyone moving this weekend.
After a traumatic first weekend DD seems to have settled in and the number of texts and phone calls have dropped although I have chuckled at some of the things she's eaten - god help them when its her turn to cook!
We were going to see her tomorrow (only an hour away) as she wants to see her dog and there's a country park we often visit 15 mins from where she is. Unfortunately DSD (also a fresher but 60 miles away in the opposite direction) has been taken to hospital with apendicitis and DH is still at the hospital. He's thrown himself into freshers and has had 2 weeks of solid partying on top of a week in Ibiza so I initially thought (evil stepmother that I am) it was either his liver struggling to cope or something he ate but the poor thing's had it removed this afternoon.
On a lighter note I'm not impressed coming home to an empty house and having to walk the dog, go on a poo hunt and empty the dishwasher - DD did have her uses after all!!
Dd home, an hour from halls to home on the train and dads taxi from the station here. She seems on good form and very happy to see the cat. Her lectures start on Monday, 6-8pm!!
If she gets a couple of good nights sleep it will help hugely.
Yes I do think freshers week could be much improved, but it was much the same in 1982 when I went.
so sorry notsoskinny - how is he now?
dd still good, partying a LOT, so will crash soon am sure, but we 7 hours away so can't do anything..
DD3 sounded tired on the phone yesterday. She's been out a few times this week and isn't used to it. She also said she had been kept awake by people from other flats coming back late. She's had some lectures but said they were a bit boring as they are going over stuff that she's already done. I told her that was better than starting off with hard stuff and rhat some of the students might not have done the stuff she had. I think she thought she would be taught harder stuff straight away she doesn't like things being too easy Other than that I think she's still happy. MABs your DD is even further away it's hard when you can't just go up and visit.
Thanks MABS, he'll be discharged today so we're going to drive over for him. He wants to go back to his flat as he doesn't want to miss any lectures with it being the start of term but mum is insisting we bring him home - DH will see how he is when we get there and speak to the doctor and take the fall out from mum if doc supports DSS.
Glad he's being discharged today. DD3 had her appendix out last October. She wanted to go back to college but was up to doing anything the first week after she came out of hospital.
That should have said wasn't up to doing anything. Apparently it takes at least a week for the anthesetic to clear your system.
Notsoskinny yes the anaesthetic will be in his system for a lot longer than you'd think. A week for the initial woozisnes then a few more weeks before feeling 100% poor chap.
I would have thought a week off would be sensible, its still early so he won't miss too much, as loing as his tutor knows they can organise someone to take copies of their notes for him & make a list of things they should have read so he can catch up. If he rushes back too soon he could well end up taking much longer to recover & be ill again further into the year when they are right into it.
wooziness not woozisnes.....!!!!
We took DS to Cambridge this morning. We were met by a lovely boy who had just arrived and was obviously lonely and nervous, and informed us that the flat was going to be shared by another boy and two girls. So I have high hopes of a cleaning and shopping rota.
I had real trouble not crying, was feeling very proud of myself but miserable and trying to hide it, then as DH was pinning timetables on to the wall board I felt a hand creep into mine and squeeze it... So I knew I had to stay strong for his sake. That has to be the first time he has willingly held my hand apart from a very rare event when we witnessed a car pile up 7 yrs ago!!!
Stopped off on the way home and ate large slice of cake and drank large glass of wine. Came home and saw state of his bedroom Went outside, stroked rabbit and informed her that she is an orphan. Used rabbit as hanky.
Made, I've already used the cat as a hanky, and am about to go and quietly sob into my horse's neck - he's very understanding and doesn't mind copious amounts of weeping, in fact he's getting used to it! DT1 dropped off today and I can't stop worrying, he seemed more lost and lonely than DT2 who went on Thursday. He's in a studio rather than a flat and I'm worried that he'll be isolated, but hopefully am flapping unnecessarily. I am really hating this week.
My dd is off tomorrow. We are taking her - am not looking forward to the last goodbye. Have asked her to Skype me how her room looks - think it helps if you can visualise them there. Thank God for Skype and mobiles. Just hope she is lucky in her housemates. This thread is such a help. All of you know how it feels. Am tired and am going to have a quiet week next week to process it all. Dd still can't believe she is really going - not sure I can either!
Sizewise a horse would be far more useful than Bunny. I was trying to remember what I missed when I left home and the answer sadly was, not much at all. So I was wondering what DS would miss most - us, or his musicroom! Not Bunny, she has scarcely had a lookin this summer.
DSS being kept in for another night,
helpful DSD has reminded him his first year doesn't count towards his degree so he's no longer worried about what he misses except the rest of freshers and being unable to train or try out for the football teams for a couple of weeks!
Made, I ventured into DD's room but I'm not brave enough to tackle it for fear of what I might find - DH thinks we should get a skip then go in with the pressure washer! How can someone who always looks immaculate live in a hovel?
Oh dear , am I the only one that hasn't wept ?
I miss DS's presence around the house , but I am quite content that he's not here ( he's 4 hours away in London )
I'm proud of him , and of DH and I for making sure he made the grade .
I must say our shopping bill has come down tremendously ( might have something to do with it being no alcohol September )
He thinks I'm being a bit needy and stalkerish as I try and phone him everyday , going to leave it for a couple of days and see if he phones us !
We have just come back from a short break away to celebrate the fact we can now the nest is empty
DS is REALLY enjoying himself, partying every night so hopefully this will calm down once freshers ends and lectures start next week. His flat is the meeting place for lots of others before they hit the town and his George Foreman Grill is working overtime on the toasties when they all return at silly oclock.
DD has also invited herself home or a weekend soon as her DH will be on a stag weekend, so that will be lovely
Well I've now managed to do a bit in DD3's room without bursting into tears. I've only been phoning her every couple of days as she didn't want me to phone everyday. She actually went to the laundry room and did some washing yesterday. DH and I. were amazed as this is someone who doesn''t bring dirty washing down for weeks and that's only when she's been nagged about it.
Mumeee my dd did washing too. I was a bit gobsmacked until she mentioned she had been to some sort of event that involved painting herself green . Can only assume that washing was required to remove the green-ness!
DD1 went to University of East Anglia yesterday. And texted to say she was out partying already. It's sooooooo QUIET here without her. DD2 didn't get back from her boyfriend's until late last night.
It's all so scary tidy and lonely.
DD1 went last week. I do miss her a lot but no danger of the house being tidy as DD2 is still here!
She is having a good time I think. I spoke to her yesterday and I've had a few texts. I'm trying to avoid contacting her too much. She cooked for her flat mates last night. She did have to phone me for cooking tips though
DS skyped me this morning, not because he misses me but because he didn't take enough shirts to supply his new partying lifestyle. Suggesting he washes them more frequently fell on deaf ears, he took so few because HE couldn't be arsed to iron them, but now he realises that multi-levelled student haunts get very, very hot. So it's me and a pile of shirts off to the PO tomorrow. I packed a container of spag bol for him for today, but he says he won't need it, their whole wing is off to a carnival-style BBQ. Am starting to feel very jealous. But as I have now had two phonecalls AND he has condescended to talk to me on fb, I am feeling far happier. Even though he has already locked himself out of his room and had to go and find a warden to let him back in. He says he has has met loads of nice people - but will he recognise them when he is sober? I doubt it.
dd locked herself out too! no washing doing there either, apparently she sprayed stuff with febreze!!!
DD1 has just rung.
She forgot her running shoes and her wellies. Will I post them?
She has a hangover. Hahahah.
that will cost a fortune Sarahsratton I guess
Lovely to hear everyone's news.
We did the drop off today. Left home at 11.15, stopped at Tesco to buy stuff for his fridge and freezer (and a box of Heros, and a crate of cider...). Got to his halls, checked in, a hoard of helpers arrived to help us carry all his stuff to his room. Emptied a few boxes and the suitcase to bring home. Drove home. Back indoors by 1.30. I DIDN'T EVEN CRY
Dd is home or the weekend. She has a stinking cold and looks pretty ill. She had been planning to go back for a pub crawl, foam party event tonight but has decided to stay here an extra night. The change in her mood since Friday had made me feel that when she goes back in the morning she will be feeling much more positive and ready to get stuck in.
She has an interview for a part time job tomorrow and lectures start. Hopefully the madness of freshers will level off and she will start to relax.
Strangely, although she has had a rough week I haven't cried and have managed to clean her room without being upset. To be honest though, she has so much stuff that it doesn't look empty at all and she still has loads of clothes here.
So after a dodgy start I am optimistic that things are looking up.
I think she can cope without her wellies for a bit. It's not like she needs them for her course, or anything. I will post her running shoes though, they're lightweight trail ones, luckily.
I have received a text with a list of things she's forgotten.
DD3 has just phoned
me unpromted for the first time ever. She is feeling homesick and just wanted to talk. Made me feel sad again. Her flatmates are looking after her though. She went to church this mornimg and forgot to tell them she was going. They had been knocking on her door and were worried about her. They were glad she was okay and she''s now going to watch a film with them,
Sorry to hear your dd is ill MrsRhodGilbert.
Just been to visit DD with her dog who ignored her and licked her flatmates to death. They seem like a nice bunch, apart from one who's a bit lechy, and they have a squatter - a friend of one of the girls has a room in the complex but doesn't get on with her flatmates so she's using their communal area!
Her parents had taken her shopping and she came back to make spanish chicken for everyone, DD had cleaned both hobs (before she knew I was coming) and one of the other girls was organising the boys to wash the mountain of dishes - I'm waiting for the report of flying pigs on tonight's news!
Thanks ising, just freshers cold I think, a bit like when little ones go back to school in September. Mood wise she is much improved.
I've had no contact with DT1 who was delivered yesterday, not even a request for his proper address so I can send him some bank stuff. DT2 has sent a query re student finance and finished it with "having a great time before you ask". Remind me again why I was so upset Thursday and yesterday?!
Little ingrates! Well done ISS, I was ok until we stopped off for lunch on the way back and shed a couple of quiet tears then, but today depite a phone call and facebook I have lost it a few times. Expecting him to be in certain places and laying his place for dinner, that sort of thing.
He has obviously recovered from his hangover, has been to a carnival BBQ and is now off to a Superhero party dressed in cape, mask and sword. Heaven knows where he found those. But there are hours of slight boredom, with none of his possessions around him and only a laptop and a few books. He has many hobbies but they all take up space. If nothing else it is forcing him to socialise more.
well I have done a week now, and she is nearly 8 hours away, it really really really does get better I promise am sort of used to it now..
Disastrous day yesterday - lots of tension, lots of arguing with and amongst dc, at one point ds1 ended up saying he wished he had come up by himself. I managed not to cry until I got in the car to drive home and then ds3 shouted out as we drove off Mum's crying - was so mad with him as ds1 has aways said seeing me cry is the most soul destroying feeling ever. Only consolation is that I heard him reply well I can't see her so it doesn't count but I'm so cross with ds3. he has asd but I'm still cross
Didn't even kiss him goodbye - felt myself welling up so just gave him a hug and said keep your trousers on as long as you can.
feel crap and so cross that it wasn't a good day
Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.
I am so sorry you had a bad day eatyourveg. Chin up love, you are amongst friends here.
So very sorry eatyourveg, I wish you could do it all over again.
MABS in that case I wish I could wake up and find it's next week, I still feel awful and have to keep reminding myself it's only been two days, but feels like weeks because I keep willing the phone to ring or fb to go 'ting'. Have put a cookery book on top of the phone to stop myself from picking it up to ring him.
He was out until almost 4am last night, so is having a nice quiet day. So he says. I bet he goes out later though.
Ds has just posted on Facebook that he is playing wheely chair hockey in his corridor. I'm guessing this is 'bonding' with his flatmates
My two have gone into complete "radio silence" - nothing on FB, no text, no reponse to email request for addresses - not impressed. I brought them up to be independent but a quick note would be nice!
Sorry to hear that eatyourveg. Perhaps your DS1 was just feeling nervous and apprehensive, Hope he gets in touch with you soon and you feel better.
honesty Madeofkent, a week makes a big difference
Dd has just phoned after a catchup with her flat mates to say two, out of the five, are thinking of moving out. One to commute from home and one to live with her boyfriend. No money has been paid yet apart from a deposit so I suppose they think they will leave quickly before they are charged. I'm not actually sure they would get away with that but it's not my concern.
So that would leave three and I guess would be pretty lonely at times. I feel very fed up for her. I have no idea how typical this is but it's not something I expected at all.
Sorry to hear your last day together for a while was a bit of a disaster eatyourveg - it will get better - have some
for you too mrsrhod & frostyfingers and anyone else having a tough time.
Hugs to all the mums struggling this week. As MABS says it really does get easier and they do settle in.
At DT1's uni there's a student accommodation message board which has a list of spaces available, swaps wanted etc mrsrhod so it may be worth them investigating to see if anyone wants to join them. I'm feeling much less bothered today, mostly because the boys are obviously not bothered with me/us! One room cleaned out and nothing too awful found, and the other one will be dealt with tomorrow.
I do have fleeting moments wondering what they're doing and how it's going, but am beginning to let go although the house still feels horribly empty and at my first proper cooking attempt since they both went I still managed to over cater.
I agree with MABS that the first week is the worst and it does get better.
Frosty, I sympathise about the radio silence. Do they have Skype? At least I can see DD is still alive as she changes status from "away" to "offline", as she doesn't answer texts or emails. Actually I think she is just having so much fun she hasn't time for lonely Mum.
Anyone else off before the weekend? My DS is off to Loughborough tomorrow. I believe they are staggering the arrival of different Halls over a few days. I think he is packed...
Been wobbly most of the day - nothing on twitter or facebook though he's without a laptop atm as the shipping date for his new one has been delayed. Had thought he might go into the library to find a place to log in and tell the world he'd arrived in the big city but nothing. No smart phone either. On the positive side dc have been kinder to one another today.
DS1 goes on Friday, husband not around so he's going with his grandpa, way up north! DS2 will find it very quiet and boring with just his mum for company :-( we are staying at home have had enough of saying goodbye to those I love, so feel it is better if he has someone stronger with him.
Meandthecat that's brave of you staying behind. I know I couldn't have done it, I'm sure your DS will have a good time with his Grandad though.
I keep telling myself that no news is good news, eatyourveg. The first evening I heard from him several times as he waited to go out. The next day he rang twice and pm'd and facebooked several times, today it has been two quick pms only, one fb update. I think it is a sign that he has settled in and is too busy for me or facebook. Which is good for him, not so much for me...
I suddenly had a strong memory of me two weeks after I left home, a wave of homesickness hitting me and sitting on the stairs crying my eyes out for five minutes, then getting up and shaking myself and getting on with my life. I don't think I have ever even thought to tell my mother that I was homesick for those five minutes.
I think no news is good new so don't worry
Just received a short fb message informing me that he is going in to collect a student card and buy some new hockey shin pads. Felt pathetically pleased for small scrap of contact. But today I do feel better.
Spoke to dd again this morning, she just sounds so sad, it's breaking my heart. I've been telling her it will get better for over a week now and it isn't. She just seems to think other flats have bonded well and it is going to be difficult to break into established groups. Her flat is not bonding because 3 girls are talking about moving out. I know logically that friendships made in the first weeks do not always last and people will still be open to making new friends in the coming weeks. I feel almost envious of those whose dc are not in contact because they are having such a good time.
Hi All. Mrs Rhodgilbert - I feel for you. Very hard when they're unhappy.
We went down to Plymouth again at the weekend to see DS and took some more stuff he wanted. He seemed fine, settling in and making friends etc but today, he's had his 1st lectures and he rang me crying saying he hates it and wants to come home and doesn't like the course etc etc. I gave him a pep talk about it being a bit overwhelming at first and the 1st bit of the course (English Lit) is only a tiny part of the whole thing and that he needs to go and wash his face and have a walk in the fresh air and go to his 2nd lecture (Spanish) and then we will talk again this evening. I told him that we can perhaps adjust his course and that he needs to make an appointment with his personal tutor to discuss how he's feeling. Oh, this is hard. Has anyone any experience of them changing/not liking their course? I think most of this is just general homesickness though...............
MrsRhodgilbert if her flatmates move out there will probably be other people who didn't get university accommodation and wanted it who will move in. As they start attending lectures there are more opportunities to make friends. She can also look at joining some of the societies and making friends that way. I am still friends with someone I met in the third year at university, not with some of those I lived with in the first year.
Homesickness is normal, I couldn't wait to leave home and still had my 5 minutes when I was ready to go home. If they can be persuaded to admit to their flatmates how they feel they may find the rest will admit to having had their moments too.
I know of several young people who have changed course and/or university but it's a very expensive option to change university, much easier to change course.
is it a course he thought he wanted to do for a long time?
Hello thank you for that. The thing is they have all admitted to each other about being homesick. 2 girls want to leave as they actually live close enough to commute and just don't seem to want to make living in halls work. I have to wonder about their decision making. Sorry, that doesn't sound very nice, I'm just frustrated.
I'm sure she will meet people on her course, she has a seminar tomorrow so hopefully more chance to interact with a smaller group.
She has just told me that two girls were attacked by a man at the security gate to halls last night and ended up in hospital. She has a personal alarm but its worrying he went for two together.
Mrsrhod, you both sound like you are having a hard time, it must be very difficult. Do you know if she has been able to find any societies or clubs she likes? Hopefully once lectures start she'll hook up with some nice people - and see if there's an accommodation swaps board, she may see something suitable.
My two are still maintaining radio silence, Skype off, no replies to text or emails......I'm actually just a tad annoyed now, I did ask them not to disappear off the face of the earth! DT2 has had induction sessions and tutorials so will use that as an excuse to call him, DT1 seems to have vanished into the ether.
Mrshodgilbert - so sorry that your dd is having a tough time - hope she gets some new flatmates soon. Doesn't say much for the staying power of the two who are going. I thought freshers were usually keen to be in halls to make friends .... Also hope the security is improved. Suburbanqueen - hope your ds feels better about things soon. He might just have had a really bad attack of homesickness. There are so many new things at once, I think it can be really hard to process it all.
We took dd on Sunday. A lot of people had already moved in so it wasn't very welcoming, with all the closed doors. But she seems OK and has been busy all day today. I find not knowing what is going on with her the hardest - but we have to learn to let go and as so many have said, no news is good news. Thank you, Mabs, for saying that you feel better after a week. I am not looking forward to cooking the dinner - think it is the small, ordinary things that get to you. Hugs to all who are going through this.
Mrshodge sorry to hear about the attack on 2 girls. It must be worrying for you but I expected they'll step up security now. DD3 has been feeling a bit home sick but fortunately for her she has a good bunch of flat mates. She said one of them has been going home a lot she lives in Liverpool and it does't take long to get there from Bolton. I think all the others are to far from home to go home often. I'm sure your DD will make friends soon.
Mrsrhod, have the other girls not signed a contract? DD asked if she could come home last week and commute but I told her she'd have to pay her rent for the rest of the year and find train fares so she reluctantly changed her mind, although I did feel awful, so perhaps the other parents might say the same.
DD's been making an effort to talk to people and has met a few staying in her halls who have admitted the transition is harder than they thought it would be.
Thanks all again. No it doesn't say much for the staying power but apart from a deposit no hall fees need to be paid until early October, although I doubt they would be let off them. The third girl has an old school friend in another hall and she is spending every evening over there. She apparently popped in for two minutes to take some food and left again. That's not really helpful is it? Which leaves dd and one other who seems to have a lot of work already so is busy.
If there is no one in the flat corridor the lights go out so dd does not want to sit with her door open onto a dark corridor. So she is in her room alone again and wouldn't consider going out after the attack last night. I'm feeling quite cross and upset now, surely living in halls is all about getting to know new people, that's really what dd was hoping for.
It's obviously not easy for your dd mrsrhodgilbert and yet she is trying so hard. Circumstances conspiring against her. I really hope things turn for the better soon. Keep us posted
I had a wobble last night but we had a skype session with ds this evening which was lovely. He has cooked a couple of meals and even done some washing up.
Mine has gone 3 weeks ago and we are in contact every day. She is fine and loving it. Settled in great. Which is brill!!! I am missing her terribly. Feel so so empty. Never had so much pain. She doesn't know this and wont know either. I just feel so lost.
Mrsrhod had your dd started lectures yet? Hopefully she will find some people on her course she can bond with. It does sound grim for her, poor thing.
Other than that I would certainly suggest she tries to find some clubs she can join so that at least she gets to know people with a common interest.
I shared a room in my first year. I had nothing in common with my room mate and wasn't sure how it would work out. Well over 20 years later we are still friends.
Keep telling her to hang in there as hopefully it will get better.
Dd had her first lecture yesterday and has her first seminar tomorrow. She has discovered that one of the girls who was attacked is in her seminar group and lives in the next flat. They have met very briefly so she will go and find her in the morning and suggest they walk in together.
I know that little by little she will get to know people because I did this myself 30 years ago. She has just been really unlucky with her flat share. However three of them have agreed to attend a fun event tomorrow together so fingers crossed. We skyped this evening and she seemed more cheery, she is trying to keep busy.
It's lovely to hear how all your dc are doing, makes me feel less isolated and your support is very comforting. The only person I am still in contact with is someone I met in yr3, so plenty of time yet, (apart from DH who I snapped up in the first month).
Tried phoning DD3 several times this evening as I said I would as she was feeling a bit homesick on Sunday, Eventually got a text back saying sorry I didn't have my phone with me I'll phone you tomorrow. So I presume she's feeling better.
Sorry to hear about those having wobbles and mrshodg that things are still rubbish, I feel for your DD she has been very unlucky it seems.
Has she found a society with a good social life like any sports team? DD said her friend who was in similarly rubbish situation as your DD joined rowing and built a great social life around that. I hope that these negative flatmates just move and are replaced with some similar to your DD who have moved from other antisocial flats and want to have a good time and make an effort.
DD is back for 3rd year and I'm glad to report sounds very bright and says she hasn't been homesick apart from a few minutes on the firs night. They learn coping mechanisms and how to deal with it and adapt much more quickly as time goes on. With DC feeling homesick just encourage them to keep busy and that it will get easier.
Luckily I'm working so have a good distraction but I miss coming home to her bouncing downstairs to have a chat about our days. Thinking of those whose DC have just gone and if contact is still iffy! No contact often means they are so busy and throwing themselves into it.
suburbanqueen hope your DS is now feeling happier? It is often possible to change courses but as you said he would need to speak to his tutor. Do make sure though if he really does want to change courses that it is still a good course to do at that specific university. My DS eventually changed course last year but although his initial university was great for his first course it wasnt for his second course. So he ended up withdrawing from the course and reapplying to another university.
Thanks everyone. I'm hoping this is just a bad bout of homesickness and that it will pass but I do have lingering worries that academia isn't really for him. Problem is these days, they all get swept along in this craze for going to uni, partly because there are so few other options for them. Being old, there were more varied opportunities for my generation. Still, musn't jump the gun. He says he's Ok again now - although he still sounds as flat as a pancake and isn't doing anything but sit in his room and play GTA5 !!!!
just rang dd, wasn't happy, was asleep at 13.45. Said she hah had a 3 hour lecture and was totally exhausted..yeah right! nothing to do with social stuff then
I haven't heard from mine but my daughter managed to get through to him this morning - which was a bit suspicious as he was meant to be registering at 8.30am so I hope he made it in. Apparently she was up with the baby last night and saw that he was on fb at 4am!!! he had been to a hot tub beach party My quiet non-drinking son who used to like early nights has turned into a party animal! It's nice to know that he is still alive. I feel a lot better today, yesterday was wobbly but today the intense pain has lessened hugely.
That's a good sign madeinkent and I'm glad you're feeling better. Mine has just sent a text to day that the flat mate who keeps visiting her school friend in another hall has just cancelled the plan she made to meet in 10 minutes. She is in a cafe in the city centre which sounds quite deliberate to me, no intention of meeting and selfish. She seems determined to ignore her living companions. They all look like perfectly normal girls, nothing immediately off putting about any of them, she is not giving them the smallest chance to befriend her. Why would someone behave like this? Dd is very patient but I can imagine her getting very frustrated if this girl ever turns up. I guess this is the downside of quite small flats and I will be wary of it if dd2 goes in 2 years. She was wary of halls with mZny rooms on one corridor in case it was too noisy but actually it would have been much better.
Yes, my DS has only 6 rooms on his corridor and the 3 opposite are very insular and don't mix and his immediate neighbour spends all his time with his girlfriend so there's only 1 of the 6 who bothers talking to him. I think the bigger halls are probably better but there we are....
I feel worse today than all the other days before. Think it's because I don't feel this is 'right' for him. Really hope I'm wrong.
Skyped my dd last night and she seems to be coping OK. Made me feel better, anyway. She has found people to do things with and is sorting out clubs at the moment. Mrshodgilbert - hope your dd has better luck with making friends elsewhere. Her flatmate sounds very insular and rather unpleasant - why move into halls if you aren't going to make an effort to talk to new people, I ask myself? Felt wobbly this morning and it is strange tonight that she isn't coming in from college..... Suppose we must give ourselves a chance to get used to it, but so lovely to know others are feeling the same. Hope the dcs settle in soon and we settle down without them!
This thread is really helpful because its making me realise our issues are not unique. It really does cut down your chances of having a good a good experience if your living arrangements are difficult. Sorry to hear your son has the same issue suburbanqueen. I keep telling myself its really early days, these people can't stay in their rooms forever can they?
Dd met a girl from the next flat this morning and they got along well, maybe she will be able to socialise a bit more next door. She is not living on a campus but in halls in a city. I wouldn't be encouraging her to wander around in the dark to visit other halls or the SU under normal circumstances, but especially not after the attack on Monday. So she is quite reliant on finding friends in her building.
The girl who keeps visiting her friend probably doesn't even know there has been an attack because she has not been there enough to hear about it and she is wandering around at midnight.
Taking DS to the airport tomorrow for his flight to south west France. Hope I don't cry.
This house is a tip - 20kgs going with him and another batch going when he knows what else he needs, so piles of stuff everywhere. He is staying in the boarding school where he is an assistant and it's on full board basis for the princely sum of 65Euros a week. Thinks he might move down to the coast after a couple of weeks but the cheapness of the rent and the last minute commute to lessons could be a strong incentive to stay put - we shall see.
Just hope he has good internet access or he'll be a bit peeved, to say the least!
That puts my worries in perspective, at least dd is only 45 mins away if she needs help. Good luck tomorrow, I think a tear is acceptable.
Thanks mrsrhod - he's usually 5 hours away and through the summer was on a 14 week internship in Germany so I'm fairly used to being without him.
However, as he's only been home 10 days this time I'm just getting used to having him around again and now he off. He's my one & only so our nest seems very empty when he's away. Wonderful experiences for him though
Just belatedly read some of the earlier posts - so sorry that some of your DCs are having a tough time -mrsrhod the attack incident is awful. Hope things improve soon for those with unhappy fledglings.
Still not heard from either of mine, despite leaving a message asking for a call. I've sent them stuff and want to know if they've got it, but they're obviously too busy partying! Beginning to feel just a little cheesed off tbh, great that they're not (presumably) hating it or anything but it would be nice to be thought worth a quick call or text......
Thanks, yes it's really shocking. She walked in with one of the girls this morning who is quite beaten up. However, they do seem to be making plans to walk in groups after evening lectures ( which I didn't realise happened) so that will also help with the socialising.
Gosh frosty, you've got the opposite problem to me, I don't know which is worse. Have they always been very independent?
DS has just found an Aldi and is loving the prices. I sent him a link to this cake in a mug thread and he loves the link i it to the Wiki page with pics & videos. Think they may be making mug cakes this weekend
Evening all.....been mad busy with work & getting DD sorted for the off.....well trying to. <rolls eyes>
We have lists, we have piles of stuff, we have boxes, we have a farking big suitcase borrowed from my globe trotting sister. But has anything got vaguely sorted? Nah.
The cat tried the suitcase lid out for size though this am & found it very comfy
Have had a couple of wobbly moments this week, mainly due to tiredness I think. now planning things for the next few weeks, and it just seems so WRONG to be leaving her out of them!!!
Well been trying to get hold of DD3 all evening but no joy. I know no news can be good news. But DD3 is Dyspraxic,very disorganised and has a habit of losing things. Just hope that her phones on silent or she''s forgotten to take it with her and hasn't lost it.
Heard from DT2 last night (Hi mum, sorry I didn't call earlier I've just got back from hospital) - words to put fear into anyone's heart! He's cut his finger - washing up, so he says - badly and has had to have it stitched. He seems fine and is having a good time with his flatmates and has had a couple of enrolment lectures as well. I asked that he keep in touch even if briefly once a week by text, Skype, email or phone just to keep me happy!
Now for DT1!
Well he's alive but has said he won't ring or text as he can't afford to keep topping up his phone and while there is no internet he can only email from the library and that only gives him 30 minutes free so we have to wait our turn as there is fb and twitter and friends etc to check in with first! Seems a lack of funds was all that he was interested in telling us! Have arranged for ds2/3 (both asd) to ring him tonight to do their night night ritual. Relief all round.
Glad you've heart from your DS eatyourveg and that you"ve heard from one of your twins frostyfingers. DD3 is on giffgaff she gets unlimited texts and internet and 250 minutes for £12 a month. She finally texted me at 2am this morning saying sorry I keep leaving my phone in my room when I'm out of it and that's quite a lot at the moment, Don't worry if I ever don't answer it when you phone, This is my quiet and shy DD3 who always has her phone with her and is usually in bed by midnight. She was also feeling a bit homesick on Sunday. It seems she has got over that wobble and has really settled into uni life. She also seems to have grown up a bit since she left and that was only 12 days ago,
Well, the misery goes on. DS rang again today crying saying he'd been into Spanish and he hated that too and feels totally out of his depth. I rang the uni and spoke to the Head of Faculty who has assured me that she will get his personal tutor to talk to him today to see if they can tweak his course and discuss all options with him. I really hope they do because I can envisage him walking through the door at home if not !!!
have sent ds the oviomobile link - looks promising. Thanks
DS goes on Saturday. I've come home from work to find he has nearly finished packing, despite having done nothing when I left the house this morning.
I had a wobble yesterday, literally and emotionally, as I was having a massage as part of a pamper day for a friends birthday.
While lying down for a half hour with nothing to do but listen to the whale music, it hit me that next week both my DS will be gone. Felt a complete twit sobbing while therapist was tactfully ignoring my Leakey eyes. In the end I gave up, and asked for a tissue and just chatted for the last 10 minutes. Not sure I can ever show my face there again.
Suburbanqueen your poor DS , what a shame for him . Hopefully the Tutor will have seen it all before and can sort it all out .
Not good for you though , hearing about it and not really able to do much .
Luckily for us , DS seems to have taken to Uni life like a duck to water !
He's sharing a flat with 5 other boys , on a big student village with everything on hand . He went food shopping with his flat on Friday , they all go out together to the students union .
He met up with a school friend , travelled across London from Greenwich to Ealing Broadway ! Which I know people do all the time , but he's from a small market town in Wales ( not a good night , his friend was sick , so they didn't go out ! )
He phoned me for a chat , he was sitting by Cutty Sark waiting for the shuttle bus back to the flat .
The only worry is that he's still waiting for his student loan to be paid out .
Doilooklikeatourist sounds fab, DC were all unsure about uni in central london but your DS makes it sound wonderful!
Hope others are starting to settle.
Suburbanqueen, sorry about your son. Has he said why he feels out of his depth - is he having trouble understanding the lectures? What would he do if he came home? I wonder if he could move flats and if that might help him settle.
I have some friends whose children have had issues. Several have changed university and/or course and after a year of working have gone back happily enough. A year of boring work does motive them.
ds is still waiting for his loan to be paid out too - unfortunately I don't think its uncommon to have to wait even though they say they will pay on a certain date.
Morning all. Suburbanqueen, so sorry your son is feeling upset. It's very difficult listening and reassuring when you don't actually know it will get better, you're just hoping that given time it will. I'm actually pleasantly surprised that you have been able to speak to someone about him, I hope it does some good.
Dd seems to be settling down a bit now. She has met a few people from her course so has people to walk from halls with and sit with. She says they're not a very cohesive group and she is the common point ( which is very new for her) but I'm impressed. She is talking about joining societies which she would never have considered previously.
There is still the issue of her very antisocial flat mates. Is it reasonable to expect them to be friendly, or even present or are we actually expecting too much? I'm beginning to wonder. So evenings are rather boring as they are away from the SU and she has not yet ventured into other flats for the evening, hopefully that will change soon. After the attack on 2 girls on Monday at the gate they are wary of going out at night.
She is coming home this evening but just for one night and is taking a friend back tomorrow. I think most people are going home so she knows she will be alone on Sunday but is prepared for that. She has had a boring job for a year post 6th form and I think memories of that are giving her determination to work through this.
Good luck to all those going this weekend.
I think DS started a lot earlier than a lot of DCs on this thread; he went up to Liverpool on 7th September so we've all had time to adjust.
Although I feel a bit ashamed to say it, I'm not really missing him as he was always very very independent, travelling independently abroad from the age of 15, in the Army Reserve etc etc and always out with his friends when he was home, so there isn't a massive difference in the house.
If I get a bit wobbly I call him and am always reassured because I can tell from his voice that he is so much happier than he was when he was at school, which he loathed.
He has 3 groups of friends, and all the flatmates have gelled really well; they take it in turns to cook for everyone one Sunday nights. This sounded good till DS told me one of the girls in his flat didn't know how to open a tin of beans, and tried to cook a pizza in the toaster .
I must admit, though, I'm already looking forward to seeing him at Christmas
Just spotted ds on the uni's website pics of freshers fayre!
Well dd called she is having a great time.Her flatmates are lovely and she has a cold. So all is well
SQ hope DS gets sorted soon.
mrsRhod things sound like they're improving for DD, you must be so relieved.
DD's coming home for the night - 3 of her friends are doing a foundation course together and have had a big falling out so she's coming to sort them out and pick up some more clothes/books before going back in the morning. I suppose that means she's not homesick any more
SQ I really have no advice for you or your ds but it sounds like you are doing all you can to support him. I just know he won't be the only one feeling the way he does.
Ds seems to be settling really well. There are quite a lot of pics of him on Facebook at various parties so he's clearly not sat in his room feeling miserable! From what he has said I think he has a good group of flatmates too. He did mention he and one of the girls from his flat sat up talking until the very early hours one night after a party..... not sure how much to read into that!
mrsrhod your dd sounds amazingly resilient and determined to make things work, you must be feeling very proud of her.
Sent DD 2 texts tonight asking questions. I got a reply to the second one that simply said "Send on"! It wouldn't hurt her to be a bit more communicative would it?
I feel as though she should be back soon, almost like she has been away for 2 weeks on holiday. In reality I know she won't be back for ages. Sob. Anyone else feeling like this?
Yes - I know exactly what you mean!
I know what you mean jellicat. When I'm home I keep expecting DD3 to be coming home from college. DH and I are away for a long weekend in Jersey at the moment. It seems strange not to have DD3 with us as she loves coming on holiday with us.
I know what you mean, too. I'm used to him clearing off for the odd week a few times a year, but I am seeing him this weekend for my birthday meal. It'll only be for a couple of hours though, so I think I should buy a notebook and start writing questions down that I want to grill him on. :-) it's the long stretch after that I am dreading. And resisting the urge to go and do his washing, stock his fridge and tidy his room and the kitchen while I am there! Last night he ordered a pizza from domino's using a voucher from fresher's fair. He waited 25 mins before a van drove up, asked his name and drove off. He didn't realise that his pizza was probably with another driver coming along even later, got very upset and went in to phone and complain and ask for his money back. They refunded him but blacklisted him. :-) I was quietly pleased because he won't be wasting his money, but felt soooooooo sorry for my poor hungry cold boy!
Hello all. Dd has just been home for 24 hours and dh has dropped her at the station with a friend. She was quite glassy eyed as she left. She is lonely there and knows she probably has another week of spending each evening alone or maybe with one flatmate some nights. At the moment she can't imagine staying there at weekends because they are all so antisocial. It's been a real shock.
She was much more positive by the end of last week, I hope she picks that back up quickly. She has a few things she would like to try next week but its always easier with a friend, especially at nights. I hope she does better next week.
Sorry your DD is still having problems mrshodibert. Hope things get sorted out for her next week. DD3's flatmates have all bonded well but there is a girl in the opposite flat who was having trouble with her flatmates. She is spending time in DD3's flat and the all girls there look after her. Is your DD able to get together with people on her course?
We took ds2 to Warwick today. Went very smoothly, and DS called to say he has been chatting with his flat mates, and a group of them are going out this evening.
there is a group of 4 international students in the flat who are unfortunately conforming to stereotype and are unwilling to chat/ socialise etc. such a shame! DS says they will ask them again if they would like to join them this evening, but he isn't hopeful.
DS off out to soho tonight , with his flat , and other people .
I don't mind being stuck at home watching X factor , oh no ....
But he is wandering about coming home for a weekend , it will be a long boring journey for him though ...
Glad it went well JGBMum was it very crowded getting into the campus?
DD1's Facebook page had a picture of the on-site Tesco packed to the rafters. Think we'll stop off onthe way for the few fresh bits she wants!!
We've packed the car, everything went in without struggle now we're wondering what she's forgotten!!!
off at 8am if we don't over sleep!!
Good luck MissM.
We took fresh stuff so didn't need to go tesco when we arrived.
Campus was crowded, but security and freshers helpers very good at getting you parked near the accom. Longest queue was for DS to get his keys, definitely worth dropping off your dd at the collection point, then meeting her at the accom.
Officially you can only park for 30 mins, then need to move your car, but as it took about 20 mins to get keys, that wasn't happening!
Hope dd and you have a good day.
We left DS to it after putting everything In His room as he was keen to get on and meet flat mates etc.
Also, not too bad getting onto campus but our map told us to go in the back way as it was nearer to Sherborne. We didn't go into the central bit at all.
good luck to those who have just gone. We have another week to go and I have been wandering round the supermarket thinking I don't need to buy that/ as much of that and feeling sad while acting positive to the DC. Saw a young person buying two packs of coathangers and immediately thought student from local university.
Good point about the supermarkets and a good argument for taking a box from home.
Good luck to eeveryone taking their DC today. I can't believe we took DD3 2 weeks ago I still miss her like mad but it's getting better.
Good luck to everyone travelling today.
DD came home on Friday night and I can't believe how much she's grown up in 2 wks.
Her flatmates have really gelled and they're 'adopting' others who aren't coping in their flats and have 2-4 extras eating with them every night. We went shopping for a few bits and I picked up a mini gammon joint as its one of her favourites and impossible to get wrong; it was on offer 3 for £10 so she asked if she could have 2 more so she can cook Sunday lunch for everyone and took £10 out of her purse (which I declined). She told me they've pooled all their food/dishes etc and shop together for the flat (sticking to meal plans and a budget ) rather than individually and even have a rota for the laundrette!
She kept referring to her flat as 'home' which, to me, was another sign that she's settled in now, I won't recognise her by Christmas. Where's the proud mummy smiley?!
Confess this is my first post and have not read everyone's messages but I have to say I am beside myself: quiet, non-drinking son (it doesn't agree with him) started this week and is hating it. Am encouraging him to go to anything and everything but it must be hideous for him. Am also limiting contact to texts because I think if I Skype him I will cry and that won't be very useful! Any tips or ideas? I need comforting!!
Have just re-read post and I sound so selfish!! Worried that HE might cry as well. Have read other posts now (Sunday lunch will have to wait) and feel comforted already that he is not in the same boat.
Goldenyears, my post above yours probably doesn't help but if you scroll back 2 weeks DD was where your son is, and so were many of the other posters' DC. She doesn't drink, has obscure hobbies and was really struggling. I went to see her last week with her dog and she seemed ok but cried when I left, which was hard when you've got an hour's drive and then get lost in the one way system, but since her lectures started last week she's got more structure to her day and is enjoying it more.
She forces herself to go out with her flatmates even though she hates clubs but they've all got similar finances so only go out twice a week. She's made the effort to approach people on her course and speaks to people leaving her halls who look like they'll be heading in the direction of her classes - some might think she's a random weirdo (her words) but she has made a few friends and the consensus is for every person loving freshers week there are plenty more who are finding it tedious and the transition tough.
Hang in there x
DS1 went yesterday, I have had a couple of one word texts back to my list of questions, so think I will back off for a while lol.
I blame all this modern technology in my day there was a phone on each floor and I would only phone home every couple of weeks. None of this expecting to text with updates of everything that happens. As DS2 says just chill mum!
DS arrived at year abroad location on Friday. It's a weekday boarding school so the kids leave Friday pm. He has just spent the entire weekend COMPLETELY alone in the school(where he's living) and has had to live on microwave meals until tomorrow breakfast as the kitchen closes at the weekend. It's in the middle of nowhere with VERY limited facilities and public transport to anywhere east and nothing at all west!
I really felt for him and was a bit upset yesterday, though didn't show it. He, however, seems to be taking it all in his stride (long may it continue), despite many of his friends from uni in other more exciting locations saying what a great city/town they are in and all the students they've met.
I couldn't believe that the school hadn't done a bit more for him but they haven't and he's got to get on with it - I still felt like flying over and picking him up though. We shall see if things improve.
Well today we took DD1 to Warwick & it all went very smoothly
although the sun made my eyes water as we left the vilage & she said bye very impressed with the logistics of it all, considering they were processing 3k new students over the w/e.
I helped her unpack so I could take the cases & boxes out of the way, we had some lunch & then walked back to the car.
Kept it all together until I left, as we said goodbye she burst into tears on my shoulder hugging me tight & I lost it right in the middle of a crowded car park
Everyone keeps saying "oh she'll be fine" & I'm sure she will , seems like her corridor of 12 are all nice people & she was going back to make tea & offer round the home made brownies she took.
DD2 & I have been tucked up under her duvet on the sofa watching crap telly & eating fruit crumble!
<hugs>> to all those feeling bereft /worried about all the DC.
Glad it went well MissMarplesBloomers , fussychica I hope the school do something for your DS next weekend, it wasn't very nice of them to leave him completely on his own this weekend I'm glad he's just getting on with it and taking it in his stride though, he sounds a very sensible young man.
Spoke to DD3 today she sounded very perky and is still getting on with her flat mates, she has also joined a couple of clubs and societies, She went on a church crawl with the Christian union today. She has also joined the climbing society. Bolton university own part of a gym and climbing wall.there is a climbing wall.
To everyone still worrying about their DC they will get there. DD3 has grown up in the last 2 weeks.
Morning all, it's nice to hear how everyone is getting on. Your poor son fussy, that sounds like a daunting experience for him. I do hope he will be ok in the middle of nowhere.
We had a very upset dd on Skype last night. She has discovered that the one girl in her flat of 5 who is making an effort to be friendly had been offered a room in another flat which someone has ready vacated. She is doing a vocational course which by its nature will require those students to gel quickly and she is socialising much more now with them and is thinking of moving on. She said the only thing stopping her going is dd. I can absolutely sympathise with this girl and couldn't really blame her for moving.
I just don't know what to do, DH is wondering about talking to the accommodation team to express our concerns, but this is not school. What can they do? They can hardly say come on now girls, play nicely.
I have not spoken to dd yet today but , after all her effort and determination of the last two weeks, I feel she is going to retreat inside her shell. She was going to try a couple of activities this week but that won't happen if she gets too upset. I am at a loss now and I don't know how much parents should/ could approach the university. Would they be bothered?
fussychia this is why they leave home. It's tough on him but he will survive and be stronger as a result. Pretty crap of the school and he might like to feed that back to his university so they don't send anyone else there in future. Can he hire a bicycle to make getting around easier?
mrsrhodgilbert parents shouldn't approach the university, you role is to offer advice at this stage. Your daughter should be talking to the accommodation people and asking if they have a place for her - or both your dd and her friend - in another flat. If she has problems with them she goes to her student union for help and if that fails then she can authorise the university to talk to you. The university will not discuss this sort of thing with you. What is happening with the other 3 girls? Your dd needs to try again with them.
Dd is trying, but thanks. One has a friend from school in another hall and is there all the time. By that I mean she hasn't cooked or eaten in the flat, is out all day and comes home very late to sleep. She is just not present or prepared to chat if caught in the corridor. Dd has seen her 3 times in two weeks for about 5 minutes. She has tried to arrange to meet up with her and had been let down every time.
The other two also know each other from 6th form college but do not seem to be great friends. They spend every evening in their rooms, separately, watching twilight DVDs. One brings her boyfriend from home in quite often, the other goes home a lot. They are not interested in socialising.
mrsrhod God that sounds absolutely dire. She needs to contact the accommodation office asap to arrange a swap. I'm sure there's something about being able to swap within the first month without any penalty.
Hope she finds a nice flat soon.
I have to say that my formerly quiet non-drinking son is adjusting a lot better than i am. I had a major wobbly yesterday after thinking for the previous three days that i had got over it. DH not particularly supportive or understanding but took me out for the afternoon, he tried to understand why I needed to come on here and wondered aloud if talking about it between us caused mass hysteria. As he was driving at the time I didn't kill him but was sorely tempted. As knowing I am not alone has helped vastly I was astonished. Maybe he would have preferred it if I had wept all over his shoulder every day, but i think not, am begining to think he would have had me certified.
Son still doesn't drink, just buys a round for everyone else and has a half pint of weak beer when asked. No-one minds or cares in his crowd and he says they are 'awesome'. They don't share the cooking but they do share toastie makers and so on, and pool crisps and drinks for movie nights. He has found that they are a sensible lot on the whole and going out has decreased. Classes started today and everyone in all four flats in his wing had an early night!
mrsrhodgilbert your daughter should ask to be moved. My nephew asked to be moved three months in when he first started and they were fine about it. Several people had given up and gone home (Oxford) and he had the wonderful option of going around four flats and being able to choose. He shared a house for the next three years with the flatmates he ended up with. My own son is very glad he isn't sharing a flat with one of his best friends from school as she is going back home and spending all her weekends with her boyfriend, not something he had thought she would do.
Really good advice from everyone. Find I am OK until I do something "normal" - then it feels weird that dd is not here. Then I can feel a bit tearful. It is a tribute to how close we are to our children and how much we love and care for them. OK, eventually they will become more independent but I see this time as a transition, when we want to be there for them if they need us. I think texting and Skype are such a boon.
I think it is a shame that so many people keep going home all the time. How will they ever really adjust to uni or make friends? It is also hard for those who live further away from their homes if the place empties at weekends. Dd is doing things with other people and joining societies she is interested in. Feel very proud of all the dcs who are coping, especially those who are finding it hard. They are being very brave. Hope things improve soon.
MrsRhod - would the girl that your DD gets on with, go to the accommodation office with her? It may not be possible for them to get a shared flat together, but hopefully if 2 of them are there, accommodation may understand just how bad it is, and be able to offer your DD a place in a different flat.
MissM - ((hugs)) well done on getting your DD there, I hope she settles in quickly.
DS is fine - sent me a stroppy text asking for his NHS number - hoping its because he wants to register at GP practice, not because he's in casualty!!
But, I thought I could keep DS1 till tomorrow, but he has to return to Southampton today. I am stuck in work, so am trying to find out what time he plans to leave so I can make a quick exit. DD will be sad if he goes before she gets home from school.
Good idea JGBMum. Madeofkent a good example of how useful mumsnet can be at times. I suspect my OH will be worse than me - not crying on my shoulder but rather lost and not knowing what to do with himself. Perhaps your OH is secretly jealous.
MrsRhod - others have already offered some good advice for your dd. Just know that we all empathise with YOU sat at home worrying about her and wanting to try and make things right.
All seems to be going ok here. I had a Skype session with ds last night but the connection was awful so we kept it short. He seems fine - was having dinner cooked for him last night and was going to a quiz night. I had to go and do a grocery shop this morning and have already noticed how much cheaper it is to feed three rather than four! I think we are all settling into a new routine and a new dynamic at home now.
Thank you ising. She will not speak to me today and she left our Skype session last night in tears. DH spoke to her a little later and offered some practical tips that we picked up from the uni website. I've had a text to say she is ok (safe) but doesn't want to talk. I have suggested speaking to the student residential advisors who live in each hall and /or the accommodation office with or without her friend. I'll leave her now.
It's a little lonely here as DH has gone away for three nights, at least he is not in America as he should have been and dd2 will be out until late after school for two nights this week. Today's shopping was ridiculously cheap. The cat food cost more than my food.
mrshod sorry your DD is having a hard time. I haven't really got anymore advice to give you as everyone else has already given good advice and the same as I would have said. I just wanted you to know that I know how you feel. It's hard when your DCs are far away from home. To everyone else who still feels sad you will get there and your DCs will settle down- I have a lot of support from DH as he misses DD3 as much as I do.
Neither of my DS's drink, one is teetotal and the other very occasionally has a shandy
they don't take after me They don't buy rounds of drinks for their friends unless there is a specific reason such as a birthday or a thank you. We are partly funding them and I told them I didn't really want to be subsidising there friends drinking habits. is that mean of me?
I got the impression from them that this is perfectly ok and a complete non-issue.
It doesn't seem to matter to anyone that they don't drink. My eldest thinks it has saved him
us hundreds of pounds.
So sorry to hear some are still having a problem settling. From personal experience, though years ago, I think going home for too many weekends in the first term is a mistake for most. I do think though it's worth trying to change flats. I hated my really noisy halls and tried to change but unfortunately it wasn't an option so I landed up spending most of the time sleeping on a friends floor to actually be able to get some sleep. Not a great experience.
Thanks for the support re DS. I know he'll survive. He's pretty resilient - goes to Uni 5 hours from home so only comes home for the hols, hospitalized during freshers for half a term and just done a 14 week internship in Germany. However, I was hoping that he would get a bit more support during his first couple of days in another country. Just spoke to him - everyone around again and he sounds fine so just hope it keeps on improving. I just want his year abroad to be a great experience and I know there's lots of time for it to become that.
so sorry Mrsrhod, horrible for you all. well done to those who dropped this w/e.
Asking the accommodation office for a flat swap sounds sensible and if your dd can go along with someone else as JGB suggests it might make it easier.
Also sorry Mrsrhod both for you and your dd.
I asked dd yesterday how she was getting on with her other 4 flatmates. She said she gets on well with 3 of them, one keeps herself more to herself, but it had been her birthday and the others had bought her a card and a cake which I thought was really nice.
I had a wobble last night for some reason and really missed her, but you just have to get on with it. It has made me really sorry for my Mum. Never gave her a thought when I went off to uni
Notsoskinnyminny, thank you so much for your message. Really, really reassuring. I rang him yesterday and he sounded ok-ish. He had decided to go to a non-drinkers event on Saturday night but it was cancelled (shame). I would like to ring him every night but my husband says to leave him be and that he would be calling us if things got on top of him. I confess I cyber-stalked him last night and was very depressed to see he had only made two new FB friends since starting.
mrsrhodgilbert, I am so sorry that your daughter is having such a tough time.
Don't think you can use fb as a guide to friends any more - my son uses it for our sakes but he uses several other forums as well. YouHaveAGoodPoint from what my son says the soft drinks and things are more expensive than the beers the others are drinking, in the student bars! So he doesn't mind buying a round. They have it all worked out, between ten of them they buy a round each once every two nights and as not everyone wants one it cost him £10 this weekend, more during the fresher's week of course. We can't give him any more money, so he is joining OTC because they will pay him £45 a week. He used to belong to the CCF so knows what he will be letting himself in for. If anyone else has a child who needs more money it's worth considering - you only have to turn up 15 times a year for training and to pass the medical to qualify. Summer camp optional. A sort of 'Baby TA' really.
DD3 isn't even friends with us on Facebook as she doesn't really want parents as friends. I"m not sure why really as she is friends with her Aunts and uncles and she also has some mutual friends so I sometimes see her comments on their posts. She says we can email phone or text her. I'm going to try Skype as well soon. Anyway I'm beginning to back of a bit with the phone calls now and will probably just phone once a week unlessanything urgent comes up.
I stalk DDs twitter but most of it is in Japanese. She doesn't have any family on Facebook and I got her to create a new account before she went to uni after attending a course where they put up photos of delegates who'd been tagged even though they thought their account was private.
I called DS last night, hadn't spoken for 6 days. He fell down a flight of stairs at 7am last Tuesday (on the way back from a club ) and thought he'd broken his ankle. Someone called an ambulance and he spent 6 hours in A&E. It's just badly sprained so he's hobbling around.
Didn't tell me before because he knew I'd worry .
You know they've grown up when you hear about that sort of stuff a week later....
I think it's nice if you get on with your flat mates in the first year but not essential. It is fairly random who you're put with and common that these people aren't folk you click with. As the year goes on they'll get to know people in their course and if they join clubs they'll have other groups of people there and will gradually find friends.
Few adults would instantly find a large group of friends if going to college so it's unrealistic to expect teenagers to do this.
fussychia you've reminded me that I had to do something very similar to get away from a difficult room mate (used to have her boyfriend around all the time, till the early hours). Fortunately I was able to move rooms after a term.
Wouldn't worry about Facebook friends, there are still teens who don't use it all and others who only go on infrequently. In fact few new friends could mean too busy having fun to send or agree friend requests. Mine already has about a dozen "Facebook friends", people at their college on their course, they have found via TSR and the freshers Facebook pages. Doesn't mean they'll like them when they meet.
Had the first really good long conversation with DS last night. Did it while DH was out so that he wouldn't get stressy about it, but actually he is wrong, DS loves getting phonecalls. They have all calmed right down now that the courses have started, so for weeknights he will welcome any phone calls that will give him an excuse to put down his books. I feel so much happier knowing that he really does like the phone calls. It makes me wonder how many DCs and parents there are out there thinking they should let each other alone while secretly very happy to have contact. DS loves it there but still wants contact. Very different from 3 yrs ago when he used to march ahead of us and pretend he was an independent orphan.
Thank you or all the kind comments. Dd has just been home for a couple of hours to hand some cv's out around town for Christmas work. She also got to see her sister who is at home because of the teachers strike.
I think we sent her back in a better mood and she looked happier. She is going to try the badminton club tonight. She has never played, apart from in the garden, but they welcome beginners and supply racquets. Sport clubs are usually fairly sociable. She will be going alone which i think is very brave, I hope someone speaks to her. I don't think she could take being crushed further.
She went back to the flat of one of her course friends last night and said they all just sit in the kitchen and chat in the evenings, cook together, save meals for those who will be in late. It made her see what is so absent in her flat. Having said that she did say they seemed like a very mixed group, a couple of loud ones, another who didn't speak at all. I think that made me think that there is definitely still time for further mixing, these groups are maybe not as established as she thinks. Logically I know that's right.
I think the girls secretly think it will all be like 'friends' or other american frat soaps where all the girls live together happily ever after. My daughter was shocked to realise that she never ever got to see the same people in her huge lectures ever again. My son was hoping for something more like Bang goes the Theory. He loves his flatmates but they are all ages and all years and nationalities. So there is an '18 yr old blonde bubbly midget', a '27 yr old arab Big Sister with an unpronounceable name', a 'guy like me', a 'tall thin northern beanpole about 7' tall' and a 'crazy russian'. One is 3rd year, 2 are 2nd year, the rest are freshers. Of course he had dreams of all of them going off to freshers together so when that didn't happen he went and banged on doors of other flats and now he has a crowd of really good people to socialise with. They have to be brave and desperate I suppose! It does sound as if your daughter is slowly getting used to things but i do feel for her desperately.
Thank you. It's a bit of a roller coaster, however this mornings venture round town dropping off her cv has already resulted in an interview offer from a very nice store. Also, nice flatmate who was thinking of moving out has sent her a text apologising for being out for the last few nights and wants to see her tomorrow.
It's her birthday next week so she is going to try to arrange a meal out with her rather random group of new friends.
I think you're right about the high expectations. Although I made friends with some of my floor in halls, my better friends were from other places.
great re the interview, that is positive, tho I do really feel for you both MrsRhod.
Re phone calls!!?? dd sat on her phone 4 times between 11- 12pm last night and rang our number! woke us all up ...not amused We were worried then finally spoke and realised what she had done....
I can remember my daughter doing almost exactly the same thing, only not as late at night. It's so frustrating, I could even hear her talking.
mrsrhod Yes DD definitely had an initial group who in hindsight she says she really disliked but just put up with because it was easy and it made her feel secure to have friends. To outsiders it probably appeared she was best of friends and so happy but she was still unsure and knew they weren't 100% her kind of people!
It wasn't until Christmas that her more established friendship group was made and they were people she really clicked with. Same with her course, it wasn't until Easter that she really found the friends who were on the same page as her.
It all takes time, but they get there I hope she is able to change flats or become part of the group in the other flat who seem more sociable. She has done amazingly to be sticking it out.
Oh thank you, it's very reassuring to hear that others have been through this and survived. Of ourselves I know it, but its nice to hear. I've suggested moving flats but she really doesn't want to. She likes her room, likes that its quiet, just wishes it were more friendly. I think she will find friends elsewhere.
I must say though that I don't think she would have managed this if we were hours away. She was only home for two hours today but it was just the boost she needed to keep going. I know many would disagree but they're all different and as someone said recently, this is still a transition period for some.
I am finding all of your comments so reassuring.
I have just had my son on the phone in tears (and he's 19 - I haven't seen him cry since he was at primary school). He hates it and is very lonely. He feels everyone is in groups already and, whilst his flatmates are ok, they are either out or in their rooms. I have gone through the usual: it's early days...other kids will feel like you...put yourself out there, but all I want to do really is tell him to come home and have a hug. I thought he was making progress as I hadn't had any texts from him since Sunday night but I got loads of miserable ones today and my DH (think I'm getting the hang of this now) confessed that he has been receiving miserable texts regularly since DS went but didn't want to tell me as he knew I'd be upset. He is saying university is not for him, that he wants to come home and get a job and be with more mature people who don't go out getting plastered every night. How can I persuade him that 5 days is not long enough and that he needs to persevere? It's all falling on deaf ears. Trouble is, one of his mates is doing the same course at a different uni and is telling him what a great time he is having - great flatmates and not everyone is out on the p*ss every night. I don't know what to do for the best. DH said it was a mistake to speak to him on the phone and I am not sure DS felt any better for it. (I certainly didn't. The red wine is beckoning but I have to go and collect DS2 later so it will have to wait). He has gone out now to another non-drinkers' event. I just hope they don't cancel this one as well. I am a bit worried that if he goes round looking like the spectre at the feast no one will want to be his friend anyway. This is all so miserable.
Oh dear... DS is not all that happy with the other people on his course. He says they all take drugs, but he has met lots of other really nice people in his flats so I suppose he is the other way round from most. I have told him not to worry, if he stays sober and clear-headed he will do far better than the others come exam time and will be employed when they are not. Thought it best to remind him that he is there to work and that life will be full of weird people of all levels of intelligence. Now is the only time in his life when he will be surrounded by clever people of around his age, and to make the most of it. It's working for now, I hope it lasts, but he did make a new male fb friend from his course and the photo was all hair, long bright red curls in a huge shock! Ds has been to a very conservative school. This is very good for him.
I suspect if your son came home and got a job there would still be loads of young men who go out and get plastered every night, maybe more as they'll have more money and no exams. The alcohol should tail off as the work starts.
I think programmes like friends and big bang theory create unrealistic expectations about flat sharing. Why should flat mates put together by a university accommodations manager get on together any better than someone just moving into a bedsit in a strange town to work or someone moving into a house and expecting to be best mates with all their next door neighbours.
If you're doing a course you enjoy and are passionate about and have hobbies available at the university then how well you get on with the people in the room next door will matter less. You're only in that flat for a year anyway.
Oh goldenyears, I was so sorry to read your post. Your son is certainly not alone in feeling the way he does and everything you have said to him is true. You might be in for a tough few weeks, as I am finding, but it is too soon to be making rash decisions. It's all very scary for them and he will meet others who feel the same as him. It might be a little more difficult for boys to admit it to each other though.
I would recommend joining some clubs, maybe something calm where a little less testosterone might be flying around. Dd went to badminton tonight by herself. She spent half an hour before texting me with every reason why she shouldn't go, but I managed to persuade her. She met several new girls, some by themselves also who seemed different to others she has met. Maybe a bit quieter who dont like the drinking/clubbing but still want to socialise. She also met and walked back with a new girl from her course who she has swapped numbers with who would like to go to the cinema etc!!!
She is in her 3rd week and last night I was seriously worried about her. Tonight she is different again. I dont think we are out of the woods yet but everytime she does something new her confidence is boosted. Could you persuade your son to join something, even if he has never done it before. Dd is going to try Pilates and yoga next, both very calm, also she's going to try helping backstage with drama. That is so far out of her comfort zone I can hardly believe it. Keep up the communication though, if he is lonely he needs to know you are still available at any time.
Will you let us know how you are all doing?
I don't know about everyone else but I am absolutely exhausted with the emotion of the whole thing. My ds wants a course change for very genuine reasons but has found the tutor he first spoke to unhelpful and is really miserable about it saying he may as well give up. He has joined teams and made friends but the course really matters to him. It is so hard as I don't think he has spoken to the right people yet and am encouraging him to keep trying as he is doing well apart from this.
today I woke up to a 'love you and miss you' text from dd, burst into tears
MrsRhod your dd is showing extraordinary tenacity - whatever else happens that in itself is an experience she will be able to draw on.
Goldenyears I just want to hug you and your ds. I have a colleague who has two sons who both went to Oxford. She says both absolutely hated their first terms. They both cried down the phone to her saying they were out of their depth, couldn't do the work, didn't like the people etc etc. Anyway, both managed to stick out the first term and in the second term things began to fall into place - partly by admitting to other people how hard they were finding it.
I have to go and deliver some stuff that ds forgot today. He is only about 30 miles away and my mum wants to go shopping there so we can kill two birds with one stone. Not sure if I will see ds - he had a big night out last night...... so I may just drop the stuff off at reception.
Thank you, everyone, for your kind and helpful posts. DH texted DS this morning and the event did take place last night and DS said it was ok, so that is something (pretty much the most positive comment he has made so far!). mrsrhodgilbert - I think your daughter is doing amazingly well and I do take comfort from that. Freshers fair is this weekend (shame it wasn't last weekend) so we are going to encourage him to join some clubs. He had said before he wanted to get involved in Student Radio but now he says he feels so awful he doesn't think he will be able to go for it or sell himself. We knew it was going to be difficult as he is not particularly outgoing or sporty (he has gone to a really sporty uni) but we know he has to stick at it as his course is a vocational one. He is about 2 - 3 hours away by car. Would it be a mistake to visit him later on this month? I would not even consider suggesting he come home as he might never go back.
DS student loan has been paid , so now he is supposed to be working out a budget , and seeing if he needs us to send him an allowance ( hopefully he will be able to manage with his savings , but he has turned into a bit of a party animal )
goldenyears I think I would visit . It might be the boost he needs having a face to face chat .
DS is talking about coming home next weekend . I'm discouraging him as nicely as possible , it's such a long way , across London to Paddington , then 4 hours in the train .
AND it's not because he wants to see us , oh no . It's his friends 18th this weekend .
goldenyears I hope things improve soon fror your DS. I would definitly go and visit him some time soon something to look forward to will help.
MABS oh bless how lovely.
Ds seems to be settling in fine - another one who isn't sporty or a big drinker. He seems to be in a quiet flat so most people are hitting the books rather than the booze. Lectures seem to be going well although I had a panic "I'm never going to understand this, it is all a big mistake" text the other day.
He has said he maybe back one weekend soon, can't wait to see him and feed him up.
Also I appear to have caught fresher's flu for him!
and to all
Oh I've got freshers flu too, courtesy of dd, she is coming through it now.
I've spoken to her this morning and she has been invited for another interview. She obviously has a good cv and covering letter, just needs to refine her interview technique. It's all good practice though.
Goldenyears, I would definitely arrange to visit him. One of the things dd was most upset about at first was not quite knowing where she belonged any more. That shocked me a lot, in my mind she hasn't officially left home yet, but is studying away at the moment. I will change my attitude to that when she seems to be ready. But she obviously thought we may not consider her to be quite part of the family any more, I think that shows how shocked they can be by the experience. Go and see him and make him feel very sure that he is still everything to you and you are almost going through this with him, just in different places.
Everyone dd is meeting now has hated the freshers experience and doesn't want to drink and go clubbing.
But I haven't seen Ds and he doesn't have it!
mrsrhodgilbert Wow your DD sounds very busy getting everything together. Hope the interview goes well. And get well soon!
I'm sure he will get it soon, dd says everyone is coughing now.
Crikey - reading this page I've been welling up - so sorry that it's not going well for some. I think it's often harder for boys to admit they are so unhappy.
goldenyears - it's a really tough call re going to see him. Only you know how he is likely to react to that. Like coming home he might decide to call it a day there and then. My two nephews were both desperately unhappy in their first terms following almost immediate break-ups with long term girlfriends. They did come home a lot during the first term and it did help them and they are now loving their second year. But you are right to worry that it could cause your DS to leave. Perhaps put off you decision for another week.
mrsrhod glad things are on the up for your DD. Hope the interviews go well.
Not heard from my DS in France for several days so can only hope things are going well. Sent 2 bags over today which should arrive on Friday - fingers crossed. He'll then have entertainment if he is left totally on his own in the school like last weekend.
goldenyears I think a planned visit in about 3 weeks time might be a good idea. It's good he went out last night - just keep encouraging him.
I managed to see ds for about ten minutes this morning. He is hoarser than a hoarse thing - not sure how much of that was down to last night or whether he really does have a bit of a chesty cold. But he seemed really happy and is enjoying university life so far.
All the best to all those who are struggling. I think everyone has periods when unhappiness hits. The chief answer seems to be to keep joining things and get to know different groups of people. I remember from my own time at uni that if you can grit your teeth and get through the first few weeks it does get better for most people.
opinions please ladies? Dd has been great, but may be slightly wobbly now, but really does seem fine. I am debating flying up to see her one day next week just for few hours just to see her with my own eyes, take her for lunch etc. what do you think? the week after dh ds and I fly to Oz for 3 weeks so I s'pose I am conscious of that too and want to see her first. Thoughts?
I would go and see your DD3 MABs I'm sure she'd love to see you, DD3 is doing well at uni but is a little home sick now. DH and I are going up to see her next week. We are going on the Friday and coming back on Saturday. We are going by train. We asked DD3 what she thought and she said she'd like to see us. I remember DD2 had a reading week that coincided with the October half term in her first year and she came home for a few days.
MABS I would, although only if you are able to get there and back without being totally exhausted and unable to get everything you want/ need to get done for your hols. Although ask her first as she may say don't bother as too busy/ fine etc...
MABS I would, if you're away for that long afterwards. But if you go during the week she may be busy with lectures etc. See how she feels about it, of course.
Good idea Mabs. Does she have a half day on Wednesday? If so, that could work out well for her.
Ising, good to hear your DS is enjoying soton, your earlier comment re the Sunday night quiz reminded me that DS often went to that with his flat mates.
We are going to see my DS this Friday, to take him out for a meal, check his eyes/weight/smell etc. and take him food shopping as the day the free bus stops at his halls he is doing modules, so we will stock him up with heavy stuff. He just asked on fb if his dad would call him tonight. Just for a chat. DH will be surprised but pleased I think.
Was really surprised to see that his main tutor is a fb friend. How sneaky. I know my son forgets what other people can see, despite me telling him to be careful. He is learning that you can't judge others by appearances and that the others on his course are not all 'stoners', it's fascinating to be able to stalk him on fb.
no lectures at all on a Tues or Friday! dh could drop me at lhr at 6am, yes it's early.. only 70 mins flight, I could be with dd by 8.30ish as she ten mins from airport - that will thrill her! then I fly back 3pm. what do you think?
You are all so kind and sensible!! Makes me well up just reading your posts. I wish I had done this earlier!
Have had a text saying just one hour's lecture this morning then he went back to bed as he didn't feel well. I want to ring but DH is discouraging me as DS got so upset when I rang him last night. Have sent long, jokey e-mail full of love and encouragement. I think we will go one Sunday before the end of the month, although DH says not to make any promises as it might unsettle him. I know if it were me I would be relieved to know my parents were visiting some time soon, and I get the impression from your posts that it is the right thing to do. Your messages are really keeping me going. A lot of my friends are mothers from my son's school and I feel I can't talk to them about this as it sort of seems disloyal.
I know what you mean, but you know your children best. I tried to hold back as that is what everyone advises, but it just didn't work for me and I was so surprised when I realised that no matter how busy my son is he still likes to get messages and the odd call. Plus he is looking forward to seeing us. There's no way I am going into his room though. I'm not getting sucked into clearing up. Or ironing. I would ring, maybe a few days of phone calls when he isn't well would help him get through being ill all on his own. My daughter still rings me whenever she isn't well, I wouldn't have dreamt of calling my mother. She used to say 'don't come anywhere near me, let me know when you are better'! Now she is getting on I am sort of waiting for the chance to say it back but I doubt I shall if that time comes.
I don't see anything wrong with a visit. That's better than them coming home for the weekend. If they had just moved out and weren't at college you'd go to visit them so I don't see why going to university should be any different. If you went every weekend it would be OTT but every few weeks is fine.
Hi everyone. I just found this thread and thought I would join in too if I may? My dd2 has just started at university and seems to be having a great time, but I am missing her terribly. She has fresher's flu at the moment and isn't well at all. I am sorry about those whose children aren't settling, both my children have been so fine about it all that it made me feel really sad. Dd2 has also split up with her long term bfriend so to make matters worse she has gone and the boy who was at the house everyday for the past 2 years has gone too! I know I should be pleased that she is happy and I am but I still feel a bit sad about it all. Next year dd1 will have finished so I will probably be complaining then that she has come back home.
MABS that is a good idea - I went up to see ds last weekend on my own to deliver a few things he had left behind. Took him out for lunch - was tempted to do his washing and change his bedding but didn't. kitchen was a mess too but I left that too. Leaving him there the week before was so awful I had felt rotten but this time when I left him, even though he said he wouldn't see me until November, I felt ok. His grandparents met him earlier in the week and took him out for lunch "up west" and his other grandmother wants to meet him for lunch too. The draw of the capital I suppose (and the senior citizens railcard). Wouldn't worry about being shattered - it'll be worth it
I would definitely go MABS, especially as you will be going away for a few weeks afterwards. If she is having a slight wobble she won't have another chance to see you for further month otherwise.
Goldenyears, could you send your son some things in the post? I've sent dd a couple of things, mainly to put on her pin board, but its always nice to receive a letter,card etc. Do you think he might be getting freshers flu too? Does he have some medicine, I sent dd off with lemsip, painkillers etc for when it hit?
It sounds like they are all pleased to have calls and visits, no matter how well they are settling. I think we should all feel proud to have dc who love their parents so much.
I went to see DD after her first week. We were going on the Saturday but DSS was taken to hospital with appendicitis and she sounded so down when I said we weren't coming, her friends were all settling in at their unis and she had struggled all week. I went on the Sunday and we took the dog for a walk and had a good chat and I met her flatmates who were lovely and welcoming, even the obnoxious one. She seemed much happier when I left a couple of hours later but started to cry as I got into my car which made the drive home difficult. When I next spoke to her she said it was because she realised how lucky she was and she'd never appreciated her home life before.
She came home last Friday night as one of her friends was talking about leaving her course and we did worry it was an excuse but she was here less than 24 hours and had grown up so much from the previous week. She still has wobbles, she despises the obnoxious one even more and is finding it hard at times to live with so many different personalities in a small place, the boys are hogging the communal TV for their PS3 and/or playing loud rap music all the time. When she feels herself getting stressed she goes to her room and skypes one of her Japanese friends so the others can't understand what she's saying!
Today's dilemma is she's been asked to apply for a Japanese TV show and doesn't know what to do. She was one of only 2 westerners who got through to the audition stage for one of the major girl groups in the summer, she wasn't successful and knows she probably won't get past that stage again but ...... kids - why did we have them?!
MrsRhodGilbert - have been lurking on this thread, having sent off DS and DD1 to university with little/no settling in issues, but suspecting it could be different with DD2. Unfortunately have been proved right, and her experiences seem uncannily to mirror your DDs, ie flat mates who are just not interested in being friends, plus the awful feeling that everyone else's flat is a lot more fun. She's also met someone nice to walk to lectures with, but can't seem to progress the friendship. All in all, she says she's having a really awful time and I can tell from her flat tone on the phone that it is hard...I admire her for sticking at it, to be honest and, like your DD, she is doing all the right things-- getting contact nos. for the people she does gel with, going to meetings/events....But it is hard, both for her and for us, so wanted to say I sympathsise. She's talking about coming home for a couple of days at the end of this month, which I suspect means that if she feels things haven't improved by then she'll want to talk over her options.
Am currently fervently hoping that one of her attempts to reach out will be successful, as I feel if she can just make one friend who she feels comfortable with, the the rest will follow.
Hello ancientandmodern, it's very difficult isn't it and quite time consuming? I feel like I have a full time job just being the support on the phone and Skype at the moment. I've just had another hour on Skype again this evening, I don't think we talked this much when she was at home, but if I didn't do it she could potentially talk to no one some days.
How long has your daughter been away now? Dd said she had received a text today from an old school friend who, like dd, has gone to university after a year out and she is hating it. She doesn't like any of her flat mates and said that although there are lots of group photos on Facebook which look like they're having fun, they really don't get on at all. Another friend is also saying that after two weeks at her uni she is now getting homesick. There must be hundreds of patents around the country trying to support these new students and willing them to stick it out.
I answer the phone with trepidation, trying to gauge the tone of her voice. I've not had cheerful and laughing yet, I'm longing for that, although her sister is quite good with her on Skype and always raises a smile. We seem to be doing two steps forward and one step back at the moment.
Does your daughter not get on with any of her flat mates at all? Dd is down to one and they have decided to stick it out together now, but that's taken three weeks of great anxiety. I'm trying to make sure she remains pleasant to the others at least to avoid any nastiness.
I'm sure she will make friends, as you say, it just needs to start with one. That first one seems to be so hard though, keep us posted.
They all need to come home/see you different amounts, for some DC it is good for them, for others is can hold them back! Only you know your DC.
Also mrsrhod DD said similar about not belonging. She said she felt like she had so many different homes/lives and no permanent 'safe' place. It is a really hard change. DD in 3rd year now feels just as at home at uni as at homehome but still finds the 'two lives' thing hard and can't wait to settle and have just one home.
I'm off to see her in a week and a half we tend to do it that I visit once per term and she comes home once normally so that the term is split into 3 week blocks sort of. It works for us
Evening all, been lurking but not much time to post.
Hello to recent thread joiners, more the merrier!
MrsRG your DD has been amazing in VERY difficult circumstances, would she & nice flatmate be able to approach the accomodations office & ask for a transfer? Really can't understand folks who go home ALL the time having gone to the bother /expense of renting halls!!!!
My DD1 has settled in well as far as I can tell. Couple of Skype calls, but nithing last night so I was hoping she was busy. Turned out they all got together (11 of them in oine floor,sharing a kitchen) & cooked a meal last night, two of the girls went shoppping & bought all the makings for a Qourn bolognese as 2 of them are veggie. They all chipped in a few pounds for the ingredients & had a yummy supper. Then they played cards& other silly games & decided they should try & make it a weekly event!
Well, long chat with her last night, think her wobble is not being helped by her best friend being at another uni nowhere near her struggling badly he has been crying on the phone to her rather a lot..
Well 2 hours after the chat I texted her casually 'fancy lunch next Friday? she replied 'don't think was meant for me mum!' I said yes it was meant for her, she rang me, said are you serious??!! I said yes, shall I fly up for the day? She was absolutely delighted
We will see....
Oh MABS, I have been largely dry eyed throughout these last few weeks, which is very unusual for me, but you got me reaching for the tissues with that post.
Notsoskinny, I think you win the prize for most original issue of the day. Wouldn't know where to begin with that one but how marvellous to be able to have a bit of a rant in another language.
I am well aware that happy as my own DS is, if he didn't need our support he would not be spending as much time on fb as he does. He has even deigned to contact his big sister, think she is in shock! Our DCs are so lucky, so many ways to stay in touch, and most parents very supportive apart from the few, usually dads, who always seem to think it's just best to throw them in at the deep end and let them fend for themselves. I do remember visiting a friend at Birmingham uni who looked dreadful. I was quite worried, but he brushed it off. A few weeks later he had a nervous breakdown, he was so homesick and hated his course.
I went out with a friend last night and she was telling me about a radio 2 Simon Mayo Drivetime show she had been listening to as she drove home from work, with Pam Ayres on it advertising her new book. She had written a poem when her own son went off to uni, and read it out. It is so very true, my friend sent me the link this morning.
I suppose it will disappear in a week or so, but I wrote it all down.