To study or not (me)

[gandalf456]

I have seen a course I am interested in and was quite enthusiastic about applying but am now getting cold feet. Why? Generally, I hate moving from my comfort zone even though I hate my job and it's causing me physical health problems.

Also, the course looks harder than I originally thought and has exams at the end which I didn't realise.

I currently work 28.5 hours but can reduce to 20. The course requires 10+ hours.

I have two children. I do all of the housework, cooking, home admin. I'm not sure how to fit in much else.

My daughter, in particular, is being very challenging right now.

I am a very stressy person. I don't do pressure well which is why I never had a high pressure job and do a job I'm overqualified for.

I am on the waiting list for a possible operation too.

But I really am interested in the course. It was something I'd considered years ago.

I am wondering whether to just do it. It might be a good distraction and force dh out of the 50s mindset and give me confidence which I am lacking. However, if i failed, that could backfire.

Another thing I could do us delay a bit til the kids are bigger. The youngest is 7, the eldest 12but I do keep coming up with the kids as an excuse. I don't want to resent them in the long run or dh for being a lazy arse
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[Davinaaddict]

if DH is in the 50's mindset (by which I assume you mean that all the housework and childcare is done by the woman), then I think you will really struggle. If I were you I would see how to make your life less stressful. Can you get a different job?

Sit down with DH and agree who will do what. Make sure that you both get the same amount of free time so that it's fair - do not accept just the breadcrumbs he throws you! Include all housework, childcare and any hobbies for you both as well as the children. It sounds like you need to do this whether you do the course or not. Why should you be doing all the work? Does he do stupidly long hours?

If you can work out that you get 10 hours free time, then this would be the time to do it, but if I were you I'd leave a bit of time to see if it's working as you set out, and that you do indeed get 10 hours free time. The worst thing would be if you committed to the course only to find DH isn't pulling his weight.

[gandalf456]

Hi Davina. Thanks for your reply. I am always on the lookout for jobs but most for the hours I want are pretty menial - like the one I have. A job that would interest me and would be flexible, requires qualifications to give me the edge, hence the desire to study.

I agree that I do need to be firmer. I am trying to get DH out of this mindset. He wasn't like this when I first met him but he changed once I was at home at least half of the day. I fear that if I put it off and keep making excuses, I'll never do it. If DH wanted to do a course, I wouldn't stop him and do what I could to support him.

[Davinaaddict]

It's easy to get into a rut, and if you're like me, I pick up the slack rather than have the confrontation (at least I do when I'm not ill!). Good luck, I hope you manage to sort it all out 🙂

[gandalf456]

Thanks, Davina