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Is anyone else battling the GPs on Uni Choice?(22 Posts)
Is anyone else having problems with the GPs over Uni choices? Ds has his offers including a much lower than expected one for his first choice. Grandad seems unable to get past the name of the Uni as it were and what should be an exciting and happy time is being ruined for ds by his opinion every 5 minutes that he must go to one over the other because he won't get anywhere in life if he doesn't. As it is, ds choice is the one grandad thinks acceptable but he won't keep quiet long enough for ds to actually tell him! Is this attitude really there in general or is it just him? Surely the right course is what's important? would love to hear other people's views on this.
I thnk you need to tell grandad, politely or bluntly depending on what you find useful with him, to butt out of it and keep his opinions to himself! Lots of people have opinions about universities. Most people have enough sense to realise it is not about them. Fine to say, once, X is prestigious and will give certain advantages.
It's DS who has to spend the next 3 or 4 years there, doing the course, not grandad.
Why on earth are you 'battling'? Wtf had it got to do with granddad?
This really depends upon the course your DS is intending to do. Some 'white tile' Universities are world leaders in certain subjects - and doing a degree course there in that subject would be considered 'prestigious'. Unfortunately there is a fair amount of opinion on the 'best' university - and most of it is pretty ill informed. Your DS needs to look at the course, the university, city and his grades to make the best decision for him. You need to tell the GPs to butt out.
Is Grandad paying for some of your son's costs? If not, then should be more supportive.
We had a contrasting problem with my df. He doesn't really 'get' university - db and I didn't go, partly because we got no support from our parents. It just wasn't on their radar as something to aspire to despite the fact that both of us were entirely capable and had the A levels. It was just always assumed we would get jobs after sixth form. When ds was applying to university last year all my dad could talk about was how much debt ds would get himself into. It has got easier now that ds is at uni - dm keeps sending him food parcels! I suggest you just try and keep the conversations to a minimum.
My grand parents had zero input into where I went to uni.
Interesting problem - usually it's the DC opinion versus the parents on here - I've not heard of a grandparent having an opinion before!
Your father may be right, of course, or he may be out of date. What was right 30 years ago isn't necessarily right now. It depends in a major part on what subject your DS wants to study but the HE landscape has changed a lot.
However, if your father is in a senior position at a major company, or is a professional himself ( eg doctor, barrister, accountant), Then he just might know something about how different unis are viewed by employers. So his view might be worth listening to ( but it sounds like he could put it more tactfully!)
My (not so D)F had very strong opionions on both DDs' choice of Universities.
Actually he started well before that, telling DD1 she'd never get to study medicine as she needed physics A level (you don't) and hadn't been to independent school. He's an arse, and DD1 got her place at med school (now in her 4th year!)
Forwarned this time I told him to mind his own business with DD2. He still stuck his oar in but she just ignored him and is happily at an excellent RG university doing Nursing (her choice) not English (his!)
We pointed out that the girls were perfectly capable of reading the leauge tables, visiting the universities and making an informed choice!
No, the grandparents had zero input into it and my ex and I discussed the choices to go on the UCAS form with him but all the big choices were down to my son. He's the one who has to go there for several years. He put alot of thought into it, visiting all his choices alone or with friends before putting them down (he didn't want parents stopping him soaking up the "atmosphere" of the different colleges.)
My son is strong minded and the grandparents don't live locally though. I decided my uni choices alone as did my ex so leaving the teenager to sort out their own future just inputting where asked or needed came quite easily to us.
Our DDs did talk to their Grandparents about uni. However this was only because the Grandparents wanted to show an interest in what their grandchildren were doing they never tried to discourage them or tell them what they should do.
Not my family but I can see that my parents will get involved in the university decisions of my nephew. Sadly they are full of prejudices that, IMO, have already caused my nephew to make some injudicious choices. None of my business however!
Likewise mumeee, my son was chatting to my dad on the phone and happilly discussing his uni choices. My dad's input was just to sound enthusiastic about it all and tell him how clever he was.
DD is hoping to go to uni in the city where GPs live, so she can continue with some home comforts.
Nope. Never occurred to any of the GPs to stick their oar in, and we had minimal input ourselves, which is just as it should be.
My parents think he's doing a completely different course to the one he is doing but he's given up reminding them .
My granma asked and gave lovely advice, such as 'that's a nice city', or 'oh, that's good that it would be easy to come home from to visit' and that's a good career, x and y have grandchildren doing that and did well.
That's the kind of advice that should be given.
My m-in-law thought that any uni that wasn't a red brick was no good. Er, no... My dd went to a "new" uni of her choice and is very happy there. There is so much more info about and things have changed. Dd went by the "feel" of the place as well as it having a good reputation.
My gp was so outraged at my rejection from ucl back in the day that he had to be prevented from calling them up to complain on my behalf! Seriously, it's good training for your ds to make his own choices and accept the consequences.
No, but I can see them getting involved. They recently decided that we should buy dd1 driving lessons and a cheap car.
We pointed out insurance costs and asked if they are happy to contribute to them. That shut them up!
My PIL live overseas and neither have been to university but they still think they can proffer advice to my DD, though that is mostly via DH. They thought DD should go to Cambridge despite her preferring the course at another Uni which she fell in love with and feels more comfortable at.
Urghhh,your DC needs to make up their own mind supported by your opinion and that of teachers where relevant. It is difficult to tell the GP to butt out but maybe walk away and change the subject.
Personally I think the general environment is as important as the course itself.
Actually my dad has been a fantastic help looking for law courses for Ds1. He's a retired lawyer & spent ages looking through law society info to find which courses are recognised and so forth. The results were surprising & Ds can now decide which open days he should attend.
exMIL laid it on really thick when DD2 was applying (foolish girl left some of the application process until the last minute, which entailed completing applicationsfor her chosen universities while staying at granma's). There were two particular universities all the ILs wanted her to apply to, both of which were far below the selectivity level of her choices, and both of which had been attended by SILs. It got to the point where DD2 was almost in tears, and of course exH wouldn't say a peep to his mother (long story, whacko family dynamic). Lesson learned by DD2? Don't leave applications to the last minute and play it very close to your chest where granma is concerned. And of course in this family, don't rely on your dad to fight your corner .
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