Feel lik crying, I hate uni

(27 Posts)
Katkins1 Wed 05-Feb-14 19:56:26

Hi

I'm in my third year, last semester left. I have PTSD. I've done well so far, but my depression has cost me friendships, I rely on my tutors too much and I can't bloody stand it anymore. None of my class gets on with me, and I can't get through a day without feeling exhausted and overwhelmed.

My house is a tip, I don't eat properly and I have no idea what I am doing anymore. I can't stand it. I don't know how I'm going to get through the next 10 weeks.

Sorry for posting here, there is no-one in RL. I feel so depressed and helpless. I can't do it.

SolomanDaisy Wed 05-Feb-14 19:59:01

You are so close to the end, of course you can do it. Do you still enjoy your subject? How much coursework have you got left to do?

GiveTwoSheets Wed 05-Feb-14 20:04:29

You have come so far! Don't give up now! 10weeks is nothing to compared to time you have completed. As for other people just think they only a temporary thing soon as its over you won't have to see them again, they won't matter to your future!

As for the house grr my house can be spotless then 5min later its a shit tip! House work is over rated and always something needs doing!

The only thing you got to do is eat properly and study sod everything else!

Kez100 Wed 05-Feb-14 20:07:37

I wouldn't worry about your house being a tip - so is mine! That can wait 10 weeks.

I wouldn't worry about class mates not being friends - again only 10 weeks to go and you will all move on.

Can you try and eat properly? Is there a reason why you don't? Budget? Being bothered to cook for one? Not hungry?

Why not post on this thread here every day as your worry time, release the rest of the back to yourself to get things done.

Katkins1 Wed 05-Feb-14 20:08:36

I have a dissertation (written half, going to do more when DD is in bed later), got so so much more reading to do. Then two other modules; one double, one single. All due in May . I love my subject, just not the people and the bitching anymore!

Katkins1 Wed 05-Feb-14 20:12:34

Kez, its time and my DD eats at the minders, so I'm less motivated. I think it's 11/12 weeks. I have so much to do I am very scared!

Lomaamina Wed 05-Feb-14 20:16:13

katkins1 you're not alone. There will be people at your university who will be there to help you if you can approach them. Try your course leader or personal tutor, or try student services.

Take care. The days are getting longer now and you'll soon be at the other end of this long journey you've taken.

Lomaamina Wed 05-Feb-14 20:19:57

And try not to be overwhelmed by all the coursework. Can you open a document for each assignment and list what needs doing. Then just sketch out from the top of your head an outline of what you'd want to say. You'll soon see how many of the gaps can be filled by material you already have, or know how to get hold of. Try chunking out bits of work you can do and then review your progress at the end of each week. You'll get there.

lalamumto3 Wed 05-Feb-14 20:24:27

You are not alone, we are here, imagine how you will feel when you collect your degree.

Just keep chipping away.

As others have said, you will get there.
X

Katkins1 Wed 05-Feb-14 20:33:25

Thank you. My tutors are lovely, but I rely on them too much! I hate even talking to them now. I have one assignment I'm not sure how to start, dissertation I'm sort of stuck on (but have supervision on Monday), and one I know what I want to do with. Our teaching has only just started back, though, so we are usually given reading time before we prepare assignments.

Pollaidh Wed 05-Feb-14 20:51:05

Can you get treatment for the PTSD? PTSD is utterly grim, and if you're without support you're doing amazingly just attending your course. You need a lot of friendly support, and trauma-oriented counselling. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy is the NICE recommended treatment. It can be hard to find suitably qualified therapists though. A standard therapist who doesn't have extensive trauma experience can be almost dangerous, because they can open up old wounds but have no idea how to heal. If you're in Oxford I can recommend an expert who is brilliant (but it's usually private). Otherwise for extra support why don't you call ASSIST - http://www.assisttraumacare.org.uk/ They have a phoneline during the day and can give you info but also just chat. Also, at any time, don't feel bad about calling Samaritans for a chat. Sometimes it helps just to talk, especially if you've not got much support in RL. Some cities also have sessions in-person. The uni or uni GP might also have a counsellor they can refer you to, which is a bit of an elastoplast, but better than nothing sometimes (PTSD needs actual treatment).

Struggling to make friends, or keep friends is a known symptom of PTSD btw.

To help a bit have you tried yoga, exercise, or going to feed the ducks or something? Sounds trite but part of CBT is to bring a little treat into every day. Take it day by day, and every day write in a note book what you've achieved, however small.

Good luck. You can PM me if you want. I am NOT an expert, and not trained in any way, but have been through PTSD and pretty much come out the other side and have tried to help someone else with it.

Katkins1 Wed 05-Feb-14 20:56:26

Thank you. I have private counselling, but he's not a trauma therapist. Its the cost mainly because I'm trying to save money in case I can't get a job straightaway, and do all sorts of stuff with the flat because it really run down at the minute. Decorating needs doing and so much other stuff. I'm just so overwhelmed.

woodrunner Wed 05-Feb-14 21:04:53

Hi,

It's natural to feel stressed at this stage, don't you think? Doesn't mean it's OK. You still want to lower the stress, but it doesn't mean you're not up to the work.

Can you ditch stress related to anything that doesn't matter? you really don't need to get on with other people at uni. You only have a few contact hours with them a week. Soon they will be out of your life for good if you choose. But your degree won't be. Finishing it will be something you can be proud of and use to your professional advantage for the rest of your life. You don 't need to spend energy on befriending them or wondering what they think of you. That doesn't matter. Ditch that load.

Can you try to eat small amounts of healthy food that is easy to digest? Soup or chicken, or even carrot cake which has nuts, veg and cream cheese in it. It's hard to eat well when you're stressed but not eating can leave you so run down. Maybe drink protein shakes and smoothies if you really can't face food. (I remember that feeling from finals. Lived on milky coffee and survived.)

As to the work load, can you break it down into small, manageable stages? if you can't, because of stress, can you ask a tutor to help you do this? Is there an RLF fellow at the uni who helps with essays and writing style? Do you have access to counselling at uni?

Also, it can help to imagine how you'd cope with a worst case scenario, and what that would mean to you ten years down the line. Even if you drop out, you'll still be standing, still have your DC, still have the chance to make the best of your life and achieve lots of other things. So, given that it's not life and death, there's no harm in having a go at finishing it and seeing what happens. If you scrape a pass, you still pass! A dissertation that you think is rubbish might still pass.

And if a student exists, with a child, who is doing finals and whose house isn't a tip and who doesn't feel stressed, I've never met them. You sound like you can cope. It's tough but you are managing and will probably continue to manage until it's over. I hope so. You'll be glad you did.

woodrunner Wed 05-Feb-14 21:09:49

Katkins, it's really normal when stressed to overload with ALL the things you think you need to do. It really helps to make a plan of action which includes putting certain things off. So you can decide:
I will take a week off after finals to recharge and then make a start on the flat.
That way, you know it will get done, but not now as you have more important priorities now.
You can also decide to do 15 mins tidying a day, and that's it. Three five minute bursts can work wonders. Just picking up dirty laundry, clearing main surfaces and a five min hoover makes a massive difference.

Katkins1 Wed 05-Feb-14 22:32:07

Thank you. I don't have a job (as yet) after finals, so we will see what's going to happen there nearer the time.

I am on a first right now, and have been offered a Masters, so if I can keep my first, I will get there. I do make lists; but it doesn't feel like I work well like that. All in all, we have until April 14th of teaching, then May 2nd, 6th and 8th for hand ins/ presentations. Which feels like a fair bit of time, when I think about it. I'm two very drafty chapters in to my dissertation, but I know they are rubbish so far! It does seem a long time, but I think that it will come around quickly.

With regard to the people on my course, we fell out over personal ideologies, and there's so much backstabbing that it's ridiculous. I stood up for what I believed in (emotive issue, rape) and it divided the group.

But I said what I believed to be right, and mature. It still hurts though.

Katkins1 Wed 05-Feb-14 23:14:59

Pollaidah, is it struggling to make friends a symptom? That's quite interesting, I've thought that for a long time, but never heard it before.

monikar Thu 06-Feb-14 11:54:46

Katkins So sorry to hear this, no wonder you are stressed, you have so much on your plate.

You have put in so much time and effort that to leave now would mean that all that was for nothing. I would also say not to worry about what others think of you - easier said than done, as in a few weeks you will never set eyes on most of these people ever again.

I think that not eating actually makes things worse as your stomach will be processing all that acid. When you have tons to do, having to stop and prepare food becomes just 'another thing to have to do'. You need quick food that doesn't make a lot of washing-up and is nutritious - do you like Weetabix and milk for example? It is cheap, plain, quick to eat, and only one bowl to wash up. For supper, perhaps do yourself a jacket potato with some beans and cheese, or a tin of tuna if you like that? If you really can't face solid food then the advice upthread of protein drinks is excellent - it means you have something inside you.

I would also try and see this as a small amount of time in the big scheme of things - try and see it one thing at a time. The most important thing now is that your DD is looked after and that you have maximum time to finish your degree - things like decorating can wait.

Your degree will last you for life and will open up many opportunities for you. I think you will be pleased you stuck it out. I speak as the mother of a DD who is struggling to complete A levels, and has suffered with awful anxiety and has on many occasions seriously considered leaving - this is not as serious a situation as yours I appreciate, but all things considered, I think that if she were to leave, she would in retrospect, regret it, and I think this would be the case for you too. You say you are on for a first, that is a tremendous achievement which you should be so proud of yourself for. Just a few more weeks, and that first will be yours if you just hang in there.

TheOriginalSteamingNit Thu 06-Feb-14 11:59:43

I am sure you don't rely on your tutors 'too much', you know - they haven't got you on track for a first, you have!

If you regularly go and see them, and are doing well, they are not going to want to lose you, and if they're as lovely as you say they will do everything they can to support you, honestly.

Don't worry about your house for now - or if it's making you unhappy, schedule a bit of time to deal with it and consciously put your work to one side, mentally and physically, while you do.

Email your tutors, ask if you can see them, talk to as many of them as you can or want to - they will not mind, they will infinitely prefer this to students who drop off the radar and ignore emails!

If you drop out now, it was all for nothing - and not only do you not have a degree, you have 2.5 years of nothing on your CV! Please speak to people and take advantage of every bit of support that's there. I did my degree with a small child, too, and I know how difficult it can be at times - good luck x

Honeysweet Thu 06-Feb-14 12:08:30

Hi!
I think you have been given some good advice on here.

You need to deal with things one day at a time. [yes, I know, easier to write that than to do it].

So what do you need to do today? That must be done today. Get some shopping in? Speak to someone?

Pollaidh Thu 06-Feb-14 12:56:28

Hi, yes, difficulty connecting with people - partly due to a deadening of some emotions, partly due to the stress of what you're dealing with - is a symptom of PTSD and causes further isolation, which of course makes things worse, as one of the factors which influences the length and degree of PTSD is the support you have.

Also if your traumatic event has been worsened by the reaction of certain people, then seeing those people reminds you of the trauma, and triggers symptoms.

Relationship/friendship issues come under 'avoidance' symptoms - feeling numb, withdrawn, pre-occupied, cold. Feel no affection for people you previously loved, mechanical behaviour.

In my own case although my trauma and work were fairly unrelated, the unpleasant treatment of me by some people at work as a result of what happened, and the fact I wasn't performing to the same standard, meant that job became linked to the trauma for me. I had to get away.

So, you're a single mum I think I gather, in line for a first and dealing with PTSD and depression. You are a WONDER-WOMAN. You're also probably a perfectionist - a good counsellor can help you set more realistic expectations re: keeping house tidy etc too.

I can understand the cost issue but a good trauma therapist is worth their weight in gold. I found counselling useful to some extent but I needed trauma therapy to get a (near) cure.

P.S. In the circumstances and with your tutor's support you can probably still get onto a Masters with a 2.1 (and get funding). Many Masters take 2.2 as a minimum.

Katkins1 Thu 06-Feb-14 18:34:13

Thank you everyone. I'm wading through my dissertation in small bits. Monikar- sorry to hear your DD is struggling, I did struggle with my A levels a bit (I was homeless at the time), but they were so worth it because they got me in to uni in the end. Albeit many years later. It is a journey worth taking, but it is hard.

Polladiah, it is hard because I was triggered by an exam piece (performance), I commented on how much it should have a warning. Now I'm hated by most of my classmates, because the piece in question achieved a low grade. I spoke to the tutor afterward, because it triggered me so much that I was throwing up. This tutor and I have a friendly relationship; and its now been suggested that I caused the person's bad mark, because I talked to the tutor after. The piece had already been marked by then.

This teacher has gone above and beyond for me, so we talked not as student/teacher but more as people on more of an equal footing. She's supervising me, and we have a good relationship. She knows about my illness, and helps.

It is all becoming linked to the trauma now, as my PTSD started in 2nd Year, and some things evoke memories.

Honeysweet Thu 06-Feb-14 18:36:45

Was the piece a group piece?

Katkins1 Thu 06-Feb-14 19:11:11

No, we all did our own different things, supported by a theory essay.

Honeysweet Thu 06-Feb-14 19:32:57

The other person seems to have been unreasonable in that case.

After the 10 or 12 weeks are over, if you had a good replationship with others in your class, would you have been likely to still keep in touch?

woodrunner Thu 06-Feb-14 19:47:44

It's important that the tutors make it clear to fellow students that the piece had already been marked and that they would never allow a tutee to influence their sound judgement of the quality of a piece or the mark it gets.

Have they done this, in writing and circulated it? That could help squash any rumours that you 'caused' a bad mark. Don't under-estimate jealousy if you are on track for a first. You may not be the one who finds it hard to make friends. They may be tough to reach because they feel outclassed by you and your work ethic. That doesn't mean it's not worth making friends if you can, but not at the cost of your first or your MH.

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