Final year.... think I've screwed it up

[Katkins1]

Hi

I'm in my final year of a degree (BA), Single mum, one DD, 6. I have PTSD, and my Grand father died in the past month. I was diagnosed with PTSD in May, so some of my results there only just scraped a 2.1 (60 and 64). I have lots of high 2.1s and incredibly high 1sts (some in the 80s) from my second year, so I basically wanted to drop the 60 mark from my average. Which we are allowed to do, they take the best 15 forward. The reason for this was because I've been offered post-grad that needs a 2.1 or 1st, but a 1st would get me funding.

Only, this semester we had a double module for which one element got a 2.2 of 57 (I worked so hard as well- but it was performance) and a high 1st of 78, so overall, 68. And we get results back on Monday for an assessment and essay that I did two weeks after my Grandfather died. I just absolutely know that I'm looking at a 2.2 at best, and now there is no way that I can turn my degree around and get the grade I need.

I have three modules left, including a dissertation (I've written half, but its terrible, had lots of tutor feedback. She's lovely but I think she will only coach the students who have done well this semester, and not help me at all now.) She will probably just see it as a complete waste of her effort to help some-one who will only scrape a 2.1, and would rather put it in to those who already have 1sts.

I am devastated. I have worked against my PTSD and awful past circumstances, the loss of my Grandparents 18 months apart during my 2nd and 3rd years,finances, childcare, lack of confidence, everything. To not even deserve a place on my course now is heart-breaking. And to listen to other students saying how well they have done is gutting, even though I'm really proud of them and so, so pleased for them, I can't help but think I'm just the utterly stupid one, held back by depression and my awful life circumstances.

I don't want to pick up my results on Monday. I don't want to write my dissertation anymore. It all just seems incredibly pointless and for nothing now.

I know that sounds silly, but that's how I feel.
Any lecturers/ students who have felt the same and think it can be turned around?

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

Oh, god, poor you. That sounds awful.

First off: the tutor won't only coach students who she thinks will get a first. That would be completely wrong.

How much do the university know about your circumstances? You should be able to go to the Student Support Centre and to your tutor to talk about the PTSD and the bereavement. Sorry, I know you may have done this but you don't mention it.

I know it's not a good thought - but if you are really unable to cope at the moment, you might very well be able to intermit for the rest of the year and come back next year? Would that be an option? You are entitled to four years of student loans for a BA, so you wouldn't have to worry about that aspect.

If you're getting marks in the 80s you're clearly very good.

[AnneWentworth]

Oh gosh, sorry you are feeling so down.

You haven't actually had the results of the last essay so you don't know for sure that it will be a 2:2. You really may surprise yourself and as Pp said you are clearly capable. Dissertation is a big deal so put everything you have into it. Is it weighted slightly more?

I am a 70 student and it drives me mad because I could accept being 2:1 if I was consistent in 60s but being 70 which is literally just a First for my degree drives me mad.

I believe that you can do it and so should you!!!

[Katkins1]

LDR, I've spoken to student support and my tutors. They even let me change an issue based module to another subject I have experience in, because they think I'm capable of it. I dropped out of a year when I was 18, so this is my last chance for funding, unfortunately. And with 12 weeks left, it might be daft to drop out right now.

Anne, I've got two double modules and one single (in two parts) left. I'm doing dissertation on my highly marked topic (s)- am halfway in (working on it as I type here, too).

I have every mark at a first or high 2.1. At present, I'm taking forward something daft like everything first, except three which are 64,68 and 69. Those one/two mark off modules irritate the heck out of me!!

The 64 was because I was really ill, but its a 2:1 nonetheless. I've been told that dissertation will pull my mark up, as will the double module I changed to, but I'm not so sure now....

I think my confidence has been really hurt, to be honest.

[Katkins1]

And Anne, a 70 is a 70, its a first!!! Well done!!!

[AnneWentworth]

Katkins - you are going to get great grades be ause unless you start monumentally failing you are going to be great. Please don't chuck it in with so little time left.

Thanks, it is but it is only one moody moderator away from a 2:1.

[Katkins1]

Thanks, Anne. I'm one moody moderator (or assessment on Monday) away from a 2.1 as well! I know I don't need a 1st, and that grades aren't everything, you know, but they feel as though they are really important to me.

I think its about just doing it against all of the odds. I know that it would mean a lot to every student, but given that I have had a really complicated life, and don't even have anyone to invite to my graduation, it would be a real achievement.

Sorry if that makes no sense, I've had a lot of coffee and am working on my dissertation. I got to an interesting part, and didn't want to leave it alone (!).

How long do you have left?

[AnneWentworth]

It is a huge achievement. You should be proud. The thing is once you get a first your expectations of yourself rose don't they.

I have one more year (4 years in total part time). It is the absolute best thing I have ever done. I really didn't realise I would take to it quite so well.

[Katkins1]

They do, but its hard to maintain once you get 83 or 81 (hard life eh?!, because that's the expectation, and we are all naturally better at certain things. Or more interested, I should say.

I am contemplating apply for a PHD very soon- maybe a September start. I have a place on Master's but I need a) funding and b) a part time job as soon as I graduate. I think that will be quite tough, but I've done 3 years full time study.

I know that it will be hard to get a job. I'm going to save some of my student loan payment from April to tide me over for a couple of months. I'd need to wait until my degree classification is confirmed, too. Its quite a daunting prospect- and not that far away!

I'm glad that I've done full time, but its been absolutely exhausting, I do have to say.