The Long Silence.......

(13 Posts)
lookoveryourshouldernow Sun 27-Oct-13 23:53:36

We drove them there - we settled them in - we talked every day or so through the first few of weeks of independence - we sent them SOS parcels from home - AND NOW NOTHING.....

Hopefully this is a good sign but it is pretty strange... they have gone... and the "child" than returns at Christmas will be a different person..

My job is done - and I am pretty sad about it ...

rightsaidfrederick Mon 28-Oct-13 11:02:54

You've done your job well - they're now launching themselves into adult life, and evidently not struggling with things too much ;)

Nospringchickendipper Mon 28-Oct-13 13:27:21

I think that this will be me posting in three years time.Dd has gone to uni but does keep in touch.
Not so sure Ds will though when he goes.smile

creamteas Mon 28-Oct-13 13:37:22

DS1 went to uni, and never came back!

In his first year, he came home for 3 days the first Christmas, but has not slept at home since then. He had a 39 week let in halls in year one, then moved straight into a shared house. He graduated last year, and did not return then either.

Communication is sparse, I might get an answer to a text/email every couple of week. He never has time to call hmm. I have resorted to stalking him on facebook to stay in touch wink

creamteas sad

Shootingatpigeons Tue 29-Oct-13 10:11:08

creamteas sad but also smile since presumably he has found his own way.

I dropped my DD off at halls in Year 1 thinking my job was done, then end of Year 1 came the period of me providing the most intensive emotional support either of my DDs have needed since they were tiny, a combination of personal and academic problems that caused a perfect storm. She is fine now and doing well but it has left us very close, and the door open to her realising I understand and can help when she needs it, sometimes she even shares what is happening when it is all going well grin

I have friends who found themselves in a similar position when their DDs left uni and hit the real world.

Don't ever assume your job is done......

Privatebanker Tue 29-Oct-13 14:04:43

Same here, shooting. DS got onto a highly competitive tough degree and aced his first year exams. Then-- to my surpise--had a massive crisis of confidence at start of 2nd year. Boy did he need his DM then! He's fine now but indeed it showed me they potentially always need you.

Their need comes and goes I have found .
I have DD1 in her 4th year of medicine and DD2 in her second year of nursing.

Like Shootingatpigeons my DD1 needed us more than any other time in her life at the end of yr 1 when she had become anorexic (severely) from the stress of homesickness and being bullied. A horrible year but we are closer than ever (and she has made a brilliant recovery touch wood) She is now very independent and well, but cheerfully pops up by text most days.

DD2 also get homesick and needs to see us once a month to feel ok. usually I pop up and stop overnight in their shared house.. feed them all and come back grin This weekend she came home as did DD1 to see a musical and the brief 'all together' ness will keep them going til xmas.

I still feel needed smile

Bearcat Fri 01-Nov-13 21:42:53

Your job is never done.
Been there, done that.
Never think they won't return because they will.
Just when you think your house will start to look tidy. It won't.
Just when you think you might have more money, you won't.
You might even have an extra body crashing over, and not necessarily a partner, but just a friend because you live in London and their new friends are from all different parts of the UK as DH and I once were.
I think supporting our DC will go on for much longer.
DH & I had left home by 18, but also think that our relationships with DC are much more as friends rather than a strict parent / child reationship

madeofkent Fri 01-Nov-13 22:27:53

Bearcat, I think you have hit the nail on the head as to why I miss my DCs so much. Older generations did not treat their children as friends and vice versa. But my son ignores any friends who say that it is uncool to have their parents as friends on fb. and it is the main form of communication for our family.

lookoveryourshouldernow Sat 02-Nov-13 23:59:50

... Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey Hey Ho ............... back for the weekend....

Managed a 5 minute conversation before he took to the car and out to visit "his mates".... he presumably arrived back some time this morning around 5 am (I was asleep)

Spent another 5 minutes today discussing stuff about settling in /cooking / flat mates / lectures - and then gone in a flash .....

Bedroom here must look like the room that he left on Friday - a mess...

Tonight - an all night birthday party..

Tomorrow he has got to go back again - so maybe another 5 minutes here or there as he packs up his dirty laundry (I am definitely not doing it !!) before he disappears again...

YEP my son my has gone ..... and it went in a flash .....

................

mathanxiety Sun 17-Nov-13 04:02:31

I get the odd call from DS. He usually has 2.5 minutes to chat. DD1 hardly ever calls but when she does she cuts right to the chase and it's often a few minutes before I figure out which of the 4 DDs I am talking to, usually from contextual clues (she is 23 and working in another city and has a cat). DD2 usually texts and never picks up when I call. I send them all the odd package every so often. I don't expect any of them to ever live with me again after they go off to university. I would consider it odd. Maybe for summers during university, but DD1 only did that for one summer and sublet near her job for the rest of the years. They visit for Christmas.

mumblechum1 Sun 17-Nov-13 11:55:14

Similar story here, I generally text DS to ask when would be a good time for a catchup (usually a Sunday night). Any other (v occasional) texts are asking for practical help like posting a book to him.

He came back this weekend, first time I'd seen him for 10 weeks and it was lovely to see him. He had carefully arranged his time so he could have a good 4 or 5 hours chatting time to me over the weekend, took his dad out for lunch, saw an old school friend for coffee, went clubbing with another one and finally left last night to go to Kent to see another friend who's at Uni there before training it back to Liverpool today.

I don't really mind the radio silence as I know that he is happier than he has been for years. He loathed the last few years of school and is now a round peg in a round hole at last!

He's even changed his image; the girls in his flat took him clothes shopping and steered him away from the grey hoodie look into a much cooler image.grin

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