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EMPTY NEST SUPPORT THREAD-Part 2

(1000 Posts)
MissMarplesBloomers Sun 01-Sep-13 22:15:15

Part one lasted seven years! Thanks RustyBear for the great idea.

I have one DD off this year and another one starting Sixth form so will be here for a few years! grin

So how are all the DC's getting on with the lists/packing etc?

mumeeee Wed 18-Sep-13 10:02:57

Having a bit of a wobbly moment this mornimg. I'm going to visit my elderly parents who are both not well. They live about a 90 miles from us and I go by train. Last time I went to visit them
DD3 came with me. I keep thinking there's lots of stuff I won't be doing with her now.

MABS Wed 18-Sep-13 11:03:46

big hug mummee

mumeeee Wed 18-Sep-13 11:28:59

Thanks MABs. How are you doing?

MissMarplesBloomers Wed 18-Sep-13 12:09:46

JGBmum She got into Jack Martin!

MABS She'd love to be a party animal, but just doesn't like the taste-but is grateful there are others who aren't drinkers like her. I'm sorry you are feeling rough & you & hubby are arguing, it is a difficult period of readjustment for you all isn't it? <<hugs>>

Mumee that's tough having to do the sick elderly parents thing on your own. Especially at the moment with missing DD3. But then again at least you will have things to talk about with them, filling them in on all her exploits. I hope they get better or at least improved soon. <<hugs>> to you to.

mrsrhodgilbert Wed 18-Sep-13 12:33:08

Afternoon all, it seems we're all a bit wobbly still. We managed to Skype dd last night, it was lovely to see her face though she did have a bit of a wobble when she saw us and probably more so when she saw the cat. Unfortunately the cat failed to recognise her!

She stayed in and had an early night and has gone off to the freshers fair today, I hope she joins something. Her flat mates are still very homesick and some course people too. There is still talk of leaving which is upsetting her. We are going across to take her out for dinner tomorrow, I hope we won't all be blubbering onto our soup!

DalmationDots Wed 18-Sep-13 13:24:08

mrshodgilbert Sorry to hear things are still a bit tough. As I said before, it is so normal and common for her to be feeling that way- most of them are, lots just hide it well!
Good she felt confident enough to stay in when she needed to, DD used to end up going out despite feeling knackered just in desperation to make a new best friend and fear of missing out. Once she relaxed and did what she wanted things got a lot nicer. It also gets easier next week when lectures begin as they are busier. I wish they made freshers week more like a first week of boarding school where the days are so crammed full of things to do that they don't have time to stop and think.
In many ways it is good those around her are homesick too. Who is talking about leaving? Her or her housemates? Seems very dramatic!
Lovely that you can pop over, I hope it helps her. I was torn between going (but it is a 2.5 hr drive!) and thinking she needed the separation and time to settle. I really disagree with the zero contact approach like boarding schools use. It is fine for boarding schools where there are staff to comfort them and pastoral care, but at uni if they are feeling rough then seeing a friendly face to chat things through can be so reassuring. I'd advise against letting her come home for a weekend just yet, but going to her uni for a meal is a fab idea. Don't worry we would certainly have been blubbering into our soup and causing a waterfall no doubt at your stage!! DD visited some home friends who were at the same uni on the Thursday of freshers and it helped her so much to restore her energy, have a good cry and honest chat to them.

Hope things stat getting easier, it will take time. I hope she finds a society to join too. I know how hard it is for you too-have lots of wine

DS phoned last night , we had a good chat , he's doing well , the 3 other boys in his flat are 2nd years , and seem happy to show him the ropes .

He caught the shuttle bus at 08-15 to get to Uni to do all the beginning of term stuff .
Went to the Freshers fair and got himself signed up for the American Football Team . He said it was easier to just join as they were quite insistent !

Picnic in Greenwich Park today ( or the wet weather alternative ! ) and he's expecting to be given his first assignment .

He has 2 older cousins in London ( 1 working , 1 at Goldsmiths ) and after insisting he didn't need their phone numbers has now asked me to get them for him .

He is missed at home , but I don't want him to be stuck here in a dead end job .

DT2 off tomorrow, DT1 off on Saturday - absolutely dreading it, although I'm trying to be positive I keep having moments of "this is the last ......." We're moving to a new house whilst they're away so they've also had to clear their rooms and it all seems so final.

Out for a family dinner tonight then a 3.5 hour each way trip tomorrow. And then all over again on Saturday - I'll be a wreck by Sunday I think.

snorris Wed 18-Sep-13 14:12:53

I finally got an unprompted message from dd1 wink (She went on Friday). She's has to have a blood test and a hep b jab as a requirement of her course so I think she was looking for a bit of sympathy after being used as a pin cushion!

eatyourveg Wed 18-Sep-13 15:20:56

Opened the veggie freezer in Tesco just now to buy quorn for ds and closed it again thinking, I don't have to buy this anymore. Then thought perhaps I should get some just to have in the freezer in case he turns up late one night having changed his mind about going. Ended up putting some in the trolley then putting it back again telling myself - Its time to let go.

mrsrhodgilbert Wed 18-Sep-13 15:26:45

I have spoken to dd this afternoon and she sounded much brighter, no tears. However she has discovered that 2 girls from her flat have gone home, she doesn't know how long for, which she is a bit non plussed about. Turns out one of them only turned 18 a few weeks ago, so quite young. She is one of the girls talking about leaving. I've suggested dd continues to text her to try to show they want her to return. So only 2 or 3 of them tonight and they're staying in.

She has been walking in each day with two other girls from her course but in different flats and is making friends with someone who is commuting from home (same city).

She is eating well however, she's very health conscious and is cooking properly, she photographed her dinner last night and sent a photo text. I was very proud especially as some really haven't moved on from pot noodle.

So I feel more positive today, she is really trying hard to make it work.

mumeeee Wed 18-Sep-13 15:28:41

We are unable to go and visit DD3 as she is 4 hours drive away and I work shifts so don't often have weekends off. Her course has started already she had her first lectures on Monday.

noddyholder Wed 18-Sep-13 15:56:32

mrsrhod she sounds like she is doing well. smile A friends son decided last week he didn't want to stay and said he would come home and she said no! However yesterday he turned up on the doorstep and rang the bell shock.

ISingSoprano Wed 18-Sep-13 16:02:25

mrsrhod that is lovely to hear about your dd. It sounds like she is doing everything she can to settle in - you should be really proud of her.

DalmationDots Wed 18-Sep-13 16:23:50

mrsrhod great news, morale must be a bit low if half of them are packing up and going home. She is doing great and being mature about it all. Lots to be proud of.

MABS Wed 18-Sep-13 17:15:05

well done to her MrsHodg, sounds like she is doing so well. DD got the parcel of 'crap' I sent her today, rang to say thanks. She very bright but says everyone is from the North of England so she bit concerned they may go home many weekends. Only met one girl from Kent so far.it is just a very long way from us in sussex!

DalmationDots Wed 18-Sep-13 17:33:30

DD found people do go home at weekends, but not everyone and not every weekend. More like everyone in turn went home roughly once a term. DD loved lazy weekends, catching up on essays, going shopping etc. It is tough at first though when you are settling and want people around.

DD getting excited to go back for 3rd year, I'm just relieved it is the final year and next year she will be moving to London hopefully and so much nearer smile

mrsrhodgilbert Wed 18-Sep-13 17:38:38

It does seem that everyone dd has met is fairly local and they obviously are disappearing off home. I am a bit shocked that they are going mid week. My thoughts were she needs to meet someone from the south who would be unable to keep leaving. She made me laugh yesterday when she said a girl from Sunderland was having real difficulty understanding a girl from Selby. Hardly a million miles away.

She has just called to say she feels really sickly and I immediately thought it must be a freshers bug. However it turns out she had 2 extra large poached eggs for lunch, both with double yolks. I think she has just over egged herself. I have recommended opening the window, loosening the waistband and some flat coke. She and flat mate are going to watch a film later on the laptop.

ISingSoprano Wed 18-Sep-13 18:30:25

Ds is kicking his heels waiting for the off on Sunday. Soooooo, he has has just announced that he might have a go at making custard tarts. Apparently he watched 'Great British Bake Off' on iPlayer and has decided it doesn't look too difficult.......

Notsoskinnyminny Wed 18-Sep-13 18:33:53

DD sounds a lot happier, she has a new gay best friend (her gbf from college wants to come and visit!) and an admirer who's she's not happy about, she was only 18 in August and the hormones have never kicked in!

She had a good rant about her timetable as she only has 4 hours of Japanese. They've got a test on Monday so she's busy revising in the hope that she'll be put in the 2nd year class.

JellicleCat Wed 18-Sep-13 18:37:14

DD finally skyped today. Sounds like she is having a ball, it seems to be party central (though she has joined the netball society),

So sorry, for those whose dcs are wobbling. I suggested to dd that she did not come home for 6 weeks, so she had plenty of time to acclimatise, but also said she was welcome back any time. At this rate I don't think we will see her till Christmas.

mrsrhodgilbert Wed 18-Sep-13 18:38:08

Well if he can master custard tarts he'll be fine with regular student food and probably very popular!!

Dd says they ave agreed to cook and eat together at least once a week, I think that sounds like a great idea - if it works out.

mumeeee Wed 18-Sep-13 22:24:30

I've just phoned DD3. She didn't want to talk for long as she was out with her new friends at tonight's Freshers event at the Student union. She sounded like she was having a good time and said she would talk tomorrow. DH is missing her as much as me.

ANomNomNom Wed 18-Sep-13 23:29:14

DS 2is off to Uni next week. I wasn't sad but reading this has made me a bit sad. It is such a huge thing in their lives. I remember doing it a kabillion years ago and I can't remember thinking it was a such a big deal then. hmm

DS 2 and DS 1 have unintentionally ended up at the same Uni. DS 1 is in his third year and loves everything - his course, the Uni, the city, his flatmates. He is a bit gushy confused grin

DS 1 doesn't drink at all but it doesn't seem to matter at all. He still goes out clubbing. Very occasionally, his friends try to get him drunk but he just quietly tips the drinks away. He has said that he is shocked at how much some of his friends spend on alcohol. He doesn't like the taste of alcohol and hasn't ever got drunk weird child, he so doesn't take after his parents My DS2 also doesn't drink but I guess he may start at Uni. I don't think it's an issue whether they drink or not.

madeofkent Thu 19-Sep-13 10:59:03

My DS has only just started to have the very occasional beer or cider with his father. He never drinks socially, he doesn't need it, he says. Looking back, I think I used to start drinking at parties if they were boring and I knew I couldn't get home because I needed a lift, so had to wait and it was a way to kill the time! I shall be very interested to see if he drinks more, once he is at uni. One of his friends will be there too, although on a different course, and she doesn't drink either. I suspect that for every raucous drunk student there are ten sober ones quietly getting on with their lives - and their coursework. grin

But I only have him for two more days and I want to cry. I shan't, I don't want him coming in and finding me. We have to go shopping today, he has grown again and thankfully yesterday I made him try some of last winter's trousers on. Not a good look... When do they stop growing? I can't afford this!

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