MumsnetGuestPosts (MNHQ) Thu 11-Feb-16 16:24:20

Guest post: "I've been single for four years - this Valentine's Day, I refuse to settle"

After a run of bad dates and a stint of online dating, Kate Sutton says she has finally realised her self-worth

Kate Sutton

WitWitWoo

Posted on: Thu 11-Feb-16 16:24:20

(57 comments )

Lead photo

"Never again will I put something off just because I'm single."

This time last year I went to Paris. I'd always wanted to visit, but I'd been holding out for someone – boyfriend, husband – to whisk me away. Of course, it never happened.

Then I reached 44 and thought 'sod it, what am I waiting for?' So I went for the day with a good friend and it couldn't have been more perfect. We walked along the Seine, ate pastries the size of our heads and drank coffee and beer outside every café we could find. Never again will I put something off just because I'm single.

Valentine's Day can feel like a large-scale commercial pity party if you're not in a relationship, but the perks of single life aren't to be sniffed at. You can wax your moustache in bed while watching Friends without fear of judgement. You can stock the fridge with bars of Galaxy and bottles of Pinot – and know you’ll be the only one getting your hands on them, and you can dance naked to Beyoncé in front of your bedroom mirror without anyone laughing at you.

Of course, single life isn't all plain sailing, especially when you embark on the murky waters of online dating. My last date was with a man who showed up wearing an interesting combat trouser/jeans hybrid. Suffice to say I haven't seen him since.

The perks of single life aren't to be sniffed at. You can wax your moustache in bed while watching Friends. You can stock the fridge with bars of Galaxy and bottles of Pinot – and know you'll be the only one getting your hands on them.


But it could have been worse. I remember the time one date turned up with a shark tooth dangling from his neck, or the man who asked my friend to tape Match of the Day for him so he could watch it before they went out before their first date.

I've been sent photos of hairy men in baths, I'm pretty sure one guy kept going to the toilet to sniff something he shouldn't have been sniffing, and if I had a pound for every dick pic I've been sent, I'd have… about £26.89.

And then there were the men I didn't even get round to dating:

1) The one wearing black shirt and turquoise tie
Not even David Beckham can carry off that look.

2) The one with a pierced eyebrow
I'm all for personal expression - as long as you don't end up looking like a twat. Maybe you can get away with it when you're in your 20s (maybe), but in your 40s? Not so much.

3) The one with a dresser full of plates behind him
Being a plate collector isn't sexy.

4) The one with a goatee a la David Brent
You know the goatees that look like they're just drawn on with a biro? That.

5) The one who posed with a skeleton

6) The one wearing red lipstick
I'm sure there's a perfectly plausible story behind this. But trust me, it's not a great way to sell yourself to a woman.

7) The one called Linus
I just can't imagine ever being able to bring myself to cry out, "Linus! HarderLinus!" in the throes of passion, were it ever to get that far. Which it won't. Because he's called Linus.

At the ripe old age of 45, perhaps online dating just isn't for me any more. I've been single for four years now and I'm tired of the games played and the lies told. My time is precious and it's taken me years to realise my self-worth and I refuse to settle. Plus I can't afford to shell out £30 a month.

So what now? In July I'm going on a walking holiday to the Derbyshire Dales to find buns of steel and a sexy new husband. I suspect all I'll come back with is a major case of thigh chafing, but it's worth a shot.

By Kate Sutton

Twitter: @IAmWitWitWoo

ravenmum Fri 12-Feb-16 16:46:51

If he's wearing red lipstick I'd presume he simply had a feminine side and was being upfront about it. A good way of making sure that the only people contacting you are OK with it.

And being a plate collector is presumably very attractive to another plate collector.

Really, you might as well complain that there were also women on the site even though you are not personally interested in women.

ewbank Fri 12-Feb-16 16:50:52

Dating is a mugs game.

Just don't bother.

TheCountessofFitzdotterel Fri 12-Feb-16 18:06:36

I feel sorry for Linus and the plate collector.

Intheprocess Fri 12-Feb-16 18:19:34

Collecting crockery is a mugs game. smile

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse Fri 12-Feb-16 19:58:45

Intheprocess, I think I love you.

iminshock Fri 12-Feb-16 20:15:15

I think you are a bit mean about some of these men

pocketsaviour Fri 12-Feb-16 20:31:21

You're slagging off people who are human beings, whilst proudly advertising that you like shit music, shit chocolate, shit TV and shit wine. Well done hmm

PirateSmile Fri 12-Feb-16 21:06:56

Nobody is perfect. Every healthy relationship requires compromise.

Babymamamama Fri 12-Feb-16 21:21:14

I don't know what people mean when they say settle. Do you mean settle for someone who you consider not to be up to your standards. Some of my long term single friends spout off about they only want to date a tall man or a man with certain colour eyes or whatever. None of this is relevant. How do you even know that the plate collector was a plate collector. He could have been sitting in his nan's house. It's a good idea to get on with things you want to do but also be aware mr right could be closer than you think. On the bus, at work or wherever. Keep an open mind about meeting someone in real life. It can happen.

Czerny88 Fri 12-Feb-16 21:49:00

Was this meant to be amusing?

ravenmum Fri 12-Feb-16 22:37:04

Yes, settle for second best ... sad if yo

ravenmum Fri 12-Feb-16 22:41:09

Stupid phone .. sad if you feel you were settling for less all the other Valentine's Days.

HandyWoman Fri 12-Feb-16 23:59:46

was this meant to be a witty, insightful, article? Because it really isn't....

As we say in OLD... next!

KC225 Sat 13-Feb-16 00:13:55

I admire you for not putting your life on hold for 'the one'. However, I do think some of the reasons you have rejected potential dates are a little on the shallow side. Rejecting him because of his name, come on. As for the clothes, plenty of women have given clueless men a wardrobe overhaul early in the relationship - me included. At 44 you still sound very hung up on appearance and looks.

My terminally single friend is exactly the same. Constantly moaning about why there aren't any decent men yet rejected one guy because he turned up to a date in a bar with a t.shirt tucked into his jeans.

She whines on about 'why should she settle' No one is telling her to settle, but if she wants a relationship then she should stop being so high and mighty and throw the list out of the window to give a guy a chance.

Xmasbaby11 Sat 13-Feb-16 08:18:04

I can understand old is hard in your forties. I think a lot of her criticisms are shallow and snide. Surely not all of those factors are deal breakers?

Footle Sat 13-Feb-16 08:28:34

Have I read this before somewhere ?

category12 Sat 13-Feb-16 10:02:55

God, how fluffy and trivial.

TheCountessofFitzdotterel Sat 13-Feb-16 10:06:11

The first half of this blog is sensible and the second half not.

Offred Sat 13-Feb-16 14:44:46

Why on earth is this stickied to the top of relationships?

It's basically a moan by a trivial person about trivial things that she didn't like about people she met on online dating and a couple of holidays...

hmm

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse Sat 13-Feb-16 15:03:36

I can only assume it's because of Intheprocesses's awesome pun upthread.

That's sticky worthy.

grin

sugar21 Sat 13-Feb-16 16:21:56

I've got a major case of thigh chafing but haven't been hill walking

ClarenceTheLion Sat 13-Feb-16 19:21:40

I like the name Linus smile

And I've never called out any name in the throes of passion.

And I'm always alone when in the "throes of passion" so it wouldn't matter anyway grin But I suppose that's a different topic...

paxillin Sun 14-Feb-16 02:31:17

It might be helpful to assess your priorities. Rejecting a potential partner for the wrong sort of trousers, an excentric hobby or a name is amazingly shallow for a 45 year old.

Sort by kindness, intelligence, similar values and being fun, add in breathtaking beauty if you must.

janaus Sun 14-Feb-16 03:15:38

I'm guessing that 'wifey' is the plate collector. Dead giveaway.

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