The news that the number of labiaplasties carried out on the NHS has risen fivefold in the last ten years - with many more carried out in private clinics - is a bit grim, isn't it? It's got me thinking about my relationship with my own .. well, I am not sure if vagina is the right term here, as this is more about the whole genital area, labia and all.
I haven't even settled on a name I am happy with for 'down there'. We had a discussion on Twitter once about names for our 'front bottoms' and more specifically what we teach our daughters to call them. Willy is such a normal everyday word, but its female equivalent, fanny, still seems to quite unfairly hold some shock value when uttered by a tiny person.
A quick poll came up with a wide range of terminology in use - foo-foos, minis, fanjos, tail (I know, weird!) and the one that made me laugh the most - Frobo (short for front bottom, one assumes). Frobo sounds like it could be Bilbo's brother, and in light of Lily Allen's recent ownership of her 'baggy pussy', and after 3 children of my own, Frobo Baggins would be an appropriate name indeed.
Now it seems that not only do we have to deal with what to call our vulval area, (a bit Spock for me that one), we also have to worry about how attractive it is.
Personally, I have not spent a great deal of time studying my own, um, Frobo - or anyone else's for that matter. I know some people have a predilection for getting to know their own bodies, but I even refused a mirror to look at mine in childbirth, and I can honestly say I have never really given its attractiveness a great deal of thought.
I’ve never had any complaints from visitors to my personal passion parlour. I occasionally have a mow of the lady garden, but a vajazzle is beyond my limited capacity for caring about vaginal beauty - let alone laser therapy to tighten the flaps, and give it a youthful appearance. At this rate we will all be aiming for a smooth plastic shell - a Barbiefied version of genitalia - rather than the softer, furrier folds that nature has given us.
According to The Royal College of Obs and Gynae, the rise can be attributed not only to the usual commodification of women's bodies in the media, but to the widening influence of porn, and in particular with porn’s obsession with full depilation - the better to reveal, in full anatomical detail, the ins and outs of the matter.
How depressing. I'm the mother of a teenager - I can already see the effect the media has on her desire to be seen as attractive within the narrow confines set by the unelected overlords of the beauty myth. It is bad enough that she is told to worry about whether she has a thigh gap or this seasons eyebrow shape; I certainly don't want her concerning herself about the aesthetics of her labia as well, because she's scared that her bits don't match what her peers see in the porn they watch. I hope she and her girlfriends manage to resist the pressure to conform.
Of course, your vagina, your business. If it makes you happy, laser away (though anyone coming near mine with a glowing probe will get swiftly packed off with an accusation of attempted alien abduction). When I die, I hope I am remembered for how I loved and what I did, not just for having an exceptionally beautiful muff.
Anyway, can't stay and chat, am off to get my arsehole bleached in my never ending pursuit of perfection. That is a lie, am actually going to eat cake: I can't even see my arsehole from here - insert cheap gag about my ex-husband - so I certainly don't care what colour it is.
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Why are women so unhappy with their fanjos?
39 replies
HannahMumsnet · 21/11/2013 12:31
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