Is it my duty to iron shirts?

(67 Posts)
BoyMeetsWorld Sat 12-Jan-13 09:28:35

Didn't want to post this in feminism as I'm genuinely not sure either way.

DH believes I should iron all his work shirts (5 per week). Currently I do all the washing but don't iron anything - I use the 'cupboard dry' setting on our washer, DC & my stuff never really creases & if it does I iron at the time we want to wear it. DH's shirts are the only issue.

Now...I work full time, am paid very nearly the same as DH. As mentioned I do all the washing & a lot of the housework (although he does the majority of cooking as he's simply better than me & most of the driving). In general, we split chores pretty well. This is the one bugbear.

Is it really my duty to iron his shirts weekly, or should he do it himself?

NotMostPeople Sat 12-Jan-13 09:30:23

He should do it himself, I don't see any reason why it would fall to anyone else. Actually if my DH told me it was my duty I'd be seriously pissed off.

Hassled Sat 12-Jan-13 09:31:42

You work full time and he thinks it's your duty? Really? He's bloody nuts. There's no fucking way you should be ironing his shirts.

Bearandcub Sat 12-Jan-13 09:31:59

He should do it himself!

This is a joke isn't it? I realise I'm like a huge flappy mouth fish being reeled right in but your DUTY, seriously?!?

I'm a SAHM and DH doesn't expect me to do his.

Even SAHM why would you be duty boubd to iron his shirts?

Ask him if it is his duty to iron your workwear?

Please you don't make him a packed lunch.

AngelsWithSilverWings Sat 12-Jan-13 09:33:15

I'm a SAHM and my DH would never tell me it's my duty to do anything! That's ridiculous.

trixymalixy Sat 12-Jan-13 09:33:47

Is it fuck your duty!!

Jas Sat 12-Jan-13 09:36:08

I can see that if you ironed everything anyway, it would be reasonable for DH to ask you to do his shirts at the same time, but as you (like me) don't iron unless absolutely necessary, I would tell him that if he wants his shirts ironed, he can do it himself.

TBH, being told it was my "duty" would ensure I never ironed a shirt of his, regardless of what else I did or didn't do.

hermioneweasley Sat 12-Jan-13 09:37:05

"duty" ?!

I work full time and DW is a SAHM. I do all the family ironing. And we have a cleaner.

IDontDoIroning Sat 12-Jan-13 09:39:31

Ha ha ha ha ha. Obviously he thinks that the secret of getting that nice crisp cotton is have a vagina other wise the iron doesn't work.

If HE wants iron shirts HE irons them. I don't iron my dhs shirts ( in fact I iron as little as possible much like OP). I work ft and have 3 dc.

OP the solution to this is very simple; just don't do them.

MrsGeologist Sat 12-Jan-13 09:43:15

Ha ha ha ha! I'm a SAHM and the only thing I iron is DS's school shirts. If DH wants a shirt ironed, he does it himself.

Duty, my arse. It's your duty to point him in the direction of the ironing board and iron, and tell him to do it himself.

Bonsoir Sat 12-Jan-13 09:45:24

No, it is not your duty to iron your DH's shirts! You can if you want, if you think that to do so would contribute to the fair distribution of labour in your household or if you think that the gesture would improve your marriage (from both your and his POVs).

Grumpla Sat 12-Jan-13 09:46:01

What is there to be unsure about?

MadameJosephine Sat 12-Jan-13 09:47:08

He's a grown man, for goodness' sake! He should be ashamed of himself

13Iggis Sat 12-Jan-13 09:53:44

That is so weird. Really expecting you to say you were SAHM and even then wouldn't think you had to do it unless he did lots of other housework - as two full-time workers he hasn't a hope. You have made sensible decision to avoid ironing your own clothes, he could do that too surely (no-iron shirts in M&S believe?).
Duty? Wtaf!

msrisotto Sat 12-Jan-13 09:53:54

Are you unsure whether we live in the 1950s? Of course it is not your duty, that language is downright degrading. Interesting comment about not posting in feminism hmm.

Boggler Sat 12-Jan-13 09:54:14

Shirts need to be ironed but not by anyone in particular. Send them out to be done if dh won't iron his own.

BettySuarez Sat 12-Jan-13 09:56:30


CailinDana Sat 12-Jan-13 09:56:41

Is this for real? I'm a SAHM and don't even wash DH's clothes, never mind iron them! Does he expect you to brush his hair and clean his teeth for him too?

Have you asked him why it's your duty to iron the shirts? I'd love to know his "logic".

BoyMeetsWorld Sat 12-Jan-13 09:57:00

Haha thanks all, you've confirmed exactly how I feel about it but I was really starting to doubt myself.

In his defence, he's never used the term "duty" (that's just what it comes down to) & hadn't told me I HAVE to do them, just constantly makes little snipey remarks about it. As I said, in all other ways we share everything pretty equally.

I think part of it is his own mother was superwoman - household breadwinner, 5 kids, cooked, cleaned, ironed underpants. You get the picture. But that just really isn't me...

yani Sat 12-Jan-13 09:57:25

It sounds as though you have a reasonable split of chores.

So yanbu, he should definitely iron his own bloody shirts.

yani Sat 12-Jan-13 09:58:45

Or take them to his mum to do wink

Fairylea Sat 12-Jan-13 10:01:28

I'm a sahm and I do iron dhs shirts because I have time to do it. However if I don't have time he would do it.

Especially as you are working full time it's definitely not your responsibility!

Jinsei Sat 12-Jan-13 10:03:12

Of course it isn't your duty! He is an adult, and if his shirts need ironing, I'm sure he can find the iron himself.

clam Sat 12-Jan-13 10:04:19

Send them out to an ironing service? That's what I we do.
And re: the snipey remarks, perfect a few snippy retorts back. Repeat until he gets the message and stops.

The snipey PA-ness would annoy me so.much!!

Get him told.

strumpetpumpkin Sat 12-Jan-13 10:08:50

no, it is not your duty.

noblegiraffe Sat 12-Jan-13 10:11:16

If he wants his shirts ironed then he can either do them himself or arrange to pay someone else to do them. His shirts = his problem as ironing is not your chore as nothing else is ironed.

ivykaty44 Sat 12-Jan-13 10:16:49

Is it really my duty to iron his shirts weekly, or should he do it himself?

If a person doesn't want to iron their own shirts or clothes they will either have to suck it up and do the job any way, find someone they can pay to do the job or wear unironed clothing.

Three choices to choose from

t0lk13n Sat 12-Jan-13 10:19:30

I can`t believe you have to ask....unless he is disabled! I iron my own clothes and my husband iron his and the boys! We both work fulltime but he works shifts and will do most stuff re the house when I am in work. I do my bit at the weekend.

EuroShagmore Sat 12-Jan-13 11:55:28

Send them out if this is your only domestic bugbear. It really doesn't cost that much and might be a price worth paying for domestic harmony!

(And no, of course it isn't your duty!)

stargirl1701 Sat 12-Jan-13 11:59:20

No. It is not your duty. This is 2013 not 1813. He is an adult. He should iron his own shirts.

The only duty in a marriage is to love and respect each other.

BoyMeetsWorld Sat 12-Jan-13 12:10:33

Actually, sending them out to do might not be such a bad idea - as you say, a small price for something that causes a silly niggle

motherinferior Sat 12-Jan-13 13:10:20

They're his shirts. It's up to him to deal with them. If he wants to pay someone else to iron them, he can sort that out himself. I'm quite sure you have other things to bother about.

NotMostPeople Sat 12-Jan-13 13:18:31

I'm a Sahm and I send my ironing out, I loathe doing it and DH said he was fed up with me being so grumpy about it so its a small price to pay all around. Also I used not to ever wear shirts or anything that would need a proper iron before and now I can.

You could try just ironing half of each one next time he gets snipey!

mrscog Sat 12-Jan-13 13:25:02

Of course it's not your duty - DH has some jobs which he hates doing and therefore won't do. However, we deal with it by him taking care of something that I hate doing so it's like a skill exchange.

NewYearNewNagoo Sat 12-Jan-13 13:39:31

Why? Why would it be down to you to iron his shirts? I want a nice crisp shirt, I put the effort in to get it.

Ironing is firmly in the 'optional extras' bracket as far as I am concerned. You don't get it as part of the standard service, other upgrades include emptying pockets, and working out what needs washing. I'm not rummaging for your dirty tissues or sniffing socks!

Chubfuddler Sat 12-Jan-13 13:42:18

How can you not be sure either way about this?

humblebumble Sat 12-Jan-13 13:45:28

I am a SAHM and I do everything but I will not iron shirts. Although I did once as a 30th birthday present for my DH on his birthday. One shirt. That's it.

We send his shirts out as he is pretty rubbish at ironing too.

VestaCurry Sat 12-Jan-13 13:46:17

Who the hell does he think he is? What century does he think he lives in? Does he have 'arrogant tosser' tattooed across his head?
He need to pull his finger out and help you with some of the housework as well as iron his own shirts. Lazy fecker. I have never ironed dh's shirts, throughout working whether FT, PT or being a sahm Show him this thread btw.

I'm a SAHM and I don't do anything exclusively excepting looking after/feeding the DC.
DH does more than his fair share of everything.
If he told me it was my duty to iron his shirts, I'd be tempted to steam his face to be honest.
(I wouldn't actually do it mind)

Trills Sat 12-Jan-13 13:53:15

If you both agree that the shirts need ironing then it is a household chore that needs to be done by someone. It goes into the general splitting-up-of-chores.

If you disagree about whether the shirts need ironing then it is up to the person who thinks they need ironing to iron them, and this does not count towards their share of household chores.

The gender of the people involved is not relevant.

ClaraOswinOswald Sat 12-Jan-13 14:30:03

DH irons his own shirts most weeks as we both work and I hate ironing. I iron most other stuff as he hates ironing too. It works out about equal.

DD loves ironing so we are training her up. smile

It's just bizarre. I can't think of any logical reason why he would think that way.

Mummy did it is not a logical reason btw.

DontmindifIdo Sat 12-Jan-13 15:09:28

DH's mother ironed everything and was a perfect woman. I only work part time, but don't do his shirts.

Tell him you don't think it should be your job to iron his shirts, if you have anything you want ironed, you'll iron it, but he can do his own, or if he wants to arrange paying someone if he doesn't want to do his job, then fine. (Don't agree this is your job to arrange, drop off or collect shirts for ironing, him having clothes to wear to work is his job, you get your DCs ready in the mornings, he gets himself ready - that seems fair in that you aren't actually his mother)

timidviper Sat 12-Jan-13 15:11:59

I used to do DH's shirts when I was a SAHM but since taking work, albeit part-time, he has taken a slightly larger role in the household chores and irons his own shirts as part of that. He used to do DC's school shirts at the same time when they wore them.

ggirl Sat 12-Jan-13 15:27:29

I have a friend who works as many hrs as her dh and she does absolutely everything around the house, and irons for the whole family (21yr and 19yr olds!)
Always moaning about how busy she is..I've given up trying to persaude her to stop ..she never will.
There are women out there who actually do everything regardless of how much they work outside the home.
Bizarre but true.

tribpot Sat 12-Jan-13 15:47:27

Since he does all the cooking, OP, this is the equivalent of you saying "it's not enough to get dinner on the table every night, I want <insert time consuming recipe here> AT LEAST once a week and I reserve the right to snipe about it if you don't do it'. Would that be reasonable? No. There is a minimum 'level of service' that a chore-doer needs to fulfil (i.e. if you do the cooking, there needs to be food of reasonably good quality and variation, if you do the washing, it needs to be done so the clothes are reasonably wearable and available) but premium service comes with a premium price tag!

Whilst his expectations need to be appropriately adjusted (let him send the bloody things out to an ironing service) the attitude problem needs looking at as well.

13Iggis Sat 12-Jan-13 16:06:25

I don't think this is a "silly niggle" OP, if he honestly told a full-time-working partner that something was her duty.

Primrose123 Sat 12-Jan-13 16:16:43

I would say, if you work full-time, it's definitely not your duty. He doesn't iron your workwear does he?

If you didn't work outside the home, and didn't have a huge number of children to care for, it would be nice to iron them for him, if you had time. It would still not be your 'duty' though.

Primrose123 Sat 12-Jan-13 16:20:58

I've just thought, if he wears a suit all day and doesn't take off his jacket, he could just iron the collar and the front! Saves lots of time! (No point ironing the rest anyway, it only gets creased when worn) grin

Dh generally sorts his own clothing and ironing out.

DUTY is not a word that exists in relationships, really - is it? Or is it me? Responsibility maybe in relation to children etc, but duty??

LadyIsabellaWrotham Sat 12-Jan-13 16:26:18

I agree with Dontmind - the lurking trap here is "No it's not my bloody job to iron your shirts so I will gather them all up and deliver them to the ironing service, collect them, and make sure you have enough clean ironed ones each week, and if you don't have the right shirt it is My Fault"

Obviously if the ironing service (that he has found and researched) is on your way to work but not his then there might be a compromise to be had, but the principle that he should be able to get himself dressed in the morning without sounding like Kevin the Teenager is an important one.

Not not your duty shock

DH and I both work so we share the chores equally. Sometimes I iron, sometimes she does.


twofingerstoGideon Sat 12-Jan-13 16:44:04

Didn't want to post this in feminism as I'm genuinely not sure either way.

Oh, go on... please post this in feminism...

Rhienne Sat 12-Jan-13 16:59:14

Nope. DH irons his own shirts. And if the DC have anything they need ironed in the future, he'll be doing that too!

It is one thing that keeps MIL occupied when she comes to visit though, ironing everything in his wardrobe.

He was impressed when I showed him that if you hang dry the shirts on a hanger, they are much less creased to start with.

AdoraBell Sat 12-Jan-13 19:19:34

It would only be your duty if it were stated as such in your contract of employment.

expatinscotland Sat 12-Jan-13 19:25:56

'In his defence, he's never used the term "duty" (that's just what it comes down to) & hadn't told me I HAVE to do them, just constantly makes little snipey remarks about it. As I said, in all other ways we share everything pretty equally.'

Then tell him you're fed up of his PA bullshit, won't put up with it and next time he does it, leave the room. 'I'm not ironing your shirts. At all. Ever. Deal with it.'

BoffinMum Sat 12-Jan-13 22:29:45

He is BU

If he wants them ironed, and is not prepared to do them himself, he should take them to a dry cleaner each week and avail of their shirt service.

Unless he is happy to hand wash all your lingerie for you, etc, and it's a swap of labour, of course. wink

rumtumtugger Sun 13-Jan-13 12:28:31

Do what I do - iron them so badly that he never asks again grin

Thumbwitch Sun 13-Jan-13 12:31:45

I Don't Iron. I never have been keen, ever since having to iron my own shirts for school because Mum wasn't keen either.
DH has always known this, so it was no surprise to him that I wasn't willing to take on ironing his work shirts (he doesn't need one every day, depends on which customer he's seeing).
I do all the laundry, I hang his shirts on hangers so much of the creasing falls out - it's then down to him whether or not he wants to iron it. smile

NewYearNewTown Sun 13-Jan-13 13:29:24

I do the ironing and always have, even when we both worked full time (am currently a SAHM). However, that is very much in return for never dealing with some of my least favourite jobs - like anything involving bugs or pests. Currently it means not dealing with builders as we try and do up the house!

No, it isn't your duty. But you don't have to share all jobs equally - sometimes it's great to share out the most hated jobs to those who hate them least.

StraightTalkinSheila Sun 13-Jan-13 13:44:49

The only duty you have is to yourself to tell him to fuck off and iron his own shirts. Sorted.

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