Is it my duty to iron shirts?

(67 Posts)
BoyMeetsWorld Sat 12-Jan-13 09:28:35

Didn't want to post this in feminism as I'm genuinely not sure either way.

DH believes I should iron all his work shirts (5 per week). Currently I do all the washing but don't iron anything - I use the 'cupboard dry' setting on our washer, DC & my stuff never really creases & if it does I iron at the time we want to wear it. DH's shirts are the only issue.

Now...I work full time, am paid very nearly the same as DH. As mentioned I do all the washing & a lot of the housework (although he does the majority of cooking as he's simply better than me & most of the driving). In general, we split chores pretty well. This is the one bugbear.

Is it really my duty to iron his shirts weekly, or should he do it himself?

StraightTalkinSheila Sun 13-Jan-13 13:44:49

The only duty you have is to yourself to tell him to fuck off and iron his own shirts. Sorted.

NewYearNewTown Sun 13-Jan-13 13:29:24

I do the ironing and always have, even when we both worked full time (am currently a SAHM). However, that is very much in return for never dealing with some of my least favourite jobs - like anything involving bugs or pests. Currently it means not dealing with builders as we try and do up the house!

No, it isn't your duty. But you don't have to share all jobs equally - sometimes it's great to share out the most hated jobs to those who hate them least.

Thumbwitch Sun 13-Jan-13 12:31:45

I Don't Iron. I never have been keen, ever since having to iron my own shirts for school because Mum wasn't keen either.
DH has always known this, so it was no surprise to him that I wasn't willing to take on ironing his work shirts (he doesn't need one every day, depends on which customer he's seeing).
I do all the laundry, I hang his shirts on hangers so much of the creasing falls out - it's then down to him whether or not he wants to iron it. smile

rumtumtugger Sun 13-Jan-13 12:28:31

Do what I do - iron them so badly that he never asks again grin

BoffinMum Sat 12-Jan-13 22:29:45

O.M.A.G.
He is BU

If he wants them ironed, and is not prepared to do them himself, he should take them to a dry cleaner each week and avail of their shirt service.

Unless he is happy to hand wash all your lingerie for you, etc, and it's a swap of labour, of course. wink

expatinscotland Sat 12-Jan-13 19:25:56

'In his defence, he's never used the term "duty" (that's just what it comes down to) & hadn't told me I HAVE to do them, just constantly makes little snipey remarks about it. As I said, in all other ways we share everything pretty equally.'

Then tell him you're fed up of his PA bullshit, won't put up with it and next time he does it, leave the room. 'I'm not ironing your shirts. At all. Ever. Deal with it.'

AdoraBell Sat 12-Jan-13 19:19:34

It would only be your duty if it were stated as such in your contract of employment.

Rhienne Sat 12-Jan-13 16:59:14

Nope. DH irons his own shirts. And if the DC have anything they need ironed in the future, he'll be doing that too!

It is one thing that keeps MIL occupied when she comes to visit though, ironing everything in his wardrobe.

He was impressed when I showed him that if you hang dry the shirts on a hanger, they are much less creased to start with.

twofingerstoGideon Sat 12-Jan-13 16:44:04

Didn't want to post this in feminism as I'm genuinely not sure either way.

Oh, go on... please post this in feminism...
grin

he

Not not your duty shock

DH and I both work so we share the chores equally. Sometimes I iron, sometimes she does.

LadyIsabellaWrotham Sat 12-Jan-13 16:26:18

I agree with Dontmind - the lurking trap here is "No it's not my bloody job to iron your shirts so I will gather them all up and deliver them to the ironing service, collect them, and make sure you have enough clean ironed ones each week, and if you don't have the right shirt it is My Fault"

Obviously if the ironing service (that he has found and researched) is on your way to work but not his then there might be a compromise to be had, but the principle that he should be able to get himself dressed in the morning without sounding like Kevin the Teenager is an important one.

Dh generally sorts his own clothing and ironing out.

DUTY is not a word that exists in relationships, really - is it? Or is it me? Responsibility maybe in relation to children etc, but duty??

Primrose123 Sat 12-Jan-13 16:20:58

I've just thought, if he wears a suit all day and doesn't take off his jacket, he could just iron the collar and the front! Saves lots of time! (No point ironing the rest anyway, it only gets creased when worn) grin

Primrose123 Sat 12-Jan-13 16:16:43

I would say, if you work full-time, it's definitely not your duty. He doesn't iron your workwear does he?

If you didn't work outside the home, and didn't have a huge number of children to care for, it would be nice to iron them for him, if you had time. It would still not be your 'duty' though.

13Iggis Sat 12-Jan-13 16:06:25

I don't think this is a "silly niggle" OP, if he honestly told a full-time-working partner that something was her duty.

tribpot Sat 12-Jan-13 15:47:27

Since he does all the cooking, OP, this is the equivalent of you saying "it's not enough to get dinner on the table every night, I want <insert time consuming recipe here> AT LEAST once a week and I reserve the right to snipe about it if you don't do it'. Would that be reasonable? No. There is a minimum 'level of service' that a chore-doer needs to fulfil (i.e. if you do the cooking, there needs to be food of reasonably good quality and variation, if you do the washing, it needs to be done so the clothes are reasonably wearable and available) but premium service comes with a premium price tag!

Whilst his expectations need to be appropriately adjusted (let him send the bloody things out to an ironing service) the attitude problem needs looking at as well.

ggirl Sat 12-Jan-13 15:27:29

I have a friend who works as many hrs as her dh and she does absolutely everything around the house, and irons for the whole family (21yr and 19yr olds!)
Always moaning about how busy she is..I've given up trying to persaude her to stop ..she never will.
There are women out there who actually do everything regardless of how much they work outside the home.
Bizarre but true.

timidviper Sat 12-Jan-13 15:11:59

I used to do DH's shirts when I was a SAHM but since taking work, albeit part-time, he has taken a slightly larger role in the household chores and irons his own shirts as part of that. He used to do DC's school shirts at the same time when they wore them.

DontmindifIdo Sat 12-Jan-13 15:09:28

DH's mother ironed everything and was a perfect woman. I only work part time, but don't do his shirts.

Tell him you don't think it should be your job to iron his shirts, if you have anything you want ironed, you'll iron it, but he can do his own, or if he wants to arrange paying someone if he doesn't want to do his job, then fine. (Don't agree this is your job to arrange, drop off or collect shirts for ironing, him having clothes to wear to work is his job, you get your DCs ready in the mornings, he gets himself ready - that seems fair in that you aren't actually his mother)

It's just bizarre. I can't think of any logical reason why he would think that way.

Mummy did it is not a logical reason btw.

ClaraOswinOswald Sat 12-Jan-13 14:30:03

DH irons his own shirts most weeks as we both work and I hate ironing. I iron most other stuff as he hates ironing too. It works out about equal.

DD loves ironing so we are training her up. smile

Trills Sat 12-Jan-13 13:53:15

If you both agree that the shirts need ironing then it is a household chore that needs to be done by someone. It goes into the general splitting-up-of-chores.

If you disagree about whether the shirts need ironing then it is up to the person who thinks they need ironing to iron them, and this does not count towards their share of household chores.

The gender of the people involved is not relevant.

I'm a SAHM and I don't do anything exclusively excepting looking after/feeding the DC.
DH does more than his fair share of everything.
If he told me it was my duty to iron his shirts, I'd be tempted to steam his face to be honest.
(I wouldn't actually do it mind)

VestaCurry Sat 12-Jan-13 13:46:17

Who the hell does he think he is? What century does he think he lives in? Does he have 'arrogant tosser' tattooed across his head?
He need to pull his finger out and help you with some of the housework as well as iron his own shirts. Lazy fecker. I have never ironed dh's shirts, throughout working whether FT, PT or being a sahm Show him this thread btw.

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