How do you get zombie flesh out of carpets?

(81 Posts)
EmpressOfTheVampireSkulls Mon 10-Oct-11 22:43:48

It's a long story but Sephrenia and I found it necessary to attack MNHQ with a zombie army, and MNHQ have asked me to start a thread for advice on how to get the zombie mess out of their carpets.

Any suggestions?

Would freezing work? You know, like you do with chewing gum. You'd still want to have the hazmat suits though.

Arkady Tue 11-Oct-11 18:24:40

What about those teams that clean up gruesome murder scenes for the police? At least could we ask one for product suggestions?

DH is favouring spit on a tissue. Have told him this is bollocks, as
-yuk
-we're talking soft furnishings, not a small child in front of its friends
-how much spit do you have?
-my idea was better
There has been much bickering.

I like your idea Arkady and you're right, your DH is completely wrong <gavel>

grin

eaglewings, if that's what the vodka is for, then I can do that wink

EmpressOfTheVampireSkulls Tue 11-Oct-11 19:55:27

Spit on a tissue????
Eaglewing, it's useful to know you have prior experience.
GentleOtter, it's a bit more awkward than my living room, it's the whole of MNHQ blush
I like the crime scene team idea.

eaglewings Tue 11-Oct-11 22:50:38

Each room in my house other than the bathrooms seem to be infested, something to do with plants and zombies, becoming an expert

Good vodka should be used sparingly, therein lies my downfall

Corn on the cob seems a good defence, but once they have made it inside it's another mater

EmpressOfTheVampireSkulls Wed 12-Oct-11 10:06:57

Corn on the cob? Do you throw it at them?

HerdOfTinyElephants Wed 12-Oct-11 10:26:55

Flamethrowers work well. Once you've used a flamethrower you will definitely not be complaining about zombie flesh on your carpets any more.

EmpressOfTheVampireSkulls Wed 12-Oct-11 10:49:35

I think MNHQ might be a bit uncomfortable with us using a flamethrower.

HerdOfTinyElephants Wed 12-Oct-11 12:16:48

Look, they asked you to find out how to get rid of the left-over bits of zombie. If tgey were going to add in all sorts of silly restrictions about not using flamethrowers, they should have made that clear from the outset.

EmpressOfTheVampireSkulls Wed 12-Oct-11 12:35:53

True...

EmpressOfTheVampireSkulls Wed 12-Oct-11 20:13:47

I know it would work, TinyHerd. I'm just a bit worried that if we burn down MNHQ there might be no more Mumsnet. I think we go with the hazmat suits and a mix of everyone's suggestions (except Arkady's DH's spit) but save the piranhas and flamethrowers as our backup plan.

Arkady Wed 12-Oct-11 21:13:31

I've always wanted a hazmat suit.
A friend's flatmate took photos of crime scenes for the police and regularly wore one at work. He promised to get me one. Unfortunately he thought I was joking and so never did. sad

coffeeinbed Wed 12-Oct-11 21:16:46

A labrador?

coffeeinbed Wed 12-Oct-11 21:17:31

Or take out the carpet and burn.
Stripped floors are so much better anyway.

EmpressOfTheVampireSkulls Wed 12-Oct-11 21:19:11

Ok. What exactly would you do with the labrador?

Problem is it's not just the carpets. The stuff got everywhere.

coffeeinbed Wed 12-Oct-11 21:20:05

Oh sorry.
see all these suggestions have been taken.
<goes back to night nurse>

coffeeinbed Wed 12-Oct-11 21:22:13

Take it for a walkie with lots of poo bags, what esle?
what do you mean everywhere?
who looks behind the fridge and under the sofa anyway?

caramelwaffle Wed 12-Oct-11 21:29:18

Now white wine is normally advised. However, may I suggest red wine - spread liberally around to disguise blood stains.

And gin - mother's little helper - to blot out the images.

EmpressOfTheVampireSkulls Wed 12-Oct-11 21:29:50

Oh sorry, you're not suggesting the labrador as a cleaning method.

Well, the walls were in a bit of a state, and some of it got on the desks and computers. Although I think the ceilings are ok.

coffeeinbed Wed 12-Oct-11 21:31:47

I am.
The poo bags will be required later.

EmpressOfTheVampireSkulls Wed 12-Oct-11 21:45:46

Labradors eat zombie flesh?

coffeeinbed Wed 12-Oct-11 21:49:27

It's scientifically proven that given the chance a labrador will eat anything, anywhere and in any quantities.

EmpressOfTheVampireSkulls Wed 12-Oct-11 21:50:26

Sounds just like dachshunds.

coffeeinbed Wed 12-Oct-11 21:51:53

No.
that's sausages.

coffeeinbed Wed 12-Oct-11 21:56:41

I can't bellieve I'm posting in Good Housekeeping.
I blame the zombies and the night nurse.

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