colleagues' resentment

(31 Posts)
whatwasIthinkingof Mon 18-Mar-13 14:51:12

Hi, I am back at work after taking a year of maternity leave to look after my DD. I have very recently gone back to work part time but just before I went back I discovered I am pregnant again. I will have to tell work soon and am really worried that they will be unhappy about it as I’ve just had a year off and am now going off again in a few months time. Am nervous about two things: colleagues' resentment about me being part time (already had a couple of comments after being back a week) and people’s judgement about going on mat leave again so soon after coming back.

Really felt we couldn’t wait much longer to get pregnant again as I am in my late thirties (although it happened much quicker than we thought it would!). Anyone else out there with these concerns? If so, any tips for things to say/ways to deal with it?

Thanks

Darlingclementine Mon 18-Mar-13 15:07:32

Watching with interest. I've just had my first DC and just turned 35. We would ideally like 2 more children so will need to get on with things.

I've basically decided that I'll go back for a few months before ttc DC2. With DC3 if we're lucky enough to have more, I may very well have to go back pg. I know that this will be seen as terribly bad form along with having 3 DC so resigned to probably having to look for a new job after my last mat leave as I will be persona non grata. I'm a lawyer and sadly the view is still very much that children are a right only for partners and a privilege for the rest of us. It's so stupid as prior to this, I've been an excellent employee

I think you'll just have to brazen it out. Suggest telling your immediate boss but waiting to tell the rest of the team until it's obvious.

I've had a huge mind shift since having DC - used to work really hard and be a real people pleaser. I'll still work very hard when I go back but, at the end of the day, I remind myself that I would bitterly regret not having more DC and I'm not going to have people who I will probably not even know in 20 years time stop me!

FierceBadIggi Tue 19-Mar-13 21:10:54

Better having them close together as then you will be able to fully focus on your career again sooner than if you had a big gap (like me!) Or that's what you could say anyway.
No-one should be making cracks about you being part-time, I would be tempted to pass that on, if you don't feel you can/should deliver a put-down yourself. Good luck with your pregnancy.

LadyWidmerpool Tue 19-Mar-13 21:19:50

Congratulations! You are fully entitled to go on maternity leave again, you aren't doing anything untoward, and your work ought to be able to cope. I'm a line manager and if it happened to a member of my team I would wish her well. If other team members gave her a hard time I would be extremely displeased and would take action.

Bluestocking Tue 19-Mar-13 21:40:12

Congratulations on your pregnancy!
Truthfully, your colleagues are probably expecting it. A colleague in our office returned in March and we were all very naughtily running a book on when she'd announce she was pregnant again. In the event, she couldn't tell us until she was twenty weeks (around October) by which time she was the size of a hippo and we were all having to pretend we hadn't noticed. But if anyone's nasty to you they should sod off - and don't take any crap from resentful colleagues about being part-time - you'll probably end up doing far more than you're paid for, most part-timers do!

lesmisfan Wed 20-Mar-13 06:47:53

If colleagues make comments about you being part time then remind them that you only get paid as part time, you're not part time on a full time salary.

Ooh I used to hate this when I worked part time, people taking about my "holidays" or "days off" as if they were granted by the company. I didn't get paid for them! Op, congratulations.

Metalgoddess Wed 20-Mar-13 10:39:52

Hi,I work 3 days a week and am always getting told that I'm very lucky, part timer etc, it seems like people are envious yet when I suggest to them that they might look into going part time then they go on about liking the full time money!! I appreciate not everyone is in a job where they can go part time or finances may not allow but a lot of people could, they are simply choosing money over free time/time with family etc, its a personal choice.

It's not like I'm getting a freebie, I'm earning a lot less than full time! Anyway congrats and don't worry, you are entitled to another mat leave. In fact in thinking of doing the same myself!

2048 Fri 22-Mar-13 20:47:41

Whilst you are entitled to another mat leave, don't assume that you are entitled to a favourable reaction from your colleagues. Some will be and some won't. Not all part timers do more work than they're paid for

Nor do all full timers. I used to work with full time slackers. I now work with someone who is paid for three days a week. She regularly takes work home and pops in on her non work days

MisForMumNotMaid Fri 22-Mar-13 21:08:05

I think that there is a settling in period when you go back to work regardless. If you were previously full time and now part time that adds a further layer of confusion to little minds. You have changed. You are not the same person. You have a little person at home that no doubt melts your heart when they smile and hug you. Work comes second to that.

I returned to work after DS1 as an engineering manager, it was an all male environment. I didn't take my full maternity leave and I was on email contact throughout, going into the office weekly for meetings etc. DS1 has autism and various other needs he couldn't suckle etc so was high needs but this was not known by anyone in the office.

I had resentment from colleagues that I still got annual leave when i returned confused. I guess there are times in life where standard preprepared responses come in handy, and this is one of them.

I'd go for 'thank you, we are delighted and having the DC close together means they'll be friends growing up'.

Regarding the part time. 'i work .... would you like me to email that to you for your records? if i'm not in please email me and i'll endeavour to deal with your query as soon as practicable on my return'.

MisForMumNotMaid Fri 22-Mar-13 21:09:03

Sorry op I forgot my manors. Many congratulations.

2048 Fri 22-Mar-13 21:10:05

Why would you take work home and 'pop' in your non work days. Must be difficult for part timers who don't. Either work part time or full time

Same reason I work in the evening and weekends. Lots to do.

2048 Fri 22-Mar-13 21:22:31

Again must make it hard for part timers who don't.

What about us full timers? What about the work that needs doing?
I was surprised recently to learn in a thread that most ppl work their exact hours unless paid extra. I was always under the impression that in a professional job you work the hours required to get the job done

Bluestocking Fri 22-Mar-13 21:28:39

What's your problem, 2048? First you snipe at part-timers in general, then you snipe at part-timers who do extra to keep on top of things. FWIW, I was on an 80% contract until DS was eight, but was still doing a full time workload by doing stuff evenings and weekends. Not ideal but for me it was worth taking the salary hit in exchange for the flexibility.

ceebeegeebies Fri 22-Mar-13 21:29:33

I agree with previous posters - any comments on your part-time hours along the lines of 'how lovely having a day off' etc should be replied with how your bank balance doesn't like it, you don't get paid which usually shuts them up wink

Also, I had my 2 with a 2 year age gap and whilst it was difficult work-wise as I struggled to commit once I returned from my first maternity leave knowing I was planning on going off again, I am now 4 years down the line from my second maternity leave and am now beginning to focus on my career again smile

Have you seem the thread abt the part timer who is expected to take 5 days rather than her weekly 2 days to have a week off?

DizzyFerret Fri 22-Mar-13 21:43:00

Congratulations! I was in the same situation as you a good few years ago now, though I was working full time. I took a year's maternity leave, and when I went back to work I was already five months pregnant with DS2, having got also got pregnant much quicker than I thought I would. It was difficult telling them at work, but I just brazened it out and went off on another year's maternity leave three months later.

There may be some resentment, but it's none of your colleagues' business anyway. You are on a part-time contract so no one has a right to criticise the hours you were employed to do, and you have every right to take maternity leave.

Good luck & congratulations again smile.

sausagedogfan Fri 22-Mar-13 21:59:41

SPB can you link to that thread? Surely that's illegal?!

OP congrats on your pg. The situation is what it is and yes there will probably be people who'll get sniffy but try to let it all wash over you. I had two mat leaves pretty close together, but I'm done now so I can start to focus on my career again. As far as people getting sniffy about you being part time, like everyone has said, you are getting paid part time, so just remind them of this. I've got a colleague who's recently returned part time and she is taking lots of work home with her to get it all done. So as far as the managers are concerned, she's pretty much still doing her full time job. I work part time, so I do 3/5 of the work I did when I was full time. To me, that's what part time is all about!

Sorry, I think it is poor advice rather than an existing arrangement. Have bumped it and will link if I can figure out how on this thing

Metalgoddess Sat 23-Mar-13 17:30:51

I only ever work my agreed hours and not over, neither do full timers. if we have to stay at work due to unexpected sickness then we get paid for it and its not that often.I hate the culture of people being expected to work well above their hours for no money or time off, it's just not right. If this is the case then either people are not effective in prioritising tasks/poor time management or they are being asked to do too much which in itself is unfair. Days off no matter whether someone is part time or full time should be days off!!

But surely the job is done when it's done. Yes I may be "being asked to do too much" but it's all in the greater interest of what we're all trying to achieve.

ceebeegeebies Sat 23-Mar-13 19:20:25

Metalgoddess in an ideal world, yes you are correct but unfortunately we do not live in an ideal world at the moment do we?

I work 4 days a week and always check my e-mails on my day off and occasionally bring home work to do at evenings/weekends otherwise I would not get my work completed. It is not lack of organisation/time management on my part as I am efficient, it is purely down to workload. However, due to the economic climate, redundancies have meant that there are now 5 staff doing what 8 staff used to do so yes the workload is high but what other option is there?

Metalgoddess Mon 25-Mar-13 10:31:03

I guess I'm just lucky to have my job then and my husband is lucky to have his as when our shifts/ days are finished we are out of there and it's our time as a family. We are both do professional roles too. If we ever do overtime which is not very often we get paid for it. There was a suggestion at one point that staff at my place of work had to do some training which would involve studying for a few hrs per week at home. We got the union in and it was deemed against employment law to make us do this out ofwork hours. Part timers should not be expected to do work out of their hours or they might as well just be full time.

ceebeegeebies Mon 25-Mar-13 14:58:16

Full timers should only have to work their 37 hours and not work any extra without being paid but that is not often the case these days...so not sure why you think part-timers are sny different.

Yes you and your husband are lucky to have the jobs you have. If checking my e-mails on my day off make life easier and take the pressure off then that is what I have to do.

Yes very lucky!

FierceBadIggi Mon 25-Mar-13 17:33:52

I think what can happen though is in a workplace where the culture is that staff do, say, an extra 5 hours a week beyond their contract, the expectation can be that part-time staff still do 5 hours, rather than 2.5 hours if working 50%.
As to the idea that we should work 'till the job is done' in some professions the job could seriously never be done 100% - as a teacher I could seriously invent stuff to do 24/7 to make the job better. And I'm sure if I could afford a cleaner, he/she would say the job of cleaning my house could never be 'done', there is always potentially more to do!

Metalgoddess Mon 25-Mar-13 18:58:40

As I said previously, it doesn't matter if someone is full time or part time they should not have to regularly work over their contracted hours and I agree in a lot of jobs there are always things to do, there is never an end to it, you just have to put a stop to it at the end of the working day. I do a stressful professional job and I do it very well but my time is my time, I refuse to work for nothing, if other people do (thankfully no one does where I work) then I guess that's their choice but its not for me!

lightsandshapes Tue 02-Apr-13 13:53:10

I think resentments are quite common and you just have to tune them out. My colleague announced in a meeting that I was back from my 'jolly'. angry he also refuses to help when I can't do a task because I'm not working. He wold have done it when I was full time. Also I have a female single childless colleague who is the same. I think you just have to count your blessings and ignore them envy

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