Back to work - making it work with two kids. Please help.

(69 Posts)
BlueHat Wed 21-Nov-12 10:39:23

I'm back to work after a nine month maternity after Christmas. Please convince me that what I am trying to do is possible.

I'm a teacher and I work three days a week. I will be in work 8am-5.30pm on these days, and bring home about two hours work on those evenings. Then I'll need to put in a couple of hours at the weekend or on my days off. I know for a fact it will not be possible to get away with putting less hours in.

I have a school aged child, and the baby. They obviously require different types of childcare so they will be in two separate places. To get them to their childcare and myself to work by 8am through rush hour traffic is going to be nigh on impossible so DH is supposed to be taking one child in the morning, possibly both of them. I will have to pick them both up, and I think it unlikely that we will get back home before 6.30pm. Then I will need to do dinner/bath/bed for both of them, and then sit down to marking, etc. Then start preparing for the morning ahead - clothes, packed lunches, etc.

My thoughts on making this work are:

no TV or non-work related screen time for me on work evenings AT ALL.
no prep dinners - so beans on toast, microwave meals, etc. on work evenings.

Is there anything else I haven't thought of? Getting out the house in the mornings is a worry, I think we will have to leave the house at 7.30 or before - any thoughts on that?

Another concern is that over the course of maternity leave DH has pretty much packed up doing anything in the house during the week. He does at weekends though. I'm worried that he will find it a big shock after Christmas to start doing housework and childcare during the week again, of course he swears blind that he won't hmm. I have asked that he doesn't go out in the evenings on the days I work so that he can be there to share the whole dinner/bath/bed/making packed lunches thing, but he won't agree to that angry.

I'm also concerned that we are over estimating what it will be possible for me to achieve on my days off. I've been stunned by how much more work two children compared to one, and also by how restrictive being hemmed in by the school run is when you are at home. Also by how time consuming it is to have a child at school - remembering reading books, dress up day, sponsor forms, etc. (You would think a teacher would realise this but I didn't!)

In short, I basically think we have bitten off more than we can chew here. There will be absolutely no 'settling back in' period for me at work, I will be expected to hit the ground running and to be planning and delivering prefect lessons from day one. We can't afford for me not to work. Please tell me how I can make this work!

diddlediddledumpling Wed 21-Nov-12 10:42:39

You can and you will. I did and I think you sound much more organisd than me!
I'm a teacher going back to work after Christmas and I'll hold your hand if you h

BlueHat Wed 21-Nov-12 10:43:18

It's currently taking me well over an hour to get myself and the two children out the house for school. And it takes me over two hours to cook dinner, eat dinner, bath children and get them into bed. If I can't cut that down, I will have to give up sleeping!

diddlediddledumpling Wed 21-Nov-12 10:43:30

Oh ffs! See, I can't even get this right!

I''ll hold your hand if you hold mine!

reindeerjumper Wed 21-Nov-12 10:44:12

Casserole batch cooking at weekends to defrost in the week? You need to eat well if this going to work, because if you or the kids get ill that's when it really turns to shit.
Realising that some nights it's ok to go to bed the same time as your kids helps too

diddlediddledumpling Wed 21-Nov-12 10:45:06

Your dh needs to step up and definitely not go out on the nights you're working. He should appreciate how much you've been doing while on mat leave and that work now needs to be s

diddlediddledumpling Wed 21-Nov-12 10:46:18

Split between the two of you. So on nights when you're working, he has to do baths, get stuff ready for next morning, check uniform clean etc.

BlueHat Wed 21-Nov-12 10:46:26

I can't go to bed early because I have to work in the evenings. I suppose I could at weekends?

poachedeggs Wed 21-Nov-12 10:46:53

OK, I'm going to be brutally honest here. You just will. It'll be shit - you'll be tired, it'll feel like a treadmill, your mind will work overtime constantly.

But it's one of those things that constantly gets easier. The DC get older, you get better at managing, your DH learns to step it up. You haven't got an option I imagine.

I've done this (throw in a shift-working DH as well) and it is a bloody juggle but doable.

Can't you send them both to a childminder for simplicity?

Buy a slow cooker.

Plan meals.

Have a diary and use it (DH and I theoretically sync Google calendar).

You will cope though. You just will.

poachedeggs Wed 21-Nov-12 10:47:52

MN I don't teach but work weird hours much of the time.

poachedeggs Wed 21-Nov-12 10:48:35

MN = NB (Prepare to lose your mind wink)

BlueHat Wed 21-Nov-12 10:49:04

diddlediddledumpling I agree with you but his argument will be that we have both been at work all day, so why should he do ALL the childcare/housework in the evenings? Obviously, I have to keep working at home but he'll just say 'find a job where you don't have to do that then'. If only....

poachedeggs Wed 21-Nov-12 10:50:50

Uh cos you're still working?!

Simple. "No sex - haven't got time. Now if you'd only put the DC to bed for me ..."

BlueHat Wed 21-Nov-12 10:52:22

We couldn't find a childminder who would do the eldest's school run AND take them before 7.45.

I am dreading this, all I can see is drudgery, hard work and feeling exhausted for the next fifteen years.

BlueHat Wed 21-Nov-12 10:53:31

Sex? What's that?

Seriously, he wouldn't care grin

pepperrabbit Wed 21-Nov-12 10:54:55

They don't need a bath every day, I gave that up when I went back to work!
Does your childcare provide breakfast? I'd get mine up, dressed and in the car before they'd actually woken up some mornings. They'd get breakfast at nursery/childminders, same with dinner if at all possible.
Get all the clothes, bags, lunches ready the night before.
Get a BIG diary, write down all the school events in it as soon as you get the letter.
Ask the childminder to do reading with your elder DC maybe 2/3 days.
You will cope, DH might get a bit stressed but you have to work together.
You'll be surprised how much you achieve, and don't set unrealistic lists of never watching the tv etc, you need downtime too.

pepperrabbit Wed 21-Nov-12 10:55:50

I type too slowly! You've moved on to sex. grin

sausagesandwich34 Wed 21-Nov-12 10:57:00

it is hard work, the first month will fell like hell on earth but it gets easier

second the batch cooking

can baby go to nursery for half day on one of your days off to give you time for work at home, and then be strict with yourself about actually doing work rather than housework?

Procrastinating Wed 21-Nov-12 11:04:18

drudgery, hard work and feeling exhausted for the next fifteen years.

Yes that is about right.

Don't expect too much of yourself, setting ourself rules like 'no screen time' is just a way to make yourself feel guilty and awful when you don't live up to it.

Can your DH have the children all day Saturday or Sunday? I find one day a week (I do 12 hours work that day) to get all preparation and marking done is much better than doing it in bits.

It feels impossible but you will muddle through.

BlueHat Wed 21-Nov-12 11:04:51

Yes, breakfast is provided. Eldest DC used to have breakfast at home and then again at breakfast club <greedy> but that can stop. Eldest DC is at an out of school club, so reading there not an option.

I am seriously considering having the baby at nursery for half a day on one of my days off. This was the mistake I made with the eldest, once he was two and had stopped sleeping during the day I could not anything done on my days off. In hindsight I wish we had done that but we felt we couldn't afford it at the time. I think I will look into that, sausagesandwhich34

threepiecesuite Wed 21-Nov-12 11:06:20

I teach 3 days a week too but only have one dd who is 2 and goes to nursery when I work, I drop her at 7.45 and get to school 8.15.
School days are a whirlwind of rushing, chores, planning and bonecrushing tiredness but my days off are a godsend, we have a quietish winding down day at home the first day, she still has a nap so I do chores then and make a homecooked tea, the second day we go out and about doing activities.
Things that make my life easier:
Online food shopping and delivery
Batch cooking
Sending a load to the ironing lady every now and then
Not doing work or answering emails on days off
Leaving go of the guilt about not being in school full time or with dd full time! This one is very important.

diddlediddledumpling Wed 21-Nov-12 11:10:53

Looking back on when I went back full time after ds2, it was drudgery and hard work, but I didn't get time to think about how hard it was, because you just get on with it. I've been off on mat leave with ds3 all year and going back full time in January, with the hope that come Sept I'll be part time.
Can you have a calm and reasonable chat with dh? If you've both been working all day, how come it falls to you to also organise the family? That's not even taking into account the fact that you won't actually have finished work. And assuming you've been teaching for a while, there's no other job you could walk into that would bring in the same income that you both depend on.
Otherwise, think of what will work to get him on board. If he has no clean clothes for work? If he gets ready meals at 10pm for dinner?

Yorkpud Wed 21-Nov-12 11:18:26

Get husband to take children out every Sat morning from 9-1 so you can get work out of the way then.

Pay for nursery one morning a week/breakfast club (get husband to drop) when you are off and do some work catch up then?

That should give you 8 extra hours time to work in so maybe you won't lose relax time every night.

Pay for cleaner, school dinners.

Yorkpud Wed 21-Nov-12 11:19:00

When both kids are at school, don't increase hours!!!

BlueHat Wed 21-Nov-12 11:25:18

diddlediddledumpling no, there is nothing else I could do now that would bring in anywhere near the same income. Much as we both wish there was.

He struggles to understand the workload, I've been p/t for five years but the amount of work I do at home is probably about the same as when I was full time. That's what he struggles to understand, but it's just the way the profession has gone. And of course, it's harder to do your planning at the weekend when you've got DC in the house. "Your work dominates this household" is an oft heard complaint around here. And it's true sad

Get both into another half day/full days childcare - use that time to do something for yourself - massage, manicure, looking at shoes, having a coffee somewhere, going to the library, something - What you are about to do will be hard work and a few hours a week will make it bearable. I always find a few daylight hours are more fun/relaxing/useful than thinking of dh at home with the children.

Online shopping - same meals, set it up now, set delivery at the same time every week - be more creative when you have time/can be arsed - right now it's one less thing on your mind.

I only do laundry one day a week - if I stretch it over the week it feels like I'm trapped at home waiting for stuff to be finished - if that's the way you are just do one day - lots of people can manage to pop washes on, take them out when they have time, theres no room in my house for loads of washing to hang about so its one day only.

BlueHat Wed 21-Nov-12 11:27:23

Yorkpud he did used to take DC1 out for a weekend morning so I could work, but it was hard to know where to take him when it was winter and pouring with rain. And will be even harder with a baby and a child.

It is true that your work dominates the household - teaching is shit - I'm married to a teacher and last weekend he marked both full days - 20 hours of him not being completely available.

Procrastinating Wed 21-Nov-12 11:28:13

It sounds like DH is most of the problem to me. I'm sure your work pays for the household too.

BlueHat Wed 21-Nov-12 11:29:04

Laurie how on earth do you only do laundry one day a week?! How do you get it dry?! It's two loads a day here, once you include sheets and towels!

Tumble drier in the shed outside. Sheets, towels washed once a week. No ironing. Lots of jersey dresses.

BlueHat Wed 21-Nov-12 11:31:21

Right, I really am going to look into some nursery hours for the baby on one of my days off. I think that's the way forwards.

BlueHat Wed 21-Nov-12 11:34:13

Procrastinating I think it is fair to say that he is resentful of the work I bring home. That I am part time, but actually work full time hours - the rest of them at home. tbh I would be resentful too. Actually I am.

Llareggub Wed 21-Nov-12 11:35:44

No offence, but you are over thinking this. I am a lone parent with 2 children, one at school and one not. I work full-time in a demanding job. It will be fine.

BlueHat Wed 21-Nov-12 11:38:02

None taken, I am over thinking this. I've got quite worked up about this.

You have every right to be resentful, you have chosen a profession that part-time hours equal full time hours and full time hours equal 70 a week term-time if you're secondary.

the demands placed on teachers are ridiculous and all you can do really is say no to as much as possible, no extra curricular, no putting in hours you can't afford - at least as long as the children are young enough that you want to be with them. You have to have really strict boundaries.

In the school I work in they really pile on the guilt about how it's 'all for the children' but the reality is that it's a business (private school) and they want to get as much out of you as possible. And yes, the children get an amazing education but it's often at the expense of teachers family lives.

pollycazalet Wed 21-Nov-12 11:40:51

If money is tight I would prioritise getting help in rather than putting your baby into nursery an extra morning. Cleaner and/ or ironing help, depending on what your priorities are. You could outsource big washes too like sheets and towels on a service wash at the laundrette.

Work out a two weekly meal plan (including daily packed lunches) and just revolve it and set up online shopping lists so that you don't have to think about it. Try and cook at weekends and freeze. My DS always had school dinners at this stage which made it easier.

Do as much as possible the night before and do as much as you can as you go along. Don't be tempted to go to bed with the kitchen in a tip as you'll pay for it the next day.

DH and I had assigned tasks every night - eg one of us got the easiest child to bed (who that is will change, probably weekly!) and the other did the post meal clear up. Do some trial runs where you both start the dinner/ bed routine at 6.30 and see how it goes and where the pressure points are, where you can double up with the kids - eg bath together, stories together on your work nights.

We have a huge calendar on the wall and (in theory) we have a 10 minute conversation on saturday am running through the week to come and who will do what - this gives time for eg emergency book day costume prep!

It does get easier as they get older (mine are now 10 and 12) and you sound really organised, you'll make it work. The thing that will give is time for yourself for a while - focus on the holidays!

MistressIggi Wed 21-Nov-12 12:10:35

Bluehat I will be doing similar to you shortly. Going to use a childminder for baby, and also for before/after school - is that an option?
Also despite being in the same job as you I just won't work the extra hours you suggest. I did when I was single, it just isn't happening now. There are extra hours you cannot avoid, but I discovered the sky did not fall in if jotters were not marked as often as I'd have liked or if I ran the same course for two years without re-writing it. What are the things in your job that make the biggest impact (and the ones management notice if you don't do) and focus on them. I am a unionised type though and I think we do no-one any favours by being martyrs in teaching.
Whatever you decide, it will work out fine, but if you are trying to do everything both at home and work you may find "you" are the one who suffers, no time to mumsnet

brainonastick Wed 21-Nov-12 12:17:10

Haven't read the thread (cardinal sin, sorry), but my quick suggestions from experience are:

- have the children have a good hot meal at lunchtime (school dinners, or batch cook casseroles etc for the little one for at childcare). That way, you can just chuck sandwiches and cake and fruit at them as soon as you get home in the evenings. Or even get them to eat their tea at childcare?

- if either child needs more sleep than your getting up time allows, leave them until as late as possible. Get yourself up, and everything else done, then get them up and out last. Sometimes I used to get DD1 up at 7.55 and leave at 8am (she loved her sleep)!

- preparation is all. Bags done the night before, clothes out for all of you the night before, shower for you the night before etc etc. So all you have to do in the morning is put clothes on, brush teeth and out of the house (assuming your children have breakfast at childcare, and you can grab something before you go or at work).

The first few weeks will be frantic, but you will manage, and its only for 3 days of the week, so it'll be over before you know it!

Procrastinating Wed 21-Nov-12 12:31:51

BlueHat I know just how you feel, I'm paid for 18 hours a week and I work about 40 hours (university teaching). I have small children at home and can't afford childcare.
The job takes over everything, but without it we would not be able to pay the mortgage. If this is your situation your DH needs to give you the time to get your work done and appreciate your contribution.

My DH had the children all weekend so I could mark & prepare (we had winter vomiting last week so factor illness in to your plans), this is miserable, but necessary so you just have to get on with it.

Having said that you do adapt to living like this and I so appreciate time with the children and away from work.

fromparistoberlin Wed 21-Nov-12 12:40:26

of course you will cope, there are some pros to your situation

you only work 3 days, this gives you 2 week days to get shit done so you can enjoy weekends

Its only 3 days a week, really, many women (and men) do this 5 days!

you get more holiday than the average, I KNOW you will work alot of hours but how great you dont have to worry about term time childcare, and you get this time with the kids

I can see its a shame you cant get a CM, but you cant. Things will change

and cant you do some of the work on the non work days (ue when baby naps/watches DVD) rather than evenings

stop fretting, it will be OK, and its 3 days a week, the other 4 wont have this shit

fryingpanalley Wed 21-Nov-12 12:53:46

School dinners definitely!
And how about regular time for the DC with DH on a Sat morning- get him to always take them swimming or to the library- something regular.

naughtymummy Wed 21-Nov-12 12:59:01

Good luck ! I agree with what's already been said about some nursery time for lo when you can do your stuff at home-sanity saving.

Some thoughts: if DH takes them to pre-school care, could you get to school for 7 or 730 and get some work out of the way early ? (I regularly do this).
I agree the children only need one hot meal a day, most nurseries do a hot lunch.
I would do quick and easy in the evening.

On the days you are working your DH needs to pull his weight, sorry don't know how else to phrase that, he just does.

I do a meal planner and stick it up on it twice a week is written DH cooking, then he knows it's his responsibility.

reindeerjumper Wed 21-Nov-12 14:09:01

I'm not saying you should go to bed the same time as the children every night, but you willneed to occasionally. That will make you more efficent for doing your evening work the next evening.

PastaDee Wed 21-Nov-12 17:34:41

I can help with the mornings. I have to leave with DD by 7am and it is absolutely fine.

The trick is to get up before your DC and get dressed and ready yourself (have your shower the night before).

I'd wake the baby first putting his clothes on (laid out night before) as you change nappy and then let him feed himself a cup of milk whilst you get your older DC up and dressed.

Breakfast is served at nursery but the cup of milk helps with my guilt!

wearymum200 Wed 21-Nov-12 20:18:24

I'm with posters who suggest buying in help rather than extra childcare; I want my days off to be child time. My cleaner is about the same cost as childcare for 1 dc for the hours she does, but I'm essentially paying to allow myself more play time with dc.
I also work 3 days per week (not teaching) and do approx 8 hours work in eve/ weekend each week. Dh commutes and is out from 0630 to approx 9pm daily and away 1 to 2 nights per week. So I do all weekday stuff.
It is possible, rigorous routines so everything flows as normal, all cooking for work days done in advance (batch cooking, slow cooker and eking out the weekend roast leftovers). My dc both have hot meals in the middle of the day and get a packed meal (which goes to work with me) in the eve, on the way home. Deffo not baths every night.
Good luck it does get easier...

Xenia Wed 21-Nov-12 20:56:44

1. Get a full time job in stead and then get to be a head and out earn your other half and he will shut up and start helping.
2. I would never have tolerated a sexist man even for a day - we both worked full time. Ultimately I earned 10x what he did - we had 5 children. 2 is dead easy.
3. When we had the first ones and not much money one of us had the children all day Saturday and the other all day Sunday.
4. Sunny Jim will just have to forgo his evenings out. If he does plan to go out make him pay for and find a babysitter and you go out too to the local library to work.
5. Pathetic of him to say there is nowhere to take out a child at the weekend - there are loads of options - you can do a walk in all weathers, many museums are free, the library - thousands of options.

Sounds like he needs to go on a feminist awareness course

Also put him in charge of all cooking and all washing and you do none ever. I had a phase where my childrne's father was the only one who knew how to work the washing machine and that worked just fine.

Llareggub Wed 21-Nov-12 21:10:00

Xenia, I think I love you.

legojunkie Wed 21-Nov-12 22:30:38

2 children is not easy. angry

Xenia Thu 22-Nov-12 09:59:40

LL, thanks. Sometimes this is about ceding power at home. I never seemed to have any problem thinking someone else, their father or someone looking after the children may do things differently from me, perhaps worse, perhaps better and that tolerating that difference was the price I paid for not doing that task. iti is not even sharing tasks which necessarily helps. People do tasks better if they are 100% responsible for them and the other person doesn't even have to think about those tasks.

I have by the way since learned to use the washing machine....and do bits of plumbing. He did though at that earlier stage do all the washing before disposable nappies worked and when we had 3 children under 4 all in nappies at night and had his own systems for drying them. Indeed you need to do your due diligence before marriage - has this man lived alone, does he use the washer, was his mother a drudge, does he think women only cook and men don't. Are you tidy and he not or vice versa.

I did life coach someone once and her bi ggest problem was perfectionism rather than just letting things be "good enough".

BlueHat Thu 22-Nov-12 11:20:13

Thank you, there have been some good suggestions here and I feel a bit more calm about it all...had been getting a bit worked up blush

Xenia your posts on these things are always great grin.

I don't want to be a head teacher, nor do I want to work full time at this point in my life - I don't want to be a SAHM but I do want to spend more time with my children than I would be able to if f/t. In that repeat, I am privileged to work part time.

I do agree that my husband needs to pull his weight. Bringing work home with me is a known factor in organising our childcare and home life, and it is fair to say that I wouldn't be able to walk into another job where I didn't have to that and earn the money I do. As he benefits from my income, he needs to facilitate me earning it.

BlueHat Thu 22-Nov-12 11:21:00

In that respect not repeat, ffs!

helenovhull Thu 22-Nov-12 11:34:33

Get up as early as you can bear, you can get loads done before everyone else is up and if you go to work knowing things are reasonably well prepared for the evening you'll feel better.

Make sure you have everything for the next day ready before you start your evening work then you can just flop when you've finished.

Your DH needs to do more. Or earn more and buy in help.

Good luck! Hope you enjoy work once you're back in the swing.

Mandy21 Thu 22-Nov-12 12:15:08

You need to have a conversation with your H to sort out exactly how you're going to manage it. Its not a question of your responsibility / his responsibility, you being p/t, him being f/t. I'm presuming you decided as a couple this was how you'd bring up a family and you need to organise your return to work as a family.

I have 2 at school and 1 at nursery, I work 3 days and have to work at home. I shifted my day forward if you like on the days I work, H has shiifted his back slightly - I leave the house at 6am (before anyone is up) and its down to my H to get them up / dressed and take them to school / nursery so he gets to work 9.15-9.30. Everything is lined up in the hall the night before, clothes laid out in their bedrooms. Porridge cooked the night before (I know that might be a step too far).

He then stays late at work - I collect children from after-school / nursery about 5.30pm/5.45pm, get home for 6pm. Dinner is slow cooker / meal thats been cooked at weekend & frozen then microwaved. PJs on, everyone in bed by 7pm, 10 mins reading with each child before lights out at 7.30pm. I have an hour of tidying / trying to get everything sorted for the next day, put a wash on etc, H gets back about 8.30pm, we have dinner (same as kids) then. 9-10, either do work or ironing in front of TV.

On the 2 days I'm home, I'll cook a couple of meals that I can freeze for my work days (toddler helps me or chats to me / doing colouring etc). helps with hoovering / polishing etc. Saturdays, H occupies all 3 for a couple of hours over lunchtime so I can do a bit more cleaning / work if necessary.

Its not an option to pay for help at the moment, and I agree that it defeats the purpose of being p/t if you're putting your baby into childcare. Yes, its knackering, yes, you feel like its just one routine with no time for you, but its just adjusting to it. Once you've got things sorted, it generally goes quite smoothly. But it takes recogniton from both you and your H that you both need to make sacrifices to make this work - noone is more iimportant that the other, there is no room for sexist stereotyping of household chores, you've got to split it. If you're running round like a blue ar$ed fly, then he should be too. Its about making it work as a family. Good luck!

BranchingOut Thu 22-Nov-12 18:59:03

I think that your DH needs to,frankly, put a sock in it when it comes to you working at home.

If he wants any of the advantages of you teaching, then he has to accept that it comes with the territory.

On the other hand, it may be worth while looking to see if other jobs are out there. Working 4 or even 5 days a week at 9 till 5 might have far less impact on your family life.

I left teaching a few years ago and never want to go back!

Nell2709 Thu 22-Nov-12 21:25:00

After much consideration and the main factor being the cost of childcare for my 2 kiddies, one at school age and one 10 months old, my other half and I decided it would be best for me to stay home and find something that fits round the kids as he is on a much higher income than me. My income would have basically paid for childcare with not much left over at all so it was pointless.
I am now doing Avon. This fits round the kids perfectly. I don't need to worry about having to take time off work for school holidays / sickness and I can still be there to drop off and pick up my eldest from school and look after my youngest during the day.
I'm building my own business and I'm recruiting representatives in my area (if anyone looking is interested please message me) so that by the time my youngest is 2ish I can send him to nursery for a day or two per week (I think it is good for him to go to build social skills etc as my eldest came on leaps and bounds when he went to nursery!) and I can concentrate on my business more!
Obviously everyone's circumstances are different, but I would say that this is absolutely something to consider. smile

BlackholesAndRevelations Fri 23-Nov-12 06:05:11

Just a minor point... To the poster who said 70+ hours if you work in secondary: what?! Primary too!

I am full time as a teacher with two small children and it's hideous and unsustainable. Three days would be perfect for me. I'm sure as you find a routine/things settle down, you'll be fine. It's still early days. I do follow a lot of the tips above and think it'd be amazing to have two extra days a week with my children.

BlackholesAndRevelations Fri 23-Nov-12 06:07:56

PS I agree that it'd be a good idea to get the children fed at the childminder. It means you get nice, happy chilled time after work (usually!) instead of hungry, crying, rushing around trying to get dinner chaos!

BlackholesAndRevelations Fri 23-Nov-12 06:09:17

Oo just re read your post- it's VERY early days as you haven't gone back yer! Good luck smile

Xenia Fri 23-Nov-12 09:51:44

Agree over the dinner point. I worked full time and whoever did the school collection always made them dinner.

When the twins were born I loved giving them their bath at night but after a few months I realised it was pretty exhausting with other children too, that the day nanny really wanted to do it and to get them all washed and ready for bed and their breastfeed was actually easier all round.

I still repeat my point much more fun to work full time so it is clear at home your role is not drudge and so you can get that head ship on £100k and employ people to do dull stuff at home and husband thinks you are Mrs Moneybags and runs around doing all he can to preserve your career rather than thinking this is Miss Pin Money so her career will always come second.

naughtymummy Fri 23-Nov-12 11:53:55

See I am longing for that moment Xenia. Totally fed up of working pt.

Bonsoir Fri 23-Nov-12 11:56:59

I think you are crazy to contemplate the organisation you have set out in your OP. Get a nanny/housekeeper who will take care of your baby in your own home and run all the school-run errands for you.

naughtymummy Fri 23-Nov-12 11:57:51

But mine are now at school, so much less fun being at home than it was sad

I think your DH's attitude is rotten tbh. He should definitely forego going out on the nights you work, as a general rule -- it sounds like he's refusing because of his overall resentment at your work hours. Even if he's right to be resentful, this is the situation you have now and you have to deal with it together.

I agree with Bonsoir, I think it would be much simpler to get a nanny in. Have you investigated nanny shares, for 3 days a week? (There's a section for it on Gumtree I think.) It might not cost much more than what you have now, especially if it means not having to hire a cleaner or use after school clubs and such.

SweetGrapes Sat 24-Nov-12 20:32:51

I have a nanny but for me it's cost effective as I have three dc's. It really is simpler. She gets their dinner and bath done so it's story and cuddle time when I get home.
Plus she moves the washing and dishes on - loads/hangs out washing/puts away - as appropriate. That is such a big help.
And she's not too expensive either. She is smeoone with a big career break and was looking for a job and not getting anything. Worked well for both of us as I was also going back after a big break so not really paid loads. (but in IT so hopefully on the way to 100K wink)

tiredbutgood Mon 26-Nov-12 20:29:31

I am so glad to see that someone else has the exact issues that I am about to face, after having to return to work after my having my second child! Only i am returning the week before Christmas, so I have a lot of Christmas stuff to do on top.

I am working three day a week, Tue, Wed and Friday (as a community nurse). I have chosen a childminder this time (my 1st born went to nursery), so she can do the school run with my DS. I am worrying about how I will fit everything into my day, and that doesn't even include doing any reading or studying (which is quite important for me to keep up to date, etc). Plus, my DH does not come home until about 7:30-8:00, so i have to put both children to bed, and then do the packed lunches, childminder bags etc.

I do plan our meals already, but i find this quite hard work, or am I just making a meal of it! (excuse the pun there) lol.

Doing batch cooking is a good idea, but i do wonder when i will find the time for that.

I don't do ironing! never have done.....except for my Unifrom, and my DH does his own shirts.

But I think i could handle this better if i didn't feel a little bitter with the fact that my DH gets away with all the planning, juggling, worrying and all the other shit that comes with working part time and looking after two children. I sometimes think that women's rights and all, is biting us in the bum! Men get away with it way too easy!!!!!

Sorry, this wasn't really advice, just trying to let off a bit of steam, whilst helping you to realise that there is yet another MOTHER who has to make alot of sacrifices!

Hope that helps a tiny bit smile

Snoopy99 Mon 10-Dec-12 13:48:09

Is there any possible way you could afford a cleaner? Even just £20 a week (ie 2 hrs) is worth its weight in gold.

LittleCloudSarah Wed 09-Jan-13 16:16:57

have you considered an au pair? a spare pair of adult hands in the house to help with the laundry and help get the kids sorted out in time for school run- plus a little help at weekends once in a while if the house is a tip...

LauraPashley Wed 09-Jan-13 20:14:34

OP I totally feel your pain, I teach 3 days (have gone from. 5 to 4 to 3 over the course of 2 dcs) and the work is a bloody nightmare. I feel so guilty sometimes on my day off willing the baby to hurry up and nap so that I can make a start on all the tasks that are hanging over my head. Can't get dcs to sleep reliably till 8pm, then do chores etc (SHARED with dh, unevenly as he does more than me!) so it is nearly 9pm before I start work. Approx 2hrs per night, then tidy up etc...not in bed till 11:30, baby doesn't sleep well, I am knackered. I am miles behind on loads of things at work. Classroom a tip I am so fed up looking at it but can't stay past 5:30 so no good stretch of time to do displays etc.

Weekends, actually if dh were to take them eg 9-12 just one morning (he has occasionally), it makes a massive difference. But neither of us are keen to do this, plus he works shifts so works most weekends anyway!

It IS dooable but tbh I am doing a pretty shitty job at work due to lack of planning/prep time.

My main rules are:
- dh doing his share - mine does more than that!
-on my 1st day off I ditch school stuff, both day and night (I work almost every other night though)
- very organized with packed lunches, bags for school, CM etc
- I take school dinners grin
Good luck!

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