Advice needed about dd's first nursery place

[prefernot]

We're in a dilemma. Dd's 2 and has so far not been to any nursery / childminder kind of situation. She's been with me or her dad and with no-one else. We'd now like to get her into nursery for just a little while a week to free up a bit of time for us (we both work and share childcare) and to give her a change of scene / social life. There are 2 options available. Firstly we've found a nursery about 10 mins walk from home which has a place from mid-January for morning sessions (9-12pm) Mon - Fri (we'd initially just send her for 3, see if she likes it then up it to 4 or 5). Or there's a place 5 mins away which has 2 whole days on offer. We much prefer the thought of her having half days to get used to being away from us but the place offering whole days is slightly nicer. The staff were lovely. The half day place had happier looking kids but the staff weren't as friendly.

I feel like an idiot as I'm writing this. How can I ask for advice when none of you have seen the places? To be honest we're terrified wimps at the thought of letting dd go to anywhere without us but we're exhausted now with trying to juggle our time continually.

Ok, a straightforward question: Are half days a better way to settle a child in than whole days? Are nice kids to play with more important than nice adults in charge?

[LIZS]

Are you at any stage going to need full day childcare. If so then it might be better to get ehr used to the idea and routines from the start. Otherwise, have to say, I'd be happier with the shorter days , at least while they are younger, but it may mean an adjustment for her later if you need to change it. The down side is that there is only so much you can do in 3 hours, 2.5 by the time you've got home and gone back, whereas fewer longer breaks may enable you to use the time more effectively. As to the kids and staff I wonder if you can really judge it from a short visit, can you arrnage to see them at a different time of day and take dd along to see where she seems happier, if the timings themselves are not the overrrding factor.

[Cha]

My dd has gone to a nursery for 2 days a week since she was a year - she's there from 9 till about 2. It is a co-operative, so the parents and a paid worker do the sessions, so some days I am there as the worker, and she has always loved it. There should always be a settling in period, where you stay with your dd for the whole time she is there, then gradually leaving her for longer and longer periods of time, as it will be traumatic for her at first, especially as you have never left her. But kids are endlessly resilient, and over the 21/2 years I have been working at our nursery, I have never seen a child not settle in. Some take a few days, some a week or two, and one took a bit more than a month. But they all get there in the end - and love it! I suppose what I am trying to say is that whatever option you go for, initially it will be hard for both you two and your dd, but it is worth it. It is essential for her that she learn to interact with people her own age, and also for you to have a bit of a break.
As to the unfriendly staff - if the kids all looked happy, the staff can't be too bad. Maybe they are shy? Or not great with adults? One of our paid workers was a bit 'brusque' with us adults but absolutely fantastic with the children.
Good luck anyway, hope you are helped to make your decision x

[Moomin]

oooh it's scary isn't it? but don't worry - it usually works out well.

My dd started with a childminder at first but she was only 9 months. She now also attends a nursery 2 days a week which she started at 2 and i think this is the ideal age to start getting her used to other kids and a more formal setting.

Have you asked at either nursery about a 'settling in' period? At dd's present nursery they are very sensitive to children who haven't been at a nursery before and they have a programme that covers the new child gradually being integrated into the larger group after spending some time in a very small group right up to the child's key worker actually visiting your home to get to know the child! I realise this isn't always possible but it would be well worth asking if there is any provision.

Spend more time in each place as well - see if you can stay around for a session, either with your dd or without. If they're a good nursery they won't mind this at all; after all this is a very big decision you're making. Good luck - but I'm sure she'll be fine. Go with your gut instinct after you've mulled it over and visited a few more times.

[prefernot]

Thanks everyone. I think my gut instinct is to go for the mornings place. If I were being selfish I'd go for the full days because it would give me a real break for the first time since dd was born but I think in terms of her character she'd settle better for a shorter rather than a longer time.

Yes, it's terrifying. I still feel like dd is a little bit of me and the thought of her fending for herself leaves me cold with fear. I know that's not a healthy way to see it which is partly why I think this has to happen.