worried about childcare... need to think online...v long, sorry.

[acnebride]

Nearly posted on somebody else's thread due to identical situation but didn't want to hijack. I really need to think this out and hope typing will help.

i'm going back to work on Monday and am doing settling-in at the childminders. First day was brilliant, ds (9 months) was in fact the only child there once everyone had gone to school, only left him for an hour but he was happy as larry. Childminder is warm, v.v. experienced and smiley. thought everything was sorted.

day 2 somehow has gone wrong. arrived to find two more kids than yesterday before school, making 9 in all - it seemed like a bus shelter, all watching cartoons in a row. then after the trip to school, ds was there with one other young child; then childminder's adult son turned up with her grandchild, plus her daughter-in-law. All Ok though I felt a bit shy, not much talking. went out to do some food shopping. came back to find everyone watching tv in silence and ds conked out on the sofa - he normally has his nap in his cot but there was no room for the minder to put up her travelcot which she did yesterday.

i have no concerns at all about ds's basic safety with this minder, and he has seemed happy throughout. i am really not happy at all re the amount of tv watching - we don't watch much at home and the minder said originally that she liked to take the children out. Also somehow the ever changing rows of people coming through the house really upset me.

i wonder if i am just having normal feelings about going back to work. anyone who has persisted this far, does it get easier? feel a fool because i have let go a place at an OK nursery because i read too many books about boys being better off in a home environment. i must do my 3 months to 'pay back' maternity leave. worried, tearful and confused. thanks for reading - if you're still with me - wish my cheerful little ds the best.

[WideWebWitch]

NINE Children?! She's surely well over the number of children she's supposed to have? I would have concerns about safety, frankly: no-one can manage to watch 9 kids. If you're not happy, look again and change childminder. There aren't supposed to be ever changing people coming through a childminder's house, or, if there are, they're all supposed to be police checked. I'd move if I were you, it just doesn't sound good and you won't relax if you don't feel your ds is being looked after properly. It does get easier IME but you need childcare you're happy with and this doesn't sound like it to me.

[acnebride]

i think the extra two were not supposed to be there at the same time as ds and one other, they left about two minutes after i got there so probably misleading post on my part. but 7 not much better IMO although it's at least legal.

[WideWebWitch]

I agree. The thing is, if it were 7 and you felt completely happy and OK and he loved it there and you had a good and long standing working relationship with the childminder then well, then maybe it would be worth turning a blind eye but it sounds like she said one thing (we go out a lot, yes, your ds can sleep in his travel cot) and is doing another (sticking kids in front of the telly and letting him sleep on the sofa).

[biketastic]

I hate to say it, but you do sound concerned and I do agree with you.
I wouldn't like my ds on the sofa either.
I'm sure he'll be fine for a while, but I would take another look around.
Sorry to sound so negative, it is sooo horrid to go back to work and to leave them with somebody else.
I felt terrible on my first few days back. My CM is great, but pg, so stopping soon [sad}
Good luck, and don't worry too much, this will be a small blip in your lives

[Kaz33]

Not sounding good, 9 month old should not be asleep on sofa. Don't beat yourself up about it though - look for an alternative or lay down the law.

[Fran1]

I sooo want to wish you well, i know how horrible it is leaving your beautiful babe for the first time. Trust your Motherly instinct, you say your ds's safety is not at risk, then you know hes ok. If things don't work out so well you could use this childminder whilst you seek out a more suitable arrangement, as you have no option but to return to work.

My thoughts, when using my professional head are, its a disgrace for a childminder to arrange this sort of disorganised day on your childs second settling session. Ofsted inspect to ensure that there is enough room for sleeping arrangements, to meet the ages and quantity of children, so it is pretty appauling that she said she didn't have room.
On the other hand, i'm thinking maybe the childminder is just as embarrassed about the whole situation. Maybe her son turned up unexpectedly and she was cringing the whole time wishing he hadn't.

Will you be leaving your son earlier when you are going back to work? Because if you do and those children are there prior to school, you really should question her ratios.

I really hope for you it was a one off, and as you say, nerves about returning to work make things seem far worse.

I went back to work parttime when dd was 3 mths old and hated the thought of it. It was a new job as well, so didn't know anyone or what i was doing!! I didn't think i'd cope because i was still living on cloud 9. But actually, even on the first day, i enjoyed the fact that i was using my brain again and felt like i was returning to some normality after such an enormous change in my life.

I really hope things work out ok for you, and like i said, trust your instincts.

[KangaMummy]

I am a bit worried about a 9 month old sleeping on the sofa what was there to stop him falling off.

I know it is really hard for you to leave him to return to work so you have a real dilemma

the numbers before school is a worry what happens during holidays or inset days?

how old are the rest of the children?

[Twiglett]

Sorry to do this to you .. but NO NO NO NO NO

My DS went to a childminder from 6 months .. absolutely no problems .. I liked her, DS seemed fine .. one day after about 5 months I turned up 30 mins late and found 6 under 5's in a really small room ... DS would've made it 7 .. she gave me some spiel about an emergency .. doesn't normally happen .. but my trust had broken down

No childminder is at any time allowed to take more than 3 under 5's, 3 between 5 and 8 (only one under one) .. NEVER .. includes own children in that count too

What she is doing is illegal .. and if she does it on your 2nd day there .. then who knows?

I would find an alternative

sorry sorry sorry

[Twiglett]

Oh and I would've always been confident he was safe there too

also sleeping on the couch is a definite NO WAY .. they must have adequate sleeping for numbers of children

[ssd]

I would definately look around at alternative childcare.

I am a registered childminder(and a SAHM) and the law is max.3 under school age and 3 age 5-12.
But that includes your own children and takes into account the size of your house.Also only 1 baby under 1 is allowed.But the total should never be more than 6.

Anyway, no-one could look after 9 kiddies and give them proper care and attention (without having cartoons on all day...)

I'm only registered for 4 kids and that includes my 2.The hourly rate for childminding is very low £2.50-£3.00 and I know some childminders take the max(6) kids to improve their income and it works for some v. successfully,but remember childminders aren't Mary Poppins,we're normal mums/women and personally I think you'd need to be a supernanny to cope successfully with 6 kids all day(never mind 9!)

[Donbean]

Me too, im sorry because you sound very very worried and i think that you are so right to be. Personally i would find this completely unnacceptable and would have great difficulty taking DS back there.
Work would have to wait, id be off sick if i couldnt negotiate with line manager after explaining the problem to them. You need more breathing space in order to feel completely happy and comfortable with your child care arrangements.
Try to be reasurred though that although nobody can look after your baby like you can, good childminders are worth their weight in gold.
Its clear from all of these posts that you are dead right in what you are feeling. Dont appologise for bieng a good mum x

[motherinferior]

There are times at my childminder's when there are more kids around than the official number, but that is because she works v much as a team with other childminders. And during the day it's a very different story. AND I have utter confidence in her. This sounds different, honey, and I'm so sorry.

[bundle]

poor you. this is why i opted for a nursery over a cminder (though i know there are some fantastic ones out there and other mums i've met have complete confidence in them), i wanted to be sure that my dd's wouldn't be plonked in front of the tv. i agree if you're not happy then go with it short-term (as you say you're not worried about his safety) and start looking now for someone else. so sorry this has happened, x

[MrsBigD]

if you are concerned I would most definitely recommend changing your childminder! You and your child have to be happy with the care received.

DD has been with her cm for over 2 yeats since 5 months old and she's loving it. Admittedly sometimes the house is a bit full, but I'm not worried. cm has dd, 1 5 yo, 1 6yo, a 12 yo daughter and sometimes a few other kids she looks after after school, but they're generally 12 yo or older and help keeping the other kids entertained and teaching them lots. DD came home the other day telling me 'Im going to 3' and holding up 3 of her little fingers!

Also cm's 2 older daughters (20/21) and her sister live there with husband doing shiftwork, so always lots of adults around to supervise. Fair enough they're not 'properly qualified' as childminders, but sure as have heaps of experience with kids. So one big happy family! DD calls cm's hubby 'daddy' - my dh is 'papa'

[crunchie]

acnebride, I can totally understand you feelings it is really hard to know. Propbably part of you feels bad because you are going back to work and therefore perhaps subconcieusly you don't want to. However it sounds as if there are too many kids, so I would check that one out for sure.

Also although she said she would go out etc, she wouldn't be expected to do that on your settling in day, perhaps that is why so much TV. I would kind of expect to see the TV on before school, at least everyone is sitting down quietly rather than tearing up the house. Bear in mind it would have been for about 20 - 30 mins at the most.

Family memembers turning up might also be unusual, this might account for the extra TV watching in the daytime.

The one issue is the naptime, I would certainly discuss this with her. Give her the opportunity to explain and explain yiur concerns. She maynot realise that you are so upset/worried

[KatieMac]

And remember C/M's can have older children (above their nos) as long as they do not affect the standard of care offered.
So 3 under 5, 3 5-8 and 3 over 5 might be acceptable to OFSTED (However I don't think I could manage it)

[acnebride]

thanks so much all for posting, it's really helped.
i am feeling calmer today - i think i was so overwhelmed yesterday that i couldn't think at all straight. most of the nine children were older than 8 - just my ds, one 20-month old and one 6 yr old on the 'bad' day, the others all aged 9 or more.
when he was sleeping on the sofa he had literally only just had his bottle, i think he had been put down there because the cm had to come and let me in. still not happy about it but feel oK about discussing it with her.
also weather was awful yesterday - raw and tipping down - so would have put the tv on myself i think.

also saw a friend whose baby is in nursery - sounds brilliant place but on the downside her keyworker has already left after only 2 wks, having the same cm is the great plus of childminding for me.

today i got there just in time to miss the pre-school tv and see them off out to school, so i can do that again. got back later to find lovely mess of toys, my son just off to sleep in the travelcot with the 20-month old saying 'baby' over the side. still another new adult had appeared as well, but i don't care about that so much as long as there is chat and interaction happening.

having said all this, i am still going to look around again, i didn't meet many others before because almost nobody has places, but i could always wait for a place. and your posts crystallised that for me, so thanks as ever.