How do I cope with Long Haul flying and childcare?

[beanybaby1]

Can anybody help me? My daughter is just 2 and I have started her at a nursery as I work as Cabin Crew on Long Haul flights going away for periods at a time. She hates the nursery and I feel really guilty about leaving her there. It seems she has just realised that I go away and is constantly asking her dad where I am. Can anybody give me any tips??

[SoftFroggie]

Presumably you've just gone back to being away for periods? I'm not sure if you want reassurance about the nursery, or tips on the periods away? I work PT so I understand your feeling guilty about the nursery - lots of people here can be more constructive than me, though.

It's different, but my DH does a lot of international travel, away for a week at a time. When he's home he is about a lot and very involved, so DS (22 mo) does miss him lots when he's not here. He's just twigged that daddy goes on an aeroplane, and every time he hears one, he says "daddy" and wants to see it.

I think in a few months we'll use some form of wall chart / symbols to show that daddy will be back in 4 days, then tick of a symbol each day.

DH also makes an effort to call at bedtime, and often in the morning, and I put the phone on speaker phone so DS can hear clearly, but we don't push DS to talk to daddy if he's busy doing something else. He claims the cost of the phone calls, or that would be a harder decision. He occasionally calls from a Skyphone.

In a few years we'll get a world map so we can show DS where daddy is, att he moment I just say he's at work, and will be home in x days, or tomorrow teatime or whatever.

Will be interested to see other people's tips as we're finding this tough.

[beanybaby1]

Thanks a lot SoftFroggie - my sister told me about this website and said I would beable to speak to people who are understanding. I know that she will settle in eventually its just when? I've spoken to lots of girls at work who are mums and they say they adjust as they know nothing else, I just feel that leaving her till almost 2 may have been a bad time.

[SofiaAmes]

beanybaby1, children go through phases really quickly at that age. You may find that in a few weeks she is totally fine with it and then it might start up again for a day or two a few months later and then die down again. She's just pushing the boundaries of life and finding out what is normal and what isn't. If she sees you overreacting to her, she will only keep it up. The best thing you can do for her is be a happy, satisfied mummy and she will soon understand that your travel is normal and learn to adapt.
I would, however, recommend making sure that there isn't anything wrong with the nursery that is giving her a real reason to hate it rather than just a phase. Maybe it's worth checking into a childminder or nanny which might give her a little more individual attention.
I think the calling home regularly is a good idea.
Do you work for BA by any chance? I have found that their cabin crew are wonderful with parents travelling with children as so many of them seem to have children of their own.

[beanybaby1]

To SofiaAmes, Thanks very much for your answers to my plight! My daughter has settled in much better, the 2nd week she got conjunctivitis so could not go in for 3 days but this week she has been in every day and by the end of the week she is loving it. Still a bit quiet in the mornings but nothing like the first week. She did have a nanny from being 6 months old but we felt it was time for her to mix with other children. Her routine has been a bit unsettled at home by not wanting to go to bed and waking up in the middle of the night but reading my books, this seems quite normal. Yes I do work for BA so I do speak to lots of girls who reassure me.

[SofiaAmes]

Well if you ever do the london - usa flights look for me! I go twice a year with my 2 monsters and won't fly anything but ba.
Why don't you try starting a simple routine of bringing back a very little something from where ever you go for your dd. Maybe a fridge magnet or pen. That way you can start to give your dd a connection to what you do. It won't be long before she really does start to understand the concept of another country.

And don't worry, the night wakings do eventually die down. My ds is almost 4 and only wakes up in the middle of the night once in a blue moon. I think they were mostly finished by 2.5 with an occasional waking when he was sick. My dd (2 on sunday) still wakes up once or twice a week screeching for her bottle.

[SoupDragon]

I can't help with the nursery but something I remember from my childhood was having a hedgehog from which we removed a spine every morning. When the last spine came out, the absent parent was coming home that day. The hedgehog was just a potato with used matchsticks stuck in it! I remember nothing about which parent was absent and why and I don't recall missing them but I do remember the excitement of it being my turn to pull the spine from the hedgehog (2 older brothers)!