Help - distressed 3yr old at thought of new nursery

[Motherdearest]

Up until now, both my DDs (3and a half and one and a half) have attended a nusery close to where I work (11 miles from home). I'm really lucky in that increasingly, I can work from home more and more and this, coupled with the fact that my kids will go to a local primary school, I've now taken the decision to move them closer to home. I figure that DDs will become friends at nursery with kids who will then go onto the same school - so easing the transition from nursery to school.

Last Friday, I took them both into 'new' nursery for a trial hour. After 30mins, while the kids were having a drink, the staff suggested I leave for the final 30mins, which I was happy to do as the wee one was clinging to me up till then. I said my goodbyes and told them I'd be back soon. When I returned, younger DD was playing happily, but staff told me that my 3yr old had cried as soon as I left (although was not crying at the point I returned).

She has since this visit however, woken me almost every night, insisting on sleeping with me (won't let her dad console her)and getting herself in a real state if we try to return her to her own bed. Last night (3am) when I asked her if she was looking forward to new nursery (as I suspected this was behind it), she told me she didn't want to go there and that everyone was sad at 'old' nursery that she's leaving.

I feel soooo guilty - DP says she will adapt quickly - she's a very sociable, if sensitive child. She has a very distinct group of friends at her old nursery, (one of whom left 5 months ago and she STILL talks about how much she loved this friend!!) and the carers there are lovely.

I'm already considering the option of moving them back to the old nursery if this doesn't work for her (and if I don't start getting some sleep!!), but I don't know a) if this is a sensible thing to do (move them back, I mean) or b) how long I should give it before I know whether or not it's working.

Sorry about the long post, I find this parenting lark so difficult sometimes....

[Avalon]

Is it possible for you to do the move more slowly - so that you still maintain links with the old nursery for 1-2 days while they're settling into the new one?

[Motherdearest]

I did consider this, but was worried that it would just confuse my younger one...also the new nursery couldn't guarantee keeping the places open for them when I wanted/needed to increase their days (they both go 4 days a week).

[StickyNote]

Personally, I would bite the bullet and move them. I wouldn't do half and half because I think that would confuse the issue and possibly prolong the agony for all concerned. We moved my dd1 (aged 3) to a new nursery after the Easter holidays and she soiled herself every day during the holidays until she started the new nursery. The day she started there, she stopped having accidents. If you don't move them now, you'd probably move dd2 when dd1 goes to school anyway, so I'd get it over and done with.

[Motherdearest]

Is your DD settled now SN? How long did it take? Any tips on easing it? Thanks in anticipation.

[StickyNote]

She was fine from the first day, but it had obviously been bothering her greatly during the holidays.

Do you think your dd can sense you're not 100% committed to the move? I only ask because we moved back to the UK after 5 years abroad (all three children were born abroad) in December and presented it as the most exciting, wonderful thing that had ever happened (after a tip from a friend whose father was in the army, hence they moved around a lot) and the children were so excited to get to their new school/nursery, I thought they might burst. With dd1's move at Easter, I just told her she was going to a new nursery "and won't that be nice" but didn't really elaborate (too many other things going on but that's another story...). So I think possibly a full hang-out-the-banners type approach might help.

Blimey, what a ramble, but HTH.

[Motherdearest]

Yes, you're probably right SN, I get on so well with the staff at her present nursery, a couple babysit for us etc... and I am apprehensive as I'm so comfortable with the setup there.

I've had some (I thought) muted conversations with friends etc. but maybe she's picked up on this. I've tried to say the right things to her though....anyway, it's trial visit number 2 on Friday, and I'm going to be really positive and maybe tie the nursery visit in with a visit to a park or something

[StickyNote]

Little ears ALWAYS flap IME. Good luck on Friday.