child-minder versus nurseries

[rental]

help!!! I'm a first time Mum whose anxious about putting my child into care. He's 6 months and I'm wondering if anyone could give advise on what they think is preferable: child-minder or nursery. I have heard throufh my own grape-vine that there was a government research report saying that for young babies

[blossom2]

We originally thought ot nursery for our DD when she was 9 months but they would not take part-time places until she was 1 year, so found a childminder. Decided after 2 months not to bother with nursery because she was so settled & very happy.

For me, childminder benefits are:

• lots of different ages of children around, especially older so she learnt from them
  
• childminder does school run so DD got used to going to school - in fact you can't get her out of the classroom!
  
• childminder goes to lots of toddler groups and local activites. now in school hols, DD has gone to a seaside, zoo, done face painting etc.
  
• childminder has taught DD manners, the naughty step, discipline
  
• DD has never bitten, pushed or anything like that and is really socialable - i think its because see doesn't see it at the childminders and she sees other kids using the naughty step if they do anything like that.
  
• childminder has never then ill and is really flexible and will take DD for longer hours at short notice.
  
• childminder & I have a good friendship and the family attended my wedding ....
  
  I am really lucky and know how hard it is hard finding a good childminder.
  
  Good Luck in your search - i know its a hard decision to make.

[bundle]

there are many, many threads on this, including
this one on the recent research you mention
I'm a big supporter of (good)nurseries and I know there are lots of fans of childminders here too. my 2 daughters have been at the same nursery since they were 7 months and love it.

[Northerner]

Hi rental, my ds in 2.3 and has been part time at nursery since 3 months old and he loves it and so do I. The reasons I didn't want a child minder are:

• What if they are ill or on hols
  
• What if we didn't agree on discipline?
  
• It is more of a closed evnvironment IMO - would I ever really know what went on when I wasn't around
  
• Didn't want ds forming a close bond with her (selfish I know!)
  
  His nursey is educational, they alwsy have fun, I know exactly what he's got up to during the day, and the nursery is pretty much available all year round - can't let me down.

[Tetley]

I have to add in favour of nurseries here - but I do think it's a very personal decision. Both of my ds's have been at nursery part-time since they were 6 month sold. Both love it.

As Northerner says, I didn't want them to bond with just one person (i.e. if they went to a childminder). Plus, if the childminder is having a bad day (as we all do) then there's no-one else to take over/help out. Plus they get to mix with lots of kids from lots pof age groups at nursery, which I think will stand them in good stead for when they start school.

I once heard of a childminder who didn't agree with waking a sleeping child, no matter how long they'd slept for. The example given was that this kid was sleeping for 4 hours in the day & wouldn't sleep at night, so the parents wanted his sleep in the day to be cut short, but she wouldn't do it. I know that this is an extreme example but I feel that this wouldn't happen at a nursery.

However as I said to start with I think it's all personal & that perhaps you should look around both options & see which you feel happiest with.

[muminlondon]

I agree with blossom2. Our childminder is fantastic and the other kids she looks after (older and younger) are lovely and well-behaved. Plus, it's her territory so the kids have respect and behave well towards her and each other. And childminders are regulated by Ofsted. She does lots of activities and dd has learned so much there. I did wonder at first about whether I would feel jealous of a close bond between her and dd - now I just feel really thankful that she's in such a secure environment, nearly like being with a relative.

As for illness - in 10 months our childminder has never had to cancel through illness. I've never taken a day off sick or emergency leave in the same length of time either, because dd hasn't picked up any horrible bugs or viruses serious enough for our childminder to refuse to take her. We've had to take time off to cover her holidays (up to 3 weeks per year) but hey - it's lovely to spend more time with dd.

But it's important you feel confident in your choice and interview several people and visit them when they have other children around. It's probably true that the best childminders don't often have vacancies and they may also be part-time, so it's worth visiting good nurseries and checking their Ofsted reports at the same time as there's so many more nursery places than childminder places.

[rental]

thanks you guys though it would be good to hear from more mums who have their children with child-minders....

[catgirl]

Hi, we have a wonderful childminder, all plus points have been listed already. However, would also take into account what is convenient for you in terms of journey to/from child care and to/from work. Look at all options as I think government research reports can show anything - good child care is good child care whether in someone's home or in a nursery setting. Good luck!

[jimmychoos]

Rental

It's such a personal choice. I have always found that a good childminder is hellishly hard to find but there were at least three good nurseries to choose from here.

My daughter had a childminder when I went back to work at 6 months - two days a week. We were lucky to find her. She was lovely - kind and caring and dd was v happy there. DD did form a bond with her and the other children there but I was very happy for that to be the case - you wouldn't complain if a grandparent who cared for your child formed a bond with them!

I moved her at a year into the nursery her older brother attends. I always wanted her to go to nursery at 12 months - i personally feel it's the right age for them to really begin to benefit from nursery activities and the social interaction with other children. Also her brother is there (altho not in the same room) and they love seeing each other during the day.

The contrasts for me were that the childminder offered a homely environment wher DD would do similar things to being with me - and that included being taken to activities for the older children the childminder cared for and the school run. At nursery she doesn't have to fit into anyone else's routine - the day is activity and fun packed and totally child-centred. So for me it offers a great contrast and complement to the days she is at home with me now.

By the way it is a total myth that if you send your child to a nursery they won't form a bond with their carers. Each of my children has a special person caring for them who they love and who they talk about at home too. HTH

[Sari]

I'm a big fan of nurseries but of course it depends on the nursery. Ds1 went to nursery at 5 months and then moved to the one he's at now at 2.5. Ds2 is there now as well but when he was a baby they didn't take babies under 1 so he had to wait till then to start. They both love it and I have no doubt it is the best choice for them.

I saw a few childminders and there was no way I would have considered leaving my child with any of them. But I have friends who have wonderful childminders so obviously - as with nurseries - it's a case of looking around.

i do think the choice may not be so straightforward if you are talking about putting a baby under one into full time nursery with long days. Mine have only ever done three or four days a week 9.30-4pm. But again, I know lots of children who have been at full time nursery since they were little babies and been really happy with it. A lot depends on the child as well.

[Hulababy]

I am also a huge fan of nurseries. DD went at 21 weeks. She is now 2y3m and has just left her first nursery because of my job changes. She has thrived there and we haven't had an ounce of trouble. She starts her new nursery in September and I am hopeful for a repeat performance

[hatter]

A child-minder fan here - it's the nearest thing to home - they do bond with another person and I never, for one second saw that as a downside. Bonding is very important to young children and I, for one, did not want dd cared for by someone with whom she didn't have a strong bond. I liked the fact that her day was like family life - she went out and about, she went down to the school to pick up other kids, the childminder's son was like a brother to her, she went to the shops. I think when they're a bit older nursery can have tremendous benefits but, personally, I would always go for a childminder for babies and toddlers. All of which, of course, is predicated on finding the right one. That's the tricky bit.

[fisil]

I think it is totally personal. It sounds to me like you would be happier with childminders, so go for it.

My instinct was totally for nursery. I still have very bad memories of going to a childminder from when I was 4 onwards - she was a friend of my mums, so we were too polite to tell her how awful it was. She also sent my little brother there as a tiny baby and somehow found out how appallingly he was being treated and took him away. He had a series of excellent and awful childminders. I was talking to him about it only last week and he is still, in his late teens, bitter about the awful ones that he can remember. I also prefer the richness of experience a baby/toddler/child gets at nursery (but again, this may be a response to my bad experiences!) Don't know why I'm going on like this (therapy?) but I suppose my advice is to think carefully about what your own emotions and prejudices are - and then simply give in to them!

[hatter]

don't want to hi-jack the thread but found your experience v. interesting fisil. It raises a question I have often wondered. Can you tell if something is amiss? From what you say it sounds like the answer is not always. What can you do to make sure the children tell you if something is wrong?

[Welshmum]

We were lucky enough to find a fantastic childminder and our whole family has formed a really strong bond with hers - to the extent that my sister has already asked her to care for her newborn when the time comes.
When I was first looking for childcare I had my heart set on a what looked like a great nursery - I had the deposit down and everything. Then a friend with kids said - just visit a couple of childminders to make sure you've done the right thing. Although I had felt fine in the nursery when I saw our CM with dd, how gentle and caring she was and how her home was totally centred around children, I knew that I had to change my mind. I short I think 'you know' when you're making the right decision for your child - I just recommend doing what my friend says - visit as many different options as you can. Good luck

[Welshmum]

Should have added that we've decided between us that dd needs to go to nursery now - she'll be 2 and a 1/2 when she starts. CM and we feel she needs more stimulation, structured play etc Interestingly I'm not at all keen on the original nursery now and she's going somewhere quite different in style, much less rigid and more 'fun'. I know it's bleedin' obvious but it is funny how you change as a person when you become a parent.

[enid]

Childminder! Until they are 2-ish.

[fisil]

hatter - I've only just seen this (v. long hangover - haven't been on line since Friday morning!). My Mum often wonders about how she worked out that my brother was so unhappy. He was really very tiny (I think he was there from 3 - 6 months). She just knew that something was wrong for him, but the childminder was a very good friend of hers (and had been for about 10 years at that point) so she stuck it out and thought maybe it was guilt! The childminder constantly complained about my brother. Finally one day when my mum was picking him up the childminder left the room and my mum got to see what the other children (mainly her own daughter) were doing to him. She withdrew him immediately. It was throwing things into his cot, poking him, generaly making his life a misery.

My elder brother and I never let on how miserable we were there (some 7 or 8 years before that). She also had children our age (very rare, considering there is a 14 year gap between my brothers), and again it was them that was the problem. My elder brother had to put up with the daughter being a nuisance in class all day long (she never stopped talking) and then when the childminder picked us up from school, she would tell her mum about all the bad things my brother had done at school and he would get into trouble. He was (is) fairly quiet and shy, and so never stood up for himself. If anything ever went wrong at their house, we got into trouble. Once I spent the entire time scraping dog poo off the hall carpet while everyone else played outside - and the only dog poo that was found was on her daughter's shoes! We didn't want to hurt our mum by telling her, besides which there was a lot of mind games going on (you know, if my brother stood up for himself, that was proof of just how naughty he was, and I answered back about the dog poo so I deserved it anyway). I'm also not sure mum would believe us - there were so many versions against ours (maybe they were right - maybe we were really bad!)

As I said, I am avoiding childminders as the ultimate precaution against someone else like her. But I know that she was an exception (although my poor little brother went on to have an equally terrible one when he was about 3 - at that point mum found him a nusery). If I did ever use a childminder (might have to because it is so much cheaper) I would make sure that I asked my kids and the childminder open questions which involved detailed answers about what they'd been doing. And for pre-language children I would read their body language really carefully. I suppose I would also look out for the childminder telling me that my child had been naughty or bad. While parents do have to hear this stuff and be supportive, with both this and a later childminder this was exactly what they said about my brother and my mum believed them, when in fact he was getting seriously bullied by the childminders own children - and the childminder (in both cases) refused to hear that their little angel could possibly have done anything wrong. Is that the sort of thing you were asking about, hatter?