Bonding sacrifice for better education? what to do?

[Chandra]

DS (16m) has been attending the same nursery since he was 8m old, the staff is very nice and he seems to have a very strong bond with 3 other children his same age. However, this nursery was our second option because there is another we consider is better but the wating list was enormous.

After 8m of waiting we have been given 2 days at the nursery and considering how happy DS seems to be at it's current nursery I feel bad about changing him now, the advantages of the better nursery over the current one are as follows:

• Better program of activities
  
• Better equipment (lots and lots of montessori style materials and learning orientated toys)
  
• DS will get the same key worker for all the time he attends the nursery to allow for stability and continuity (currently he has one for the day but the staff is always the same)
  
• It's 20% cheaper than current one (a great relief for our battered finances)
  
  
  On the down side
  
• They have just one big room where children 18m to 5 yrs are together (oportunity to relate to children of all ages -with all it pros and cons-but also a less cosy environment which I'm not sure is completely convenient for little boys)
  
• The day is shorter by 1/2 hour at the end of the day
  
• It's not on our way to work, we would need to take a 10minutes detour to leave him/pick him up at nursery.
  
• He will loose contact with his beloved friends (and believe me, they are like brothers)
  
  So the options are:
  
  A. Stay at current nursery
  B. Go to new nursery on Thurdays and Fridays and to current one on Monday and Tuesdays.
  C. Go to new nursery and forget about current one.
  
  Which option do you consider is better?

[Chandra]

PS. Better nursery also has a much better pre-school provision

[JanZ]

At 16 months, he's not really going to remember his current friends for long and he'll soon make new ones.

It sounds like your instinct is saying the new nursery. I also wouldn't muck him around with a few days at one and a few days at the other - unless you really do have concerns about some of the "down sides" and want to keep your options open.

I think it would be fairer on him to let him settle PROPERLY in to the new nursery.

Pre-school is when they will start really noticing/being affected by changes and from what you say, you are happier with the pre-school provision at the new one, so you would be minimising potential disruption then, as you'll be happy for him to continue there for pre-school.

[LIZS]

How long do you have to decide ? tbh I'd be tempted to leave him where he is until he is a bit older. Many of the learning activities and materials are designed for kids over 2 and although he'd get something out of them and mixing with older kids, he might find it a bit too much. He would make new friends but I'd be concerned at mixing such a wide age range unless the enviroment is quite structured and disciplined, which may or may not suit him as he grows older.

[LIZS]

I'd agree with JanZ that if you do decide to move him, don't confuse the issue with using both, but is that an option if you are working 4 days and they can only offer 2 ?

[Chandra]

Not really an option, they only offered Thursdays and Fridays. I need to decide by next week. What worries me and tempts me to stay at current nursery is that even though the new nursery is great I don't know how well he is going to take to be in such a big group (well probably 25 children at the most). I also have noticed that he doesn't take changes easily (just to set an example yesterday I changed the furniture layout of the living room and he refused point blank to get in alone...)

The other factor is that I would like him to stay because he has settled very nice with the other children, but what if the other children's parents decide at any point to change nurseries?

It's all very confusing and probably I'm a bit biased, I remember that I had a great time at pre-school and I was a bit the leader of the group. When starting primary school, most of my friends went to different schools and I stayed but most children were new, I become very shy afterwards and was the bullies' target until I was 12 yrs old (stupid me, can remember this but can't remember what I have just had for lunch...)

I really apreciate your comments, I'm so confused that anything you say is really helping me to make my mind about this. Thanks.

[LIZS]

chandra, that is a big group for such a wide age range. I'd be similary worried about him being overwhelmed by both the numbers and activity/noise levels. Is it possible that the days you need would become available in the enar future, perhaps after kids transfer to school in September (when would such parents be due to give notice?), enabling you to move him completely. There is still plenty of time for him to get a good preschool experience, either there or at a standalone preschool specifically for older children, and perhaps his nursery suits him best for now.

[tamum]

Chandra, I would agree with Lizs. I moved dd from one nursery to another when she was 2 and a quarter, and it was a nursery with 2-5 year olds in the same space. She was very happy there in the end, but found it hard to start with because of "all the noisy boys and noisy girls". I think she felt very overwhelmed. It only took a few weeks for her to settle, but I wouldn't have said she really enjoyed it for a few months, and she was a fair bit older than your ds. I honestly think at 16 months he would be overwhelmed by having a lot of much older children around. I would also agree with not using both nurseries. Our nursery would never allow that, it said that it's too confusing for children to have two different sets of nursery rules and routines. I think that was a bit extreme, but I can see their point. I think it would unsettle your ds more than a clean break myself. Sorry

[marialuisa]

Have to say that I wouldn't like to leave an 18m old in that big a group. Are the kids separated off at any point, so that the older ones are doing more pre-school stuff ( e.g. letter work)and the little ones doing something age-appropriate? I'd be inclined to leave him where he is for now and think about more "educational" nurseries for when he's about 2.5y.

[Chandra]

The kids are separated in groups, only that they are together in a big open plan room.

[tamum]

That's what dd's nursery was like, but they still all ate together and so on.

[Chandra]

Thank you so much for you comments, any one else before I cancel the place with the better nursery?

[tamum]

Good luck Chandra, I hope you make a decision you're happy with. (just bumping this meanwhile for other inputs!)

[Pes]

Chandra, FWIW I had a very similar dilemma with ds (19mths) a couple of months ago. Basically decided to leave him where he is - the main reason being that he is really happy and thriving so why rock the boat. I do think they are adaptable at that age, but just decided to wait until it felt 100% right to make a move.
Why not just leave him on the list until they can offer a full time place and then think about it again.
He obviously has a mum who is putting every possible consideration into his wellbeing and thats the main thing

[Chandra]

Thank you all for your comments. they have been a great help